Hope Begins to Fade

Ch. 84- Bodies Hit the Floor

Sitting on the bus, holding my baby in my arms felt so right. I felt complete when Brian wrapped his arm around me. Being in this bliss, I nearly forgot where we were going… until the bus parked in front of the venue and my adrenaline began pumping.

“Come on, everybody out! Let’s get this shit over with,” Jimmy called as we all stood, leaving the bus. Serenity giggled as Brian stuck his tongue out at her.

“What, baby girl? You like that?” he stuck his tongue out at her.

“I’m gonna laugh when she reaches out and grabs your tongue,” I nodded. I didn’t have to look back at him to know that he now stuck his tongue out at me; first because I know him so well and second because Serenity giggled once again; now clapping. “Brian…” I laughed

“I wasn’t doing anything, right, Serenity?” he asked; she gave him a blank stare, blinking twice. “Ha! See!?”

“Gates get your ass up here! We need to get our shit!” Johnny called.

“Got it!” he kissed me before running up to the guys and entering to the front. I decided to go with the girls and sort through the dressing rooms and see that we didn’t forget anything. We all took separate rooms.

As I drew closer, I heard Serenity’s breathing grow quiet, quick, jagged bursts of breath that ticked my neck. Biting my lip, I shifted her in my arms and stepped into the doorway of the room. I could almost see everything play out. Drake entering the room in the mannerism he did, my scared expression as my heart pounded hurriedly. I could practically see him coming at me, pulling my pants down, his dark eyes that held anger and frustration. I could see him raping me, his arms on either side of me, pressure on my body and the blood that seeped from my womanhood. I could see Matt and Brian rushing through the door and the way everything felt as if it were in slow motion… I envisioned my water breaking, the anxiety…

Now, as I stood here, the anxiety was yet again building and as I stepped further into the room, it was almost as if my hearing gave out; all that I heard was the pump of my heart. Running my fingertips across the bed, I blinked back tears.

It was only when I heard Serenity’s cry that I snapped out of it. “Shh, shh, baby. It’s ok. Mommy’s here…” I cooed, rocking her gently. Lightly kissing the top of her head I held her close. It was as if something inside me feared that if I let go, even the slightest bit, she’d be torn from me.

She nuzzled closer to me, eyes red and teary.

“Scar? Scar!” It’s Brian and he’s calling for me in the hall.

I can still see the blood on the floor. My blood. And I wonder how it came to this. How was it me? Why did it always have to be me? The one who gets hurt to no healing.

“Baby?” my hoarse voice calls to him. I’m now sitting on the bed and I can’t seem to get the strength to stand.

When I realized that my voice was only a whisper, my heart pounded. And I tried again to speak. But nothing. Not a sound this time. My heart’s thudding quickened when I found that Serenity was asleep and wouldn’t be crying anytime soon to get Brian’s attention.

So here I was, with no voice, not able to move, and a sleeping baby in my arms.

Everywhere I looked around the room, I saw him; his eyes and smile. The look he got when he was angry. I saw the scene over and over; watched my water break and the blood seeping out which informed me that something was wrong. I watched him raping me what seemed like 50 times, and I could still hear Brian’s frantic voice.

The compulsions of my body shook me hard, heart put into over-drive while I felt a pressure in my chest I hadn’t in a while. The tears streamed down my face quickly as I eyed the face of the angel in my arms.

I tried to scream. I really did.

Again, nothing escaped.

And with Brian’s voice beckoning to me from the halls of this God-forsaken place, I became light headed. My eyes lolled to the back of my head and blackness corrupted my vision.

…All I could remember in that split second before I hit the concrete floor was “Don’t hurt my baby”.