We Only Want to Sing You to Sleep

Great.

I looked down at the white plastic stick in my hand. The single word that adorned it screamed out at me.

Pregnant.

It confirmed the suspicions that had been swirling around in my head; I wasn’t worried of the fact that I pregnant, just the god awful timing. My boyfriend had just begun touring for his new album and I had just gotten a promotion, meaning my schedule was going to be more hectic than ever.

Sighing, I wrapped the stick in toilet paper before I headed out of the public bathroom and back into the sweltering Los Angeles heat. Even though it was only late February, the heat in the city was almost unbearable.

As I re-entered my office, my best friend and co-worker Grace sat down next to me, a sympathetic smile etched on her face. I desperately wanted to tell her I was pregnant, but something held me back, something told me I shouldn’t. I don’t know why, but I didn’t.

“Liv, what’s wrong? You seem really glum.” She said, her perceptive side coming into play.

“Nothing Gracie, I’m fine.” I lied.

“Are you sure?” she asked, raising one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows in a questioning manner.

“Um… yeah.” I said, even I thought it was unconvincing.

“Come on Liv, I’ve known you for six years, I know when you’re lying.” She eyed me.

“Well, you can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.” I warned.

“Of course I won’t.”

I took a deep breath and composed myself before I continued, “I’m pregnant,” she had a sharp intake of breath. “Well, for the last few weeks I’ve been feeling kinda odd and I kept throwing up. I didn’t think until yesterday that I could be pregnant.

“I tried to ignore it, but when you begin eating peanut butter and pickle sandwiches it becomes pretty obvious.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. She laughed, but then her face turned and held a certain degree of seriousness about it.

“You know you have to tell him, don’t you?”

I nodded my head solemnly. “I know. How do you think he’ll take it?” I asked her.

“Honey, Patrick’s your boyfriend. And knowing him like I do, I’m pretty sure he’ll be
delighted.” She smiled as she brought me into a hug. “Congrats, my little girl’s growing up.”
She mock sobbed as she wiped away fake tears.

I shoved her lightly before getting back to work.

Walking into the apartment I shared with Patrick, I smiled, hearing the all too familiar sounds of David Bowie blaring through the speakers. My smile widened as I saw Patrick standing by the cooker in his boxers and a plain white t-shirt, singing along and dancing to the well-known song.

“Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
we know major toms a junkie
Strung out in heavens high
Hitting an all-time low”

His powerful, soulful voice matching that of the singer on the CD, I giggled as I crept over to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist from the back, he jumped, and then I kissed the back of his neck.

“Hey Tricky,” I smiled.

“Ollie, what are you doing back so early?”

“Hon, its 5:45.” I chuckled. His jaw dropped before, he checked his watch and uttered a simple ‘oh’.

“Well, anyway, I cooked.” He smiled, opening the pot that was simmering on the stove to reveal a delicious smelling pasta sauce. “Sit down.”

“I forgot how much of a gentleman you can be.” I spoke as I sat down at our table which was situated next to the ceiling to floor wall that over looked downtown LA. I had to admit, as the sun descended behind the Hollywood Hills, it was a beautiful sight to behold.

I was totally wrapped up in the gorgeous blend of various shades of oranges, yellows and pinks, only being brought back to reality when a steaming hot bowl of pasta was placed down in front of me. I thanked Patrick before digging in.

After I finished I complemented him on his amazing dinner. As we sat at the table in a comfortable silence, I looked across and stared deep into his hazel eyes. Suddenly overwhelming guilt engulfed me. The innocence that always resided in his eyes, which then seemed more prominent than ever -made me feel ten times worse than I already did.

“Liv, are you okay? You look kinda pale.” Patrick’s voice was laced with all sorts of worry and concern.

Was I really that easy to read? I took another deep breath and began to tell him something that could and would change his life forever.

I closed my eyes and spoke. My voice quiet and flat, “I’m pregnant.” I winced before opening my eyes slightly.

As my sight rested on his figure, I was surprisingly met with a huge grin spread over his face.

“You’re not mad?” I asked the surprise was more than evident in my voice.

“Mad? Of course not - I’m going to be a daddy!” he shouted. He got up and jogged round the table before hugging me very tightly. “Are you happy about this?” he asked me, looking into my grey/blue eyes.

“I am, but I was worried as to how you would take it.” I confessed.

“Well just to make it clear, I’m absolutely ecstatic.” He smiled once more before kissing me on the lips. I couldn’t help but smile at his immense cuteness.

“There’s the smile I fell in love with.” He pulled me up and out onto the balcony. The warm air coating us like a thick blanket on a cold winter night, I held his hand tightly while he stared deep into my eyes once again. He released his hand from my own before placing both of them on my stomach and kissing it lightly and whispering “Hello in there, I’m your daddy.”

I sighed contentedly as Patrick sat down on the loveseat, I copied his actions. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close; I slowly drifted off into a happy sleep.

When I woke the morning after, I rolled over to the side, expecting to bump into Patrick so I could hug him. But to my surprise, I was met with nothing but warm air.

I rose from bed and stretched, I slowly walked into the kitchen to see Patrick put the cordless phone back into its cradle.

“Who was that?” I asked him, my voice hoarse.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of making you a doctors appointment.” He smiled coyly at me. “I took the morning off so I could take you.”

I loved the amount of consideration and selflessness he put into everything he did, putting everyone else’s needs and wants before his own.

“Aw, thank you so much Trick – that means so much to me.”

Doctor Greene smeared the clear jelly over my stomach. He moved the ultrasound wand over my stomach before he spoke. “Miss Reid, it appears you are almost three months pregnant, congratulations. This is your baby…right here” he pointed to a spot on the right hand side of the screen.

I looked over at Patrick and his eyes were fixated on that spot, his eyes were glassy with tears as he looked at our baby.

“Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” he asked us both.

Gazing to my right where Patrick was, I looked at him and we both nodded at the same time.

“Congratulations you’re having a girl.”

A single tear slid down my cheek, I couldn’t find words to express the happiness I felt. Doctor Greene excused himself and Patrick silently took my hand and brought it up to his face, softly kissing my knuckles, one after the other.

“That’s our little girl in there,” he said in disbelief. At that point I could tell, that little girl was going to have Patrick wrapped around her little finger from birth.

We both continued to stare at the grainy image, only the sound of my quiet sniffs as I tried to hold back more tears of joy.

Once we were both composed, Dr. Greene returned and printed out a few copies of the image and handed them to us and we arranged another appointment for a few weeks later.

We left the doctor’s surgery our hands laced together. As we reached the car, Patrick asked me, “I’m need to go to band practise this afternoon, do you want me to take you home or do you want to come watch?”

“Easy. I want to come and watch,” I jumped into the car, buzzing with excitement, excitement about the baby and hearing Fall Out Boy’s new songs that I was in love with.

In 10 minutes we were at the band’s practise space. We entered the room and Joe, Andy and Pete all looked up at us.

“Why do you two look so happy?” Pete asked curiously as he adjusted the strap of his trademark black and red bass.

“Um…well…” Patrick started.

“I’m pregnant!” I near enough screamed.

In seconds, Pete was by my side and hugging me tightly. “Can I be the godfather? Will you let the baby call me ‘Uncle Pete’? Can I teach them to play bass? Can you name him Pete?”

“Why did you automatically assume it was a boy?” Patrick asked incredulously.

“I don’t actually know…” Pete said slowly.

“It’s actually going to be a girl.” I said, setting him straight.

“Peterina?” he suggested.

“No Pete. We are not naming our little girl Peterina!” I said firmly.

“Fine. Party pooper.” He said like a spoilt chilled who didn’t get their way.

Andy and Joe congratulated us, and then the guys got down to work and practised the songs they were going to play on tour. I sat on the couch and watched them play, my eyes
never leaving Patrick’s, I could see myself with him, both of us old and grey. I could see that and I was completely happy with it, he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life
with.

6 and a half months later, and Patrick and the band were on a tour of the US, my stomach was huge and I hadn’t seen my feet in months. I was constantly in pain, my back always ached, my feet always, hurt, but the indescribable feeling of having someone grow inside of me erased all of the pain and replaced it with nothing but calm and happiness.

My due date was two week away and Patrick was due to return to LA in 8 days. In time to be with me when I give birth.

Grace was coming to stay with me until Patrick returned in case anything happened. As I awaited her arrival, I listened to Folie A Deux, Fall Out Boy’s fifth album and my favourite of them all.

“I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me.” I sang along with my boyfriend’s voice as it was emitted from the stereo.

In the middle of my karaoke session, Grace arrived.

“Hey honey,” I said as she brought her bag inside.

“Hey Liv, you okay?” she said as she rubbed my stomach, something she did every time she saw me – it was oddly soothing.

“I’m fine thanks, I kinda just want to get this over with, but on the other hand, this has been one of the best periods of time in my life and I don’t want it to end.” I half-smiled.

“Come and sit down, put your feet up. While I’m here, you’re not going to lift a finger.” She said sternly.

“Okay,” I said as I lowered myself down onto the couch. She rushed into the kitchen and grabbed me a glass of water; she then ran into my room and grabbed me a pillow.

After she’d run around, cleaning the apartment she sat down next to me on the couch and we were both immersed in some classic ‘Friends’ reruns.

‘WE WERE ON A BREAK!’ Ross shouted.

And both Grace and I started laughing.

6 days later, I sat on the balcony staring out over the city, watching people go about their daily business. Grace was doing something inside, she took two weeks off of work to be with me, so she felt the need to keep herself busy during the day. Our apartment now had no traces of dust, dirt or any type of bacteria for that matter.

“GRACIE!” I shouted as I pain washed through me. She didn’t come, so I screamed
“GRACE!” this time she came running out.

“Liv, what’s wrong?” she asked frantically.

“I…think…my…water…broke” I said taking a deep breath in between each word.

“Okay, let’s get you to the hospital, come on.” She helped me and we made our way to the hospital.

I sat in the car, keeping my eyes closed and my breathing deep. What seemed like hours later, we reached the hospital and I was assigned to a private room.

“Gracie, where’s Patrick?” I said in a whiny voice.

“I’ll just phone him,” she flitted out of the room, pulling her phone from her pocket as she ran.

Just as she exited, Dr. Greene entered.

“Olivia, glad to see you again.” He said cheerily.

“And you Doctor.” I uttered a slight edge to my voice.

A few minutes later, he said “You’re around 5 centimetres dilated.”

“Oh thank you doctor, how long until…you know.” I managed to squeeze out.

“It could be
hours.” He breezily exited the room, with a certain grace about the way he moved.

“Oh god.”

“Push Olivia, push!” Doctor Greene instructed me as I was giving birth to our daughter.

“Where’s Patrick?” I asked Grace breathlessly, he still hadn’t arrived yet.

“I don’t know honey, but you need to concentrate now.” She advised.

“I want him to be her-”

“Push!” Dr. Greene shouted, interrupting me.

A shriek filled the air and almost instantly, tears sprung to my eyes, I closed them through sheer exhaustion. They took the baby away for a few minutes to weigh her and clean her up.

I looked up and saw Patrick standing at the door, breathing heavily as though he’d been running. The midwife placed the bundle of joy in my arms, smiling as she walked out the door.

He rushed over to me and kissed me passionately.

“Hello Ollie.” Smiled at me.

“Jade Annabel Stump, say hello to your daddy.” I kissed her forehead before passing her to him.

“Hello, little baby, hello there.” He said, already in dad-mode. He was a natural, the way he handled the baby, made seem as though he was made to have children.

Honey is for bees, silly bear
Besides, there's jelly beans everywhere
It's not what it seems in the land of dreams
Don't worry your head just go to sleep

It doesn't matter how you feel
Life is just a Ferris wheel
It's always up and down
Don't make a sound

When you wake up the world will come around
When you wake up the world will come around

Its just the sweet weather and the peacock feathers
In the morning, it will all be better
It's not what it seems in the land of dreams
Don't worry your head just go to sleep

When you wake up the world will come around
When you wake up the world will come around

Honey is for bees, silly bear
Besides there's jelly beans everywhere
It's not what it seems in the land of dreams
Don't worry your head just go to sleep

Patrick’s sweet voice mixed perfectly with the simple acoustic melody. I stood in the doorway of the nursery and watched him sing our little girl to sleep. This song sent her into dreamland every time without fail.

Walking over to Patrick, I kissed him on the lips and we stared down at our daughter. Her beautiful face was completely relaxed as she slept, a small smile on her lips.

She and Patrick were my life and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.