Worry Rock

Billie Joe’s head whacked into my own as he groaned loudly the next morning, throwing his head back while sticking out his arms and legs to stretch. He looked like a cat, to put it simply. I sighed and opened my eyes slowly as Billie Joe yawned now and twisted so that he lay on his back with both arms behind his head while I moved my head onto his chest. “I love waking up the morning after great sex.”

I laughed while Billie Joe smiled to himself with both eyes closed. I gently ran a hand up his bare chest, across his collarbone and up the back of his neck until I reached the small curls of hair spreading down the back of it. I played with the hairs, curling them around my fingers as Billie Joe continued to grin with his eyes still closed while he tilted his head back into my hand. “I think you just like the feeling of the sheets on your naked body,” I murmured into his collarbone.

“Mmm,” Billie Joe hummed. “They do feel nice on my body,” he admitted as he slid a hand under the sheet. He lifted his arm quickly causing the sheet to rise and then fall down slowly onto our bodies. He giggled as he turned over, my hand still playing with the hairs on the back of his neck.

I rolled my eyes, sighing softly at Billie Joe. “You’re like a little kid, Bill.”

Billie Joe repeated what he had just done, only without the giggling and squirming around. “Doesn’t it feel good, though? It’s like feathers. Feathers that know that we’re both happy because we had fantastic sex last night. They’re congratulating us, baby.”

I just closed my eyes as I slid my hand out from the back of his neck and pushed my face into it. I lifted my head slowly and looked down at Billie Joe as he grinned up at me while he wrapped his arms around my body underneath the sheet. I slowly traced his jaw with my hand, smiling down at him. “Billie,” I murmured, “Would you be so kind to kiss me right now and remind me why I married you?”

“Mmm,” Billie Joe hummed like he had only a few moments before. He licked his lips slowly and wriggled his eyebrows before he slid his hand underneath me to the small of my back and pulled me closer against his body. “Baby, I can not only kiss you, but I can make you want to re-marry me all over again.”

I giggled at how corny Billie Joe had just sounded and rolled over on my side so that I was facing him. “You know what I’ve noticed since the day I met you to now?” I asked.

“That I’m way too incredibly hot to be real? I know, you’ll get over it--,”

“You’re a dirty old man,” I interrupted with a mockingly sweet smile.

Billie Joe laughed loudly while grinning from ear to ear. “Oh, well I know that. How else do you think I get laid at least once a week?”

“It’s all sympathy sex,” I continued on with my mocking smile.

Billie Joe rolled his eyes. “Who cares, it’s still sex.” He was silent for a moment as he thought, bringing a hand up to rub his chin lightly. “Sympathy?”

I grinned slightly as I lifted a hand to gently run over his chin that had a rough texture due to the amount of stubble growing. Within the next few weeks Billie Joe would probably continue being too lazy to shave it and it would have been an actual beard. “Yes, darling. Sympathy sex.”

Billie Joe hesitated, watching me from the corner of his eyes. “I won’t ask because I know it’ll result in some sort of insult about my body,” he muttered.

I laughed loudly in my husbands arms while he grinned. I pushed myself closer against Billie Joe’s body and lifted a hand to run through his hair. I lifted my leg slightly and placed it on his, slowly running it up the back. “By whatever do you mean, darling? Make fun of your small body parts?” I asked while trying my best to hide down a grin. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

Billie Joe scowled, turning to look away from me as he pouted. However, he slid his hand underneath the sheet that lay over our bodies and gently ran it up my leg, his lips pulled back tightly over his crooked teeth to show a mischievous smile. I shifted upwards so that my head was pushed against the headboard as I sat higher up than my husband, who had been looking up at me while I looked back down at him. I smiled flirtatiously down at him while he grinned back up at me. I slid my hand up his chest as he moved his up the back of my leg while I cupped his chin, gently placing my lips on his.

Before I had time to register what he was doing, Billie Joe flipped us over so that he was on top of me. He let go of my leg after a moment as he grinned mischievously down at me. I cocked an eyebrow as Billie Joe continued to grin mischievously down at me. He leant forward and placed his hands on my bare hips, pulling me down from the position near the headboard.

As soon as he got me underneath him, he moved forward and sat down on my hips while continuing to grin. “This is for denying me sex in the airplane yesterday,” he murmured, leaning forward and placing his lips against my ear so that they touched with ever word.

I tried to escape Billie Joes’ grip, already convinced that whatever he was about to do wouldn’t make a difference had clothes been on or off. He slid his arms up my hips to my shoulders and applied more weight there a moment before he leant down and brushed his lips against mine. The rock star slid his arms back down my body to my waist, in which he straddled, and then slowly dug them into the sides until my back arched and I let out a pathetic squeal.

Billie Joe laughed as I tried my hardest to writher out of his grip. He dug his fingers back into my sides as I squealed louder and began to laugh while his fingers ran over my body, jabbing and squeezing the areas that had been known as the ticklish ones. I tried to push Billie Joe off of me, however I was only weaker from laughing and being tickled by the man now, making it absolutely impossible as he pulled me closer to him and pushed his fingers into the side of my waist again. “I – totally hate – you,” I gasped through giggles while Billie Joe snorted, the grin on his face from ear to ear as he watched me squirm helplessly in his arms.

“I’ll let you go if you do something for me,” Billie Joe said through his wide grin.

I didn’t answer at first, only continued to try to get out of his grip despite the fact that he was much stronger than I and my sides hurt from laughing too much to do anything. “Fine,” I gasped. “But you don’t deserve anything sexual as of now.”

Billie Joe laughed loudly. “Tell me how amazing I am.”

“My god are you vain.”

My husband snorted again, his grip on me subconsciously becoming looser. I pulled myself out of his grip and pushed him back onto the bed while I crawled and stumbled to the other side of the large bed. I went to try to stand up properly, only to be knocked off my feet and bed.

Both my husband and I landed on the hard floor of the hotel with a loud thud that the slightly thicker walls probably weren’t able to mute. We both bounced off of the thin carpet and wall only to land in a tangled heap on the ground, breathless. The duvet that Billie Joe had been lifting earlier slowly slid off of the bed and onto our bodies, covering both of us up. We both sat in silence for a second, staring at each other before bursting into fits of laughter.

A knock at the bedroom door caused both Billie Joe and me to slowly stop so that we were only giggling into each others bodies now, trying to mute ourselves.”Mom? Dad?”

I tore my head from Billie Joe’s neck, trying my hardest to calm myself. “Yeah, Sydney?” I called back.

There was hesitation in her voice before she answered. “…Are you two alright?”

I picked myself up off of the cold, hard ground, bringing the duvet with me as Billie Joe quickly grabbed his boxers and slid them on. I pulled on a pair of shorts and t-shirt while answering Sydney quickly. “We’re fine,” I called back. I pulled my hair up quickly to try to hide the commonly known sex hair before I stumbled over to the door and pulled it open. I looked over my shoulder quickly, to make sure Billie Joe was decent. He had made his way over to the bed and landed face first onto it, wrapping the duvet that had fallen on the floor with us around his half-naked body. “Your father tickled me,” I admitted with a sheepish grin as I stepped out of the bedroom and into the suit where Sydney stood. “And we fell off the bed.”

As if on cue, Billie Joe stumbled out behind me from the bedroom with the sheet wrapped around his body. He walked past Sydney and I and landed on the couch, pulling the sheet up past his waist so that it covered his whole body. I giggled silently, remembering the conversation earlier with the sheet. I walked over to where Billie Joe had stretched himself out on the couch with his eyes now closed and propped up his upper-half so that I could fit underneath and then placed his head on my lap.

Sydney watched us for a moment and then clapped her hands together. “So, what’s on the agenda today?” She asked.

Billie Joe moaned while pushing his face into my stomach. “Today we sleep and spend no money.”

Sydney laughed. “No, seriously, what are we doing?”

Billie Joe cracked an eye open and looked up at me. “Was that not serious?” He asked.

I grinned as I ran a hand through Billie Joe’s hair. “Nothing is serious to teenagers anymore unless it has to do with actually spending money – on them.”

Billie Joe sighed loudly, moving his head around on my legs. “I miss the good days.”

I smiled. “The good days?”

“The days where Sydney couldn’t talk. And the days when Sydney could talk, but she was thrilled when we would give her a guitar pic. Now she wants everything she can manage to get her hands on.”

Sydney scowled and rolled her eyes. “I don’t want that much.”

Billie Joe snorted loudly and started to laugh. “You want everything and whatever else you can get your hands on.” He sighed once again. “I blame it on myself. And your mother,” he added in with a grin. “You’re a girl. My only girl, so of course you get what you want.”He scowled to himself. “When did I become so whipped?”

+++

I think the greatest fear to the human mind other than death is losing the significant other. To lose the one you love. Whether it be because of death, divorce, or really any reason, only so much as the thought of losing the one you love is heart wrenching.

Even if the thought is as little as a dream.

However, sometimes the thought wasn’t just a little dream. Sometimes it was a full blown nightmare. A nightmare of losing that loved one.

I had had a nightmare of Billie Joe finding out about the pills.

He was glaring at me, holding the package. His breathing was uneven and it looked as if any moment he wasn’t going to drop from a panic attack. “These are new,” he stated. “They’re opened.” He stared at me as a long silence came over the bedroom. “You – you lied to me.”

“Billie,” I started.

“No,” he hissed. “You lied to me. You—you fucking, you lied to me!” He cried out. “You fucking hypocrite,” he snarled. “You can’t trust me but you can go and take birth control while we’re trying to get pregnant!”

“I was going to tell you--,”

“Tell me what?!” He cried out in anger. Billie Joe threw birth control pills at me and they bounced off my stomach, making barely any noise on the wooden floor. “That you’ve been fucking stabbing me in the back?! How dare you.”

He wouldn’t let me talk, instead he continued to scowl and spit out angry words. “I have been kissing your fucking ass these past months and you do this?!” He stopped talking for a moment. His mouth dropped open and he closed it again as he desperately tried to find words. “Why would you do this? Why would you lie to me like this? You fucking hypocrite.”

“I didn’t think we were ready,” I said softly.

“What?” Billie Joe spat. “You didn’t think we were ready?” He laughed, only it was a laugh full of sarcasm rather than humor. “You didn’t think we were ready to have a baby? Right,” he snarled, “because already having Sydney and being married for thirteen-fucking years proves that we’re not ready. – Goddamnit, Joe!”

“I didn’t think it was the right time.”

“Why not?!” He cried out. “When would be the right time?! When I’m 50?!”

“I don’t want to have a baby with an alcoholic father!” I blurted out. At this point I couldn’t see Billie Joe properly, due to the tears in my eyes. “I already lived in one broken home.”

Billie Joe stopped speaking, only now he was boring holes into my head. If looks could kill, I would have collapsed onto the floor right then and there from aheart attack. “I’m not an alcoholic.”

“Yes you are,” I sobbed lightly. “You’ve been drinking so much all the time. You’re always drunk.”

“No I’m not,” he hissed. “You know how it gets when I’m in the studio. That’s still no fucking --,”

“You’re turning into my mother,” I whimpered.

Billie Joe stopped talking immeditley. His mouth hung open as he stared at me in complete shock.”You didn’t just say that,” he told himself.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“You’re crying. Joe, stop crying and wake up please.”

My eyes snapped open and I gasped loudly. Billie Joe was on my hips, straddling me. His hands were placed on my shoulders as he leant down over my body. He let out a sigh of relief. I lifted a hand tomy eyes, only to feel dampness. My eyes widened as Billie Joe climbed off of me and positioned himself next to me. We both sat in silence for a moment. Billie Joe pulled me inside his arms as we sat on the bed. “What was that about, Joe?”

“I just had a nightmare,” I admitted softly.

“Another one with your mother?” Billie Joe asked.

I smiled softly as I snuggled more into his arms. Being held close against him had never felt so good. “No,” I murmured. “It was nothing.”

I slid my hand into his own and pulled his arm tighter around me. Please don’t hate me. “If it was nothing, I wouldn’t have woken up to you sobbing. Tell me what happened, Joe.”

“It was nothing, really,” I tried. I lifted my head from Billie Joe’s chest and pressed my lips against his own gently. “Absolutely nothing.”

I could tell he didn’t like how I was acting. He seemed rather appalled, really. “You’re lying to me.”

My heart stopped for a split second until I realized that Billie Joe was speaking about the dream. “How am I lying to you?” I pushed myself away from my husbands’ comforting arms and went to stand up. “I told you it’s nothing about the fucking dream. How am I lying? Please, tell me.”

Billie Joe stared up at me in shock. “Joe--,”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not a liar.”

Billie Joe stood up in front of me. “What happened in your dream?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

I stared at Billie Joe for a moment, taken back. “No I’m not,” I scowled. “I’m not a liar. You know that. I can’t lie. And if I did you’d know it.”

And that’s the moment I started to break down.

Tears formed into my eyes as my knees became weak while a sob bubbled in the back of my throat. I pulled my hands up to my face to hide the tears that surfaced meanwhile Billie Joe’s mouth dropped wide opened. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed into my hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“What?” Billie Joe asked. He wrapped his arms around my shaking body and brought me close to him as he sat down on the bed. “Joe, baby, I just want you to tell me why you were so upset – why you are so upset.”

“I can’t do it,” I sobbed. “I just can’t.”

“You can’t do what, Joe?” Billie Joe asked softly. “You need to tell me what you’re talking about for me to understand.”

“I’m a terrible liar,” I sobbed into his neck. “I can’t hide things from you. I just can’t do it.”

Billie Joe hesitated, his body tensing slightly. “Hide what things from me?”

“Everything,” I cried out. The—the fact that Sydney’s got a new boyfriend, the fact that--,”

“Wait, wait, Joe shut up.”

I did as I was told, only soft but repetitive sobs escaping my lips. “Who is Sydney dating?” Billie Joe asked. He sounded calm, but most times with Billie Joe he had to force himself to sound that way.

“Please don’t,” I sobbed, “Please don’t --,”

“Who is she dating, Joe?”

“I wasn’t supposed to say anything,” I sobbed. “Please don’t make me tell you. She made me promise.”

“Who the hell is my daughter dating at fourteen years old?” Billie Joe asked once again. I shook my head slowly, refusing to let anything else out. Billie Joe scowled. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask her.”

He went to get up, gently moving me off of his lap so that he could stand. I stumbled upward and grabbed onto my husband, pulling him back towards me. “Don’t you dare,” I hissed through the tears. “If you go and ask her and mention anything to her about me telling you I swear to god I’ll never have sex with you again.”

“Then tell me who she’s with, Joe. I’m her father. I deserve to know what the hell is going on. You’re not the only parent.”

“Chris,” I finally admitted. “Her little friend Chris. Please don’t do anything, Billie,” I begged.

Billie Joe scowled. “I’ve been letting that little bastard into our home when she’s been dating him? Fuck if that ever happens--,”

“Stop it,” I whined. “Billie please stop. I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

Billie Joe looked up at me and sighed. He lifted a hand up to my cheek and caressed it, wiping tears off from underneath my eyes. He leant forward and pressed his forehead against my own, breathing deeply. Our lips connected gently for a moment until he broke away and led us back to the bed, still not knowing anything about my nightmare that night.

Billie Joe fell asleep after about ten minutes. I was asleep all in all for ten minutes during the rest of the night.

I found myself able to compare myself to a ball of yarn. One string pulled and everything would be unraveled.