Hope Begins to Fade

Four Years Later…

I suppose I should fill you in on what’s been happening, shouldn’t I?

Well, everything has been wonderful! New albums and whatnot. I’m, of course, still with the band.

Mostly, the girls and I have all been living together, saddened when we can’t always follow our men when they’re out.

Jaz and Zacky got married by the way. Did I mention that? No? Sorry…

The wedding was beautiful and we were all surprised to see two sets of father-and-daughters walking down the aisle. Daytona and Jimmy decided to keep it a secret. She and Jaz planned everything out; they shared the day. They’ve been so close lately and since Jimmy and Zacky decided to propose close together, they wanted a joined wedding. OF course, they didn’t happen to tell us so when we stood there, expecting Jaz and her dad, Daytona and her dad walked behind them. I swear, shock of our lives. Sammy was, naturally, the ring-bearer and Serenity was the flower girl. They were adorable!

Well the touring process started back up a few months ago. We’re on our way to one of the last venues. The guys are all having fun!

Sadly, Daytona couldn’t make it this time. She’s spending time with family so Serenity didn’t have little Sammy to play with. It’s been pretty rough on the guys, I’m not gonna lie. Serenity is crazy, just like her mother so she’s always up for something fun. Which results in group games of…well, whatever she feels like. Board games, duck-duck goose (her and Jimmy’s favorite), or even just time to cuddle.

They all love her so much; she’s got all of us wrapped around her little finger.

Brian and I are even more in love now. Everything’s perfect for us. No complaints, no cheating, no huge fights. It’s so strange…like; fairy-tale relationships just might be real. You never know. It’s quite strange to me actually. Scares me sometimes.

Zacky’s grown a creepy rapist mustache. Jaz likes it though. We all agree he looks like he should open an Italian restaurant because of that. Hell, I’d go.

Jimmy…well, Jimmy’s just Jimmy. I guess that’s the best way to explain it. He had a huge scare a few months back though.

See, he was taking some sleeping pills because he just couldn’t get to sleep when this album was being written. I kept telling him that it was because his mind was racing a million miles a minute but he shook it off. So he was taking pills for his cardiomegaly; he has an enlarged hear. Literally. He was taking pills for his anxiety, sleeplessness, and enlarged heart.

A few days left on the record and we all met at our house to party. It was a wonderful night, the sky was bright and we were all feeling amazing because of the band’s success.

Jimmy didn’t drink too much, just enough. Everyone else was asleep when he collapsed. Brian looked at him like he was being normal Jimmy, rolling on the floor or whatever. When I knelt next to him and found he was sort of gasping lightly, he grabbed my hand; the most fearful expression was on his face as he gazed at me.

“Brian! Call 911!!” I screamed, sobbing.

For the time it took the ambulance to get here, Brian was telling the guys to get in the car and drive to the hospital. Jaz stayed with Val and Serenity. Daytona and Sam were, again, at families and we were sort of grateful for that. God only knows how she would have reacted in this situation…

I knelt by Jimmy, holding his hand while I cried. I tried my best to relax him. His gasping grew worse and I felt his heart beats were rapid, struggled.

When the ambulance got here, he wouldn’t let go of my hand. Brian and the others drove off to the hospital and I stayed with him in the back of the ambulance. The workers gave him oxygen and told me to try and calm him down.

His hand tightened around mine, squeezing so tightly but I didn’t flinch. I’d imagined he was in a lot of pain and this was nothing compared to him. I’d take it all. Oh, what I would have done to take all his pain away. Jimmy never deserved to be hurt or in pain. He was the most wonderful person I knew and damn it, I wasn’t about to fail him.

So I talked to him in a soothing voice, “Jimmy, sweetie, it’s okay. It’ll be alright. This is just some stupid fuck up and you’ll be alright soon. You’ll go back home and all cuddle together in the living room, alright?” no response. He just stared at me. His eyes held so much pain. “Jimmy, you’ll be alright. You’ll be fine…” I whispered, placing both of my hands on his and kissing each white knuckle. He squeezed harder, making a horrible guttural grunt and closing his eyes. The medical people spoke to each other; it felt like they spoke another language. I had no idea what they said. All I did was stare at Jimmy. I couldn’t help the tears that fell from my eyes and the horrible feeling in my gut. Something went wrong…something went horribly, horribly wrong…

We got to the hospital and the guys weren’t there yet. Jimmy wouldn’t let go of my hand even when they told him to.

“Let go now, sir. We need you to.” He woman was getting angry at us.

“Just shut the fuck up!” I screamed at her. She looked at me as we wheeled Jimmy inside, “can’t you see he needs me!? Have you no fucking compassion!? He’s fucking terrified, can’t you see that!?” I sobbed. Jimmy squeezed my hand gently, calming me a bit as we jogged, pulling him along. It was a game we started playing. I silly little game to get our minds off of this. I’d squeeze his hand, he’d squeeze back. I squeezed twice, he squeezed twice. Back and forth the whole way in. It was when we hit the threshold of the emergency room that it stopped. I squeezed; twice. Nothing. Three more. Nothing. Seven more. And I looked over. Jimmy’s eyes were closed. No breath escaped his parted lips and his fingers were beginning to slide from mine. I held on tighter. For me this time. I needed Jimmy alive.

“Ma’am, I need you to stand over to his left when we lay him on the bed. It’s apparent that he needs you so please stay.” I nodded, tearing falling from the quick motion.

“Jimmy, hold on…we’ve got you…please?” I whispered as they placed him on a hospital bed.

They tore open his shirt to reveal his tattooed chest. His studded belt was taken off, as was everything metal.

They brought over the defillibrator, rubbing them together, “charging…”

“You need to move your hand.” The nurse said quickly. I did.

“CLEAR!” the doctor called, pressing the two paddles to Jimmy’s chest. His body jumped. Nothing. They’d hooked him up to a heart-rate monitor and that’s what I was gazing at. Back and forth, from Jimmy to the screen. “Clear!” the doctor tried again just as I watched the four Avenged members staring in the room, eyes wide and watering. Matt nodded at me, a tear falling down both of our cheeks. “Clear!” I jumped, startled. “Charging…clear!” I sobbed.

“Come on, Jimmy!” I cried out.

“Miss…” a nurse made her way over to me, touching me lightly on the shoulder.

“Get the fuck off me!” I shook her off my shoulder, pressing myself to Brian as he ran in. I hid my face, tears leaking uncontrollably. I was sobbing so loudly, I think people outside could hear. “Jimmy’s not supposed to die…” I told Brian, voice barely audible over the doctor, “He’s supposed to live strong…”

“I know, I know sweetie.” He cooed, kissing my temple.

“Once more, charging…” he paused, “clear!” my breath stopped, caught in my throat as I crossed my index and middle finger on my right hand… I turned to see. Nothing. Jimmy’s chest was red from where they’d been shocking. But nothing.

There was no, “it’s a joke everyone.” while Jimmy sat up, laughing at how we’d all reacted. It wasn't a joke...

“Let’s call it…time of death…” the doctor looked at his watch.

“No!” I screamed, throwing myself at the doctor, “no! Try again.”

“Miss,” he doctor sighed, irritated.

“No!” I screamed, “I’ll fucking do it myself if you don’t! God damn it, try it again! I just know it will work!” how did I have any more tears?

To my luck, the doctor did. “Charging…” he sighed, “clear.” He held it there a few seconds longer than possible and I grabbed Jimmy’s hand, feeling damn well the shock go through me slightly but I didn’t care.

“Jimmy, we’re here. We’re all here…it’s okay. You’ll make it.” I whispered.

The doctor pulled away…

beep……………beep……………beep………

My head shot up to look in his eyes. His blue orbs were bloodshot, he looked exhausted, but he smiled. That Jimmy smile that I came to know and love…and would miss for the rest of my life if he was gone…

“Jimmy!” we all sobbed, the doctor and nurse staring with their jaws literally dropped.

I pulled him into me, cried as hard as I had in my entire life. “Jimmy, you’re okay. I knew you would be… I just knew…”

“Thanks, Scarlet.” He whispered.

“For what?”

“For not giving up on me…” his voice was raw, pained and labored. He wiped my tears and looked straight at the doctor. “What the fuck, doc!?”

We couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

And so, that’s when we told Jimmy to stop drinking and popping pills. He got off the pain meds and anxiety ones and the sleeping pills. He was cut back to a lower dosage for the heart meds and he doesn’t drink NEARLY as much as before. We’ve all cut back, honestly. When the guys used to drink on stage now it’s lemonade (made by me, of course) or water.

Well, now you’re all caught up.

“Scarlet, get out here!” Jimmy wined, calling from outside the tour bus.

“On my way!” I giggled, stepping off the bus to find only him, “where is everyone else?”

“On stage! That’s the point! We’re waiting for you, sound check!”

“Fine, fine.” I waved him off, laughing. He pulled me onto his back, giving me a piggy-back ride to the stage. I held on tight, wiping the single tear that fell from my eyes. Fuck, I’m so glad he’s alright now…

I got onstage with him, reading for another sold-out show. The guys were all ready and after he set me down, he took his place behind the drums.

Matt walked over, “Alright, sound check then you go with Val, Jaz and Serenity to the merch booth!”

“Sounds great to me.” I smiled as Brian came over and gave me a kiss.

Yes, everything was amazing. I had my husband, our daughter, my friends…and we still had our Jimmy…now and foREVer…