Discovering the Past

The week passed almost the same: without my mother and me speaking.
She was always trying to find a moment to talk, but I didn’t let her.

By Friday, Gerard’s birthday party, she had gave up.
“I´m going out” I informed to Joe. He was our interlocutor.
“I´ll be back late.”
Before she could said something,
“Michael will bring me home before ten. Okay?” I looked at Joe, but I was talking to my mom. Joe sighed deeply, he had also given up trying to get us to talk.
It had been like this the whole week, us talking though poor Joe. He was tired and kind of mad with my mom.

Michael was already outside waiting in the car. He was delighted when I told him about my little lie. He said it was what his uncle needed, take the past and throw it out the window.
“He needs to confront his ghosts.”
I looked at him, puzzled.
“You know with him, the whole MCR theme is kind of forbidden. I was surprised to see how well he reacted when you talked to him that day. Actually since then, he´s been different; like if he´s missing something or someone.”
“So I think this reunion will be good for him.”
“I hope, or I´ll be dead by the afternoon.”

Michael had been the most supportive person in the whole situation with my mom, he had even suggested me to talk to her. Try to fix things.
“It´s your mom after all,” He looked at me for a second before looking at the road again.
“Now you’re wishing she was dead. Don´t.” He was serious.” You don´t have any idea what you´re wishing.” I just remained silent, deep down I knew he was right. But right now my efforts were directed to finding Frank.

Everything was on hold; that was how I felt about finding Frank. Brian hadn´t called me back with any news. I was hoping that he’d give me some at the party, I was also nervous about the whole reunion thing.

We arrived at Gerard’s house.
“Hi!”
Gerard was over exited. Mikey was already there, and other people I didn´t know. Gerard introduced us to all of them.
Most of them were music or comic people.
I hugged Mikey.
“How are you doing there?”
“Fine, thanks.”
Michael, had already told his dad everything, I didn´t care anymore.

The door bell rang and a cool feeling entered in my body. Showtime.

“Who could that be?” Mikey said to Gerard at the time while at the same time winking at me.
“I´m not expecting anyone else,” Gerard said in a truly innocent tone.

He had no idea.

“He doesn´t suffer from the heart, like there is no danger of a heart attack or a stroke right?”
I asked Michael. He kissed my cheek.
Gerard opened the door and stood there.
Seems like the person on the other side did the same.
“Happy birthday.”

“Brian?” A broken voice came from Gerard’s mouth.
I heard the sound of a car door closing.

Shit, they all came together.

“Ray?!!” Gerard sounded true surprise.

Yeah, there is no afro anymore…

“BOB?!!!” He almost yelled.

Yeah he´s skinny now…

“What are….you guys…?” It seemed as if he was having trouble finding the right words.
“Er... Rose told me that you kind of invited us…so…We…it´s okay if you don´t…”
Brian couldn´t finish. Gerard was hugging him, more like taking all the air out of him.

Mikey, Jr and I went closer to said hi also.
Now Gerard now crying and hugging Ray.
Bob came next.
“God! You´re…”
“Skinny, I know it´s so weird…” Bob hugged Gerard tight also.
Gerard broke the hug apart to clean the tears.
“I´m so….” He put his hand onto his chest and smiled in a goofy way like in the old times. He had a big smile, even though he was crying.
I felt myself breathing again.

“C´mon in!!”
“MIKEY!” Bob yelled.
“Dude!!”
Everybody started to yell and hug. They hugged me too and Michael and Gerard again.

The party still went on, but Ray, Brian, Bob and Gerard were in a bubble.
They were talking and talking about their lives in the past fifteen years.

After Ray got married he worked in music, composing and producing. When they found out Krista couldn’t have babies, they adopted a child and a few years later, they started the music school.

“You adopted?” Gerard asked and Ray nodded. “I didn´t know.”
“What happened to your hair?” Mikey asked
“Anthony put gum in it, and I had to cut it, I just keep it like this after that.”
“Anthony….your son´s name is Anthony?” Jr. asked.
“Yeah.”
Brian looked at Gerard and smiled.
“I like it…Fra-” Ray started.
“And how is Krista?” Mikey cut him off before he could say the name.
“She´s fine.”
They keep talking and talking.
People started to leave.

“And I decided to leave the drums and put a bussiness together, something serious,” Bob said scratching his head. Gerard just laughed.
“How I lost weight man, I really don’t know.”
“The last time I saw you was at…” Mikey started.
“Alicia’s funeral,” He said in a small voice. By instinct I took Michael’s hand and squeezed. “But I was fat, well kind of fat by then, yet-”
“Sorry I couldn´t make it” Said Brian, pain in his voice.
“It´s okay, man you were in Africa.”
“Yeah, I couldn´t come either, Anthony was sick in hospital, he has asthma, you know?”
“Awful,” Bob said.
“What were you doing in Africa?”
“Business,” He winked his eye to Bob. “But I sent flowers.” He said to Mikey, serious again.
“Me too,” Said Ray “White roses.”
Mikey smiled.
“She loved the roses, all colors…”

They keep talking; Michael and I were spectators of the reunion.
They joked and laughed. Some more tears of joy and sadness.
I noticed none of them had worked in music again, like playing.

Why?

There was a brief moment of silence. No one had actually said anything about me or Frank. I was sure they all knew who I was.

“Why didn’t any of you start a band again?” I said for the first time in the conversation.
Bob was the first to answer.
“It wasn´t the same.” Ray only nodded.
“It didn´t have a point anymore”
Gerard remained silent.
“For me it was My Chemical Romance, the band I was in. My band. I had waited all my life to play in a band like that, it was like home, when it was gone…” He just looked at me, sad, “It was gone.”
“The meaning of the band, the guys. I couldn’t find it again either” Ray said, he sounded sad. “I´m sure everybody feels the same, I know these bastards too well to know that.”
“It´s was like Frankie said, if you play in your favorite band, there is nothing more perfect and more pure than that.” Ray finished.
I felt a jump in my heart at the mention of Frank’s name. I think Gerard felt it to, I´m sure. He jumped in his seat.

By then, all the other people had left.

Mikey tried to change the subject “And Bob how did you get that store of yours…?”
“Mikey, stop it! Okay?”
Brian said in a very strong voice. He was an intimidating dude, for sure.
“What?”
“Don´t change the subject every time we talk of Frank,” He said Frank’s name loudly, looking at Gerard and then continuing to look at him. Gerard only looked at the floor.
“It´s been too long, there´s no chance you are still mad, for whatever happened,” Brian almost yelled at Gerard. Bob nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

Gerard didn´t answer.
“What the hell happened, anyway?”
Mikey started to pace nervously, Gerard still looking at the floor.
“You owe us an explanation, you never gave us that.”
“Calm down Bri,” Ray said, a little nervous also. The same way he was when I visited him. Like if he knew something.
“NO!” Brian suddenly yelled, making us all jump in our seats. Gerard finally looked at him.
“That band was my life. I gave everything to it; I put all my energy, all my money and all my time into it…”
He breathed deep, trying to relax. “Gee?”
There was a silence that was broken by an exasperated Ray.
“They broke up!”
We all looked at him, some in surprise, some in disbelief and horror.
“Yeah, I´m not stupid, I knew it.” He said to Gerard and Mikey.
“Broke up…I don´t get…” Brian was confused.
“Broke up!!!” Ray yelled. Bob’s mouth was on the floor. “They were a COUPLE, like the kind of DATING, KISSING, FUCKING AND-”
“Ray!” Mikey shut him down.
Gerard looked horrified, his cheeks were red.

I couldn´t believe what was happening, but it was kind of funny. Gerard blushing, Ray yelling like a maniac, Bob frozen in surprise, Mikey biting his nails, and in the middle of all, Michael and me.

“They ended it for only God knows why and they started to fight like two angry bitches after that,” Ray explained to Brian and Bob, who were pale.
“That broke us apart, and the rest of us were too tired or too stupid to do something.”
Gerard looked at Ray with a pained expression. “So don´t blame him only, we watched it happen, and just sat there, stared and did nothing.”
“How did you know…?”
Gerard asked in a small voice after another silence.
“I saw you once… and everything made sense.” Gerard looked even more ashamed.
“I also listened to you at my birthday party.”

That was news to me.
What happened at Ray´s party?

“Oh my god,” Gerard buried his head in his hands.
Mikey sat next to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Why didn´t I notice?”
“Or me?” Bob added after a very confused Brian asked the question.
“I didn´t notice either, until I saw them that day, it wasn´t nice” Ray laughed bitterly. “They were pretty sexual…”
“Okay! I get it!!” Brian looked at Ray, horrified, but coughed at Gerard’s painful look.
“Gerard?”
“It´s true.” He finally said. “Frank…” he said the name slowly, like it was painful or difficult to say. “Frank and I dated for about 2 months after Molly left.”
He looked at me for a second “She left because of that… But things messed up and we ended the shit.”
“What happened?” Brian asked. Gerard looked annoyed.
“Hey, that´s between the two of them,” Ray said before Brian could ask more.
Gerard remained silent.
“Anyway, it was complicated.”
“I´m sorry,” Bob said in a sympathetic tone.
“At least things are clearer,” Brian fell back in his seat.
There were several minutes of silence.

“He should be here too.” Mikey finally spoke, but didn´t dare to look at Gerard, who actually had an angry face.
I smiled.

After a couple more hours of random talk, the guys started to leave. We all said goodbyes.
Bob made Gerard promise they would meet again.
I went closer to Brian, who was putting his jacket on again.
“Brian, uhmm, did you…?”
He took me into a corner and talked in a very low voice.
“I´m still working on it. It´s hard kid.”
I looked disappointed.
“The thing is that I´m doing things that are not very legal, so let’s keep it quiet, okay?” I just nodded smiling. I looked at my watch.
Shit.
Michael came over to me. “C’mon, I’ll take you home. It’s late.”
“I´m so dead.”
It was two in the morning