Driving Backwards

William sat on his bed, groaning and putting his head in his hands.

He couldn't take this anymore. If this was a test, he was losing his shit. He felt like talking to Gabe was just a waste of breath. He wouldn't hear anything of them dating. They had ended up just hanging out for another hour, until Bill said he should probably get going, and Gabe offered to drive him home. The last words he had spoken as he leaned over and looked into the boy's eyed had been:

"Just imagine the end before we even begin."

That had nearly made Bill break down into a puddle of tears. Gabe wasn't even willing to take a chance and try. Not even for him. That made him want to curl up in his bed with all of the lights off.

Actually, that was what he ended up doing.

No matter he did, it just wasn't enough for Gabe. He put himself out there. He was willing to do whatever it fucking took. But, no. Would it fucking Gabe couldn't even care as much as he did?

He just felt as if there was nothing left. Gabe was a stranger to him, in so many ways than one. He shut Bill out every time he thought he just might be getting somewhere. He shut him down and hung him out to dry. Bill once thought he had known Gabe, at least a little, but now... there was nothing. He was nothing but an empty shell of his former self. All he wanted to do was curl up at Gabe's side and breath in his musky scent of cigarettes. That smell meant so much, and could smell it now when he closed his eyes. That scent was what brought them together in the first place, in lue of a jacket.

He could barely think anymore, as he sank deeper and deeper into the blankets. The whole in his heart was just grew and grew until tears ran down his cheeks and he was unable to hold back the sobs. He was a stupid naive little kid. He didn't deserve to entertain the thought of what could have been, not even for a moment. Gabe was right. He was just a kid. He just wasn't good enough. He was too skinny, too baby-faced. He didn't wear his hair right and was too pushy.

He had just been too much. Nothing else he could do to change his appearance would make things different.

Unless... He remembered something Gabe had told him before.

He sat up in bed, wiping the pathetic tears from his face and sniffling. He walked over to his sister's room and opened the door without knocking.

Courtney looked up at him with her owlish eyes identical to his, headphones over her ears. She pulled them off and demanded, "What?"

Fucking teenagers, he thought. "Do you know if we still have those clothes of Dad's up in the attic?" he questioned.

"How the hell should I know? Go look," she replied, putting the headphones back on.

Thanks for nothing. Bill simply huffed and took her advice.

* * * *

Gabe rested his head on the table, sighing. He really hated himself. He was the child, not Bill. He couldn't deal with his feelings properly, and still continued to keep pushing him away. Life sucked. Like, so bad right now.

"Gabriel, sit up," his abuela said. "It's not good for your neck to sit like that."

Gabe sat up as he told him to and looked at her. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"What's on your mind, Papi?" she questioned knowingly.

He bit the corner of his lip. "Nada, abuela. Just... a boy," he replied. Everyone in his family knew he was gay, and no one really cared. They were really open about that.

"Ooh, I see. What's he like? Is he handsome? Tall like you?" she asked.

"His name's William. He's really great. You'd love him. He's adorable: really cute. And he is almost as tall as me, ya," Gabe explained, smiling slightly at the thought of him.

"Then what's the problem?" she asked.

"He's eighteen. Too young for me," he provided.

"Gabriel, don't be so naive. You know that if something's meant to be, it will be. You just need to let things fall into place. I know you really like him; I can see it on your face when you talk about him."

Gabe swallowed. "Ya, I do. I'm just... I haven't had a real boyfriend in so long, and I'm afraid I'll ruin everything. He deserves someone better than an old man like me, right?" he chuckled.

Abuela shook her head. "You aren't old Gabe. Definitely not. I'm old. Not you. You deserve to have what you want out of life. You are a very smart young man; William would be lucky to have you."

"You always know what to say."

The wrinkled lines of her mouth pulled up into a smile. "I've been around for a while. I know what I'm talking about."

Ding dong.

Gabe sighed and got up to go to the door, placing his hand on the knob and turning.

"Bilvy?" he questioned.

Before him was that very same William Beckett (who he had just seen maybe two hours ago) he had been talking about just moments before. Except... it wasn't. He looked a lot different, with large glasses on his nose and a black fedora on his head. His slacks were being held up by way of suspenders, and he was wearing these really weird shoes.

He looked like a total nerd. And it was really turning Gabe on. How did he know about his kink?

"Hi, Gabe," he grinned.

Gabe was still pretty shocked at the beautiful sight before him. "Hey. Um. Come in," he managed to say, stepping aside and letting the younger boy in.

William was still smiling, looking at Gabe fondly. "So what's up?" he asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Um, I was talking to my grandma..." Gabe trailed off, nodding to where Abuela was still sitting at the table. "Abuela, this is William."

Abuela smiled knowingly. "Hello, William. It's very nice to meet you," she said.

Bill returned the smile. "You too," he replied.

"So, uh... Is there something special you came over for?" Gabe asked.

Bill shrugged. "Not really. I just, you know. Wanted to hang. Is that... okay?"

"Ya! Ya, um, hey, Abuela, we're gonna be in my room, so. Ya," Gabe announced.

She smirked slightly and nodded.

The two of them made their way to Gabe's room, Gabe questioning why William had decided to show up at his doorstep dressed like asexy nerd. But he was liking it.

Gabe closed the door, and looked into Bill's wide brown eyes. He didn't say anything, hoping that he would spill his guts on his own.

But Bill didn't. Instead, he jumped forward and tentatively pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. It wasn't anything special; just lips to lips and nothing more. He soon pulled away and Gabe was left feeling empty.

"Bill, we can't-"

He was cut off by lips to his once more.

It was Gabe who pulled away this time. He was more firm in his speech his time. "William-"

Bill was fucking determined. This time, he grabbed both sides of Gabe's face and pulled him to him almost roughly.

Gabe was trying to stay strong. Really, he was. He was trying not to resist as much as possible. But when Bill Beckett shows up at your doorstep dressed up and a really sexy nerd, then fucking kisses you, ya, you're not going to keep fighting him off, because you want this as fucking bad as he does.

Gabe pulled away for a split second, mumbled, "Fuck it," and gripped Will's hips so tightly that he was sure he would leave bruises. He then pulled them to him, causing them to crash together like hips of cars, not people. William immediately responded, wrapping his arms around Gabe's neck tightly and kissing him again. Their lips moved together, and it was perfect.

Slipping Bill's hat off (for it was very much in the way), Gabe ended up also unhooking the suspenders, untucking his shirt, and sliding the glasses off. Bill was wondering if they were going to go all the way. He was scared, to be honest. He wasn't ready for that, and he didn't want Gabe to use him for sex, just like he had with all of his past boyfriends.

Gabe moved his hand up to cradle Will's jaw. He pulled away, asking "Shoes off?"

William nodded breathlessly and slipped off the ridiculous patent leather shoes. When Gabe Saporta asks you to strip, you strip.

As soon as he did, Gabe's lips were on his again, hungry and relentless. Not that he was complaining, which he clearly was not. Gabe lied him down onto his bed, allowing his body to hover above the thinner male's and entwine their legs. He ran his fingers through Bills hair, messing it up so it looked like it always did. Pulling away once more, he whispered, "This is how I like you. You didn't have to dress up like a nerd to impress me, no matter how sexy that was. I like you when you're you. Apenas la manera eres."

William blinked from below him, having so many emotions hit him at once. He didn't understand what he had said in Spanish, but he was sure it was good. He just leaned up and closed the space between him, loving the taste of stale cigarettes on his tongue.