Hope Begins to Fade

Daddy smiled at me, my hand held tightly in his. My memory flashed back to years ago…

The music started; same song as this. I stood there in the gym, burgundy dress and matching shoes; ribbons in my hair. My smile widened as daddy asked me to dance with him. The smile revealed lost teeth and such innocence. He had me stand on his feet; I remember that clearly. He always joked with me, “you’re not gonna get much taller than this.” How right he was…

His hands were rough from work, as they still are today. No amount of lotion could help that and that’s the way I loved him.

There's two things I know for sure.
She was sent here from heaven, and she’s daddy’s little girl.

I loved my daddy with all my heart and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I can remember looking up at him. He was the most amazing man in my eyes. I didn’t know it at the dance then, but even through my teen years, I would never hate the man or even dislike him. We would never fight…

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night,
She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes.
And I thank God for all the joy in my life,
But most of all...

Now, he whirls me around the room filled with friends and family. I knew this day would come but what I hadn’t known was that I’d be married to Synyster Gates…

Daddy held me closer, the song was getting to both of us…

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk beside the pony daddy, it’s my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, daddy, but I sure tried."
Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right.
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

He gently wiped a tear from my face, smiling slightly. “You look amazing, petunia.”

My eyes filled with more tears that I fruitlessly tried to push away.

I remembered my sweet sixteen. It was the night of a school dance…I’d gotten a belly ring for a gift a few days later…

Daddy was with me the entire time. I remember the look in his eyes before I went to bed that night….he looked at me so sadly but buried in his blue orbs was pride. He raised me well and he knew it…

Sweet sixteen today.
She’s looking like her momma a little more every day.
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings in a great big world. But I remember...

Daddy smiled his ice blue eyes never changed. Since the day I can remember, I’ve adored his eyes. Instead of the beautiful shade of blue, I got hazel…

“I’m so happy for you….” his voice was above a whisper.

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you daddy, but if you don’t mind,
I’m only going to kiss you on cheek this time."
With all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right.
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

My tears were still evident, falling from time to time but nothing too horrible. I rest my head on his chest as we danced. This man was amazing. I was so proud to be able to call him my father…

All the precise time.
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly.

The day I left them to live with Matt…I remember my mom was furious at me. Daddy came up to my room and hugged me. It’d been the first time I’d seen him cry in years; the last time being when his father died. I hated seeing him cry…and knowing that I was the reason behind it, my mind was racing. I felt wretched. He’d told me to be safe; he knew I would leave…but he still didn’t tell mom…

She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise, and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking, and I said, "I’m not sure,
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl."
Then she leaned over... and gave me...

This part of the song brought me to near-sobs. This was exactly how he felt and I damn well knew it. Dad’s tears matched mine. Baby blues meeting hazels. Through the tears, his smile was evident. I knew he was happy. I breathed out lightly, standing on my tip toes now and giving him a butterfly kiss on the cheek…

Butterfly kisses, with her mama there.
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk me down the aisle daddy, it’s just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?" "Daddy don’t cry."
With all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right.
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses.

With everyone watching us, I knew they were touched. The A7X boys all had tears in their eyes; Brian’s eyes left mine for a split second, trailing to Serenity. I knew he was wondering if he’d have the same hardships with letting his baby girl go when it was time. A single tear rolled off his cheek…

I couldn’t ask God for more, man, this is what love is.
I know I’ve gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember.
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses...

The song ended and people clapped. Daddy wiped my eyes with his fingertips and we both smiled. I kissed him on the cheek then looked back at him; memorizing every detail: his light brown graying hair and the stubble for facial hair. My eyes lingered on his…

I could see myself through his eyes and I could see Brian watching us. In my entire existence, I’ve never felt more beautiful…