Never Say Die
Goodbye
Hey. Tonight's the night- No More Me. No more little girl with no friends, whose only 'friends' are just people who laugh behind her back. Just me. And the sharpest knife I could find. I stand and walk from my room into the bathroom. I stand in front of the sink, look into the mirror. I'm only 15. 2 years ago I weighed, what? 13 stone? Tonight, less than 6. I look pale and drawn and you can see what affect anorexia has had on me. You can see how much it hurts me to puke up the little bit of food my parents force down me. Everyone can see what a change has happened, I'm so different. I let my short spiky hair grow out and leave it brown. I'm more introverted than ever but I work harder at singing and piano- I was thinking of joining a band, or maiking one. I had the name, the logo, the fricking website. 3 hours on messing about on Dreamweaver. People have told me that cutting is bad but lying is bad too, and even waking up every morning is a lie- waking to find myself facing another day of hopeless pain. I Can't Stand It anymore. I Need Out. Fast. This is my escape route. This is my life, flashing before my eyes.
I'm a kid. Playing with a water pistol in a blue swimming costume. The neighbour sees me and laughs. He's just 9 and not so hot either!
A few years later. I'm 9. I start to realise I'm... Changing. I think there's something wrong with me. I have to go up to my pe teacher and tell him I'm bleeding. So scared... He knows what to to- send me to the nurse. I explain and she laughs too...
13. Can't fit into size 16 jeans properly now. That makes me feel so bad. I hear my 'friends' laughing at me. It hurts so much.
15. My first proper girlfriend sees me, an old picture, on the wall. I'm huge and she laughs at me too. The one person I though cared... Can only laugh.
They can laugh. I can't. It hurts me so bad to know all anyone can ever do is laugh.
LAUGH AT ME! The Joke. The Misfit. The Outsider. The Loner. It Isn't what I wanted. It Never Was. I can't... I can't Do It. I can't keep on living this lie.
I pick up the knife... I think about Famous Last Words, my favourite song. But the problem is...
I am afraid to keep on living.
I am afraid to walk this world alone.
I plunge the knife into a vein. Again and again I slash.
I'm gone.
I'm a kid. Playing with a water pistol in a blue swimming costume. The neighbour sees me and laughs. He's just 9 and not so hot either!
A few years later. I'm 9. I start to realise I'm... Changing. I think there's something wrong with me. I have to go up to my pe teacher and tell him I'm bleeding. So scared... He knows what to to- send me to the nurse. I explain and she laughs too...
13. Can't fit into size 16 jeans properly now. That makes me feel so bad. I hear my 'friends' laughing at me. It hurts so much.
15. My first proper girlfriend sees me, an old picture, on the wall. I'm huge and she laughs at me too. The one person I though cared... Can only laugh.
They can laugh. I can't. It hurts me so bad to know all anyone can ever do is laugh.
LAUGH AT ME! The Joke. The Misfit. The Outsider. The Loner. It Isn't what I wanted. It Never Was. I can't... I can't Do It. I can't keep on living this lie.
I pick up the knife... I think about Famous Last Words, my favourite song. But the problem is...
I am afraid to keep on living.
I am afraid to walk this world alone.
I plunge the knife into a vein. Again and again I slash.
I'm gone.