Discovering the Past

I don´t know how we ended up in the back seat of Michael’s car.
We were returning from the Empire State, it’s amazing how you can know your city when you´re with someone that´s not from there. We went to a park after that.

He was on top of me, kissing my neck, and I was trying to think straight, but it was so difficult.
Yeah, I remember…
He had told me he was staying in New York for the rest of the year, even changing schools. His dad had decided that they needed to be around Gerard, for some unknown reason. I really didn´t care the reason, Michael was staying, that was the important thing.

As our lips connected once more, I let my hands wonder over his back, pulling him even closer. I felt something vibrating near my hips.
“What the hell!?” He said, searching in his pocket.
It was Michael’s cell phone.
“What?!”
He sounded annoyed; I had to suppress a laugh.
“Dad?” Immediately, as if his dad was in the car, he went to the front seat. I had to smile at his cuteness.
“Yeah… I’m with her,” He looked at me. “WHY?” His defensive tone, it was so funny, he was so obvious.
“No nothing,” He listened for a moment.
“Uhmm, Sure.” After that he hung up.

I went to the front seat also and tried to fix my hair and my clothes.
“What is it?”
“Dad wants to talk with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…”
“Let´s go to my place, then.”
“That sounded sexy.”
He laughed. ”Where are my glasses?” I laughed again.
I went to the back seat, they were on the floor. “Here.”
“I can´t drive without them.”

When we got to Mikey´s house, I could feel something strange going on.
We entered holding hands; Mikey was already waiting for us, sitting in his living room.
“Hey Dad,” He smiled at us.
“Hi Mikey,” I went to him and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled sadly at me.
“Hey, Rose, sit please, I need to talk to you,” I felt Michael tense up.
I looked at him, but he raised his eyebrows, not knowing what was all about. I knew he thought that his dad was going to gave us some kind of weird sex talk, but I didn´t think that, there was something more.

“Tell me,” I sat in front of him and Michael next to me, I still had a strange feeling in my stomach.
“Well, first of all I want you to know that, this… I meant this was possible when this all started, it was a possibility, and that everything happens for a reason…” Mikey was nervous, I had never seen him like this. Practically shaking, speaking in a weird tone.
“Okaaayy, what is it?”
“It´s about Frank… your dad, I meant Frank.” My heart jumped at the mention of the name. I was excited for a few seconds, but worried the next, when I saw Mikey’s face.
“Brian didn´t find him, did he?” He looked down.
“I knew it, it was too hard…”
“No, honey, he did find him……but, it’s that, well...”
“He didn´t want to see me, is that it?!!” I almost screamed, a knot in my throat.
“No, is not that…..the thing, is that……errr, the thing is…god…”
I was staring to despair, the situation, the idea of what it could be, Mikey avoiding my gaze and talking like a three year old didn’t help.

“Dad, just tell us, you`re making me nervous.”
“Please?” I said as a whisper.
Mikey took a couple of seconds to finally say it.
“He died five years ago.”
I just stood there, mouth half open.
“No...” I whispered again, more like air leaving my lungs.
“I´m so sorry,” I think he was about to cry, but trying to remain strong.

I felt the arm of Michael surrounding my shoulder and squeezing it a little.
All my illusions were crashing down again, I could not believe that all my efforts to find my father had been in vain. He was dead, gone.

“Everything was for nothing…” I hadn’t even noticed that I was already crying.
“No Rose, don´t say that please…” Mikey took my hand in his.
“You found out more about him, you know he didn´t give up on you” I sobbed again, but he continued.
“You found us, we can be sort of a kind of family…” I looked at him but I couldn´t think of anything else but why me, why now that everything seemed to be going alright?
“We met,” Michael’s shy voice spoke. I felt bad for him, surely my words had hurt him, but the pain of losing Frank was too much.

Loosing Frank…

I never had him to lose him, that hurt even more.

“How did he die?” after a moment I realized Mikey hadn´t said that.
He looked at me, pity in his eyes.
“How?!” I demanded.
“Please…”
Mikey was nervous, I could see his eyes looking everywhere and nowhere in particular, he exchanged looks with his son…
“Dad, just tell her the truth… There have been too many lies already in this story…”
“Honey, you have to understand that many things could have happened to him, I really think he suffered a lot…”
“You mean he had a disease…”
“No... I meant mental or psychological pain…”
“Brian found out …that…Well, He ..He...he …He took his life away…” After some shuttering Mikey was able to pronounce those awful words.
Of all the answers I could think of...This one was the last.

Frank killed himself…

“But…what about all the anti-suicide speeches… it was shit to him…?”
“No… I mean, so many years passed, we don´t know what happened…” He looked at me.
“He was depressed… and-”
“Decided to end it… maybe Gerard was right… maybe he was a fucking coward!!!” I spat, anger rising in my chest.
I stood and ran to the door. I got out of the apartment but didn’t get far before I fell on my knees crying and sobbing. Seconds later a strong pair of arms were hugging me and carrying me inside the apartment again.
Mikey was cuddling with me on the couch whispering things in my ear and stroking my hair.
“It´s okay… shhh… We´re here…..”
I kept sobbing for a little longer. I opened my eyes and met the worried look of Michael… I just closed my eyes again and pressed myself against Mikey…
“Whhyy?”
“I wish I could know, honey… but I don´t have the answer…”
No one had the answer, Frank was dead and only he knew why. I felt disappointed, angry, alone…
Alone.