Denial

I was currently standing in front of Zacky's front door trying to conjure up the courage to knock. I took in a deep breath before finally knocking. After a minute or two and receiving no answer, I was about to leave. But just as the thought popped into my mind, the door swung open and I spun around to lock eyes with nun other thenZacky Gena. I was a little startled by the sight. I didn't know what to say at first, but I wasn't going to show my speechlessness in front of her. I wouldn't let her know that her presence effected me in that way, or any way for that matter. I pulled myself together and prepared myself to speak.

"Hello, where's Zacky?" She laughed. And then she laughed again. And she laughed again.

"You're funny, honey." She smirked, crossing her arms and sticking her foot out as usual.

"You see, I do recall once being in your place on his doorstep not long ago. And you told me that his girlfriend wouldn't like it much. Well, the tables have obviously turned!" She grinned wickedly. My mouth went slightly ajar. She couldn't be saying what I think she was saying. I shook my head slightly without even realizing it.

"Oh yes honey, Zachary and I are back together, and there's nothing you can do about it. And being his girlfriend, I have a say as to who dos and does not come in this house. And you definitely won't be. I suggest you leave before Zacky gets home." I didn't yell, I didn't glare, I didn't return any cocky gestures she made. I simply smiled and turned around preparing to leave.

"What are you smiling about?" She called after me. "Aren't you supposed to yell, be miserable, something?" I turned on my heel then.

"Gena, it's very clear that what goes around comes around. I'm getting mine. You'll be getting yours too." I turned and walked off leaving her to think about those words. I heard the door slam behind me as I continued to march down the sidewalk. As I was reapproaching Matt's house, I was shocked to look up from the ground and see Zacky standing there.

"I really need to talk to Leny."

"Zack, I would let you, if she was here." Matt explained, frustrated. I shook my head and jogged the rest of the way up to the house.

"I'm here, I'm here. What's up?" Zacky turned around in an instant.

"Leny." He murmured.

"Okay, now that you found her, I've gotta go, Larry's on the phone." With that, Matt disappeared into the house.

"I'm sorry." Zacky and I said simultaneously. "What?" We did it again.

"Okay wait, why are you sorry, Zack? You didn't do anything." He shook his head.

"Yes, I did. You pulled away yesterday and I pulled you back. And I'm sorry." I shrugged.

"I'm sorry I started anything." He pulled me to him in a hug.

"I don't want anything to effect our friendship again." I nodded against his chest.

"Me neither. It'd kill me." It got silent for a couple minutes before I finally decided to speak the question that was nagging at my mind.

"So you're back with Gena?" He looked at me slightly shocked. "I went to your house looking for you." He nodded in understanding before nodding slightly uneasy.

"Um, yeah."

"Zacky, just hear me out okay? I'm not gonna be mad at you for doing it. It's your life. But just tell me, why would you get back with someone who broke your heart?" He shrugged.

"I dunno, I guess, I guess I just think everyone deserves a second chance." He looked down at me and I saw something shining in his eyes right then. Like there was a message hidden behind what he'd just said. Second chances. Maybe if I'd have given him one, things would've turned out differently. My life wouldn't be so complicated. Did I bring this all on myself? Surely not.

"Well I better go Leny. I'll see you later okay?"

"Wait Zacky, I'm going over to Jimmy's to hang out with him and Leana, can't you come?" He sighed and bit his lip for a minute.

"I don't think Gena would like that." I tried not to let the look of pure disappointment appear to be evident on my face, but I don't think it was working well.

"Oh, well, okay then. Have fun." I turned to walk away.

"Wait! Leny, I'll come with you." I turned around and looked at him with slightly wide eyes.

"Really?" He nodded.

"I want to." I smiled and ran back over to him.

"Come on." I grabbed his hand and led him to Matt's house.

"Matt, baby, Zacky and I are gonna head to Jimmy's. See you later?" He turned around, phone held firmly between his face and his shoulder with a pen and paper in each hand. He looked slightly puzzled, busy, and rushed at the same time.

"Yeah, of course babe." He leaned in to give me a kiss before I left.

"Have fun." He smiled.

"Thank you." I walked back into the living room where Zacky was standing ready and waiting to go.

"Alright, let's head out." It took us no time to get to Jimmy's.

"What's up party people?! Look who I brought with me!" I exclaimed as I walked in the room. They laughed.

"Hey Zack? What's up?" Jimmy spoke as I walked over and sat next to Leana, Zacky sitting next to me.

"Hey what's up sugar?" I asked, she laughed.

"What's up is the tax prices! Have you seen how much we have o pay for a gallon of milk?" Jimmy complained. I laughed.

"Jimmy, you rarely even by your own groceries, you're always eating at everyone else's places." I laughed. He shook his head.

"Not since I've had this girl." He smiled down at Leana before kissing her. I smiled and laid down across the couch with my legs across Leana's lap, my feet in Jimmy's and my head in Zacky's. I smiled up at him.

"Hey beautiful." I batted my eyelashes at him. He smirked and shook his head.

"I think that's the guys line."

"Yeah I think so too. But does it really matter?" He didn't answer me, he was distracted by something. It was then I realized he was staring at y stomach which was growing weekly with his baby. I looked from my stomach and back up to him.

"Ya okay Zack?" Jimmy asked, speaking my thoughts. He snapped out of his daze looking up to Jimmy.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Leana looked up at him and gave him a sympathetic smile. They were making me feel bad. I know Zacky desperately wanted to raise his kid, but that's just not how things were working out.

**************

"Come on, you guys are supposed to be party people! Let's do something." I sat up after about another fourty-five minutes.

"What do you wanna do?" Leana asked.

"Call everyone else over here and party." I shrugged.

"Hey wait a minute, you can't be drinking. You're pregnant." I looked up at the now overprotective Zacky and leaned back against him picking his arms up and wrapping them around my torso so they rested on my stomach.

"Zacky, I will not harm the baby. But maybe the baby wants to have a little fun too." I smirked. Jimmy and Leana laughed.

"Yeah, and alcohol poisoning is the way to go!" He fake cheered. I rolled my eyes.

"I would not do such a thing to my own kid." I looked up at him through big puppy dog eyes.

"Come on Zacky please? Please? what if I just have a few, and not get drunk?" I looked at him through big, hopeful eyes now. He sighed.

"You have to promise me you won't get drunk no matter what." I nodded.

"I promise, I promise! I really, really do!" He laughed.

"Alright then."

"Yay! Thank you Zacky!" I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"You're amazingness." Jimmy laughed.

"Amazingness?" I nodded.

"It's a-"

"A rare word that she uses only when absolutely necessary so I should feel special." Zacky finished my sentence for me.

"Obviously I've told you before?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"More than once babe." He winked. I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hey! I wanna be amazingness too!" Jimmy yelled.

"Yeah! And so do I!" Leana joined in.

"Fine! Fine! Everyone in this room is amazingness! Except for me and the little one. We supercallafragileisticexpealadocious amazingness!!" I exclaimed. They all exchanged weird glances before laughing and nodding.

"That you are babe, that you are." Zacky laughed.

About an hour later, we had Johnny, Lacey, Val, Michelle, Tihana, Breanna, Brian, and Matt over here. We were currently sitting around the big kitchen table listening to music, drinking, and playing poker.

"ROYAL FLUSH!!" I yelled, throwing my cards on the table and jumping from my seat.

"You've gotta be kidding me! Matt, you need to take her to Vegas." Brian laughed as I collected my rewards. I laughed.

"I don't like gambling from random people, just you guys." I grinned. The girls laughed. Suddenly Lady Gaga's latest song, 'Poker Face' came on and I dropped all my earnings. I absolutely adored the song. I'd been waiting for them to play it all night and they were just getting to it.

"VAL!!" I yelled, knowing this was our song. She immediately jumped from her seat and came to my side to dance to the song with me. And before long, all of us girls found ourselves singing and dancing to the song. The guys looked like they were awe struck afterward. I couldn't help but laugh at them.

"Perfect song, perfect timing right?" I inquired. Everyone raised their drinks in agreement and I reached for another bottle of Heineken from the center of the table.

"Woah, how many have you had?" Zacky asked, his hold on the bottle as well.

"Four?" It sounded more like a question.

"Helena you promised you'd only have a few." The table grew silent as Zacky and I stared at each other, a battle going on between our eyes.

"One more's not gonna hurt." I said, trying to pry it away from him.

"Not you maybe, but it could hurt the baby." He tightened his grip.

"Zacky just give it to me, I said I'll be fine." The door bell rang then causing us both to abruptly drop the beer bottle and it busted over the table making everyone jump up as the alcohol ran across it.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen where Leana was getting a wet rag to clean up the mess.

"I'm sorry Li." I apologized. She turned around and gave me a small smile.

"Don't worry about it hon, it wasn't your fault." She walked back into the dinging room to clean up the mess and I decided to follow her. But when I did, I heard commotion coming from the front room. Figuring it had something to do with what just went down, I made my way in there.

"You're not gonna start this again Zack! If you're with be you're not gonna be sneaking off to party with her and them!" Gena shrieked. I was stunned.

"When did she get here?" I asked Brian quietly.

"Just now." Then it hit me, the door bell, the reason Leana's in there cleaning up spilled alcohol.

"Don't you even go there with me Gena. I never slipped out on you, you were always slipping out on me, cheating on me!" He yelled.

"We'll discuss this at home. Let's go." He laughed. "You sound like my mother when I was five." She glared at him. I couldn't help but laugh at that. I turned around and buried my face in Brian's chest to hide it. He wrapped his arms around me pretending like we were hugging.

"Look Zacky! take a good look at what you're so strung up on!" He turned around in the direction Gena was pointing and stared at Brian's arms wrapped around me.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"It's so obvious. To me, to everyone else, to the entire world Zacky, even to your self. You've obviously got something there for her or you wouldn't follow her around like a love sick puppy. And yet she's wrapped in Brian's arms right now, but engaged to Matt. Hm, I wonder what Matt thinks of all this?"

I stood there with my mouth slightly ajar a mock expression of everyone else. Matt looked confused. I wanted to run away from this scene, get as far away from everyone as possible. But running only creates more problems.

"Don't you talk about her like that, Gena." Zacky growled. His voice was low and menacing. I'd never seen him like this before.

"She's-"

"I mean it. Don't say another word about her cross ways, understood?" She just glared.

"You're supposed to be on my side, Zacky, you're with me!"

"Not if you keep this up." She gasped.

"I'll be at home waiting for you." She marched out slamming the door behind her. Zacky sighed with relief and turned toward me. I was still in shock.

"Helena, I'm sorry she said all those things about you. I know their not true. We all do." He said, lightly grabbing my hand and willing me towards him.

"It's okay. I'm sorry." He said, pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around me.

"Would someone like to explain what, in the name of the Heavens above, is going on?" Matt asked, very confused.

"Nothing." I said, pulling away from Zacky. "Gena's just being her usual self, trying to stir up things." I said, walking over to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking down at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. She doesn't get to me." He kissed my head.

"Good, I knew you were stronger than that." I turned to face Jimmy and Leana.

"I'm really sorry we wrecked things tonight guys." I sighed, stressed.

"Hey, what's a party without a good fight?" Jimmy laughed. "You've been owing me one now anyways." He winked. I shook my head.

"Jimmy, you really are a weirdo you know that right?" He laughed.

"Maybe, at least I got some weirdo friends to back me up." I laughed lightly.

"Well I'm tired now. And I want a bed." I said.

"You can stay here." Leana offered. I looked up at Matt.

"Sure, we can stay here." He shrugged.

"Cool, night dudes."

"See you tomorrow Leny." Zacky said.

"G'night!" Val sang. Along with a chorus of good night greetings from the others.

I laid down under the covers with Matt and fell asleep surprisingly quick. But when I did, I was greeted by a dream that made me very uncomfortable.

"It's sad ya know." She sniffled. Staring down at the gravestone in front of her before looking over at her younger brother who looked a great deal like her. "Mom had to go alone. Without anyone to love, or to love her. I just don't understand." The young woman shook her head.

"Hey, it'll be okay. She had us." The boy wrapped his sister in his arms trying to comfort her.

"Why did she never tell us who are dad was?" The woman begged for answers that her brother didn't know himself.

"I don't know, I really don't." He hugged her tighter. "We better go." He said, starting to pull away from her.

"Yeah," She nodded, pulling fully from his grasp and turning back to the gravestone. "Yeah we should." She leaned down one last time and placed the bouquet of flush red roses in front of the marble carved grave before standing.

"Let's go." As the two walked away together, the name on the gravestone became very, very clear. Too clear.

-Helena Rose Williams-
1964 - 2009
"She was a wonderful mother
to her two beautiful children
and a great friend to everyone." - Valary Dibenedetto

I woke up in a cold sweat. Breathing irregular. There's noway. That can't happen. That just can't happen. There was everything else mention in that note from Val [i[except that I was a good wife. She mention I was a good mother, a good friend, but nothing about a wife, girlfriend, fiancee, anything! And the girl, the girl from the dream. She was my daughter! She said I died alone. I couldn't take this anymore. I rolled over facing Matt to see he was still sleeping soundly.

"Matt. Matt.." I whispered, shaking him lightly in hopes that he would wake up.

"Hmm?" He mumbled rolling over to face me.

"Matt wake up I need to talk to you."

"Mmhm." He wrapped his arm around me, his eyes still shut. I sighed frustrated. I slipped out of Matt's arm, threw the covers off, and went in search of someone else. I walked down the hall to Jimmy and Leana's door and contemplated going in or not. I decided against it. I didn't want to disturb them.

But I really did need to talk to someone about this dream. I was a person that needed to talk about dreams to get over them. Otherwise it'd do me no good to try and go back to sleep. It'd be waiting for me. I needed someone who could help me understand this dream. Val? I don't wanna bother her. I really don't wanna have to stay up all night and wait until morning. At last I had made a decision. I made my way to the front room where my shoes were, slipping them on quietly.

With that, I quietly slipped out of the house and set out on my journey to y destination. It didn't take but ten minutes tops and I was facing the door that I was looking for. I thought about knocking, but I didn't know if that was such a good idea. I tried the door and it was locked. Looks like I'm knocking. I knocked fairly loud for a couple of minutes. After what seemed like a lifetime, a saw a light come on from the back bed room. Finally, the door swung open.

"Who is it and what do you - want?" He paused before speaking the last part when he saw me.

"Hi Zacky. I didn't wanna bug you this late but I had a horrible nightmare and I can't get Matt awake and I didn't know who else to talk to."

"No, no, it's okay. Come in." He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, shutting the door afterward.

"Well it was obviously pretty bad for you to walk over to my house at three something in the morning I take it?" I nodded.

"Zacky, I've got a bad feeling. My life's gonna be ruined." He looked at me puzzled.

"Leny, babe, you can't believe dreams. Alright? 99.9 % of the time, they don't come true." He said, holding onto my arms, looking down at me worriedly.

"No Zacky, I no that, but this wasn't an ordinary dream. It was like a dream from the future! Like someone was showing me what my future was going to look like through a glass window if I don't fix something in my life. I just don't know what." I sighed frustrated leaning forward, resting my forehead against his chest.

"Well tell me what it was about and maybe I can help." "I died. I was dead. And my daughter, our daughter, was at my grave sight with her younger brother saying she didn't understand why I had to die alone and that it was so unfair." I looked up at hi through wide eyes before continuing. "And then she went on to say that I never talked about you. She questioned her brother about why I never talked about her dad." I could feel tears welling in my eyes now and I saw Zacky's face growing pale at the thought of me keeping his baby from him.

"Now wait a minute, how can you be so sure this was you, or our baby?" He inquired.

"Because Zacky, they left. They laid roses on the grave and left. Red roses, those are my favorite, and when they walked away, I saw my name clear on the gravestone and the date I was born until 2009. And then it had a quote from Val stating that I was a wonderful mom and friend, but nothing about being a wife, or girlfriend or anything." I explained all of this in a hurried voice. He looked shocked and pale still.

"Zacky help me figure this thing out." I shook him a little trying to snap him out of this state he was in.

"You can't die." He said, lifting his hand, lightly brushing the side of my face. I swallowed.

"I-I'm not gonna die Zacky I just need you're help here okay?"

"I could help you." He murmured. He was still in his own little state of mind.

"Okay, then help me."

"You wouldn't like my idea of helping you." I spoke softly, brushing his fingers over my face.

"Why not? What was your idea?" He looked at me through sincere eyes.

"You could be with me, I could take care of you, and you'd never have to be alone. Ever." He said, gazing straight into my eyes.

"Zacky I-"

"I know, you're with Matt. You're marrying him. But what if it doesn't work? What if that's why you had the dream?" A sudden epiphany hit me when he said that.

"I guess time will tell?" I sounded unsure of myself. He gave the smallest crooked smile.

"Yeah, it will. It sure will." At that very moment, I don't know what came over me, but something did. I threw my self into Zacky's arm and held onto him tight.

"I love you, Zacky. I don't why, I try not to, but I do." Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it must've held the most shocked look he'd ever held. I suddenly felt myself being wrapped tighter in his embrace.

"I love you too Leny, I love you too."