Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

“Coffee and then we’re on our way,” Emily smiled as she popped into a small café on our way to go shopping.

I had taken the day off because I wanted to. I needed a personal day and I really wanted to spend some time with Meghan now that she was back in New York. I had also tried to keep shopping for a dress for tonight’s event. We had a banquet tonight at the college. Our graduate art history program was collaborating with the Brooklyn Museum to do an installation. Tonight was a fundraiser for the museum and to also show part of the exhibit. It was a cocktail party, but a little more formal.

I wanted Meghan and Emily to help me pick out something that was artsy and appropriate for the event, but also a little sexy for Gabe. I really wanted to reignite our physical relationship as well as our emotional relationship. I needed second opinions and my girlfriends never steered me wrong.
We all picked up a coffee and headed to the first shop. While, I tried to not go shopping before today I put some stuff on hold and I needed to try on stuff for the girls to get final approval.

“Okay, so you know what tonight’s about. I’m looking to go sexy, but not too sexy for a work function and I want something sort of funky, yet appropriate,” I rambled as I opened the door to the little boutique.

“You try on what you put on hold and we’ll also peek around, okay?” Emily pushed me toward the front of the store and the register.

The cashier went and pulled my dresses and took me to a dressing room. I put the dresses on and paraded around the store for Emily and Meghan.

“I don’t like that one on you. The color sort of washes you out,” Emily said as I twirled in my fourth dress, which was a nude color.

“You think?” I asked staring at myself in a 360 mirror.

“Not a good beige for your complexion. I like that white one that you tried on. It looks good with your tan. Plus, those pink pumps are totally hot,” Meghan said nonchalantly as she looked through a rack of dresses.

“I do love that dress. You think it’s appropriate for tonight?”

“Yes, very appropriate. Sexy and sophisticated,” Emily smiled as she took the dress off the rack and looked at it again.

“I did feel sexy and I like the cut out in the back and really who doesn’t love pink shoes,” I smiled as I went to change back into my clothes.

I came back out and I checked out, buying a very cute and sophisticated white dress and a pair of pink pumps to add some color. I was going to wear a pair of diamond earrings I had and I had a tan clutch that would go perfectly. We left the boutique and we went to get lunch. Shopping hadn’t taken as long as I thought. They loved what I had picked out and the dress I picked I felt great in. I was happy.

“So, what happened after I dropped you off yesterday,” I asked Meghan as we were seated.

“She’s been tightlipped all morning,” Emily eyed Meghan suspiciously.

“Let’s hear it. Did you and Rob talk?” I asked as I scanned the menu.

“We talked. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why’d you all let me be totally stupid?” Meghan asked burying her head in her hands.

“We didn’t know. He kept up your stupid story that it was mutual and it just wasn’t working out--”

“But, we knew that was a crock!” Emily interjected cutting me off. I just nodded in agreement.

“We talked. I feel so stupid. I mean, I’m still mad, but we’re talking. We’re not getting back together or anything, but we’re talking,” She smiled weakly.

“Talking is a good step. He’s still in love with you. He never stopped loving you,” Emily gave Meghan sympathetic eyes and reached across the table to touch her arm.

“It’s not like I stopped loving him either. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…how can you forget that?” She asked a bit offended at first and then got quiet at the end.

“We never said that. It’s obvious that you still love him,” I started to laugh and Meghan looked at me questioningly. “You’ve been treating him like a middle school crush. The way you’re so mean to him, clearly a shield.” I pointed at her.

“Well, it’s not like I had no reason. I was completely left. It’s not like he came after me and fought for me,” She sighed with tears welling up in her eyes.

“Rob didn’t know what to do…He thought he was doing the right thing and not interfering with your dream because he wanted something different,” I leaned my head on her shoulder to comfort her. She really thought that he didn’t want her or she had convinced herself so that she could get over him.

“We’re talking and maybe we can be friends again,” Meghan leaned her head onto mine.

“Let’s get some food because I can only take so much about both of you and your relationships!” Emily teased. “Maybe because I’m just as dysfunctional in relationships, but either way…” she laughed.

“Fine, no more talk about relationships!” I laughed and sat back up in the booth. “But, before we move on aren’t you still seeing Ian? Last time I knew and that was yesterday you were still dating him.”

“We’re still together, but it’s Ian and we’re boring,” She smiled and motioned with her hand for me to move off the topic.

“You guys are not boring and you’ve been together for a few years now. He’s so cute and good to you,” Meghan commented.

“I know, but I feel bad because we’re so boring.” She laughed.

“Boring is good! Trust us!” Meg laughed hugging Emily.

We ordered lunch and it was just so nice to relax with my girlfriends. I needed this. I needed a personal day to decompress. We kept everything light and didn’t discuss our relationships, but our jobs and just what was going on with us.

After lunch I went home and hung up my dress and lounged on my couch. I was at home for about an hour and Gabe came home with a black garment bag in hand. He had dropped off one of his suits to be dry cleaned for tonight. He smiled at me as he hung his suit up on the coat rack and closed the door behind him.

“Do I get to see your dress?” He didn’t stop smiling and came over to the couch and crawled on top of me. He nestled his face into my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and twined my fingers in his hair.

“I want to 'wow' you,” I forced a laugh under his weight.

“You wow me all the time,” He kissed me neck lightly. The touch of his lips and the little bit of wetness on my neck gave me goose bumps.

“You like me today?” I teased.

“I like you every day,” I could feel him smile into my neck.

“I’m glad things are starting to go back to normal,” I sighed twisting pieces of his hair with my fingers.

“Me too. I feel like we’ve both been on vacation or tour without each other and now we’re coming back together,” Gabe’s breathe on my neck continued to send waves of excitement through me. I never thought after everything I had been through and felt that I’d get back to being myself again. I wasn’t completely myself because I had anti-depressants helping me, but I was thankful for them. I was thankful for them, my friends and my therapists who’ve helped me to get to this point.

“We still have a lot to talk about and get through and I understand that because I was insane. I’m just glad we’re taking these kinds of steps outside therapy,” I kissed Gabe’s head and he moved his arms to take my hands out of his hair and held them above my head. Gabe raised his head and just looked at me with a smile.

“What?” I almost whispered feeling shy under his gaze.

“Can’t I just look at you?”

“You look at me every day,” I was on the verge of blushing like a school-girl.

“I’m lucky, aren’t I,” He smiled and gave me a kiss.

“I don’t know about that,” I said between kisses. “I think we’re both lucky.”

+++

“We’ll be fashionably late,” I fixed my hair in the mirror of our bathroom. I pinned my hair into place and pretty much shellacked it with hairspray.

“Clearly fashionably,” Gabe laughed from the bedroom.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I said posing as sexily as I could in our doorway.

“Wow!” Gabe nodded vigorously.

“See, I wanted to 'wow' you!” I smiled and walked toward him. “Oh and I love that suit on you.”

“I love that dress on you. Spin!” He gestured with his finger for me to spin for him and I did.

“Will you be okay with being seen with me?” I said as I came back around to face him.

“I hope you don’t want to be seen for too long. I may have to bring you home early,” He winked giving me a kiss.

We headed out and were about twenty minutes late for the event, but it looked as if we weren’t the only ones that were late. There was still a line to get in when we arrived. I held Gabe’s hand and it felt really nice. I wanted to get through this and come out on top. I really had a good feeling that we were almost out of the tunnel and it made me so happy.

“Fashionably late I see,” Lucas greeted me and Gabe.

“We had to cut across town to get here. Everything looks great,” I said looking around as we made our way into the hall. “Lucas, you remember my husband Gabe. Gabe, this is my boss Lucas Wells,” I said reintroducing them to each other.

“Gabe, great to see you again,” Lucas smiled shaking Gabe’s hand that he had taken out of mine.

“Nice to see you again, as well.” Gabe was so fake to him, but I would only know that because I knew him so well. I had to hold back a laugh.

“Sadler, you look amazing tonight,” Lucas smiled and Gabe took my hand back into his.

“She looks amazing every day and night,” Gabe corrected and the situation was getting a bit awkward.

“That’s true,” Lucas was calm and seemed to not care about what he was doing.

“Well, we’re going to take a look at the exhibit. I’m sure, we’ll see each other again,” I said politely and pulled Gabe along.

“I do not like that guy,” Gabe spat after we were out of earshot from Lucas.

“He’s just one of those guys that’s overly friendly and doesn’t realize there is anything wrong with it,” I tried to diffuse the situation.

“He better watch himself,” Gabe mumbled.

We walked around the exhibit and Gabe found some people that he knew and I continued to look around the exhibit.

“Everything looks great, doesn’t it,” I recognized the voice that practically whispered into my ear from behind; it was Lucas. My heart jumped from being startled and I was nervous.

“Oh, yeah,” I stuttered and moved carefully away and next to him. “Everything looks great.”

“How was your day off?” He asked and a waiter came by with a tray of wine. I took a glass and so did Lucas. The conversation was light and I felt some nerves fade.

“It was great. I really needed it,” I laughed and took a sip of my wine.

“How did you spend it?” He asked as we walked through the exhibit together and stopping at the next piece.

“Well, I went shopping for tonight with some girlfriends. We went shopping, got lunch spent quality time with them, which was so good,” I gushed. I really needed my girl’s day today.

“I’m glad that you were able to spend some much needed time with your friends,” He smiled and this was how I liked him. We normally were very casual, but it seemed when Gabe was around there was a bit of jealousy between them. It’s not to say that his overly-friendliness didn’t happen all the time, but it felt different when Gabe was around. It felt more like he was coming on to me.

“Much needed. How was your day at work?”

“Oh you know, stressful. Our applicants are down from last year and down even more from two years ago. We’ll need to do some brainstorming and work to get our numbers back up,” He stared straight ahead gazing at the piece in front of us.

“I’ve got a lot of ideas, actually,” I said nervously not sure if he’d want my input.

“Really?” He smiled as he casually turned his head to look at me.

“Are you surprised?” I asked sarcastically with a wide grin.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I should have expected you to have all these ideas,” He stepped closer to me to close the gap that was between us. My bare arm was now against his suit. It was weird, but I put it out of my mind. I wasn’t crossing any line.

We made our way around the exhibit and I was constantly looking around for Gabe and waiting for him to come and save me, but I didn’t see him at all.

“You looking for Gabe?” Lucas finally asked sounding a bit agitated by my constant looking around.

“Yes, I haven’t seen him in a bit. Will you excuse me?” I asked politely and he nodded and I went to look for him. The room was crowded and hard to maneuver through gracefully, but I spotted Gabe out of the corner of my eye.

I made a beeline for him and just took his hand and pulled him to a quieter spot.

“I’ve been looking for you,” I smiled.

“You were sort of busy with Lucas. I didn’t want to interrupt,” He rolled his eyes.

“I wish you had.”

“It didn’t seem that way,” He said almost condescendingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked defensively.

“Just that you two looked pretty chummy. I don’t know why you even invited me tonight,” Gabe had dropped my hand and put his hands in his pants pockets. He was standoffish and mad at me.

“Are you seriously going to do this now? Lucas is my boss. You are my husband.”

“Maybe you should stop treating Lucas like he’s your husband then,” Gabe scoffed and grabbed a drink from a waiter’s tray that was walking by. He gulped down the drink like it was water.

“That’s ridiculous. I do not treat Lucas like he’s my husband; I treat him like he’s my boss. He’s my boss, Gabe and nothing more,” I whispered angrily at him. I didn’t want to cause a scene.

“Who are you trying to convince Sadler? Me or you?” Gabe laughed angrily and walked away. I leaned against the wall, the exposed skin from the cutout in the back of my dress feeling cool against the marble wall.

“You could probably use another drink,” Lucas laughed handing me a glass of wine. Why was he always showing up?

“Thank you,” I said accepting it. “I need to go,” I gave him back the wine glass and stood up straight to go and get Gabe.

“Can you wait one minute? I want to introduce you to the director of the Brooklyn Museum,” Lucas tilted his head almost pleading for me to stay. I didn’t know what to do. This was someone that I should meet, that I should network with, but Gabe was so mad at me.

“Of course,” I forced a smile and Lucas handed me the wine glass again.

Lucas led me through the crowd with his hand on the small of my back. I tried to walk a little faster so he couldn’t keep his hand there. If it were anyone else it would have mattered.

“Sadler, this is Doctor Arnold Lehman, the director of the Brooklyn Museum,” Lucas said smiling at the both of us.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I smiled and shook his hand.

“Sadler is the director of our first year programs, which are amazing.”

“Well, that’s exciting. Maybe there is something that we can do together?” Dr. Lehman said jovially.

I talked with Dr. Lehman for about an hour and tried desperately to look for Gabe as we talked. I tried to be discreet about it, but I just wanted to find him. Lucas he kept his hand on my back and I inched away from him every chance I had, but he seemed to get closer. I didn’t want to be completely rude in front of one of our most prominent guests.

“Will you excuse me? I want to go and find my husband. He’s floating around here somewhere.”

“Well of course!” Dr. Lehman exclaimed.

“If I find him I’d love for you to meet him,” I casually made my exit and escaped Lucas.

I searched all over for Gabe. I figured he’d be drinking in a corner waiting for me or something or maybe with our friends. I ran into Margot while strolling around.

“Whoa, look at you,” Margot smiled.

“Have you seen Gabe?” I asked her not even wanting to have small talk.

“You look gorgeous though and no. I saw him maybe an hour ago he was with Jenn’s husband,” She went from happy to concerned. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Lucas does it?” She asked cautiously.

“What? Why would it?” I asked trying to laugh it off and not get defensive.

“Are you completely oblivious to his flirting?” Margot seemed not to believe me at all.

“He’s the same way with me as he is with everyone else. I’ve watched him,” I pointed out. I had watched him and aside from the touching tonight I didn’t feel like he treated me any different.

“No, he is not,” She laughed as if I were totally stupid. “Lucas was all about you from the moment he laid eyes on you. You have to see it.”

“I guess, but only when other people point it out. I’m not interested in him, so I don’t really pay attention,” I shrugged trying to just play it all off and not get worked up.

“That dress is gorgeous!” Jenn said coming between Margot and me. She took my arms and stepped back so she was the length of my arms away and just looked me up and down. I really wasn’t in the mood.

“Thank you. You and Margot look gorgeous as well! You too Pete,” I tried to put on a happy face for everyone.

“Jenn let me pick out my own suit tonight. I’m a big boy,” Pete teased Jenn and she rolled her eyes at him.

“Was Gabe with you guys?”

“He left like an hour ago, he didn’t come see you?” Pete looked to Jenn as if he wanted her to save him.

“No…I’m going to call it a night and head home,” I felt really awkward with my marital problems on display. Everyone just nodded and I went to coat check to get my shawl and called a cab home.

I rode up the elevator. I had tried calling Gabe on my way home and it went right to voice mail. I was hoping he wasn’t out for the night drinking. I didn’t want to start this cycle all over again. I stepped out and walked down the hallway and there as a suitcase outside our door, more specifically my suitcase. I approached the door and took a look at my suitcase, unzipping it a bit to peer inside. It had all my clothes in it. I shook my head and unlocked the door to the apartment. It was dark, maybe he wasn’t home. I flicked on a hallway light and looked around and made my way to the bedroom.

“Gabe?” I called lightly, but there was no response.

I sat down on our bed and just looked around our room. He wanted me out. I didn’t know what to do. I tried calling him one more time and again right to voice mail.

I called Victoria to see if maybe she was with the band, but he wasn’t. I called Rob to see if he had heard from him, but he didn’t answer. I went and got my suitcase from the hall and Gabe was coming down.

“Do you really want me to go?” I asked and my voice sounded so small.

“It only took you two hours to realize I left, wow!” Gabe mocked. He had changed into a pair of jeans, his dunks and a t-shirt.

“It’s not like that. I got sidetracked by the director of the Brooklyn Museum. He wanted to meet me,” Gabe walked right by me and into the apartment with a bag of food.

He went and started taking out his food on the bar and pulled up a stool to sit as if nothing was wrong. I pulled the suitcase inside and shut the door behind me.

“Do you let all of your bosses keep their hand on your back?” He asked eating his sandwich.

“No and I didn’t want him to either. I moved away. I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of the director of the museum either,” I defended myself. I did what I thought was appropriate and tried to keep my distance.“I also was looking for you when I got introduced to him. I couldn’t be rude, Gabe.”

“It’s funny,” He laughed. “Remember when you got mad at me because of that fan? Well, I didn’t want to be rude to her either, so I guess we’re even?”

“That’s not even close to what happened tonight. I didn’t want him to touch me. I tried to be polite as I could at a work function and not let him touch me, but I couldn’t make a scene either. I’m going to talk to him about it all, don’t worry about that. But, where were you? Where were you to be my date and save me from all of that? Apparently you watched, but didn’t care?” I couldn’t take it anymore and I sort of unleashed on him.

“It didn’t look like you wanted to be saved,” He continued to eat and sort of dismiss me.

“Well, I did. You were all I talked about to them…” I trailed and it was true. “I told the director about you and your music. I told them about your friends, Pete and Trav and how they are great artists. I talked about how you had this eye for art and really taught me how to appreciate it. I mentioned you every chance I could, but you were nowhere to be seen,” I started taking out my hair and let it fall down my back as I shook it out. I was getting a headache from the fighting and my hair being in too tight.

“I’m sure you did,” He said smugly.

“Do you want me to leave? Do you not want me anymore? Is this just your way of ending it?” I asked after a long silence. I think I took him off guard with that and he just stared at me.

“You did pack my bags.”

“Well…I…uh…” He stuttered in disbelief.

“Did you just not want to discuss my bag? Clearly you want me out,” I said matter-of-factly.

“It’s clear that you want out. I was just giving you what you want, but won’t say,” He shoved his food out of the way.

“Thank you Dionne Warwick!” I screamed at him “Clearly you know my future!”

“I just don’t know anymore,” He sighed and hung his head.

“Don’t know about us?” I choked out. I swear my heart stopped beating for a minute. “I’m sorry I was depressed,” I said softly. “I’m sorry.”

There was a long silence between us. I didn’t know what to say to him or what to do. My mind was racing with what to say and how to fix this.

“I’ll go stay with Meghan…I thought we were doing so well,” The tears that had been brimming in my eyes started to fall and I was starting to wonder how much more I could take. I thought that things were starting to look up for me and for Gabe and me.

I took my shawl of the arm of the couch and picked up my clutch before taking my suitcase and walking out the door. I hailed a cab and had it drop me off at Meg’s. I rang her door and waited.

“Hello?” I heard through the intercom.

“Meg,” I sniffed.

“Sadie? You okay?”

“Can I stay with you tonight?” I cried just hearing her voice.

“Of course, come up!” She buzzed me into her building and I pulled my suitcase up and down the hall to her elevator.

Meg was waiting for me, poking her head out of her apartment.

“What happened?” She asked taking me into her arms in the doorway.

“Gabe doesn’t want me anymore,” I sobbed.

“That’s not true,” She said smoothing my hair and squeezing me tight.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I said stepping back as I saw Rob come up behind Meg.

“What?” Meg asked confused.

“I should have called. You just live closer than Emily…”

“Oh, Rob,” She laughed noticing him behind her now. “We were just talking. Don’t be silly, come in,” She pulled my suitcase through the door and I followed.

“What’s wrong fantasy?” Rob asked pulling me into his arms too.

“Gabe…he doesn’t want me anymore,” I sobbed even harder now because it was Rob.

“That’s not true at all,” Rob rocked me softly in his arms and I just felt numb.

“I thought everything was going in the right direction,” I hiccupped.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Rob soothed. I just hoped he was right because I was beginning to feel like everything was slipping away.