Discovering the Past

I didn´t know how I ended up on a bench in a park near my house.
I was there alone, I thought of calling Michael but I didn´t want him to see me in such a state. My eyes were red from all the crying; people must have thought I was crazy crying alone on that bench.
I pulled out my cell phone, and searched for a number.
Brian S.

I pressed the call button.
After a couple of seconds a voice that I knew answered.
“Brian?”
“Yeah, who´s this?”
“Rose, I´m…”
“Yeah, I remember you,” I could almost see his smile; his tone changed completely, more kind. “How are you?”
“Fine” I lied. “Listen...”
He waited in silence.
“I saw Gerard and we were thinking that maybe Frank still has the Skeleton Crew working.” I went directly to the point. “Maybe we can track him from that…”
He thought for a moment.
“I haven´t heard about Skeleton for a long time, I think they ended it.”
“They?”
It was Frank and Jamia’s business.
“Oh…”

I thought for a moment, maybe I could track Jamia instead.
Search for your father’s ex-wife.
Not a good idea.

“And do you see her?”
“I don´t think Jamia would see you,” He said very slowly.

Okay it was a bad idea.

“What about the profits they make from My Chemical Romance? Gerard told me they still sell some records and merchandise…”
“Yeah…I can try I guess,” He sounded insecure. “He had a private address.”
“There has to be a way! He can´t just disappear,” Paranoia started to rise.
“Okay, relax honey. I promise that I´ll try,” Brian obviously sensed my panicky voice.
“I´ll do everything in my power to find him.”
“Thanks,” I said, breathing normally again.
“Sure thing.”
I was about to say goodbye and hang up, but an idea shined in my mind.
“Oh…you know Gerard´s birthday is next week,”
An evil smile appeared on my lips without noticing.
“He commented to me how much he missed you guys; I mean all of you... And how lovely it would be to see you.”
“Really?” His voice sounded truly surprised.
“He said that?” And then something new: Happiness? Hope?
“Yeah.”
I gave Brian the address and the day of the party.
“Cool,” He sounded exited. “I´ll call Bob and Ray.”
“Cool. And thanks again.”
“It´s okay.”

I hung up and felt a little better, I trusted Brian to find Frank.
And about my little lie. The moment I hung up, I felt bad. Me talking about lies, I was lying also.
But it was for a good cause isn´t?

I knew Gerard would be delighted.

I hope.

I started my way home.
I wasn´t ready to confront my mother again. But I wasn’t planning on doing that.

“Where have you been, have you any idea how worried I have been?”

“Rose?”

“Aren´t you going to talk to me? You´re acting like a child.”

Joe came to me.” Rose, what´s wrong?”
“Ask her.”

I went directly to the attic and took the guitar and the videos down to my room again.
I sat on my bed and just looked at the guitar; passing my fingers over the strings.
I put The Black Parade CD on and set the song I wanted to hear.

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

I could hear Joe and my mother arguing in the other room.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, 'you won't feel a thing'
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard, it would sting

I turned up the volume. I just let myself self go.

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

I laid on the bed, looking at the ceiling, listening to the song.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to you

Every word Gerard sang passed through me and relaxed me in some way.
Even though the lyrics were sad, I could feel a strange peace, some kind of understanding from an unknown person.

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

I closed my eyes. I felt like this warm feeling around me, it was like if Gerard was singing to me.

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

His voice suddenly was the most beautiful thing.
The music was the most amazing music.
And the lyrics were the only thing that made sense in my chaotic world.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

It was like if every note or sound talked to me. I know it was strange, but it felt like I had found a place to stay.

So go, go away, just go, run, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

A warm place.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

As the chorus started for the last time, I finally understood what this band was about, It wasn´t just the music it was their meaning, what they meant for millions of kids, what they mean for me now.
They saved lives.
The saved souls.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to you

A tear was rolling down my cheek, but this time it wasn´t for my mother, or Frank. It was for My Chemical Romance. The band that ended. The legend that died.

At all, at all, at all, at all

I felt happy that I lied to Brian. I was happy to reunite them-

I noticed that I was tired. I let myself fall into sleep.
But it didn´t last very long.
My cell phone started to ring.
“Hello?” I said with sleepy voice.
“How did it go?”
“Michael!!” I said exited, waking up.
“So..?”
“Did she explain something?”
“Yeah, kind of…but…I´m really tired”
“Oh, sorry if I woke you up.”
“It´s okay, I´ll tell you tomorrow.”
“Okay, sweet dreams Rosie” I smiled.
“Good night.”