Discovering the Past

I woke up the morning of the next practice at Ray´s house with a strange feeling in my stomach, like something moving. Fucking butterflies. Ever since I had admitted to my self that I had feelings for Frank again, everything had been very strange inside my head. It´s ideas and music has been fooling around. Music, colors and shapes where dancing around me, messing with my thoughts and dreams. So I started to do what I do best in this situation, write and draw.

I started to draw and write this story in my head. There was word that I just can´t get out of my head.

Killjoys.
Maybe it was stupid.
Killjoys. Space?
Scratch that.
Killjoys. Desert?
Blade runner.
Killjoys at the desert running away from.....?
Shit, is almost time.

As I was driving late for the practice I couldn´t stop myself from being excited.
Coulnd´t wait to see Frank and try to talk to him. I needed to see him, to talk to him. But I was also afraid and nervous of his reaction.

I arrived obviously late to Ray´s house.

“Hey, guys” I said as I walked inside the house. “ Sorry I’m late”
Everyone were there, already playing ´I´m not okay´. They stopped when I entered the studio.
“It’s okay, we were just jamming” Said Ray as he greeted me.
Mikey went to hug me and Bob waved his hand at me
Frank just nodded at me.
He was probably still mad at me. Such a Drama queen

We play like 6 hours straight, for some reason things were going in a good direction, almost like floating, We even came out with some strip rock and roll tune that sounded cool.

Welcome and I’m not okay, sounded decent again. Mama was on his way along with Helena and Prison.

At the end of the practice all the guys were saying goodbyes, they were all happy with the day´s practice. Frank was packing his guitar so I went closer to him.
“Hey”.
He just sighed and nodded.
“I´ll drive” He had read my mind
“No, let´s go somewhere. I´ll follow you in my car” The whole “get out of my car” experience was still fresh.
“Okay” He said, for some reason he wasn´t looking me in the eye, which worried me.
He drove to Central Park. We started to walk in silence into the park, hearing the birds singing and children playing in the distance.
“So...” I said shyly after about ten minutes of silence walk.
“I´msosorryGerard. Iwasverystupid” He said all at once.
“What?”
Frank stopped and faced me, his hands inside his pockets. “I´m sorry” He looked down and shake his head. “It was a stupid and immature reaction from me”
I felt like the soul returning to my body, his eyes looking at me begging for forgiveness, ashamed.
“I´m really sorry.”
“It´s okay”
“No, It´s not. For some reason, We always fight. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be your friend again”

Friends?. Fuck.
Okay
Deep breath
Not exactly what I had in mind, but hey, you need to start from something.

“You were having a bad day, I was irritable also, I don´t like dogs. It was stupid”
“I wasn´t having a bad day,all the contrary” He smiled. “ I just don´t know” He shrunk his shoulder and started to walk a again, I just followed him.
After a while walking in silence.
“Hey” I stop him. “Just dropped” I gave him my biggest smile and I opened my arms to him.
He gave me short hug that made my heart melt inside.

We walk for a little longer until the night fell down. I told him about the idea I had.
“t sounds like a comic”
“Yeah, it does”
“Killjoys?” He thought for a moment. “What are they?”
“A group of friends, kind of outlaws”
“Sounds familiar” Frank said with a smile, looking down, playing with the grass under his shoe.
“I like it!” He finally declare it
“Tell me more”
“It´s all I got”
“Sounds great”
“Hahahahah. It nothing yet” His enthusiasm was contagious, it always had been.
“It´s gonna be great G. Everything you do it´s always great” It was too dark to tell if he was blushing, but I swore I saw a little of red in his face.
“Thanks”

That night I got home inspired. I sat on my desk and wrote about the killjoys, characters, I draw some things.
Their allies and enemies.
I drew this happy face in black and white, kind of a logo
What are against of?
Industries.
I saw the happy face...Happy Industries....??

“I hate spiders, because they can actually kill you”

The image of a spider came to my mind. It was very simple, but I kept imagine a desert.
I kept drawing until I felt sleep on the desk and had the most amazing dream with Frank.

---

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, and between playing music again, drawing and hanging out with Rose and Frank, two months passed.
By then, our playing was great again and I have all the killjoys Universe ready.

“I´m not sure” Frank was the first to oppose to Brian idea of giving a small private show, one day in the studio. Yeah, I said studio.
“C´mon guys, we are losing time and money”
“It´s not about the money Brian” Frank said annoyed “It´s about being comfortable”
“What If we messed up, if all our fans are old and bored” I said trying to back up Frank a little bit, but the true was that I was dying to get on a stage again. Anyway, it got a small smile from Frank so It was worth the little lie.
“I don´t think so!!!”. Brian was hysterical. “You guys are great!” He was moving his hands like a maniac, not the typical Brian. “Two months after you´ve started playing, and look, you almost have an album complete!”
Bob and Ray were smiling already, Mikey was quiet
“Look I can book a place and We could have a small private show, 200 fans, friends and family”
Frank eyes opened up but I couldn´t hide my excitement anymore
“Sounds cool to me!”
“Tooo big!” Said Mikey for my surprise.
“Okay oaky, how about 150 fans, friends and family”
After so much argument we all agree, Frank was the last on in agree.
“Okay”
“Great!!!!! Let say in two weeks!”
Even myself didn´t agree to that.
“Come on!”
After a little discussion we all agree in playing a small show for a few fans and family in two months time.

During the last two months we had been writing and even recording some new material, and We set some rules for it. Frank was the first.

“No characters, not concept album”
“Yeah, no make up men” Said Bob very serious
“What´s wrong with make up?” That touched a sensitive spot.
“Nothing’s wrong”, Frank make a small smile. “But are you really wanna do that stuff, We all so old”.
He had a point.
“I think we should do it like very hard rock and roll crude”. Ray said. ”No additional instrument, just the five of us” Bob nodded in agreement.
Under those terms we already had like 7 songs.

“So you guys think that for the show you´ll have new material ready?” Asked Brian looking at his cellophane.
“Totally” said Bob excited.

“Are you okay?” I asked Frank after Brian left. He was looking into the nothing “You look a little pale”
“I´m fine, just a little nervous” . I had to suppress the impulse of caressing his hair. “Hey, you know who is going to be excited with the new?” I tried to cheer him up. “Rose”
“Yeah, most definitely”