That Green Gentleman
Chapter One
I've had this secret
And I feel it's time that you should know,
When I'm in your arms it turns me on.
The movie? Robin Hood: Men In Tights. The place? Panic tour bus, back lounge. My personal location? In Brendon Urie's arms.
Now, don't get any weird ideas. This is how we always watched movies whether Jon and Spencer were there or not. Nothing new today...
However, I wished his gestures meant to him what they meant for me. Whenever we got ready to watch a movie, Brendon would always sit so I could place myself in front of him and lean my small frame against his. And when I got comfortable, he'd snake his arms around my waist and make my stomach flutter. Every other night I'd just sit back and let it be. We were only friends, right?
Not tonight. I had to tell him.
But I've got a conscience too
And it says my heart's never in tune
With anything I do.
About halfway through, I got up the courage to say something. "Bren?"
He tore his eyes away from the plasma screen. "Yeah?"
"Can...we go for a walk?" I asked quietly. His eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at his watch.
"But it's after 10 o' clock, Ry. It's dark outside."
"It's important."
Brendon gave me a quizzical look, but stood up all the same. I stood up with him. "We're going on a walk," he announced to our bandmates, "We'll be back soon. You can keep watching the movie." The other two nodded and turned their attention back to said movie. Brendon grabbed his jacket, and then we were off.
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm you biggest fan. (x 2)
The shockingly cold air hit me square in the face. Stupid idiot, way to forget a coat. I put that in the back of my mind; I had more important things to think about. How in the world was I going to tell Brendon about these feelings that I had hidden from him for years? Heck, I wasn't even sure if he had any gayness in him. He sure was good at acting like it, but I couldn't tell if he was joking sometimes. Either way, it was going to come out.
But how?
Maybe I should have written a song for him. That's romantic, right? But I'm a horrible singer, no matter what anyone says to me. Or I could just spit it out... Brendon, I'm gay and I love you. Yeah, maybe not. What about a simple kiss on the lips? That may work...but I think I kinda have to warn him a little before hand...
I've had this secret
And now it's time that you should know
I was wrong to string you along.
Brendon's angelic voice pierced my thoughts. "Where are we going, Ryan?" he asks me. I tell him that he'll see when we get there. I know for a fact that Brendon loves surprises, so I decide to keep him in suspense. He smiles his signature smile at me and I melt a little inside, before replying, "Okay."
So we keep walking. I plan on taking him to the boardwalk, but I take a roundabout route to pass time. Brendon seems mesmerized by the many lights that are radiating from the multiple hotels and clubs we pass. I can't help but chuckle a little. He is so easily amused...and adorable.
Circulating the streets in the pulsating heat
I scoured your town, completely aroused
Making love to your memory.
For some reason, tonight reminds me of the last time I went walking here. Contrary to tonight, it had been very humid even though it was right after our performance.
*Flashback*
I was running past our tour bus while the guys piled on for the night. I heard someone calling my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't be with them at the moment. Brendon had tried to kiss me on stage, something that hadn't occurred in almost two years. I was taken off guard, and almost kissed him back. But I gained control of myself and leaned away from those beautiful lips just in time. I only missed one chord.
As I slowed down to a walk, I took in my surroundings. Even though it was going on 10, the city bustled around like it was rush hour. I myself didn't like the noises of the night life, so I tuned it out and let my mind wander. Of course, the first thing I thought of was Brendon.
I thought of his voice. I thought of his hugs. I thought of his perfect smile. I thought of the feeling he gives me whenever he tells me he loves me, jokingly. If only he knew...
*End Flashback*
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm your biggest fan. (x 2)
We have arrived. I grabbed Brendon's hand and led him to the edge of the boardwalk. We stood in silence for a minute.
"So, Ry," he starts, "What do you need to talk about?"
He knew I never wanted to walk unless I had to say something.
"Well...there are actually two things."
"Shoot."
"Um..." I took a deep breath, "Bren, I'm gay."
He didn't look the least bit surprised. "Anyone could have figured that out, Ryan," he said, laughing, to my relief. "So, what's the other thing?"
I wasn't sure if he would take this as well as my first confession, so I kinda just strung it all together in one breath. "BrendonIloveyouIhaveforalongtimeandIhopeyoudon'thateme."
Brendon blinked. "Say that again, Ry, I didn't quite catch that."
"I - I love you, Brendon Urie," I stuttered out, before quickly pressing my lips to his. I felt a jolt of electricity surge through my body as our mouths made contact. What shocked me even more was that I could feel him kissing me back. Holy crap.
After a few seconds of bliss, Brendon pulled away. He was grinning a wide, toothy grin at me.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to do that."
A shy smile pulled at the corners of my mouth as I felt my cheeks heat up. "I would have done it sooner if I had known that."
He laughed again. God, how I loved his laugh.
Sad minion of mine, don't be so unkind
I know I stole your coat; you can have this song I wrote
I've just crossed the line, from fashion to crime
But it's such a perfect fit, when I am wearing it. (x 2)
"Now I get to tell you something."
"What, Bren?"
He took my hands in his, and said, "Ryan Ross, I am your biggest fan. I love you with all my heart. Would you consider...being my boyfriend?" I could see his cheeks turning a light pink in the city glow. I smiled before throwing my arms around his neck. I lifted my head off his shoulder to whisper, "I would love to be your boyfriend, Brendon."
His eyes sparkled with delight and he kissed me again. My knees buckled and I might have fallen to the ground, had Brendon not had a firm hold on my waist. When we broke apart, he mentioned that we might want to head back to the bus. I agreed; Jon and Spence may be worried about us.
At that moment, a small breeze blew past us and I shivered, rubbing my arms subconsciously. Brendon took notice of this immediately and shrugged his coat off. Smart him wore a warm sweatshirt under his jacket. He held said jacket out to me and I put it on gratefully. I reached for his hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. He gave me a crooked smile, and our journey back to the bus began.
***
The next night, we had another show. Brendon sauntered over to me and tried to kiss me once more.
This time, I didn't lean away.
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm your biggest fan. (x 3)
And I feel it's time that you should know,
When I'm in your arms it turns me on.
The movie? Robin Hood: Men In Tights. The place? Panic tour bus, back lounge. My personal location? In Brendon Urie's arms.
Now, don't get any weird ideas. This is how we always watched movies whether Jon and Spencer were there or not. Nothing new today...
However, I wished his gestures meant to him what they meant for me. Whenever we got ready to watch a movie, Brendon would always sit so I could place myself in front of him and lean my small frame against his. And when I got comfortable, he'd snake his arms around my waist and make my stomach flutter. Every other night I'd just sit back and let it be. We were only friends, right?
Not tonight. I had to tell him.
But I've got a conscience too
And it says my heart's never in tune
With anything I do.
About halfway through, I got up the courage to say something. "Bren?"
He tore his eyes away from the plasma screen. "Yeah?"
"Can...we go for a walk?" I asked quietly. His eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at his watch.
"But it's after 10 o' clock, Ry. It's dark outside."
"It's important."
Brendon gave me a quizzical look, but stood up all the same. I stood up with him. "We're going on a walk," he announced to our bandmates, "We'll be back soon. You can keep watching the movie." The other two nodded and turned their attention back to said movie. Brendon grabbed his jacket, and then we were off.
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm you biggest fan. (x 2)
The shockingly cold air hit me square in the face. Stupid idiot, way to forget a coat. I put that in the back of my mind; I had more important things to think about. How in the world was I going to tell Brendon about these feelings that I had hidden from him for years? Heck, I wasn't even sure if he had any gayness in him. He sure was good at acting like it, but I couldn't tell if he was joking sometimes. Either way, it was going to come out.
But how?
Maybe I should have written a song for him. That's romantic, right? But I'm a horrible singer, no matter what anyone says to me. Or I could just spit it out... Brendon, I'm gay and I love you. Yeah, maybe not. What about a simple kiss on the lips? That may work...but I think I kinda have to warn him a little before hand...
I've had this secret
And now it's time that you should know
I was wrong to string you along.
Brendon's angelic voice pierced my thoughts. "Where are we going, Ryan?" he asks me. I tell him that he'll see when we get there. I know for a fact that Brendon loves surprises, so I decide to keep him in suspense. He smiles his signature smile at me and I melt a little inside, before replying, "Okay."
So we keep walking. I plan on taking him to the boardwalk, but I take a roundabout route to pass time. Brendon seems mesmerized by the many lights that are radiating from the multiple hotels and clubs we pass. I can't help but chuckle a little. He is so easily amused...and adorable.
Circulating the streets in the pulsating heat
I scoured your town, completely aroused
Making love to your memory.
For some reason, tonight reminds me of the last time I went walking here. Contrary to tonight, it had been very humid even though it was right after our performance.
*Flashback*
I was running past our tour bus while the guys piled on for the night. I heard someone calling my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't be with them at the moment. Brendon had tried to kiss me on stage, something that hadn't occurred in almost two years. I was taken off guard, and almost kissed him back. But I gained control of myself and leaned away from those beautiful lips just in time. I only missed one chord.
As I slowed down to a walk, I took in my surroundings. Even though it was going on 10, the city bustled around like it was rush hour. I myself didn't like the noises of the night life, so I tuned it out and let my mind wander. Of course, the first thing I thought of was Brendon.
I thought of his voice. I thought of his hugs. I thought of his perfect smile. I thought of the feeling he gives me whenever he tells me he loves me, jokingly. If only he knew...
*End Flashback*
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm your biggest fan. (x 2)
We have arrived. I grabbed Brendon's hand and led him to the edge of the boardwalk. We stood in silence for a minute.
"So, Ry," he starts, "What do you need to talk about?"
He knew I never wanted to walk unless I had to say something.
"Well...there are actually two things."
"Shoot."
"Um..." I took a deep breath, "Bren, I'm gay."
He didn't look the least bit surprised. "Anyone could have figured that out, Ryan," he said, laughing, to my relief. "So, what's the other thing?"
I wasn't sure if he would take this as well as my first confession, so I kinda just strung it all together in one breath. "BrendonIloveyouIhaveforalongtimeandIhopeyoudon'thateme."
Brendon blinked. "Say that again, Ry, I didn't quite catch that."
"I - I love you, Brendon Urie," I stuttered out, before quickly pressing my lips to his. I felt a jolt of electricity surge through my body as our mouths made contact. What shocked me even more was that I could feel him kissing me back. Holy crap.
After a few seconds of bliss, Brendon pulled away. He was grinning a wide, toothy grin at me.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to do that."
A shy smile pulled at the corners of my mouth as I felt my cheeks heat up. "I would have done it sooner if I had known that."
He laughed again. God, how I loved his laugh.
Sad minion of mine, don't be so unkind
I know I stole your coat; you can have this song I wrote
I've just crossed the line, from fashion to crime
But it's such a perfect fit, when I am wearing it. (x 2)
"Now I get to tell you something."
"What, Bren?"
He took my hands in his, and said, "Ryan Ross, I am your biggest fan. I love you with all my heart. Would you consider...being my boyfriend?" I could see his cheeks turning a light pink in the city glow. I smiled before throwing my arms around his neck. I lifted my head off his shoulder to whisper, "I would love to be your boyfriend, Brendon."
His eyes sparkled with delight and he kissed me again. My knees buckled and I might have fallen to the ground, had Brendon not had a firm hold on my waist. When we broke apart, he mentioned that we might want to head back to the bus. I agreed; Jon and Spence may be worried about us.
At that moment, a small breeze blew past us and I shivered, rubbing my arms subconsciously. Brendon took notice of this immediately and shrugged his coat off. Smart him wore a warm sweatshirt under his jacket. He held said jacket out to me and I put it on gratefully. I reached for his hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. He gave me a crooked smile, and our journey back to the bus began.
***
The next night, we had another show. Brendon sauntered over to me and tried to kiss me once more.
This time, I didn't lean away.
So this is the last time that I'll hold your hand
I want to kiss you on the mouth, and tell you:
I'm your biggest fan. (x 3)