Worry Rock

Billie Joe’s arms flew from around me as if I was on fire.

In fact, by the time I managed to blink, the front man had already jumped up from the bed and through the darkness. Though it was difficult, I managed to find the outline of his body. He was standing there at the side of the bed, his arms at his sides as he stared down at me in shock. “What?” He asked. When I didn’t answer right away, he crawled back into bed with me, placed both arms on my shoulders and pushed me over so that I was lying on my back while looking up at him. “What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant,” I croaked.

I wasn’t sure if he was furious, or in shock. He wasn’t sure if he had heard me right or if he was dreaming. “You’re pregnant?”

Without giving me a chance to answer, Billie Joe crawled off of me and pulled the chain on the lamp that was on the dresser next to our bed. I winced at the pain from the sudden light and lifted an arm to cover my eyes. Billie Joe crawled back over to me and moved on top of my body, straddling me. I didn’t verbally answer at first, just nodded. But when that didn’t look to faze him, I spoke. “Yes. I am, once again, pregnant with your baby. Our baby.”

“How?” He asked with his voice cracking. “I thought you were on birth control!”

I took my arm from my eyes and looked up at him. “Do you not want me to be pregnant, Billie?” I asked him softly.

“What?” He asked in shock. He stared down at me as if I had slapped him. “What? No, no!. Joe, we’ve been trying since February, and I just recently found out that you were on birth control. Joe, Joe I’m fucking ecstatic. I think I’m going to piss myself.” I laughed while Billie Joe grinned down at me. “You’re not,” he hesitated as if to think of how to word his sentence; “you’re not shitting me, are you? I mean, you’re not lying to me to just make me happy right now? We’re actually pregnant?”

He must have seen the hurt look that flashed over my face because regret flashed through his eyes. “I’m not like that, Billie Joe. I made a mistake.” Before he could respond, I lifted my hand to cover his mouth. “Yes. We’re actually pregnant. I’ve got morning sickness and enough pregnancy tests to fill up the damn bathtub to prove it.” I slowly removed my hand from his mouth once his lips stopped moving while he tried to speak. “I imagine that’s why Travis called you. I was sick a few times and I’m betting it was worrying him. Did he mention anything?”

Billie Joe laughed. “No, no he didn’t.” The grin that seemed to take over his whole face was unmistakable. “Oh my god. But you were on birth control?”

“I was on birth control when Sydney was conceived, also, Billie. Just because I’m on the pill doesn’t mean I’m absolutely, one-hundred percent protected. I still get my period; it doesn’t just vanish into thin air--,”

“But before tonight, Joe, we haven’t had sex in wee--,”

“Weeks,” I agreed. “I know. But, apparently, those weeks didn’t matter because according to every single one of my pregnancy tests and my ton-o’ fun sickness that miraculously only happens in the morning, I’d say I’m pregnant.”

Billie Joe’s eyes seemed to be the brightest shade of green I’d ever seen them as. He laughed; not the forced laugh that he often found himself using, especially lately, but the genuine laugh; the one that matched the smile that melted thousands of girls’ hearts all over the world. “I,” he laughed again, “I can’t fuckin believe this.”

I slid out from underneath my husband’s body and off the bed while pulling the sheet with me, wrapping it around me. I sauntered into the bathroom as Billie Joe sat on the edge of the bed, craning his neck in hope to see what I was doing. However, it was nearly impossible due to the fact that the only light throughout the whole house at the moment was the small light sitting on my side of the bed, the farthest from the bathroom making it so that the bathroom was still pitch black. “Joe?” He called out. “Joe, baby?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Billie Joe got up off the bed and wandered into the bathroom after me. As soon as he stepped foot into the dark room, his body clashed into mine and we both stumbled a bit. I laughed as he chuckled and wrapped his arms around my sheet-clad body. I unwrapped myself from the sheets and then wrapped it around both of us and then lifted my arm, waving four or five pregnancy tests in front of my husband’s face. Billie Joe took them from me and looked at each. “Pink means…” he trailed off, expecting me to answer.

I rolled my eyes. “Pink means you’re having a child with five heads and blue means it’ll be normal. I thought you should know that we’re screwed and our child is going to be part monster.” When Billie Joe chuckled I pressed my lips against his gently. “What do you think pink means, darling?”

Billie Joe grinned. “Alright, alright, I get it. Stupid question.” I giggled and watched as his eyes flashed from one stick to another.

“I’ve got the first appointment on Friday to be positive,” I stated as Billie Joe set them down on the counter. He pulled the sheet tighter around our bodies so that we were both pressed against each other closer than before.

“Good, I’ll be sure to tell Mike and Tre that I won’t show up Friday then.”

I slid my hand in-between our bodies and placed it on his hip. “Bill, that’s not necessary. It’s just the first appointment, I’m not even sure if they’re doing a sonogram or anything--,”

“I don’t care,” he cut me off, “Joe, baby, when you were pregnant with Sydney I fucked up like no other. I fought with you constantly,” he placed his hand over my mouth as I had done to him before to keep me from talking, “a perfect example as when we were in Florida. Stupid shit like that that kept us apart.” Billie Joe sighed softly. “I came home drunk multiple times, one time bruising you. Fuck, Joe, I put you through hell and back. This is going to be different; I’m going to be by your side one-hundred and fiftypercent.”

I rolled my eyes, even though what he was saying was hitting me right in the heart. I took my hand from his waist and slid it up his body to the back of his neck. I curled the small pieces of hair there around my finger and pressed my lips to his softly. “Billie, you were absolutely amazing during my first pregnancy. Yes, we both made mistakes, but we got over them and Sydney still came out as a beautiful, completely healthy baby.”

Billie Joe shook his head. “Yeah,” he agreed, “but we were lucky. With the shit I put you through, I constantly thank god that you didn’t go into a premature labor. I’m not doing that this time. Our baby is--,”

I shut the rock star up the only way I knew how to. I pressed my lips to his softly and ran my hand through the brown curls of his hair, scratching his head slightly. “Our baby is incredibly lucky to have you as a father,” I interrupted while smiling up at him.

I watched as Billie Joe’s teeth bit town onto his lower lip as he held back how strongly he disagreed. Before he had time to, I pulled us back against the bed and fell onto it. Billie Joe fell on top of me and immediately untangled himself from the bed sheet. “Fuck, Joe, I don’t wanna hurt the baby.”

I chuckled and shrugged, removing the sheet from my body. Billie Joe’s eyes and southern region seemed to disagree with his mind. “Oh, well, okay then. I guess I understand where you’re coming from. After all, it is our baby that we’re looking out for. I completely understand when you say you don’t want to have sex with nine months, and well,” I paused and grinned, “that’s not counting the six weeks after the baby is born that we can’t.”

I pulled myself underneath the sheet and rolled over onto my side, as if I was going to go to sleep. I heard Billie Joe growl and felt his hands wrap around my arm as he pushed me down underneath him. “We had plenty of sex when you were pregnant with Sydney,” he scoffed, “and she turned out great, so I really don’t see the point in treating your body any different—y’know, just to make sure our baby turns out just as good as Sydney did.”

I giggled furiously as Billie Joe attached his lips to my neck. “You’re so full of shit.”

Billie Joe grinned up at me.

+++

Billie Joe and I stepped through the door to the small room in one of the downstairs hallways of the hospital. Billie Joe’s fingers were lightly entangled with mine as he led me through the doorway into the small, window-less room. As we both entered the room, the click of the door shutting caught the attention of the female standing across from us in a white trench coat, polo and slacks that had been looking over something in a manila folder. A grin broke out on her face as soon as she saw us. “Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong!”

Billie Joe chuckled and outstretched his free hand. “Is there really any point to calling us that, Dr. Stross?”

Alicia Stross had been the doctor to deliver both of Adrienne and Billie Joe’s children, Sydney and now this child. The woman had known Billie Joe for longer than I had.

Billie Joe pulled me over to the counter that sat in the middle of the room and hopped up onto it, pulling me up with him. Alicia grinned. “Alright, excuse me then, Billie Joe,” she nodded him and then to me, “Amanda.” I decided not to correct her, not wanting to be the pain in the ass that my husband was even though I knew he meant no harm. Billie Joe grinned at her as he wrapped an arm around my body and pulled me close to him. Alicia smiled again at the sight of us. “So from what I understand, you two were in here just a few weeks ago, trying to see why you couldn’t get pregnant,” she laughed, “that’s just slightly ironic.”

My husband smirked and shrugged. “We just dropped Joe’s stress level,” he stated. I felt myself become uncomfortable at what Billie Joe had just said, causing me to shifty slightly in his arms. Billie Joe looked over to me and pressed his lips to my temple, murmuring a soft, “don’t worry.”

That was much easier said than to be done, however. The fact that I needed to take a blood test didn’t exactly keep the visit fun, meanwhile as I tried not to flip out over that, Billie Joe sat on the counter looking over all the paperwork and filling out as much as he could.

A large part of me felt bad as I watched him from across the room, trying the hardest to keep my mind off the needle in my arm. It’s for your baby, it’s for your baby, it’s for your baby. While doing so, I watched as his eyebrows scrunched together a he paused to think of an answer to each question before scrawling out something.

I heard myself gasp as I felt the prick of a needle in my arm as I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath. Alicia’s hand patted my arm gently. “Chill, darling. We’re almost done and you’re still alive.”

“Not for long,” I gritted through my teeth. “You’ve got five seconds before I start to cry and flip out.” I heard Billie Joe chuckle and scowled. “Shut up, Billie. You’re a fucking asshole.”

Alicia laughed. “It’s a good thing that there’s such a thing as morphine for when you give birth, or I’m pretty sure you’d bite your husbands’ head off.”

I cracked a smile despite the fact that I was close to going into a mental meltdown with the needle. “He’s lucky he’s not neutered.”

At that, I heard Billie Joe laugh and while I kept my eyes squeezed shut; I felt his rough hand place itself on my free arm. “You can open your eyes now, darling,” he stated. With much hesitation, I did only to find the needle out and away from my arm. I felt myself grin widely as I threw my now needle-less arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. It was amazing how much having those things away from me could affect my mood, in fact it was almost as if I was starting my hormonal stage already. Billie Joe seemed to be thinking the same thing as he snickered.

“Did you do the paperwork?” I asked him with my arms still hanging around his neck while Alicia excused herself quickly.

“Nah,” he admitted, “there’s a lot and I’m not sure of all of it, most of it is about you. I did all that I could of you and filled out the rest about myself,” he shrugged, “STD’s, family diseases, my fuckin’ autobiography, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.”

I giggled and leant closer to my husband after taking my arms from his neck [in which was covered for the most part by his hair that obviously needed to be cut]. “You need a haircut,” I pointed out, taking the conversation away from anything that had to do with the hospital subconsciously, “and a shave.” I grinned as he pouted and pressed my lips against his own softly, the hair growing around his mouth and on his chin making it hard to even find them to begin with, “my god, Bill. You’re a hairy mess.”

Billie Joe sighed and rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Joe. I love you, too.”

I gently bit his bottom lip and tugged on it softly. “I like you as a hairy mess,” I hummed, “I just think you should really think about seeing someone about your hair. Not too much longer and it may just be as long as mine with the rate it seems to be growing at.”

Billie Joe scowled at me and grabbed the stack of stapled papers from next to him along with a pen. “I’ll get a haircut, fine, fine. Fill this out, Joe.”

I pulled my legs up onto the counter and turned to that my back was resting against my husband’s arm while he sat next to me. I hesitated. “Bill, I don’t know anything about my parents or the rest of my family’s heart problems and shit. The last time I filled this out was fourteen years ago. I mean, I know my grandfather died of cancer--,”

“Then put that,” Billie Joe stated, “Adam must know, he also has a kid so he went through this. We’ll call him later.”

I looked up at him, as if almost for reassurance and then nodded, writing down as much as I could for that part and filling out the rest. The door opened again and Alicia slipped inside, her hands tucked into the white trench coats pocket. She grinned at the two of us. “Are you two ready for the part that every parent looks forward to?”

“We’re sending the kid off to college already?” Billie Joe questioned. “Damn, that was easy. Joe, let’s have more. I’m liking this.”

Alicia and I laughed as I played with the curls of his dark hair on the back of his neck. She grinned to us again. “You’re going to see your baby for the first time.”

I felt the smile that was already on my lips from Billie Joe’s comment turn into a full, wide and toothy grin. Alicia beckoned us to follow her and I did so, sliding my hand into my husbands and pulling him with me down the hallway into a bigger room that held a large bed-looking seat and more machines, though there was now a large screen. I was motioned to sit down on the bed and I did so while Billie Joe stood next to me, his fingers still laced with mine.

I giggled as the cold jelly was spread onto my still flat stomach, having not remembered the feeling since it had been so long since I had felt it. Billie Joe snickered down at me. A few minutes later a picture had shown upon the screen as the living being inside of me was trying to be located. “There we go,” she stated.

Billie Joe cocked his head to the side as I cocked an eyebrow. “What?” We both asked at the same time.

Alicia laughed as she stepped close to the TV and stretched to press her finger to it. “You see that peanut shaped object?”

Billie Joe quickly found it, and as soon as he did an ecstatic smile spread over his face. His eyes narrowed as his nose scrunched and the crows feet began to show. But he looked so happy.

“I don’t see it,” I admitted shamefully.

Billie Joe took his hand from my own and leant across Alicia’s arm and my body to point it out in the mess of black and white shapes. “Right there, right?” He asked while looking back towards our doctor to make sure he was seeing the same thing she was. She nodded, which caused Billie Joe’s unattainable grin to make an appearance again. “Right there, Joe,” he confirmed.

After a few more seconds of not being able to find it, I scowled and tried to sit up to get a closer look. However, the remote being used to actually see the baby slipped off as did the picture on the screen. I groaned, an overwhelming feeling of stupidity flooding my emotions as I lied back down. Billie Joe stepped away from the screen and moved his hands to my shoulders, squeezing and rubbing them lightly. “Hey, hey. Relax, baby. Relax.”

“I can’t,” I huffed as I felt tears prick my eyes.

Hormones, really?

My husband continued to massage my shoulders as our baby was relocated. Once Alicia had found it, Billie Joe took himself away from me and outlined the small, curled up alien-looking creature. I laughed. Though I had been through this before [fourteen years ago] it still felt new to me, and it still blew my mind. From the expression on Billie Joe’s face, it blew his, too.

The small, now living creature that we were lucky enough to be able to see though it was growing inside of me had, well, in a large way saved us. Had I not been sick at Travis’s house, he most likely wouldn’t have called home so soon. Had Travis not called home, Billie Joe wouldn’t have come to get me.

And I’m willing to bet that if it wasn’t for this baby, this miracle baby, Billie Joe wouldn’t have chosen to forgive me so easily that night.

The word miracle wasn’t an exaggeration in any way, really. I had been on birth control for the past four months so I had been sure that there was no way for me to be pregnant, even though Sydney had been conceived while on birth control. To make this baby an actual miracle was the timing. This baby was the reason that Billie Joe was speaking to me now, was cuddling with me, holding me, kissing me—being with me altogether.

I focused my eyes back on the screen and felt a giggle bubble in my throat. My baby, my second baby. Billie Joe’s fourth baby. I felt a bubble of pride swell into my chest just as Billie Joe always told me he felt during the months where the fetus was recognizable. The pride was immeasurable and the fact that my husband and I had created another living child seemed almost unreal. I smiled to myself as I realized that I had had almost the exact same thoughts fourteen years ago when I was looking up at Sydney on that screen. Alicia hovered a hand over my stomach. “You see that bump right there?” She asked. “The one that looks as if you’ve gained five or ten pounds?” Billie Joe looked over my stomach and was hesitant to answer, waiting to get whacked from it. But we both ended up nodding. “That’s your official baby bump,” she stated with a grin

My eyes widened. “But how am I showing already?” I asked.

When I had been pregnant with Sydney, I first started to show after about three or four months. Not as soon as this. That seemed almost impossible, unless Alicia was wrong and I had simply just gained weight. “Well,” she started and then hesitated, “you seem to be about nine weeks pregnant, so it’s typical for a baby bump to start to show. It’s not very noticeable unless you’ve got your shirt up like now, but it’s there.”

“What?” I snapped. “I’m almost three months pregnant? How is that possible?!”

I went to sit up, but Billie Joe, who had been listening intently, pushed my shoulders back down. I scowled at him but he ignored it. “It happens much more than you think,” I was told.

“But I just had morning sickness starting about a week ago!” I cried out.

I felt so stupid. I was three months [or almost] pregnant and I hadn’t known it. What a shit mother I was. How had I not known that I had been pregnant? How the hell had I been pregnant since May and not known it? I had just taken the pills in late April, for god’s sake! “Not every woman has morning sickness during all the time their pregnancy,” Alicia stated, “It’s just very common. Just like not knowing until you’re at least eight weeks. It’s completely natural, Amanda.” She smiled reassuringly down at me as Billie Joe rubbed my shoulders and kissed my temple. “I’ve known of women who have given birth and not known they were pregnant! You’re doing perfectly fine, your baby as far as I know is perfectly healthy. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not when it comes to a baby’s health. You’re fine.”

I lifted my eyes and connected them with my husbands, whose expression seemed to mirror mine. I had been pregnant starting in May. May, meaning I was pregnant during the time where I had been so terribly stressed from taking birth control! Go figure. May, meaning I had flown to and from New York City when Sydney had been out of school over the summer. May, meaning that I had been pregnant during the time that Billie Joe had acted as if I was dead to him and had been at Travis’s house. All that damn time that I had been crying and a depressed mess, I had been pregnant. All the times that I had to deal with a terribly intoxicated Billie Joe, all the times where I carried him into the house—I was pregnant.

I wondered if Billie Joe felt as sick as I did.