‹ Prequel: In the End
Status: Hiatus.

Worry Rock

Alternate Reality

Billie Joe stood at the threshold of the room, teetering back and forth on his heels as he watched me slip out of my pajamas and into a pair of ripped jeans and white tank top while holding a striped blue and white sweater in my other hand. It had been two days since he had told me about the appointment, and I had said a maximum of ten sentences to him. “Where are you going?” He asked softly.

I looked up at the man that stood only a few feet away from me and smiled to myself. He had at least been making a large effort to speak to me. Though of course, the poor man had had no idea what-so-ever on what he had done wrong. Yes, he knew that I hated hospitals, but usually if he had gone with me and sat with me the whole time there had never been a real problem.

Though, of course, that had been before now. Now, in which I wasn’t exactly 100% there.

“Out,” I stated simply.

Billie Joe bit the side of his lip. “Out where?”

I sighed. “Travis invited me out for lunch. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Billie Joe was quiet for a moment. He chuckled softly. “I actually came up here to ask if you wanted to get something to eat and,” he shrugged, “I don’t know. Go to the mall or something since her birthday is in a week, or,” he started to drift off as he became more unsure of himself, “or…I don’t know.”

“Oh,” I winced, “I’m sorry.”

Billie Joe shook his head and looked down at his socks, obviously finding something that caught his interest. “Maybe we can go out tonight then? It’s Friday, and Sydney’ll probably go to the movies or mall like every other Friday,” he tried.

Does he ever give up?

Do you?


I smiled softly. “I’d like that.”

Billie Joe grinned for what seemed the first time in the past few days. “Yeah? Dinner tonight, just the two of us?”

I continued to smile. “If you’re confident enough to take me out to dinner again?”

“Again?”

“After I got food poisoning last time.”

Billie Joe winced. “I forgot about that,” he admitted.

I grinned widely as I stepped closer to him and wrapped an arm around his thin frame. “When you poisoned my food.”

He scowled at me, bowing his head and looking in the other direction. “I didn’t do it,” he muttered.

I continued to grin at him. “Finally, we’re on the same page.”

In one of the beginning chapters.

+++

"So...what are you going to do?"

I chuckled. "There's not much I can do, now is there?"

Travis bit his lip as he looked down at his lap. I had explained the whole situation with Billie Joe setting up an appointment for Tuesday. The whole time, Travis had sat biting his lip with his brow furrowed as he listened. "I can't continue to lie," I stated. "Or well, I can, but he's just going to find out in a matter of days."

Travis sighed softly. "You can always refuse to go."

I laughed loudly, causing the attractive man sitting next to me to jump. "And that'd go over well!"

He shrugged. "Your husband can't make you go. He has no power over you, darling."

"It's not worth another fight between us to refuse to go."

Travis was silent for a moment. "What do you think is going to happen if you do go?"

"It's not a matter of if I go, Travis, darling. It's a matter of when I go." I shrugged slowly, closing my eyes for a moment. "I don't know what's going to happen. If I did, I'd feel a lot easier about going."

"You know what's going to happen," he murmured. "You just don't know how."

In a very large way, he was right. I knew exactly what was going to happen. We would show up and both of us would get tested to see if we were still "compatible," per say. We would get home and then a few days later we would get a phone call. Billie Joe, who spends a good 25% of his life in the kitchen trying to find whatever he could eat, would pick up the phone.

"Mr. Armstrong, do you understand your wife is on birth control? You do know what that is, right?

"Excuse me? You must be wrong. Of course I know what that is. I'm not a complete dumbass, thank you. My wife knows what that is, too."


Then there would be a long silence and the doctor would cough.

"The results from our tests show that your wife is not on her menstrual system, meaning that she cannot--,"

"I know--, I know what that means!"


And then he would get frustrated and his hands would start to sweat. And then his breath would become uneasy and he would have to quickly calm himself down before he launched into a panic attack. And that's when I would appear to see if my darling husband was alright.

”Billie, are you alright darling?”

I wish I had not known my husband like I knew the back of my hand [in which I knew very well] because the more I ran the scenario through my head, the more uneasy I became. Travis wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me close to him while I pressed my face into his chest, letting the tears leak.

I was caught.

I was stupid.

How had I ever figured that I’d get away with something as big as this? Because of how naïve I had been my only option was to either tell the truth [and well, hadn’t we tried that before?], to go to the hospital and take the risk of a divorce with my husband of thirteen years, or to get out of this lie by starting another.

And you just handle pressure so damn well.

Travis’s hand gently traced invisible circular patters on my back as I cried into his chest, my body shaking with ever sob. “What do I do? What do I do? I have single-handedly killed this marriage.”

“No,” Travis cooed, “That’s not true. You haven’t killed your marriage. Everyone makes mistakes, sweetheart. You, granted, made a very big mistake. Just like he had when he was drinking and lying to you.” Travis gently pressed his lips to my forehead. “You can fix this.”

“No I can’t,” I sobbed into his shoulder, “This isn’t just fixable, Travis. He’s going to jump to conclusions as to why I’m on birth control – he’ll think we’re sleeping together.” Travis tensed as I said that. “He won’t understand why I did this. I don’t even understand.”

“Just tell him flat out,” Travis answered simply, “that you don’t think that this is the best time to have another baby. That you and I are not sleeping together.”

I chuckled through a sob and lifted my head from my best friend’s shoulder. “You sound so appalled at the sound of that,” I smiled faintly. “Is that really such a terrible thought?” I asked, my smile turning to a grin.

Travis’s cheeks turns a bright pink as he started to stutter nervously and look away. “No—well, uh, I mean that like—your husband probably would hate the thought and well—no, just-“

I giggled as I wiped a few tears off my stained cheeks. “I love you, Trav.” I kissed his cheek. “I was kidding.”

Travis chuckled nervously and nodded.

That hadn’t been the first awkward silence of the day.

+++

“Do you feel alright?”

I rolled over on the bed, clutching the white duvet against my chest to protect my dignity. “I’m tired, sweaty and out of breath. How else am I supposed to feel at the moment?”

A couple of kisses were placed against my neck, leading down to my collar bone. “You’re supposed to feel totally mind blown.”

“Oh darling, that stopped after the first few times we had sex. I think we’ve established that I’m the mindblower, here.”

“When we were engaged you were just the blower.”

I burst into a fit of giggles as I pressed my face into my husband’s neck. “That’s when you were a gentleman and deserved everything that you got.”

“Hmm?” He hummed. “And what am I now?”

“A spoiled brat that takes my body for granted.”

Billie Joe grinned lazily as he stared up at the ceiling. “You like it, don’t even bother trying to deny it.”

I shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

“You know, after having sex, you get this kind of attitude as if you are just superior to everyone,” he mumbled.

“No, that’s just when you notice it and realize that it’s true.”

My husband chuckled as he rolled over on his side to face me, bringing an arm around my bare back. I grinned widely as he kissed my nose with a wide smile. “And you tell me that I’ve got such an ego.”

“I guess that’s what happens after being married to a bratty rock star for thirteen years.”

“I resent the bratty part,” he stated simply.

I laughed. “Oh, I’m sure you do.”

A comfortable silence overcame the two of us as we both shifted to cuddle on the large bed in the silence of our home that night. Sydney was sleeping over Tiff’s house as Billie Joe and I had expected, making it possible for us to lay in bed as we were after going out to dinner. “Really,” Billie Joe murmured against my skin, “How do you feel?”

I grinned. “Food poisoning free, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Billie Joe smiled sheepishly. “That’s good.”

I continued to grin at my husband as I pressed my lips to his. He kissed back, his breathe tasting faintly of the cigarette he had had after we had finished dinner and a citrus mint. Absolutely disgusting, but this was hardly the time to complain. “Joe,” Billie Joe whispered.

I opened an eye slowly, confused if he was saying my name subconsciously out of pleasure or if he was trying to get my attention. He pulled away after a moment and stared down at me with confused eyes. I cocked an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

“Why are you so upset about going to the hospital on Tuesday?”

I sighed softly and gently pushed him off from over me. I lifted my arms and covered my eyes with my hands taking a deep breath. “You know I hate hospitals, Billie.”

“So do I,” he admitted.

“No,” I argued simply. “Not like me. I hate them. I’m scared to death of needles ever since I was about ten. I’ve got the weakest stomach of anyone I’ve ever known. Doctors creep me out. The last time I’ve seen half of my family members was in a hospital,” I paused. “Need I go on?”

Billie Joe forced a smile. “But no one is dying. We’re seeing the same person we saw when you were pregnant with Sydney and you adored her. There will be no needles.”

“I don’t like hospitals, Billie. They represent everything I’ve just listed.”

“We won’t be there long,” he murmured.

“Oh Billie, that doesn’t matter.” I sat myself up by leaning on my elbows. “We’re still there. No matter how long, we are still there. A cut is a cut no matter how deep.”

Billie Joe bit down onto his lip. He winced. “I just want to know--,”

“I know what you want, Billie. That’s why we’re going. I don’t want this.”

My husband was completely silent as he lay next to me. “We—we don’t have to go if it’s going to cause problems.”

I groaned loudly into my hands.

This was exactly what I had been waiting to hear from the older man, yet I was terribly unsatisfied. “I just,” Billie Joe hesitated. “I just want to know if it’s worth it.”

I looked over to Billie Joe and cocked an eyebrow. “Billie, we haven’t even been trying for a child for a year yet.”

“I know,” he agreed, “But fuck, Joe, I’m going to be turning fifty sooner than later. If I was younger, just beginning my forties it’d be much different. I don’t want to be a senior citizen when my kid is fifteen.”

I smiled softly at the worried look in my husbands eyes and pressed my lips softly against his. I lifted a hand to cup his chin, gently rubbing my thumb over the stubble. For once I was starting to see his side.“Darling,” I murmured, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with our bodies. I think we’re still fully capable of making a baby. I’m only in my thirties, you know.”

Billie Joe scowled to himself. “Then why aren’t we?”

A large lump in my throat seemed to form.

”Billie, I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

I hesitated and turned to face him. “I took a pill by accident.”

Billie Joe cocked an eyebrow slowly. “A pill…as in…what? Birth control?”

“It was out of habit,” I admitted. I squeezed my eyes closed. “I swallowed it before I realized what I had done. I’m so sorry. But the time is almost up. It’s not a six-month one or anything. I’m so sorry. I never meant to. It was just out of habit. I was just going to wait for the time to run out.”

My husband shifted next to me on the bed, a confused looked on his face until he heard a sob escape my lips. Both of his eyes raised and he immediately wrapped his arms around my fragile body. “Hey, it’s alright. It was an accident. Is that what you’ve been so depressed about?”

I was silent as I pressed my face against his bare chest, kissing it softly as I lifted a hand to wipe away a few tears. I nodded. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“To tell me, is what you should have done. I wouldn’t have been mad. Or well, sure, at first maybe a little, but it would have saved us so much trouble! I’m not mad, darling. Don’t cry.”


“I don’t know,” I admitted softly. I smiled up at him. “My body is just clearly not ready.”

“That’s what I want to know,” he murmured as he pressed his nose against mine. I grinned as he kissed my lips softly. “We won’t be there long. And if they come anywhere near you with a needle I’ll jam it right up their ass.”

I giggled as Billie Joe rolled back onto his back and pulled my body on top of his, bringing the white sheets around us. I placed my head on his chest, my ear over his heart as I listened to it beat. As terribly cliché as it is, it was amazingly comforting to listen to. I felt the older man stretch out underneath me as he took his hands from my back to stretch out over his head, wrapping a hand around the headboard.

You got yourself into this mess, asshole.

Billie Joe hesitated. “Are you okay with going?”

If you say no, he’ll ask why. You’ll make up a stupid excuse. He’ll know that you’re lying and then you’re screwed.

However. If you say yes, as your husband wants, you will go. They will find out what’s wrong. He will find out and then you’re screwed.

You might as well do one thing to make him happy while you can.


I swallowed hard and nodded through a wince. “Yeah. I’ll go. But…only for you. I’m not doing this because I want to.”

Billie Joe grinned. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me up closer so that he could kiss my lips without lifting his head. “It’ll be fine.” He chuckled. “I’ll even have them heavily sedate you.”

“I don’t trust you around an unconscious me.”

My husband laughed loudly. “What would I do that I haven’t already?”

I grinned down at him and shrugged. “Your mind is a terrible scary place, darling.”

Billie Joe laughed and closed his eyes for a moment. He shrugged. “I was just trying to help.”

I grinned widely. “And that’s very nice of you. Thank you, but I don’t think I want to be unconscious around a bunch of doctors and nurses and you.”

Me?”

“You heard me.”

Billie Joe grinned. I stuck my tongue out at him and he chuckled, lifting his head to stick his tongue out back at me, touching his to mine. I giggled as I shifted off from on top of him, the cold air underneath the blanket hitting my skin. I curled up against his body and placed my head against his shoulder. “Thank you for dinner tonight.”

My husband smiled softly as he closed his eyes. “Thank you for trusting me to take you out.”

“You know, as you mention it, I am starting to feel nauseas.”

Billie Joe scowled. “I’ll make you feel nauseas in a minute.”

I giggled and pressed my lips against his collar bone.

”I just wish you would have told me sooner. It would have saved all the propaganda in the city and everything.”

“I was scared you’d hate me.”

“Never. We all make mistakes.” He chuckled. “I’m just wondering what we do about the appointment on Tuesday.”

I laughed.