Hope Begins to Fade

Hope Begins To Fade Ch. 4- Wherever I Stand

“Come on, Jaz! Drink some!” Jimmy insists.

“No. I’m fine.” She replies.

“Come on!” he sticks a beer in her face.

“Guys, she’s not gonna drink!” I spoke up. They looked at me. “Well, at least not yet.” They seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

“So you and Matt were neighbors?” Jimmy questioned.

“Yeah. Then one day he just up and left me.” I paused, finishing my beer.

“Want another?” Zacky asked. I nodded and he grabbed me one.

Conversations arose with Jaz soon which left me to sit in silence. I glanced over, noticing Syn was sitting comfortably; his arm above me on the couch, other hand clasping his a beer. He smiled at me and I moved a little closer to him, seeing he was the only one not talking.

“So you alright?” he asked, taking a sip from his beer.

This caught me off guard a bit. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Val acted stupid. Obviously you’d be freaked.” He chuckled.

“I guess…just…confused?”

“Want me to tell you, sweetheart?” I felt myself blush a bit but nodded. He grinned and began, sitting up a bit and turning to me more. “Alright. So Matt had told us about you. He talked about you constantly; how you were his best friend, his first kiss, always there for him…and that you guys had sex.”

I shook my head. “Blunt enough there?”

“Sorry. Anyway. So Val would hear stories about you all the time. Now obviously any girl would be jealous. So every time she’d hear your name, she’d get pissed!” he put his hand on my thigh. “Well, it got the two into LOTS of fights. Matt was upset ‘cause you were a huge part of his childhood. And Val was tired of him talking about you. So now, she’s pissed!” he finished.

I leaned my head back with a sigh. “You’re gotta be fucking kidding me!” he put his arm around my neck, shaking his head. It grew quiet then suddenly shouting was heard.

“Yeah, of course, just my luck! Now all the sudden she’s here. Back stage passes! I wonder why! Did you ever think that she wants you back? That your ‘best friend’ is gonna try to break us up!?” Val yelled.

“Whatever! She’s my fucking best friend! Stuff happened back then! Times have changed! I’m sure she realizes! Why the fuck would she do that!?” Matt yelled.

“Oh, I don’t know, Matt! Maybe because she’s a bitch!!?” she screamed. I closed my eyes for a second. I felt Syn pull me closer. Wasn’t the first time I’d been called that but I have to admit; it still hurts.

“How the fuck can you say that!? You don’t even God damn know her!”

“I know her enough from the stories you tell me! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re still in love with her!” she screamed. Something crashed; I knew Matt well enough to tell he’d lost his temper and thrown something.

“Think whatever the fuck you want ‘cause I know by now I can’t change your fuckin mind! You’re so fuckin headstrong! Get over it!” By now, I was losing it and Syn had my hand. I felt myself tighten my grip and forcing the tears away.

“You know what? Screw her! Screw you! Screw the band! I don’t need this! I’m better than you all. Find another manager! As long as she’s here, I’m done!” By that time, my eyes had welled with tears. This was all my fault. I got these tickets by surprise but I’d come hoping to rekindle our love. We had loved each other back then. But now things are different. Now the band has no manager. I made up my mid there and then; I would not get back with Matt. Though it was what I’d prayed about for years; I wouldn’t date him again. This was for the sake of the band. She would win. As much as I wanted to be friends with the guys and back with Matt; she’d have to wind and I would leave…

The sound of a door slamming and heels clicking brought me out of my thoughts. The door opened and in walked Val and soon after Matt.

“Boys, I’m…” she began but Syn cut her off, sounding pissed.

“We heard.” He snapped.

“Oh. Good.” She glared at me then turned to Matt. “You want me back, you know what to do. Take out the trash and I’m back. And stop overreacting.”

This pisses me off. I stood, letting go of Syn’s hand. Val glanced over at me but seemed to pretend not to notice I even existed.

“You say he’s overreacting?” I snapped a bit.

“And how’d you hear that?”

“You don’t talk as quiet as you think.” I stated. “You’re overreacting.” I gulped, lying time was coming up shortly. Right about now… “I was never here to ‘steal’ Matt from you. I didn’t even know I got backstage till the start of the concert. I didn’t intent for this to happen, alright? I didn’t even fucking know Matt found someone. You fucking infer all this shit about me and I don’t even fucking know you!?” my anger was rising but Syn grinned.

“Well, I know you. He’s told plenty of stories.”

“So what? You’re gonna fucking hold that against me!? I didn’t’ think I could control what people say. I’ve been called a lot of things but a ventriloquist was never one of them!” Syn laughed and we all turned to look at him.

“Sorry, carry on!” he snickered.

“We were best friends! I’d like to get to know his band, I’d like to be able to have a fun time with them, and I’d like to not fucking get called things and cussed out in the other room by the motherfucking manager when we don’t even fucking know each other!” I turned. “Well guys, it’s been nice meeting you. I’m not gonna even bother saying ‘I hope to see you again’ cause your prissy-ass manager would throw a tantrum. So, nice knowing you, I’ll buy your albums, and I love you guys.” I turned back and walked out the door, both middle fingers up in the air.

Syn’s P.O.V.

The room grew silent. Wow! That was fucking awesome! Val’s been bitchy all tour and we all had wanted to cuss her out but Matt kept saying she’d get better and she’s just stressed!

I looked around the room, grinning. “I like her! We can’t have her leave! She’d got fucking spunk!”

“Yeah!” Johnny, Zacky, and the Rev. chimed in.

“But if she’s around here again, you guys have no manager.” Jaz stated.

“So?” I asked. I heard Val make an upset click noise with her tongue. “Guys, we have no problem with her, it’s Shadows best friend! I mean, come on! She was fucking awesome, a good drinker, spunky, funny!”

“Hot!” Zacky threw in. Johnny whistled in agreement.

“Yeah! I say we take a vote!” Jimmy ordered. “All in favor of her staying and hanging with us, hold ‘em up!” my hand, Johnny’s, Zacky’s, Jimmy’s, and Matt’s went up. “Alright, and all in favor of her leaving…” Val’s hand shot up. “Alright, five to one! She stays!” Val looked pissed.

Jasmine and I stood up, I passed Val to the door where I called down the hallway after Scarlet. She turned, smiling at me.

“You can come back, we voted!” I laughed. She ran, charging at us. “Damn she’s fast!”

“Three years of track in high school, she better be!” Jaz commented. When she got to us, she embraced me, giggling. I laughed and hugged back.

“You’re SO my favorite!” she stated. I blushed a bit and she pulled back, smiling at me. “Thanks, Synny!!” she giggled as I blushed even more at my new nickname.

We turned as Val stormed out. When she was halfway down the hall, I called her and she turned. Scar and I smiled, middle fingers up in the air towards her. She clicked her tongue again and we laughed.

Matt came out and had seen the whole thing.

“Gates, how much have you had to drink?” he asked.

I paused, trying to think. “Not enough!” I finally replied. We all went back inside but I could feel a tension between Scar and Matt…