Why Frank Iero Supposedly Likes Skittles

If I was told this would have happened I seriously wouldn’t have went into that Target on Friday. Seriously, I am already sick and tired of it and mildly grossed out. So here I go, this is all fact, and please take these words to heart, really. It will improve your stories everyone.

I was walking down the street, I had finished setting up for tonight’s show, our last one until the release of our record Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge which is due out in a couple weeks. The guys were at Subway getting lunch and I was going into target to get some chips and dip. Walking in, I slipped on sunglasses, Gerard had told me they work with being discreet, but I wasn’t too sure anyone would recognize me.

I grabbed the dip, spicy chips and regular chips when I noticed in my pocket I had an old pack of Skittles. It was still pretty full, I didn’t like them too much, only the green kind but they helped when I had a dry mouth and water was forever away. I shouldn’t of popped one in my mouth. That was only the beginning.

After sucking on a few I made a face trying to scrape off the gunk from my teeth when a girl approached me. “You’re in that band right, the one who made that advertisement on veganism?” I thought, then nodded, although I wasn’t a strict vegan, not even a strict vegetarian I did the interview. The only times I ate meat was when we seriously had no other food besides that. Also, it helped build up my weak immune system, which my girlfriend would make a salad when I was sick and throw in some bits of chicken.

“Why the hell did you eat that skittle?” A few other people heard her and rounded the corner, glaring at me almost. “Um, I was thirsty a bit, I needed something to suck on.” She looked at me in disgust. “Animal fat byproducts are in Skittles you asshole!” And she grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me out of the store.

I was thrown into a van, a lot tinier then the van we used to travel in, I was psyched about our bunks so being in a crowded van did not make for some good memories. “Frank, we heard you ate a skittle is that correct?” I looked up at a woman with blond thinning hair who had obvious frown lines and badly placed make up. “Who are you?” I had asked, looking at the many people inside the van.

“PETA.” I stared wide-eyed. Would they throw red paint on me? Feed me to the wolves? “We’ll make your life hell Frank Iero, everyone will know.” And I was thrown off the van, in a parking lot by Subway. Matt and Ray were arguing over how was Matt was playing, Mikey and Gerard were eating their sandwiches, splitting their foot longs and taking one half of the others.

Fast forward years from that incident, I never heard from PETA again, so whatever they planned to do was obviously not working. I was out at a signing and saw a girl. She was wearing a custom made MCR shirt, her hair razored on the sides and was a light brown color. “Hey Frank, can I show you something?” She asked while another girl pinned for my attention. This kind of thing I always though some fight would break out, but it never happened and both parties went away feeling happy.
“Um, just a minute uh..” I said wanting a name she smiled. “Gloria.” I nodded and finished with the other girl and followed Gloria. She entered a room full of girls, very odd girls. They were running a muck, dancing on the tables and just acting like they were on pretty powerful drugs. I could tell though, it was all faked.

“Frankie!” they all shouted, and a chorus of girls chanted my name. They all ran around in circles then came with a big bowl full of candy. One with cotton candy type hair bent down on one knee and held the bowl over her head. “For you skittle master.” I gave Gloria a look, a pleading look. She just smirked and went out of sight.

“Um, thank you.” I saw a green one and popped that in my mouth, it was stale and I hated the taste, hated it. The girls then continued to run around playing loud music. It was like scene girls gone wild in here. “Oh I am so like high right now!” One yelled over the music and grabbed a handful of skittles and threw them in the air.

I saw Gloria in a corner, beckoning me to come forward. Gladly I ran toward her shutting a door behind me. “What the fuck was that? Did the sciencetologists have some sort of field day with poisoning candy?” I asked out of breath. “Read it and weep.” She handed me a print out of a page, the background had skittles in it and its phrase Taste the rainbow on it.

It was a story entitled Demolition Lovers, same name as our song. It had read:
The story of Frank Iero and his love affair with Audrey Ann Fisher and SKITTLES!!!11 I looked up, who the hell wrote this written on my face.

“Keep reading.” Gloria ordered and I looked back down. Sorry Audrey but I love skittles, they are soo good and make me so hyper! Frank bounced up and down on top of Audrey who, with her pink, red, black, purple, and orange hair laughed and then said Rawr! “Okay Gloria, what is this?”

“PETA, your fans will hate you now animal eater.” She then left me there as I ran away, from the rabid girls, weird fan fiction, and worst of all PETA.

So there you have it, I don’t like skittles, never will, and PETA is a fucking asshole. I would appreciate it if you wrote about skittles please do not make them seem like a drug, if they were then I would eat them. But no, they are not, they suck, and so do you.

So now think of something else I can obsess about. ”How bout my ass?” Oops, sorry that was Gerard, and no I will not obsess about your ass in fan fiction! Sorry, he wont shut up. So yeah, goodbye my people and remember, skittles suck!

”…But it jiggles!”