Baby, I'm Just a Pansy
Chapter 4
The boys were now both 15 and had grown in to the most amazing young men. But still, they were teenagers and so were particularly brilliant at teenage tantrums and pissing me off. Gerard seemed to have more of an ability to keep his cool when one of them was off on one, where as I just thought it best to fight fire with fire and slam doors as equally as loud as they did.
Josh definitely resembled me as a teenager. He liked to do crazy things with his hair, listen to punk and paw at guitars through shop windows he'd never be able to afford. I almost cried with pure joy when he was 11 and asked me to teach him guitar, which I did so happily, and by 15 he was pretty damn good at it. He even stole my old Misfit and Black Flag shirts on several occasions. I would have shouted at him if I hadn't been so proud.
Jake was taking on Gerard's self as a teenager. He was an amazing artist, ever since he was little his favourite thing was to sit and watch Gerard paint or draw or paint and draw with Gerard. He was getting outstanding grades in English for his imaginative writing. He also loved comic books and had a tower of them in his room, and would ramble about whatever superhero in whatever comic book to Gerard over dinner. His hair was also a lot how Gerard's used to be when he was a teenager, and so was the perfect mini Gee. And of course, he became exactly like Gerard as a teenager.
"Get the fuck out of my room!"
We heard a yell one Saturday evening. Both boys were grounded for breaking curfew at the beginning of the week and so had to spend the weekend either cleaning their rooms or studying. Gerard and I were cuddled up on the couch watching some pointless movie, enjoying the rare peace and quiet which had just been shattered.
I sighed "You or me?" I asked
"Both. I may need back up" Gerard replied
I smiled and got up, pulling Gerard up by the hand. He winced and stretched out, his back cracking a few times. I laughed and poked his side
"Come on old man"
He huffed and followed me to Jake's room where the commotion had come from. The door flew open and Josh ran out at full speed shrieking.
"You mother-" Josh stopped himself when he saw me and Gerard outside his door. "Give that back!" He called to Jake who was stood in the living room door way. "Please" He whined, looking from his brother to us.
"Don't you want them to know?" Josh taunted
"Know what?" Gerard asked, peering at the two "What's going on guys?"
"I found this" Josh said
"No!" Jake lunged forward, but Josh had already thrust it in to Gerard's hands.
I glanced at the object and gasped "Porn!"
Gerard looked at Jake "Gay porn?"
Jake slammed his bedroom door closed, enclosing himself inside. Josh sighed and leant against the frame. "I already knew y'know? I just needed proper evidence"
"How did you know?" I asked, tearing my eyes from the magazine
"Seen him at school talking to guys, not taking notice of girls. Plus the he's been obsessed with a fruit drink since he was a kid!"
Gerard giggled and I hit him in the side "That's not a laughing matter!" I said sternly
"You think we should talk to him?" Gerard asked. I nodded. "Josh, go finish cleaning your room and then feed Pansy" Josh huffed and then scampered off.
I knocked gently on Jake's door "Jake, can we come in?"
There came a muffled "Whatever" And we took that as a sign it was ok, and we wouldn't be met with flying objects.
Stepping through the door we found Jake on his bed, face smushed in to his pillow. I sighed and touched his leg lightly. "Turn round and talk to us, please"
Gerard set the magazine on his desk and Jake turned round slowly. He sat up at the head of his bed and pulled his knees to his chest. His cheeks were red and he wouldn't look us in the eye. My heart sank a little.
"Jake" I said softly, sitting on the end of the bed "Why didn't you come to us?"
"I didn't think you'd understand" He said meekly, to which me and Gerard gave him an are you fucking kidding me? look. He sighed "Ok, so maybe you would. But it's still scary"
"I know it is" Gerard said "It's probably the most terrifying thing a kid can do, we know. But it's easier if you have supportive parents"
"You're lucky" I stated, placing my hand on his knee "My father thought me being gay was completely disgusting"
"It's true" Gerard added "But we're not like that, for obvious reasons"
Jake smiled lightly "Ok then. Dad, dad, I'm gay"
We both smiled "That's perfectly fine" I said
"We love you no matter what" Gerard added
Jake grinned and leaned over to me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug which Gerard soon joined. "I love you guys" He murmured
"We love you too" I whispered in to his hair. He pulled back moments later, sitting on his heels. "So, is there anyone you'll be bringing home for us to meet soon?" I questioned
Jake blushed "Well, there is this one guy" He began, looking sheepishly at his hands "Thomas J, that guy I've known since nursery?"
"The kid who's homophobic dad hates us?" Gerard asked
Jake nodded "Well we kinda have a thing"
"Define thing" Gerard stated, his parental tone coming through
Jake shrugged "Just kissing, nothing major" He said, his cheeks flushing
I grinned, fighting the urge to pinch his adorable cheeks. "That's great! You should bring him over for dinner or something"
Just as he was about to reply Josh came skidding in to the room. His eyes were red as tears began to collect. "Dad" He choked
"Josh" Gerard said, pulling a hand on his shoulder "What's the matter?"
"Pansy" He sobbed "He's dead"
I cried for eight days.
Josh definitely resembled me as a teenager. He liked to do crazy things with his hair, listen to punk and paw at guitars through shop windows he'd never be able to afford. I almost cried with pure joy when he was 11 and asked me to teach him guitar, which I did so happily, and by 15 he was pretty damn good at it. He even stole my old Misfit and Black Flag shirts on several occasions. I would have shouted at him if I hadn't been so proud.
Jake was taking on Gerard's self as a teenager. He was an amazing artist, ever since he was little his favourite thing was to sit and watch Gerard paint or draw or paint and draw with Gerard. He was getting outstanding grades in English for his imaginative writing. He also loved comic books and had a tower of them in his room, and would ramble about whatever superhero in whatever comic book to Gerard over dinner. His hair was also a lot how Gerard's used to be when he was a teenager, and so was the perfect mini Gee. And of course, he became exactly like Gerard as a teenager.
"Get the fuck out of my room!"
We heard a yell one Saturday evening. Both boys were grounded for breaking curfew at the beginning of the week and so had to spend the weekend either cleaning their rooms or studying. Gerard and I were cuddled up on the couch watching some pointless movie, enjoying the rare peace and quiet which had just been shattered.
I sighed "You or me?" I asked
"Both. I may need back up" Gerard replied
I smiled and got up, pulling Gerard up by the hand. He winced and stretched out, his back cracking a few times. I laughed and poked his side
"Come on old man"
He huffed and followed me to Jake's room where the commotion had come from. The door flew open and Josh ran out at full speed shrieking.
"You mother-" Josh stopped himself when he saw me and Gerard outside his door. "Give that back!" He called to Jake who was stood in the living room door way. "Please" He whined, looking from his brother to us.
"Don't you want them to know?" Josh taunted
"Know what?" Gerard asked, peering at the two "What's going on guys?"
"I found this" Josh said
"No!" Jake lunged forward, but Josh had already thrust it in to Gerard's hands.
I glanced at the object and gasped "Porn!"
Gerard looked at Jake "Gay porn?"
Jake slammed his bedroom door closed, enclosing himself inside. Josh sighed and leant against the frame. "I already knew y'know? I just needed proper evidence"
"How did you know?" I asked, tearing my eyes from the magazine
"Seen him at school talking to guys, not taking notice of girls. Plus the he's been obsessed with a fruit drink since he was a kid!"
Gerard giggled and I hit him in the side "That's not a laughing matter!" I said sternly
"You think we should talk to him?" Gerard asked. I nodded. "Josh, go finish cleaning your room and then feed Pansy" Josh huffed and then scampered off.
I knocked gently on Jake's door "Jake, can we come in?"
There came a muffled "Whatever" And we took that as a sign it was ok, and we wouldn't be met with flying objects.
Stepping through the door we found Jake on his bed, face smushed in to his pillow. I sighed and touched his leg lightly. "Turn round and talk to us, please"
Gerard set the magazine on his desk and Jake turned round slowly. He sat up at the head of his bed and pulled his knees to his chest. His cheeks were red and he wouldn't look us in the eye. My heart sank a little.
"Jake" I said softly, sitting on the end of the bed "Why didn't you come to us?"
"I didn't think you'd understand" He said meekly, to which me and Gerard gave him an are you fucking kidding me? look. He sighed "Ok, so maybe you would. But it's still scary"
"I know it is" Gerard said "It's probably the most terrifying thing a kid can do, we know. But it's easier if you have supportive parents"
"You're lucky" I stated, placing my hand on his knee "My father thought me being gay was completely disgusting"
"It's true" Gerard added "But we're not like that, for obvious reasons"
Jake smiled lightly "Ok then. Dad, dad, I'm gay"
We both smiled "That's perfectly fine" I said
"We love you no matter what" Gerard added
Jake grinned and leaned over to me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug which Gerard soon joined. "I love you guys" He murmured
"We love you too" I whispered in to his hair. He pulled back moments later, sitting on his heels. "So, is there anyone you'll be bringing home for us to meet soon?" I questioned
Jake blushed "Well, there is this one guy" He began, looking sheepishly at his hands "Thomas J, that guy I've known since nursery?"
"The kid who's homophobic dad hates us?" Gerard asked
Jake nodded "Well we kinda have a thing"
"Define thing" Gerard stated, his parental tone coming through
Jake shrugged "Just kissing, nothing major" He said, his cheeks flushing
I grinned, fighting the urge to pinch his adorable cheeks. "That's great! You should bring him over for dinner or something"
Just as he was about to reply Josh came skidding in to the room. His eyes were red as tears began to collect. "Dad" He choked
"Josh" Gerard said, pulling a hand on his shoulder "What's the matter?"
"Pansy" He sobbed "He's dead"
I cried for eight days.