Status: Complete.

Hope Begins to Fade

Hope Begins To Fade Ch. 11- Crimson Regret

Hope Begins To Fade Ch. 11- Crimson Regret

“Scar come on!!” Matt called. They had taken a job at The Digo. Jaz and I had to work today and we got to listen to them perform!

I stared down at the blade, reflecting light as I turned it in my hands… The door flew open. I hid the knife.

“Come on sweetie! Time to go! You’re gonna be late!” Brain stated.

“One more minute. I have to…put a clip in my hair.” I lied.

He paused, I think realizing I was hiding something. “Alright.” He walked down the stairs.

The blood dripped to my finger and I pulled the knife back from behind me. I stared at the now-cold blood and my hip throbbed. I lifted my shirt up a bit, dabbing the blood from the new wound. I sighed. I can’t keep hiding this. He’s gonna see the wounds…

I wiped the knife off, threw it in my bag, and put pressure on the wound. It should stop bleeding soon… Just to be sure, I put a thick wrap on it and taped it there.

I’ve been going out with Brian for almost a month now. I have to admit, it’s amazing and he’s fun to be with… but now I have no chance with Matt. I know, it’s wrong and I honestly hate myself for what I’m doing. I mean, I loved what we used to be but… I can’t control this. I used to cut myself back then but I stopped. And here I go again. It’s fucking never-ending. I’m afraid to tell Brian how I feel and lately, I’ve been sleeping on the couch or in my bed. That is, the little sleep I’ve been getting. I’ve been having issues lately; from headaches to nausea to anxiety attacks, fainting, dizzy spells, and even my wounds opening up. I feel like I’m dying.

“Scar! Wake up!” Johnny startled me. I must have fallen asleep on the way to work.

“Are you alright?” Brian asked. “You’ve been really tired lately.” I wanted to blurt out everything I was feeling…confusion, pain, blood, fear, love…to just yell at the top of my lungs ‘No! I don’t know who I want! I’m cutting myself and not just my wrists; all over my body!’ But all I did was nod…

I followed everyone into Digo’s. Instantly, Craff greeted us.

“Hey girls! I see you’ve met the band!” he said.

“Yeah, and Scar’s dating Syn!” Jaz stated.

“Oh! Holy shit!” he hugged me. “Good goin!” I giggled, faking it again.

The guys set up as we began working. My wound throbbed…

Brian’s POV

I glanced over at Scarlet. Something was wrong. I just know it. She usually sleeps well but lately she’s been taking naps. Johnny told me a few nights she’s been up on the couch.

“Gates, I know your girlfriend’s sexy but keep your eyes off her till we’re done!” Matt said.

“She is, but that’s not what I’m thinking…”

“What’s up Syn?” Zacky asked. Everyone went to do their own thing.

“Scar’s been acting strange lately…” I sighed.

“Yeah. I know. Even Jaz can’t get anything out of her. Turns out she’s not sleeping in their bed.” He stated. I looked up in shock.

“What!?”

“Yeah, when she’s not with you sometimes she’s not with Jaz. But Johnny sees her up at all hours on the couch. Dude, she’s not sleeping.” My eyes flashed over to her.

“Come on, boys! Amps!” Jimmy called.

Scar’s POV

“Tell me…” Jaz continued asking what was wrong. She’s been going on since we got here… But what would she say…? “You can talk to me, you know.”

I looked around then back at her. “I know!” I paused and finally told her everything. She knew about Matt and I but didn’t know I still felt that way, knew I cut but not that I still do and the rest just came pouring out. When I was done, she stayed quiet.

Finally she spoke. “We need to talk to Brian about this. I’m sure he’d want to know. You can’t keep doing this.” I glanced at Brian who brought an amp in then looked back down.

I stumbled foreword a bit, catching myself on the counter. “I just realized how bad loss of blood and no sleep is…” my world spun. I was so dizzy and my head began to pound. I began breathing heavily as my vision blurred.

“Scar, Craff just said bye. He left for lunch.” Jaz stated, rubbing my back with her hand.

Every beat of my heart made my head ache. I blinked hard and nodded. ‘I can’t keep standing here, they’ll notice…’ I told myself and began walking away from the counter. I had gotten a few feet before I collapsed, feeling the freezing floor and my wound bleeding through my shirt.

“Scarlet!” I heard many voices call and then footsteps charging toward me. Everyone surrounded me and I could feel Brian wrap his arms around me.

“You still with us?” he asked, worriedly. I nodded; I pushed up a bit, indicating I wanted to stand. “No, no, no! Stay there. What’s wrong?”

I opened my eyes and pushed myself up; breathing heavily. I sat there, holding my head. My mouth was dry and I couldn’t speak.

“Whoa! Syn! What’s what?” Jimmy pointed. I was screwed; I looked down, and sure enough, there was blood on my shirt. Shit. He looked at it.

“Scar!? What’d you do?” Brian lifted my shirt a bit revealing the blood-soaked wrap. He took the thing off and threw it in the trash, looking at it.

Jaz ran to get some paper towels. When she came back, she had water too. I began drinking some, coughing in the process.

“I fell.” I stated as Brian wiped up the blood.

“Obviously not too long ago; it keeps coming out.”

“Guys, I’ll be fine. Go set up.” I stated, standing. My legs were shaking a bit but before I could move, Brian was there; grabbing me. Everyone else finished setting up as Brian set me down on the counter.

“What happened?” he stated angrily.

“I told you!”

“You’re lying.” He sneered.

“Brian! Come on! Let’s go!” Matt called.

“You’re telling me later.” He walked away. I sighed.

“You’re gonna have to tell him sometime!” Jaz said, handing me some chips and a sandwich. “Eat. You need it, girl!”

The guys were playing for the big crowd that came in. They now had about 20 minutes till they were done. Brian kept looking over at me angrily.

Soon the performance was done along with our shifts. When we got home, everyone was freaking out about me. Wondering if there was anything I needed or if I wanted to talk. Obviously Brian sent them all to find out what was wrong with me. I wasn’t talking.

Brian’s POV

I watched Scar walk out the door and I turned to Jaz. “Do you know what’s wrong?”

“Yes. But I can’t say.”

“Is it bad?” I questioned.

“Yes.”

Great…now what? I go talk to her…

So I walked out the door and sat with her. “Sweetie, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?” She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.

“Brian!” she sobbed and buried her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” I stroked her back.

“What’s wrong? I’m just here to help, ok?” I whispered.

She paused. “I…I cut…” I stopped stroking her back, my eyes focused on her.

“Wh-what?” I asked. She repeated herself. My eyes flashed down to her bleeding hip and I lifted her shirt up. There, covered in blood, was a perfectly straight, deep slit. My eyes became watery. She looked up at me. “D…did I do this? Is it because of me?”

She shook her head. “No. It was…uh…nothing.”

“Tell me.” I pushed her hair out of her face.

“Matt.” She said. “I’m just so confused…” and then I remembered what I’d said when we first met…how she loved Matt…

“Are you still in love with him?” I stuttered.

“I don’t think so but…I don’t know…” she held her head and tears fell from her eyes.

“So you cut because you don’t know who you want…?”

“I’ve done it before. Used to do it all the time…” she said and I looked at her. I saw scars on her arms and wrists. I hugged her. “But since I haven’t been sleeping, the loss of blood got to me.” She wiped her tears. “And I passed out. I’m so sorry. I can understand if you…” she paused.

“If I what?”

“…if you wanted to break up with me.” She said. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Really?” she asked. I nodded.

“Now promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight?”

“Promise.”

“And promise you won’t cut again.”

She paused. “I’ll try. But when I’d promise Jaz, I never kept that…” she shivered.

“Cold? Let’s go in.” I picked her up and carried her inside. We sat on the couch.

“Everything alright?” Matt asked.

“Almost.” I sneered a bit at him, jealousy pumping through my veins.

“Jaz, can you come here?” we heard Zacky call. He looked nervous.

Jaz’s POV

I walked over to him; he took my hand and led me outside.

“I need to talk to you.” He said.

“Alright…” I felt my cheeks flush a bit from the look her was giving me.

“Since I see how happy Syn and Scar are, I just thought I’d come out with how I feel… You see, I really like you. From the moment we met, I just thought you were gorgeous, funny…I mean, you’re an amazing girl. So will you go out with me?”

I blushed. “Yes!” he instantly embraced me.

“Let’s tell them the good news!” he grinned at me, putting his arm around me as we walked in together. “Guys!” everyone looked over. “We’re going out now!”

Cheers sounded through the house.

“Zack, you’re such a dork!” Scar commented. He stuck his tongue out at her as we sat down on the couch next to her and Syn.

Scar’s POV

I yawned, leaning back against Brian.

“Tired?” he mumbled.

“Yeah. I think I’m going to bed. It’s already 10:30.”

He nodded. “I’ll be up soon.” We kissed. “Wait, my room or yours?”

I grinned. “OUR room.” I stood shakily. “Goodnight boys, and my baby!” I turned and kissed Jaz on the cheek.

“Hey! She’s my girl now!” Zacky said.

“I’ll just take her on weekends then.” I stated.

“Alright.” He shrugged. “…wait! No! Then I’ll take Gates!”

“Oohh! Fun!” I grinned, nodding.

“Hey!” Brian commented. I laughed.

“Alright, goodnight loves!” I ran up the stairs. I went into the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I then decided to change into Brian’s shirt. I slid my clothes off, changed into some sexy panties, and pulled his shirt on. I went into our room and laid down, pulling the covers over me. I couldn’t fall asleep. And an hour later, I still couldn’t. I stood up and began walking downstairs.

Brian’s POV

“Haner, one great girl ya got there!” Johnny said.

“I know!” I grinned. Someone stood in the doorway of the room. We all turned; it was Scar. Wearing my shirt and no pants. I couldn’t help but stare.

“Brian…” she called me out of my thoughts. “Can you come to bed? I’m cold.”

“Ohhh!!!” all the guys said.

“Alright. Let’s go!” I stood and she grabbed my hand, leading me upstairs. The guys grinned at me; I knew what they were thinking. When we got to our room, I tore my shirt off and unbuttoned my pants. And as she crawled into bed, I changed my boxers. I jumped in after her. She put her head on my chest and her arms around me as her leg rested on top of mine. I began kissing her; completely horny from her little show earlier. I ran my hand up her thigh and my finger went under her panties. She gasped and moved my hand away.

“Maybe another night. When I’m not so…confused…” she rested back.

“Alright. Goodnight, baby.” I kissed her forehead and looked down to see the scars on her arm…

When she fell asleep, I felt terrible. I wanted sex with her but knew she was confused. She must be doing this for both of us if she doesn’t fall for me… I felt a pain in my heart. Does she really love him? These past weeks have been the best for me though!

And I fell asleep; the last thought of Scar loving me…

Scar’s POV

I opened my eyes and felt Brian’s hand stroking my back. I glanced up at him.

“Were you up this whole time?” it was 5.

“No. I got 20 minutes of sleep.” He glanced at me then stared at the ceiling.

“Sweetie…” I pushed myself up a bit and began kissing his neck. He moaned.

“Alright…” he grunted. “If you don’t want me to fuck you, ya might not wanna keep that up…”

“Sorry…” I lay back down. “Can you understand why I’m…?”

“Yeah. I get it.” He snapped. “You don’t know who you want.” He paused. “But if you didn’t know who you want, then why the fuck did you say yes when I fucking asked you out!?”

Tears filled my eyes. “I thought I’d give us a try.”

“Oh, yeah? How‘s that going for ya then? Cause it’s gonna keep killing me!” he yelled. Tears fell down my cheeks. “I usually don’t take things slow…”

“Yeah, you and every other man…” I mumbled.

“What?”

“I also don’t want to go so fast cause last time I did, look what happened…” the tears now fell freely.

“With Matt?” he asked. I nodded.

“After everything was great and we were all serious, he went with the back and just left me. I don’t want to get so caught up just so I can have another fall. I can’t handle another drop.” I sobbed.

“So what? You think I’m gonna fuck you then leave?” he snapped. “Is that it?”

“Well, you do have to go back on tour sometime… I mean, it’s honestly just a matter of time…”

“Goodnight.” He said abruptly. He pushed me off him and slid pants and a hoodie on.

“Where are you going?” I called. He slammed the door. I sat there, shaking as sobs racked through my body. ‘I don’t need to...I won’t…not again…’ I told myself, but it was too late. I stood and walked to my room, grabbing the knife from my bag and walking back to Brian’s room. It didn’t take me any time and before I knew it, I was bleeding; the crimson fear dripping into the sink.

And this time, I knew I wouldn’t regret it…
♠ ♠ ♠
O.O aw, poor Scar and Syn!!
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