Could've Said It Back to You

Zalistie, flashbacks by Tamea

“When I was in freshman year…” Tamea began, “I started school a few days late. I was nervous, since I had just moved to the school. I had no idea how to get any friends, because I wasn’t the most outgoing of people. Lucky for me, I met a guy named Rytel, who was nice to me…”

“So you moved here all the way from Maine to Oklahoma?” Rytel asked. “That must suck.”

“Yeah, it does. But it is nice that there’s someone to talk to,” I said, grinning.

Rytel returned my smile. “Don’t worry, I bet my friends won’t mind adding another person to the group.”

“I’m not the only girl, am I?” I asked.

“Nah. It’s a group of both sexes,” Rytel assured.

We entered the lunchroom and got our lunch. Then, Rytel led me to a table. Seated at it already were four girls and three guys.

“Hey, who’s she, your new girlfriend?” asked one of the girls, sounding like she was teasing him.

“She’s a new girl in school, and I thought she looked lost. She’s with us unless she proves herself unworthy,” Rytel said. Now addressing me, he added, “You can sit by Austin, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

I sat down beside him, a little nervous. What if Rytel and his friends thought I was proved “unworthy” because I wasn’t very chatty?

“Hey!” said Austin from beside me, cutting through my worries to allow a wave of new ones to crash over me.

“Um…hi,” I said quietly.

“So what’s your name?” he asked.

“Tamea…” I said.

“Weird name! So if you’re new, did you move here or did you switch schools?”

“I moved…”

“Austin and I started to engage in a conversation. Pretty soon, I warmed up to him and the rest of the group, and we became great friends. But in sophomore year, when Austin was a junior, I realized that I had a crush on him…”

I walked beside Austin in the hallway. It was the end of the day, and we were making our way to our lockers. While we walked, I became acutely aware of all the girls staring at us. Why hadn’t I noticed before? Was it just because before, I hadn’t really cared?

Austin had a normal expression on his face, but when he noticed the girls, he flashed a smile. I could’ve sworn I saw them sigh.

The walk to our lockers beyond them wasn’t far. After I had gotten everything I needed for my homework, Austin came over to me and said, “Did you see those girls?”

“Yeah,” I said, struggling to make my voice sound casual and uncaring.

“Aren’t they so stupid?” Austin asked.

“What makes you say that?” I asked, fighting the urge to roll my hands into balled fists.

“They’ll swoon over anything! I mean, it was nice at first, but those girls think they have a chance…” Austin shook his head. “It’s just pathetic.”

I felt like I was going to implode. After all, if I didn’t know him, I would be one of those girls! How could he do this to me?

“My crush on him drove me crazy. And it only grew with time. After a year, I was already scaring myself with fantasies of being his wife. I worked for the school newspaper by illustrating some of the stories, and one time I accidentally drew the two of us as a couple. It was really quite frightening. And then, when I was a junior, at the prom…”

I watched the stage as the band Austin was singing for played a song; covers of songs from the ‘80s and songs heard on the radio. I knew all of the songs the band was playing, since Austin liked to burst out singing them at the most random of times. He called it “practice.” I noticed everything about him: the way he stood, the way he held the microphone, the way he crooned the ballad he was singing, the expression he wore for the song. It seemed like the crowd was into it, but how could I tell? I was too busy watching Austin.

I knew that the band would be done performing soon, and I’d be able to spend a little more time with Austin. I was treasuring every moment we could spend together. After all, this was only my junior year, but for Austin, it was his senior year. This would be my last school year with him, and quite possibly the last time I could see him.

The last song ended, and I greeted Austin as he jumped offstage. “What’d you think?” he asked.

“You guys did great!” I said.

“Yeah, and now we’re never gonna play together again,” said Austin with a content smile. Austin had volunteered to sing for the prom, but he wasn’t actually in a band right now.

“Yeah,” I said, wishing I knew what to say.

A DJ came in and started to play some songs. Our group of friends joined us to dance with the music. I was enjoying myself fully, and then Austin tapped my shoulder. “Tamea, do you mind coming to talk to me for a second?”

“No,” I said, and followed him outside. The cold wind stung my face.

“Tamea, have you realized this is my senior year?” he asked.How could I forget? I thought, but said, “Yeah.”

“So since I don’t have that much time to spend with you guys, I wanted to let someone know how I feel,” Austin said.

I stood there, hardly daring to believe it.

“Tamea, I really like you, and was wondering if you’d like to go out with me?” Austin said. He was so close to me…

I became aware of the sound of my racing heartbeat in my ears. Finally I was hearing the words that I had been dying to hear! Austin could be mine, all mine…

“Yes, of course,” I said, my words barely audible to my ears. I felt like I was living in a movie. Things like these couldn’t happen in real life…

But it was. Austin took my face in his hands, and we shared our first kiss in the moonlight. I felt like nothing could go wrong.

“But of course, something did,” Tamea said with a sigh. “After a few weeks in my blissful relationship with Austin, one of the girls in our group sat down to talk to me…”

“Tamea, we need to talk,” she said. It was a Saturday, and Mell had taken me aside from a visit to the mall while Austin, Rytel, and Sam bought way too much in a music store.

“About what?” I asked.

“About Austin,” she said.

What? What could have possibly been wrong with Austin?

“Tamea, you know Austin. I don’t think you should be dating him anymore,” Mell said, sounding concerned.

“Why not?” How could anything be wrong with Austin - MY Austin?!

“You know him too well. He’s not good for you,” Mell said.

“There’s nothing wrong with us! Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we can’t date! Besides, he told me he loves me! He’s-”

But Mell silenced me. “You should know better. You know guys like Austin only want one thing. If you’re giving him that, he’ll keep you, but that’s the only reason he is.”

I was stunned. Could I really be denying the obvious? Was Austin really the kind of guy that would take advantage of somebody like that?

“So I confronted him later…”

“Austin, I think we need to talk.”

“About what?” he asked. I was at his house, and had brought him upstairs, away from everyone else.

I took a deep breath. “Why are you dating me?” I forced out. Thinking about Mell’s words had left me bitter and desperate to prove her wrong.

“Because…” Austin began, then stopped. “Well, it’s a little hard to explain…and…uh…”

And suddenly, I realized that Mell had been right all along.

“I exploded at him. And after that, our relationship ended. He started to see other girls, and I’ve remained miserable ever since,” Tamea finished. “The only reason I ever said I hated his band is because he always wanted to make it big, and after it ended, my one shallow victory over him was that he hadn’t yet. Now that he has, I feel the worst I’ve felt.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t believe that this had gnawed at Tamea without my knowledge, and I couldn’t believe she was still bitter. The one thing I could believe was that he had been the one to do it.

“I’m sorry, Tam…” I began, but Tamea wasn’t paying attention. She rifled through her purse, and withdrew something. She thrust it at me.

I took the ticket, and gasped. “Wh-what?”

“I bought it because I wanted to see him again. But I have no use for it now. Take it. Go to the concert. Have a good time without me,” Tamea said. Without another word, she got into her car and drove off, leaving me standing outside the bar.