Discovering the Past
I love you mommy
I couldn’t sleep that night.
Frank words kept going though my mind.
I´m sad to think that you hate me this much.
And the image in those videos. Frank was right, how can he get over of 8 years of friendship? Gerard was acting like a heartbroken teenager.
I’m tired of…a lot of things, of being alone.
That worried me, the last ones sounded very depressed.
He was alone. I understood the meaning of being alone.
I wished I could tell him, he is not alone. We could be a little family, me and him. And again the demons haunted me.
Maybe he didn’t want me.
Maybe he felt alone not only because of Gerard, but because he felt regret.
God, I needed to talk with Gerard, and thanks to Michael, that was going to happen.
Michael. Thanks to God for him.
Stop it!!!!!
The next day grandma woke up me very early; she told me that my mom was arriving today with Joe.
So in the afternoon I had to call Michael and tell him that I couldn’t see Gerard that day.
“It’s okay. He’s out of town anyway.”
“What?”
“He´ll be back in three days.”
“Why?”
“My Dad decided it was time to visit Jersey. I think he suspect that maybe you could find him.”
“Why didn’t you go too?”
“Err…I kind of wanted to stay,” I felt my cheeks grow red again.
“So we can…”
“I don’t think today is a good day; I need to talk with my mom about a thing.”
“Okay”. He sounded disappointed.
“Sorry.”
After a sad goodbyes, with Jr. I went to the living room where my mom and Joe were talking about how amazing Hawaii was and how terrible the storm was and all the boring shit.
“Mom? Do you think we can talk?”
“Honey, I´m talking to your grand ma,” She continued talking about the drinks to my grandmother. I started to turn in the direction of my room when Joe’s voice spoke.
“Molly, go with Rosie.” He looked at me and nodded. Maybe he knew.
Joe was great guy, I love him very much. He always had been very considerate and understanding. He loves my mom very much and I know he loves me too.
My mom looked at him annoyed.
“Sure,” She pretended to smile.
We went to my room, and I sat on my bed, she did the same.
“So…” She looked around the room and fixed her eyes on the guitar resting by the wall. Her eyes opened bigger than plates.
“What’s that?” I think she recognized the guitar in some weird way.
“Is that?” she was starting to go crazy.
“Who gave you that?”
“Mikey.”
“What?!”
“C´mon don’t turn the subject to another topic. Why you didn’t tell me anything?”
“Honey…”
“Were you ashamed about getting pregnant like that, did you regret it?”
“NEVER. never said that, I never regretted having you, you were the most precious gift life can give me, okay?”
I smiled and nodded.
“It was a crazy time. Honey, I didn’t want to that to be a bad influence for you…”
“So… How did it happen?”
“Yes, I was a fan of that band…”
“My Chemical Romance,” I said excited.
“That,” She took a deep breath and continued. “And Frank and I….”She smiled a little. “We made sense. Imagine, you become girlfriend of one of your biggest inspirations. I was fascinated.” Her eyes shined, for a second I could see that girl with pink her.
“And the whole band, for me and Emily being inside that, was so great,” I smiled.
“I was so young and stupid, stupid enough to think that he loved me,” She adopted her angry position again.
“When I realized that he didn’t, I left.”
“Disappeared?”
After Molly disappeared, he went back with Jamia, Ray said.
“Yeah.” She said, nodding.
“Where is Molly?”
Frank looked serious. “She’s gone.”
“Oh, sorry man.” Mikey said.
Gerard smiling.
“It’s okay.” They looked each other.
“Did he dump you for Gerard mom?”
I saw anger in my mother face. I had never seen that kind of anger I her.
“I left.” She said.
“After that I knew I was pregnant.”
“And you told Frank…?”
“During that time, your father, he was interested in other things.”
“Like Gerard?” I insisted.
She almost choked.
“MY God. These were exactly the kind of things I didn’t want you to know!”
“Well I know it anyway and I don’t care,” I said, a little angry.
“That’s why you didn’t tell him you were pregnant.” So he didn’t know. He doesn’t know.
“You were upset He chose Gerard over you?”
“Rose…”
“So he doesn’t know about me..” I smiled.
“Honey,” My mother said very slowly.
“He knew.”
“What?” I could feel my smile falling into pieces.
“Months later, the band broke up. As you maybe already know,” She sighed
“Frank got married to his old girlfriend Jamia.”
“Yep. He’s divorced now”
She raised an eyebrow.
“So what happened?”
“One day I found him in New York. In a book store.”
“Molly?” She knew that voice. She turned around slowly, just to see horrified face of Frank Iero, looking at her in disbelief. She wasn’t planning to tell him, but now she will have to.
“Oh my god…” He said slowly. “Please, don’t.”
She came closer. She was 8 months advanced already.
“Sorry…It’s yours.”
“How…..?”
“Do you want me to explain you how babies are made…”
“I can’t now, no…I”
She looked at him, trying to understand what he was saying.
“Frank, I need your help.”
“The band…” He shook his head.
“Yeah, I heard, what happened with your boyfriend, did he dump you…” She said sarcastically.
“Stop it” He looked at her angrily, making the first sentences without his voice trembling.
“Well, this is your baby Frank.”
He looked like he was about to faint.
“I got married,” He showed her his finger where the wedding ring was.
“I don’t care, are you going to take responsibility for this?”
“I can’t…” He started to walk backward, he looked horrified.
“I’m sorry, I can’t…”
He turned around and ran out the store.
Tears started to fall on Molly’s face.
She will raise her child alone.
I had tears in my eyes.
“Honey I’m so sorry…”
He didn’t want me.
He was horrified by the idea.
“I’m so sorry…” She kept repeating.
“Remember that I love you so much, I have been your mother and your father for such a long time…”
“I’m sorry, for trying to find out the truth. You were right…”
I started to sob…
“It wasn’t worth it…”
She started to caress my hair.
“Why He didn’t love me…?” I exploded in tears. Tears of frustration, of saddness, because for a second I really thought that he could love me. That he could be my dad. But I was wrong.
“Honey I’m sorry…”
She held me tight, like when I was a little kid….
“Mom?”
“Yeah….”
“I love you.”
“Oh I love you too Rosie…”
I broke slowly from her embrace. “Why did you name me like that…..”
“What?”
“Brian, the old manager, he told me about …”I couldn’t say his name…”That he wanted that name for his child.”
“Oh, that. Well, he told me once. And I liked the name, I’m sorry if you have to carry that.”
“It’s okay.”
“I want to sleep if that okay…”
“Sure honey…”
Frank words kept going though my mind.
I´m sad to think that you hate me this much.
And the image in those videos. Frank was right, how can he get over of 8 years of friendship? Gerard was acting like a heartbroken teenager.
I’m tired of…a lot of things, of being alone.
That worried me, the last ones sounded very depressed.
He was alone. I understood the meaning of being alone.
I wished I could tell him, he is not alone. We could be a little family, me and him. And again the demons haunted me.
Maybe he didn’t want me.
Maybe he felt alone not only because of Gerard, but because he felt regret.
God, I needed to talk with Gerard, and thanks to Michael, that was going to happen.
Michael. Thanks to God for him.
Stop it!!!!!
The next day grandma woke up me very early; she told me that my mom was arriving today with Joe.
So in the afternoon I had to call Michael and tell him that I couldn’t see Gerard that day.
“It’s okay. He’s out of town anyway.”
“What?”
“He´ll be back in three days.”
“Why?”
“My Dad decided it was time to visit Jersey. I think he suspect that maybe you could find him.”
“Why didn’t you go too?”
“Err…I kind of wanted to stay,” I felt my cheeks grow red again.
“So we can…”
“I don’t think today is a good day; I need to talk with my mom about a thing.”
“Okay”. He sounded disappointed.
“Sorry.”
After a sad goodbyes, with Jr. I went to the living room where my mom and Joe were talking about how amazing Hawaii was and how terrible the storm was and all the boring shit.
“Mom? Do you think we can talk?”
“Honey, I´m talking to your grand ma,” She continued talking about the drinks to my grandmother. I started to turn in the direction of my room when Joe’s voice spoke.
“Molly, go with Rosie.” He looked at me and nodded. Maybe he knew.
Joe was great guy, I love him very much. He always had been very considerate and understanding. He loves my mom very much and I know he loves me too.
My mom looked at him annoyed.
“Sure,” She pretended to smile.
We went to my room, and I sat on my bed, she did the same.
“So…” She looked around the room and fixed her eyes on the guitar resting by the wall. Her eyes opened bigger than plates.
“What’s that?” I think she recognized the guitar in some weird way.
“Is that?” she was starting to go crazy.
“Who gave you that?”
“Mikey.”
“What?!”
“C´mon don’t turn the subject to another topic. Why you didn’t tell me anything?”
“Honey…”
“Were you ashamed about getting pregnant like that, did you regret it?”
“NEVER. never said that, I never regretted having you, you were the most precious gift life can give me, okay?”
I smiled and nodded.
“It was a crazy time. Honey, I didn’t want to that to be a bad influence for you…”
“So… How did it happen?”
“Yes, I was a fan of that band…”
“My Chemical Romance,” I said excited.
“That,” She took a deep breath and continued. “And Frank and I….”She smiled a little. “We made sense. Imagine, you become girlfriend of one of your biggest inspirations. I was fascinated.” Her eyes shined, for a second I could see that girl with pink her.
“And the whole band, for me and Emily being inside that, was so great,” I smiled.
“I was so young and stupid, stupid enough to think that he loved me,” She adopted her angry position again.
“When I realized that he didn’t, I left.”
“Disappeared?”
After Molly disappeared, he went back with Jamia, Ray said.
“Yeah.” She said, nodding.
“Where is Molly?”
Frank looked serious. “She’s gone.”
“Oh, sorry man.” Mikey said.
Gerard smiling.
“It’s okay.” They looked each other.
“Did he dump you for Gerard mom?”
I saw anger in my mother face. I had never seen that kind of anger I her.
“I left.” She said.
“After that I knew I was pregnant.”
“And you told Frank…?”
“During that time, your father, he was interested in other things.”
“Like Gerard?” I insisted.
She almost choked.
“MY God. These were exactly the kind of things I didn’t want you to know!”
“Well I know it anyway and I don’t care,” I said, a little angry.
“That’s why you didn’t tell him you were pregnant.” So he didn’t know. He doesn’t know.
“You were upset He chose Gerard over you?”
“Rose…”
“So he doesn’t know about me..” I smiled.
“Honey,” My mother said very slowly.
“He knew.”
“What?” I could feel my smile falling into pieces.
“Months later, the band broke up. As you maybe already know,” She sighed
“Frank got married to his old girlfriend Jamia.”
“Yep. He’s divorced now”
She raised an eyebrow.
“So what happened?”
“One day I found him in New York. In a book store.”
“Molly?” She knew that voice. She turned around slowly, just to see horrified face of Frank Iero, looking at her in disbelief. She wasn’t planning to tell him, but now she will have to.
“Oh my god…” He said slowly. “Please, don’t.”
She came closer. She was 8 months advanced already.
“Sorry…It’s yours.”
“How…..?”
“Do you want me to explain you how babies are made…”
“I can’t now, no…I”
She looked at him, trying to understand what he was saying.
“Frank, I need your help.”
“The band…” He shook his head.
“Yeah, I heard, what happened with your boyfriend, did he dump you…” She said sarcastically.
“Stop it” He looked at her angrily, making the first sentences without his voice trembling.
“Well, this is your baby Frank.”
He looked like he was about to faint.
“I got married,” He showed her his finger where the wedding ring was.
“I don’t care, are you going to take responsibility for this?”
“I can’t…” He started to walk backward, he looked horrified.
“I’m sorry, I can’t…”
He turned around and ran out the store.
Tears started to fall on Molly’s face.
She will raise her child alone.
I had tears in my eyes.
“Honey I’m so sorry…”
He didn’t want me.
He was horrified by the idea.
“I’m so sorry…” She kept repeating.
“Remember that I love you so much, I have been your mother and your father for such a long time…”
“I’m sorry, for trying to find out the truth. You were right…”
I started to sob…
“It wasn’t worth it…”
She started to caress my hair.
“Why He didn’t love me…?” I exploded in tears. Tears of frustration, of saddness, because for a second I really thought that he could love me. That he could be my dad. But I was wrong.
“Honey I’m sorry…”
She held me tight, like when I was a little kid….
“Mom?”
“Yeah….”
“I love you.”
“Oh I love you too Rosie…”
I broke slowly from her embrace. “Why did you name me like that…..”
“What?”
“Brian, the old manager, he told me about …”I couldn’t say his name…”That he wanted that name for his child.”
“Oh, that. Well, he told me once. And I liked the name, I’m sorry if you have to carry that.”
“It’s okay.”
“I want to sleep if that okay…”
“Sure honey…”
♠ ♠ ♠
commnets!!!!