The ABC's of Growing Up

I shoved my hands in my jean pockets in a vain attempt to stop them fidgeting as I walked to the café that I was meeting Jack at. He sounded off when he had phoned me earlier and I knew something was up. I was hoping it wasn't what was in my mind at the moment but I had a feeling it was and I wasn't looking forward to it one bit.

My eyes drifted up as my feet slowed down and I took in a deep breath as I looked at the café sign. I reluctantly walked inside, pushing the door open and thanking the air conditioning that immediately began beating down on my body. I scanned the café and saw Jack sitting by one of the windows, his attention firmly on the outside world even as I made my way over and sat down opposite him.

"Hey," I greeted him quietly, placing my hands on the table and letting my fingers tangle between each other as I tried to stop my nervous habit from happening.

Jack tore his gaze from outside and looked at me, no emotion really evident on his face and I felt like I was having a conversation with one of the guys instead of my boyfriend.

"Hey Tea."

I swallowed and looked to the side as a waitress came over.

"Hey, can I get you anything?"

I shook my head and smiled politely up at her. "Not at the moment thank you. Maybe in a few."

She nodded and glanced between Jack and I before sending me a sympathetic smile and turning to walk over to another table. Even the damn waitress knew what was about to happen.

"You okay?"

I looked at Jack as he asked this and I shrugged before looking down at the table and letting my fingers play with a stray sugar packet that had been left on it.

"I guess," I breathed before frowning and shaking my head. "No…I don't know. Ask me again in a few and I'll probably be able to tell you."

Jack sighed and I looked at him to see that he was now looking out of the window again.

"Jack…"

"I just…things have changed haven't they?"

I shook my head. "I'm sitting heavily on the side of the fence that says no. But you've obviously got a different opinion to me."

"Tea," Jack sighed as he looked at me again.

"What? Am I making this difficult for you?" I asked, somewhat sullenly, as I crossed my arms over my chest.

Jack rubbed his face for a moment before reaching over and taking my hand in his. I took it away from him, not wanting him to touch me if all he was going to do a moment later was break my heart. Jack watched as I retracted my hand before running a hand through his hair.

"I just don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Why not?" I asked, wishing that my voice hadn't broken between those two words.

Jack's gaze flicked up to mine. "There are people out there better suited for us. There's a guy out there who will give you what you want. And there's a girl out there who will give me what I want."

My brow furrowed at his reasoning. We were only seventeen and Jack didn't really strike me as the kind of guy who was hoping for a high school sweetheart who he will then marry and have a wonderful family with. What could he have wanted that I wasn't giving him? My eyes widened as the answer to that question burst into my mind.

"Is this…? What you want…?" I stumbled over my questions in disbelief, refusing to believe that the guy I'd spent the last six months with was actually about to break up with me because I hadn't slept with him.

"Tea…"

I shook my head and bit back my tears as I let my glossy gaze settle on Jack.

"You're a dick," I muttered.

"It's not like that."

"What is it then Jack?" I asked, somewhat desperately I might add. "If that's not it then…what do you want?"

Jack remained quiet and his gaze fell to the tabletop and that was all the answer I needed.

"I was ready to be with you in that way," I commented so quietly it was almost a whisper. "Yesterday…we nearly…but then…" I shook my head. "I'm glad they interrupted us. Then I wouldn't have wasted myself on you."

I brought a hand up and wiped my tears away, hating that they'd fallen. I didn't want to cry over this boy but I'd slowly been falling for him and it hurt so much that he wanted to break up because I hadn't slept with him.

"Teagan?"

I looked to the side and up to see Zacky Baker standing there looking concerned. My brow furrowed somewhat at what he was doing here. Much like the rest of his friends, except Brian, Zacky treated me with a sense of indifference. To them I was only in their lives because of Sarah and Lyndsey.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" I asked in the hope that my voice would stay strong.

Zacky looked at me for a second and then looked at Jack before looking back at me and shrugging.

"I just came in to get a drink before I headed off for practice. What are you two doing?"

I could tell by the way he said that, that he knew. I think it was painfully obvious what was happening.

"Breaking up, apparently," I muttered before pushing myself to my feet and moving to leave.

"Tea…" Jack started but I turned and looked at him.

"Fuck off Jack. I thought you were one of the nice guys but you're just as much of a wanker as the rest of them," I spat at him, much to the shock of both Jack and Zacky if their widened gazes were anything to go by.

I shook my head and bit my lip before weaving my way through all the tables and leaving the café. I knew why he'd picked the café to meet up. He knew I wouldn't make a huge scene if we were in public. I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair as I walked down the road, not really having a destination just needing to clear my head.

I eventually found myself at the beach so I carried on walking and stopped under the pier. I looked out at the sea and watched the way the water swirled around the posts that held the pier up. I walked down slightly and took my shoes off, stuffing my socks in the toe of them and letting the shoes dangle from my fingers as I felt the water drift up and down my feet. I sighed and let my tears fall, though I made no sound to accompany them. I leant against one of the posts and brought my free hand up to wipe away my tears, not wanting to cry over Jack but feeling like I had no control over it.

I wrapped my arm around me, holding on to the top of my other arm as I closed my eyes. I found myself wishing that the day had gone differently or that six months ago I hadn't fallen for Jack's charm and sweet talk. Maybe I wouldn't be going through this now. Though, knowing my crummy luck, I probably would be but because of some other guy.

"You okay?"

I shrieked and jumped slightly as my eyes flew open, my body turning sharply only for myself to come face to face with Zacky. His hands were dug deep in his jeans pockets as he looked at me, concern on his face again. I nodded and swallowed as I tried to get my breathing back.

"I'm fine," I stuttered before turning away from him and leaning against the post once more.

"You sure? You don't seem…?"

"What do you want Zack?" I asked in mild frustration.

At this point in time I just wanted to be by myself so I could look out at the sea dismally and wish that I could just walk out into it and not come back. This whole moment was being ruined by the presence of Zacky.

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged but didn't turn to look at him, instead I kept my gaze firmly on the waves crashing in the distance.

"You never usually talk to me. Nothing past a 'hey' if I'm lucky. You don't usually care how I am, or how I'm doing."

My statement was met with silence and then I heard the distinctive sound of someone walking in sand so I presumed that Zacky had walked away. My presumption was proven wrong however when Zacky suddenly appeared in front of me, making me jump once more.

"Jesus, would you stop doing that?"

Zacky chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself again as I looked down to the sand below us.

"I know that I don't usually make the effort but you look like you could do with talking," he commented and shrugged slightly. "I'm here if you want to talk."

My gaze flickered up to meet his and, not for the first time, I found myself sucked into his green eyes, a feature about him I'd always admired. My eyes were just a muddy brown, something I hated about myself. I'd never seen anyone with eyes quite like Zacky's.

"Not a lot to say really. It was pretty obvious what happened back there," I pointed out quietly. "It's his choice. If he doesn't want to be with me then I can't change his mind."

Zacky looked at me for a moment before nodding.

"Fair enough," he replied before looking out at the sea.

I chewed my lip and leant against the post beside me once more. As I stared out at the sea I felt more and more tears begin to fall down my cheeks, though still I emitted no sound that went along with them. I brought a hand up and went to brush my tears away but my hand was taken away from my face and replaced by another. I looked at Zacky as he brushed my tears away before he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

I was rather taken aback by this but let myself enjoy the hug anyway. I leant my head against his shoulder and, somewhat embarrassingly, found myself bawling like a baby against him. For some reason my body found that it was imperative to now start making those strange noises we do when we cry. Those strange honking noises when you've cried so hard that your breathing pattern has been disrupted and so with each intake of breath you take you hiccup slightly too, causing a bizarre noise to erupt from within you.

I didn't make a pretty picture at this point in time but Zacky didn't seem to care. All he did was stroke my hair and rock me slightly as he whispered against the top of my head.

"It'll be okay Teagan."

I shook my head. "How can it be? He broke up with me…"

"You'll find someone else."

"That's not it though," I whimpered and took a deep breath, resulting in that strange honking noise though it was much quieter than usual this time.

Zacky pulled away from me slightly so he could see my face and I noticed that his brow was furrowed. He brought his hands up again and cupped my face, brushing away my tears with his thumbs.

"What is it then? Why are you so upset if it's not him breaking up with you?"

"It is that…kinda. I mean, I was with him for six months…but it's the…it's the reason he broke up with me," I cried and closed my eyes, bringing my hands up to bury my face in them.

"Why did he break up with you?" Zacky asked, somewhat hesitantly.

I sniffed and shook my head as I felt my shoulders shake. Zacky pulled me back to him and wrapped his arms around me. I braved another deep breath, happy in the notion that I was no longer honking like a run over goose, and wrapped my arms around Zacky. I inhaled his smell with my breath and found something oddly comforting about the mix of cigarettes, booze and the smell that is just Zacky himself.

"Talk to me Teagan," he whispered against the side of my head.

"He broke up with me…because…" I whimpered and stuttered, my speech muffled against Zacky's shoulder. "Because we hadn't slept together yet."

I felt Zacky's hold on me tighten slightly and I looked up at him to see that his jaw was tensed slightly too. I didn't understand it but I was sure that at some point his actions would be explained. And if not…well I'd probably forget about them anyway.

"That fucking…" Zacky gritted between his teeth before looking down at me and talking in a softer tone. "You deserve better than that Teagan."

I shrugged and rested my head against his shoulder again, tightening my own arms around him and looking back out to sea. I didn't believe I deserved better. What had I ever done that made me deserve better? But for now that was furthest in my mind. At the moment all I could do was settle on the pain I was feeling all because of one boy.