How much you mean

It was all my fault.
Not only had I hurt him mentally, now physically.
I guided him to this state. So anything that happens to him is all my fault.
I love him so much, and now, I’m going to the hospital, and I don’t even know if he's alive or dead.

As I watched the rain falling from the seat on the car, I felt my heart crying silently.
I heard the desperate voices in the back of my head. They were so worried, but they didn’t understand, if something happened to him, they will lose a friend. For me it will be losing the love of my live, it will be like killing him.
'Yes, that is what you have done.' I thought. 'You have killed him with your actions, with your words'
I felt the tears coming down freely.
'No, he can’t die.'
I cleaned the tears from my face.

“Shit” Brian said as he turn off his cellphone.
“What?” Mikey asked.
Brian, Mikey, Alicia and I were all piled into a taxi. Lind-Z, Ray, Maya (Ray’s girlfriend), and Bob where going in another car. Jamie took another taxi on his one. I was in the front seat.
“They don’t answer...”
“Leave a message.”
“I can’t leave a message. 'Mr and Mrs Iero your son has had an accident, I don’t know if he is alive, please come to NY.'” He realized what he just said. "Oh god” He started to cry.
“He’s probably okay, maybe a broken arm or something like that” Mikey said.
“Yeah, He’s going to be fine” Alicia started to imitate Frank. “Dude, you worry way too much.”
Brian laughed and calmed down a little.
But the laugh was suddenly over and silence governed the space again.
'He had to be okay...' I thought as we arrived to the hospital.