The ABC's of Growing Up

“Are you even listening?”

I looked over at Sarah and nodded, even though I hadn’t been. She smiled and shook her head before resuming what she was saying. Truth was, I hadn’t really been listening to anything since I got to hers about half an hour ago. My mind was very much occupied with thoughts of Zacky. It was pretty clear to me that I did have feelings for Zacky. They were definitely there I just couldn’t work out how deep they went. I know I didn’t just have a crush, they went further than that. But how far, I just couldn’t work that one out.

“But I thought Jason really liked your brown hair?”

Sarah shrugged as she looked at the back of a box. “He’ll just have to deal with me being a red head.”

I honestly couldn’t believe I’d been so confident around Zacky the other night when I’d been naked. I wasn’t even that confident around Zacky when I had clothes on. When I remembered exactly what had happened that night it was definitely a shock to the system.

I moved slightly but found myself just as uncomfortable as I’d been a moment before. I pouted to myself before sighing and deciding to try and get back to sleep, though found it almost impossible as I felt something tighten around my waist. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder to see Zacky sound asleep behind me and in just his boxers. My eyes widened slightly as I looked down to myself to find myself in just my bra and knickers.

Zacky moved slightly again, his arm tightening around my waist once more before his hand fell against the top of my thigh. I bit my lip and laced our fingers together, bringing his hand up to settle on my stomach.

It was only then I realised that we were outside, or more precisely still on the beach. I lifted my head as best I could without waking Zacky up and looked around to find everyone else passed out at various places. Everyone seemed to be in various states of undress, except Lyndsey who was fully clothed and Raychel and Johnny who were completely naked.

My mind frantically flicked to the previous night, trying to push past the drunken blurs that kept forming before I remembered what we’d got up to.

“Oh my God,” I muttered to myself.

“You okay?” Zacky asked me, his voice gruff with sleep still.

I jumped slightly, startled since I was sure he’d been asleep. I swallowed and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I told him, though I was highly unconvincing.

“You freaking out as to why you’re only in your underwear?” Zacky asked and I could tell even without looking at him that he was smirking in amusement.

I turned over to look at him and sure enough he was smirking in amusement. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

“Okay so yes, it took a while for me to remember what happened last night,” I explained as Zacky wrapped his arm around me again. “I think I should be allowed to freak out a tiny bit when I wake up, on the beach, in just my underwear, with my best friend wrapped around me who is also in only his underwear.”

Zacky chuckled and raised his hand to brush some of my hair away from my face as he nodded.

“I can’t believe you actually skinny dipped last night,” he stated. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it. Fucking surprised me when you stripped off and ran for the water.”

I smiled, slightly embarrassed. “It’s amazing what you can get me to do when I’m drunk.”

Zacky smirked and I felt myself going that bit redder.

“I’ll remember that.”

If Jack had ever said that kind of thing to me then I would have probably freaked out slightly but not with Zacky. Though embarrassed, I was quite excited by what Zacky had said and I didn’t quite understand it.

“How about going for a black under layer?” I heard Lyndsey ask.

“We’ll have to bleach it.”

“We’ve got the time.”

So really all I needed to do was figure out how I felt about Zacky. I knew I felt something...something that went further than just a crush but how much further? This keeps going around in my head but I was getting no closer to an answer.

The whole thing was confusing me. A month ago and Zacky didn’t give me the light of day. I basically didn’t exist in his world. I was just that added part that was brought into his life by Lyndsey and Sarah. But then he was suddenly there, comforting me when I just wanted to be alone. He wouldn’t leave me and for that I’m thankful. But I still don’t quite understand exactly why he was there.

I groaned in frustration before looking up as Lyndsey prodded me in the forehead.

“Come on, we’re gonna eat our weight in marshmallows whilst Sarah’s hair dye is setting in.”

My brow furrowed as I pushed myself to my feet. “Sarah’s dying her hair?”

“You really haven’t been with it today have you?”

I bit my lip and shook my head, making Lyndsey chuckle as she led me to Sarah’s living room where Lyndsey then shrieked and ran towards Sarah.

“What the hell are you doing?” Lyndsey shrieked. “You can’t light the freaking fire. Your hair will go up in flames...how will I explain that one to Jason?”

Sarah chuckled and I found myself drifting off in my thoughts again. I needed to know where I stood with Zacky, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him. I was too scared that he’d tell me that he didn’t see me as more than a friend. That I was just one of the guys to him. It would be easier for me if I just went on in blissful ignorance and got on with my life, moving on from my feelings for him.

I placed my marshmallow into the fire as it sat on the end of my stick. I watched as the flames licked around the soft piece of food before engulfing it completely.

Maybe I should get one of the girls to hint at Zacky about it all. But knowing Sarah and Lyndsey they’d just be all “so, do you like Teagan? ‘Cause she really likes you”. Those two aren’t very good with the whole being subtle thing that would be needed for that kind of situation.

Maybe I could hint around the situation, just hypothetically slot it into the conversation. Though Zacky can be quite smart when he wants so he’d probably realise something was up.

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself before looking back at my marshmallow to see that it had melted into the fire. “Double fuck.”

“So what do you think?”

I looked over my shoulder, realising that I must have been lost in thought for a long time because Sarah’s hair was now fully dyed. The top layers of her long hair were dark red and the bottom layer was black. I smiled and nodded.

“Nice. I like it.”

Sarah clapped happily before pulling me to my feet. “Come on. We’re gonna meet up with the guys.”

“Okay,” I replied as she and Lyndsey skipped ahead of me out of the house.

I bit my lip as I shut Sarah’s front door and wondered if I’d ever stop obsessing over all these thoughts.