This Could All End In Tragedy

I sighed as I let my fingers trace around the rough edges of the chunky ring that rested on my left ring finger.

I always loved that ring. The way all the edges of the over-sized diamond shined. The way it always completed my outfit.

I sighed again and pulled the large black zip up sweatshirt closer around my small frame. I smelled in the distant smell of cigarette smoke coming off Brandon's hoodie that clung to me. I didn't like his habit of smoking but without his scent things just wouldn't be the same.

I looked around the small hall at the familiar faces stricken with sorrow. I didn't like their faces. In fact, I didn't like anybody right now. I stared out the window to my right and looked at the darkened sky.

I wasn't used to this California weather. Back in New York it would be snowing like crazy, not this warm and there definitely wouldn't be rain.

My mind started to wander again. I remembered my last visit to lovely California. It was just six months ago back in July. I remember how nervous mom was about telling everyone about the baby. I remember going with Brandon and his band to record in LA. I remember how tan I got. I remember bragging to all my friends back in New York about meeting the Foo Fighters and Bullet for my Valentine. I remember hanging out at the pier with all my friends and family. And of course I remembered all the hot surfer guys.

I remembered it all.

A sudden wave of chills took over my body as I clung to the warm sweatshirt. I crossed my bare legs again and wrapped the hoodie tighter around me.

I sighed and tore my eyes away from the depressing storm outside the glass to see my dad yet again getting mobbed by people.

I felt bad for the man. He was always one to isolate himself when he was down, I had a feeling he wasn't enjoying this little after party too much.

I looked down at my pale legs again. They would be tan again within a few days.

My eyes struck upon my ring again. I was always distracted by shiny objects. I still remembered buying it. Me and mom had gone on our random shopping adventures into the heart of downtown New York City, into all the vintage shops. I remember how I begged her to buy me the damn thing. I still remember how I had a hissy fit and huffed and puffed till she caved.

Why was it now that I kept looking back? I hated thinking all of a sudden about her. I had kept her off my mind for the last week. I didn't want to start thinking about her now.

Once again new found tears began to threaten my dry eyes. I silently blinked away the evil tears and layed back in my chair.

I slipped my flats off my feet and made myself as comfortable as possible in the chair.

I laid my head back and flipped my eyes close. The lack of sleep was growing on me and this whole situation was beginning to tire me.

My hair fell to the crook of my neck as my mind slowly wandered away.

I was on the brink of sleep and consciousness. So close to peaceful sleep but yet so far away.

The horrid waves of conscious began to wash over me

I groaned and flipped open my tired eye lids to only see Alex looking down at me worried.

"Hey Em." he greeted cautiously looking down at me with a plastered on sympathetic smile.

I blinked my eyes a few times while sitting up again and yawning.

I looked up at Alex again and returned the pathetic smile.

"Hey." I replied back while he took the empty seat next to me.

"How ya holding up kid?" he asked while taking a sip out of his Pepsi can.

I smiled inside my head, typical Alex. Never a glass of wine or a bottle of beer. It was always Pepsi.

I sighed and just looked down at the plain red carpeting through the room.

"I'm really sorry Em." he replied softly while scooting closer to me on the wooden bench we were currently sitting on.

I felt his strong arm wrap around my shoulder.

I felt his chin rest lightly on top of my head.

For some odd reason I just wanted him to go home. To leave me alone. Alex was always the person who could connect with me. He was like the older brother with kick ass vocal chords that I never had. But right now, I didn't want him to hold me.

Brother. That word had it's sound imprinted in my mind. I would have had one if it wasn't for this whole situation. I would have had an amazing baby brother named Ryan Alexander Saller. One that I would actually be blood related to.

I shrugged off his arm and scooted away from his strong hold.

I quickly stood up and slipped my flats on before I could see his reaction.

I took in deep breathes as I felt an ocean of emotions begin to wash over me.

"Em? Emily? Come here." I heard Alex call after me.

I shielded my eyes with my hands as I started walking towards the bathroom.

"I'll be right back." I called back without bothering to look at him.

I was sick of people staring at me like I was some fucking child.

I was Emily Elizabeth Saller and I didn't need anyones' pathetic excuse of sympathy.

I ignored any odd looks I was gaining as I pulled open the heavy wooden door and shut the damn thing behind me.

The tears were slipping down my cheeks as I turned the lock behind me.

I started gasping for air and the world around me started becoming blurry around me again.

I loathed myself. I hated myself for not being able to control my emotions.

I took in more deep breaths as I gradually began to gain back my lack of sanity.

After my little episode was over I grabbed a few paper towels and walked towards the mirror.

I gasped as I looked at the girl staring back at me.

My mascara was all over the place and my eyes were sunken into my head.

I blinked my eyes a few times and shook my head.

I just laughed lightly to myself.

This was a never ending process I thought repeatedly as I tried my best to wipe away the smudged black makeup to the best of my ability.

After I regained the little composure I had left in me, I took in a deep breath and prepared myself for what could possibly happen if I step outside that door.