Discovering the Past

“Brian?”
Strange sounds came from the other end of the line.
”Brian wake up, It´s me!”
“Who….” He was definitely sleeping.
“It´s Gerard, you dickhead, wake up”
“Gerr…wha…..fuck…..?”
“I know it´s 3 in the morning, but we need to talk, about…”
“Tomorrow” He said with his sleepy voice
“I think We should reunite, the band I mean”
“Really!?”
Suddenly like if he got a shot of caffeine, Brian was fully awake.
“Yeah yeah, I´ve been telling you that. So, have you call Frank?”
“Frank?”
“Tomorrow, breakfast?”
“Oh yeah right, err..No, I haven´t” I thought for a moment. “ Can you call him?”
“It´s 3 in the morning” He made more strange sounds.
“Don´t worry will pick him up from his place”
“Yeah, sure” I said nervously. The idea of meeting Frank was not a peaceful thought
“No, baby, go back to sleep” He was talking to someone.
“Yeah Baby go back to sleep, The secretary/Girlfriend?” I teased him.
“Oh shut up”
“Good one champion”
“Funny” He made a pause “So tomorrow it´s fine?”
“Yeah, man”
“I´m telling you, It´s going to be awesome dude, I´ve already do my math’s and some calculations about how it would be, you just need to do a good job..” He sounded so excited, “And Mikey thinks that We need a hit, maybe a great hits album, make some research with old fans…”
“Wait. Did you talk with Mikey about this?”
“Errr, well…the meeting of tomorrow, it was to convince you , all together”
“All together?”
“Yeah, Mikey, Ray, Bob and me?”
“And what about Frank? I asked a little bit nervous.
“Frank don´t want to play again, I talked to him, He´s just not into the thing. We were hoping that You can convince him, maybe with the help of Rose”
I doubted for a second.
“Err, We´ll see, sure”

How the hell I´m going to convince him, if don´t talk to each others.

“Well, man I´m tired, I’m going back to sleep”
“Sure, sorry for calling you…”
“No dude, these are great news”

After saying our goodbyes, I went to bed. The minute my head hit the pillow I went into panic, what if We were too old, music had changed, can we change as well?, our old fans, must be old, as old as We are, will they like us the same
And what about Frank and I?????????????????????????????????????
There were too many questions in my head, I was sleepy but I couldn´t find rest.

The next day I was in my way to Brian office half awake half sleep. It was early.

When I got there Ray and Bob were all ready there chatting and smoking, Mikey was also there.
“Hey Gerard!!” Mikey came and hugged me. “I ´m so happy!”
I made a confused face
“Brian told us about you changing your mind”. Said Ray. They all looked excited and happy.
I made a small smile. “Sure. Where is Franklin?”
Brian laughed. “I called him, He´s going to wait us in his place, We can talk there”
“Oh okay”
In our way to Frank´s place We stopped and bough coffee. I was feeling nervous the whole way and when we got there I started to swear. Frank was in his pajamas still, black pant and white T shirt. No shoes. He accepted the coffee, actually It seemed like He was just got up from bed.

After some minutes of us drinking the hot coffee. Brian started to talk, his face became serious.

“Okay” He took a deep breath. “Let´s make this simple”
“Frank, the guys and I need you”
Frank made a confused face, He scratched his head.
“We need you”
“I can hire another guitar player” Frank seemed to start to understand were this was going when He looked at the floor.
“There are millions of guys that would kill for an opportunity like this. But MCR is not MCR without you” He came closer to Frank that was sitting on his couch in the middle of the living room.
“I´m 100% sure that the rest of the guys feel the same” Frank looked at me briefly and then back to his coffee.
“C´mon Frank what are you afraid off?”
“We are as old as you are” Bob said stretching his arms. Frank smiled a little, He looked at me again “And rusty, We just need practice. Playing is my life, is your life, nothing had been 100% perfect since we broke apart” Bob looked serious.

“There was always an emptiness, you know?” Said Ray, but Frank remained silence.
“I had a friend, a producer that thinks that We can be successful once again” Said Mikey, sparks in his eyes.
“I can´t”
Brian fell on the couch defeated.
“I told you before, sorry guys, but it´s too late for me” Frank raised his head looking at us, He seemed truly sorry.
“That´s not true” Brian tried.
“I haven´t touch the cords of a guitar in 10 years” There was a hint of pain in Frank voice.
I looked at him surprise. Frank´s guitar was a part of his soul. He said to me once that the worse punishment for him would be not be able to play again. I could not believe what He just said.
“What?!!!!!” Mikey and Ray screamed at unison
“Okay let´s relax for a second” Brian try to chill out. “Frank, dude, listen, you can do it, I believe in you, Gerard is rusty too and Bob”
Frank looked at the floor, He was ashamed, at least that was how he looked.
“You guys need to practice, a great hits record, couple of shows and then you can write some new stuffs”
“I don´t know” He still looked insecure.
“It´s time Frank, time for us to come back” Ray spoke softly, He always was like this, make you feel confident.
“The music world is bored, it need some danger, needs a My Chemical Romance explosions all over again” Mikey and Bob nodded. Ray smiled and continue. “Think in the fans, in the live we could save again” He was so passionate.
Mikey sat next to Frank.

“If the band….if we get back together….there will be questions..” Frank said slowly
Suddenly I realize what he was afraid of, what he was trying to say.

Questions, Where was MCR all these time, where was Frank, what was he doing, why he was back. A lot of questions that he didn´t wanted to answer at least not to the rest of the world. I was sure that it was pretty hard just to answered to his closest friends, Rose and myself, the rest of the guys maybe, but not in front of a camera, or a conference room.
“Please guys, I´m …I´m not ready yet”
He looked so vulnerable. I had to repress the feeling of go and hugged him.
Brian took a deep breath. “I think I get it, but Frank, I can assure you..”
“No you can´t, people will ask…I can´t …not yet” After some minutes of silence Ray spoke.
“Maybe we can just get together and play, nothing public”
“Yeah, that could work, it would be cool” Bob looked excited anyway.
Frank looked at the guys unsure.
“It´s that okay Frankie?” Mikey looked at Frank and smiled.
“I…yes, I guess so.”

Frank still looked unsure but He agreed. The guys just wanted to play, music was a big if not the most important part of our lives, when We quit, that part died or went to sleep. We could make music again, but it would never be the same because We reach purity with MCR and that could not be top.
“Great” Bob clapped.
“But I suck..”
“You´ll practice again” Ray cut Frank off. They all talked about how and when we should practice again, I notice that Frank was still uncomfortable.

“So, rehearsals two times per week to start with, Ray´s apartment cause He had an studio and I think that will be all…” Brian read the notes He had taken on his agenda.
“Oh, wait!” Ray said suddenly “There is one more thing We should set up”
We all looked at him expectant.
“You two” He pointed at me and then at Frank.
“You are going to make peaces!”He was serious. Ray always did that back in old days. He was like the father of all. Acting responsible and mature.
“I don´t fucking care what you have to do, you´re going to act professionally”

Daddy was mad

“Ray…” I started to defend myself
“I don´t fucking care whose fault is it….” He looked at me serious and upset “ I don´t care who fuck who, who cheated on who, Who lied on who!!! Get over it!!” The other guys nodded with serious expressions, through I could see Mikey suppressing a laugh.
“Be adults and get over it! For God sake, or I’ll kick your faggot asses!!!”
“Hey!!” I said, Frank just smiled shyly.
“Sorry” Ray said taking a deep breath ”But I meant it! Now I want to see a hug!”

Frank raised an eyebrow. “Now!” But neither of us moved.
He went to me and dragged to where Frank was. I realized that I haven´t had hug him since he was back, actually since a long time. Ray pulled up Frank so we were face to face.
“Hug!” Ray made me feel like a 5-year-old kid that had done something bad.

We stood there in silence, facing each other, when I got the courage to look into his eyes He looked defiant, his eyes got a sparkle, he thought I won’t do it, he wanted to prove his theory that I hated him or that I haven´t forgive him.
Ray was waiting, tapping his foot on the floor.
“I´m fucking waiting”
“Okay Dad!” I went first and hugged him, a friendly type of hug.

When my arms surrounded his body, it felt like a wave of warm around me, He slowly hugged me back, I knew that I took him by surprise, but it didn’t last more than 2 seconds, because He broke apart.
“Oh common that´s not a real hug!!” Ray yelled, even if He wanted to play serious, He was laughing.
“It´s all we are ready for now, I’m afraid so” Frank said looking at Ray
“We won´t fight I promise”
I said looking at Frank, he nodded.
“Okay, I’m going to believe you”

After more talking, Frank went to the kitchen, He said he need water. I followed him, with out thinking, when I entered the kitchen I found him drinking a glass of water, He seemed upset
“I´m sorry about the other day” I suddenly said, He jumped at the sound of my voice and almost dropped the glass of water.
“It doesn’t matter” He drank a bit more.
“I didn´t expect that from you, that´s all” I said.
He raised an eyebrow
“The whole declaration” I made a movement with my hands “It took me by..”
“Forget it…ups sorry, I forgot that word it´s not in your vocabulary” He was being sarcastic. I went closer to him, maybe too close.
“Forget you, forget the bad parts and sad moments, would imply to forget you, to forget everything about you” I took a deep breath. “ I don´t think I quiet ready to do that”
Frank remained in his place, He looked surprise, I thought He was going to take a step back but He just stood there looking at me.
“Maybe I can´t totally forgive you, but You´re my friend. ..” I looked down “even if you don´t want to be mine”
Frank looked nervously at me.
“Just give me time and stay close” I took one more step closer to him “You´ve been away too long…”
I realized that I could felt Frank breath so I give a step back, shaking my head a little.
“And I have missed you”
I just turned around and left the kitchen, I didn´t want it to wait for his reaction.

“Okay, Are you guys ready to go, I got things to do” I said trying to wash all the feelings that I was experimenting just to have that closeness with my old lover; the guys were looking for their coats, seemed ready to go.
“Yeah..” Mikey stopped himself from talking, he just pointed to something behind me. I turned around to see a teary Frank, I wanted to ask what He wanted but I couldn’t.
The warm sensation was back, higher than ever, and not only that but a burning feeling in the back of my head. It took me some time to realize that it was Frank hugging me, his arms on my neck and his face hidden in my shoulder.

“That´s a real hug!” I heard Ray saying.

I automatically put my arms around his waist, after all those years He was back in my arms and the feeling was amazing, it wasn´t the same, even thought He still fit.
We always joked how perfect We were for each other in the way Frank fit in my arms, his small body always fit perfectly with my chubby figure.

“I´ve missed you too” He whispered into my ear, sending shivers to my spine, the other guys didn´t hear it, We hugged for what it seemed forever until Frank slowly let go. He had this awkward smile that I couldn´t read and his eyes were a little bit teary.

“Okay now you guys go!” He pushed the guys to his door. “I got things to do too!”
They all looked very confused by the sudden change of mood of Frank. “I´ll see you this weekend!” One by one, they passed the door and get into Brian´s car.

I was the last one left.
“See you on Saturday” I said putting a scarf around my neck.
Frank just nodded and smiled at me.
“See ya, G”

I went into Brian´s car with a good feeling inside me.