Discovering the Past

Two weeks.
Two freaking weeks without talking properly to Michael.
Two weeks being grounded and isolated from human society.

Okay, dramatizing again? Maybe.

But it’d been hell.

Two weeks feeling miserable and angry about myself.
Two weeks with my mother looking at me with nothing but disappointment.
Two weeks of silent dinners and whispers in the corners.

During this time, there had been several opportunities in which my mom tried to talk to me but I refused using excuses like homework or being tired or just don’t in the mood for that kind of conversation

The truth?

I didn’t want to face the fact that they were right. My mom was right, Gerard was right, Joe was right even Michael was right when he had told me didn’t support my reaction

“Rose, you went over the limit” He drank his orange juice, we were at the cafeteria a place when Frank could not forbid us form seeing us.
“Me?” I asked skeptical
He just nodded. I could not believe that even he was upset at me.
“But you saw how he yelled at me, didn’t you?” I looked at him, trying not to raise my voice. ”You were there, can’t believe you’re taking his side”
“I’m not taking sides, just telling what I think”
“I can’t see you after school, and you support them”
“I support us, always will, don’t support the way to talked to Frank. Not talked yelled!” Before I could replay he continued.
“okay, He didn’t react in the best way either, I get that” I nodded. “But the things you said, there were pretty mean” He stood up. “You should think about it”

Later that day, I was doing homework, in my room, thinking about Michael words. Next week was my birthday, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. Mom said that maybe If I behave and talked to Frank she will considered having Michael to dinner or something.

On the other side, I did want to talk with Frank I was beginning to miss him, but i was very proud, hek had tried to talk to me several times, he went home, he wrote me emails and call me, sometimes I could hear my mom talking on the phone with someone I know it was him. But I always Found an excuse. The truth was that I was scare, deep inside I knew everyone was right, but again I was too damn proud, and I was upset that he had yelled at me. But above all that, I was embarrassed.

“She’s fine” I heard my mother saying.
“Yeah, I know, but I can’t just ignore it Frank”
“You have her too damn spoiled , I told you so, she needs discipline. You did good” After a few seconds of silence
“No, no”
I could her taking a deep breath “Okay, wait up”

I hear her steps coming to my room, I grab my book and pretended I was reading.

“Rose, Frank’s on the phone”
“I’m not allowed it to talk on the phone, remember” I didn’t look up to her, and pretending to keep on reading.

“Sorry, honey”
“Okay, Bye” I heard the phone being hung and then footsteps again, angry footsteps.

She stood in the door frame of my bedroom, hands on her sides, angry expression on her face.
“I really don’t want to talk about this, I’m busy”
Ignoring me, she got inside and closed the door behind her
“Biology exam tomorrow”
“No, Rose, We will talk about this, now!” She took the book and threw it across the bedroom.
“But...”
“We’re talking now!”
I sighed heavily.
“I know I screw up okay, I’m sorry I had sex with Michael” She sighed deeply and came closer.
“You don’t have to be sorry about it. I mean yes, but honey that was something that sooner or later was going to happen” I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. “You love that boy...apparently” She wasn’t thrilled by the idea yet, but at least accept it, i raise my head trying to smile.
“What gets me down it the way you did it”
I know i know. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I felt the heat in my cheek; it was too embarrassing talking of this with my mother.
“I know, believe me I’ve been there”
I nodded
“You’re here as a proof of it” She was being sarcastic, which was unusual in her, the mood
I laughed and then got serious when I saw her face again.
“When I though I was pregnant, I keep thinking that I could not have a baby...and that everything was over” I asked timidly “Is that how you felt? When you had me?”
“Honey, I felt like my world was crushing down, everything I wanted was gone. Besides my dad was mad, my mother was disappointed and kept telling me ‘I told you’, so it was pretty much a mess, especially since I refuse to tell them who the father was”
“Why?”
“I was ashamed that Frank was with Gerard and after that I knew he was going to get married”
She took another deep breath
“Everything was a mess and I felt so incredibly alone”

After a couple moments of silence I dare to speak
“I’m sorry I ruined your life”
It wasn´t the first time I said it but I’ve felt bad about it.
“What!!?” She smiled sweetly at me
“You didn’t ruin my life! You made it better. The moment I started to feel alive again was the first time I felt you inside me, the first time you moved. It was magical” She caressed my cheek and smiled again.
“And the first moment they put you in my arms, it was love at first sight honey, I knew that everything was going to be fine. I find my way”

“I start to working and got my life together. Before you I was lost, didn’t have any plans and didn’t know what to do”
I smiled at her.
“I really understand what you fell for that boy” she was calm and motherly again.
“I just want you to be responsible”
“I’m sorry”
I gave her a small hug.
“But you still grounded”
“I know, I’m sorry” I smiled knowing that I was still grounded, but at least things were smoother with her.

“I’m not the one that needs to hear that”
She gave me a glare and I knew what she was talking about.
“But, mom...”
“Maybe He didn’t handled it in the best way..okay” She raise a hand at me, before I could said anything in my defense. “But still…. Rose!”
“What?” I spat a little bit louder than I intended “You can’t just pretend like He’s ...” I tried to search a word.
“What, your father?” she raise an eyebrow “Because he is... and you were the one that moved the entire earth to find him”
“But...” I didn’t have anything to say, she was attacking me with arguments that I could not reply.
“You don’t understand, do you?”
“Maybe I don’t need him as I though I did... I got you and Joe,”
“That’s right” Said mom agreeing with me. “But here is not about you”
I made a puzzled expression.
“Don’t you see? The fact that you got together with him is not because you need it a dad, it was because he needed a daughter” I didn’t answer; I didn’t know what to say.
“Why did he built his life around you, have you think about that?”
“That’s not true” I denied my mother statement. “He did not built his life around me”
“He did. I’m not saying it’s alright, I’m just telling you what’s going on It is. You’re his lifesaver”
I remain silence, because, honestly I did not know what the heck to think or said.
“Just think about that” Mom gave me a kiss in the front and left the room. I allowed myself fell on the bed.

Did I make the worst mistake ever with Frank?