Hope Begins to Fade

Hope Begins to Fade Ch. 37- Apology Notes

“Guys…” Johnny began. He told us everything; how he got Scar on the side of the road, comforted her, took her to a club, got her drunk, he got drunk, they fucked… and he finished with this morning. Scar was gone. She barely remembered what happened last night and she left a note. He handed it to me.

“Read it out loud.” Matt stated. He was pissed.

“Johnny…” I paused, staring at the neat cursive written on the paper. “I can’t stay here. You guys don’t need me around. I’ll just cause more trouble.” My voice was shaky. “Have fun on your tour, love you guys! Forever, Scar.”

Everyone stayed quiet but soon the silence was interrupted. “This is all your dumb ass fault!!” Matt stood, screaming. He grabbed Michelle by the wrist and pushed her out of the room, locking the door. “You knew that Michelle was up to no good! And you decided to ditch your girlfriend and go on a date with your ex! Gates, biggest mistake of your life! Motherfucker, you really messed up this time! She’s gone, man! Not coming back! I didn’t think that you could top your little cheating thing before. Look, she left then but we got her back.”

“And we can do it again!!” Johnny spoke.

“Christ, you shut the fuck up! You had no helping matter in all of this either! You got her wasted and now regretting her fucking your sorry ass!!!” Matt screamed. I could see the hurt in Johnny’s eyes.

“We can get her back again…” he said quietly, looking down.

“No. No, Christ. This time, I think she’s gone for motherfucking good.” Matt sat back down. “So, Gates. You happy now? Drove away the only one who could ever love a stupid, cheating, bastardly, cocky motherfucker such as yourself. Great fucking job.”

“I’ll go get my cell…” Jimmy called. “We’re going after her.”

I got dressed and followed everyone out to the tour bus. Jimmy left his cell there. I glanced back, finding Val walking with Michelle.

“Why is she with us?” I asked Matt.

“She’s coming with us, she insists.” He sighed.

Jimmy exited the bus, another grim look on his face. “Guys…” he held up a note. We climbed in the bus, sitting at the table. They decided to have me read it aloud.

“Hey buys. I’m sorry. I have a few things to say before goodbye. Let’s start with Jimmy, Matt, Val, and Zacky. I love you guys so much. I’ve had fun with you this whole time and I’m sorry that I’m leaving. Jaz, you’re my best friend and I’ll miss you but this is where you belong; with Zacky.” I glanced up, seeing how happy they were. I missed happiness. “Johnny… God, what to say… I’m sorry. I don’t think I used you and I feel bad about everything. We should’ve just went back with the guys after you comforted me but I had to get a drink. Many drinks actually… but I probably hurt you ‘cause I left and Brian, too. I just…shouldn’t have done that. You guys don’t need me around.” I shook my head. Yes…yes, we do. “Brian… This is so hard to do. I want to apologize; I’m sorry I wasted your time. I’m sorry I had sex with your best friend. I’m sorry I’m a shitty girlfriend. I’m sorry we fought, I’m sorry I’m jealous. I’m sorry I was raped. But most of all, I’m sorry ‘cause I let you down. That’s why I’m leaving. Ask Jaz, all I do is let people down.” I looked up at Jaz to see her shaking her head, tears falling.

“No. No; she was the best!” she sobbed.

I continued. “So I’m gone. By the time you read this, I’ll be far away. I won’t tell you where I’m going because I never want to be found. I hope you don’t mind; I took your shirt. You’ve made my life complete and broken my heart at the same time. I’m so confused. But one thing’s for sure; I’m a bigger burden than savior. You need me gone. You may not know it; now you have Michelle. I hope you’re happy. I mean that in the nicest way. I truly do. Love you all. Forever, Scarlet.”

“I’m sorry Bri.” Michelle wrapped her arms around me.

“No. You’re not.” I stood, pushing her away, tucking the note in my pocket, and storming off the bus.

Scarlet Aleece Kilbane. Wherever you are; I love you.