Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

“We’re home Abuela,” Gabe said tiredly on the phone.

“Thank you again,” I chimed in as he spoke with her.

“She says she loves you and can’t wait to meet the babies. She knows they are going to be beautiful and healthy,” Gabe said as he pulled the phone away from his ear. We were waiting for our baggage at the carousel.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for two tan assholes?” Rob said as he approached us. Gabe walked off to finish talking to his grandmother and I gave Rob a huge hug.

“Thank you so much for picking us up!” I said as I squeezed him.

“Of course, boo,” He smiled. “Let’s get your bags.”

“Gabe just called his grandmother to let her know we landed okay,” I explained as we waited for the carousel to start churning out bags.

“I figured.”

“Where’s Meg?” I asked. I was a little sad I didn’t see her with him.

“Well, she’s home...she wasn’t feeling well,” He was a terrible liar.

“What happened?” I asked seriously.

“Nothing...seriously,” He laughed and nudged me.

“You are a terrible, terrible liar. Complications from the surgery? What happened?” My heart was sinking in my chest, something went wrong or was wrong, I could feel it.

“The biopsy came back and the larger cyst was malignant. They got everything, don’t worry. Meg chose to start chemotherapy to be on the safe side and she just started today and is a little sick,” He explained Rob sounded upbeat as if everything was going to be okay, but I was still scared.

“Why didn’t you call us?” I asked and the buzzer went off on the carousel and startled me more. “I know Meg wouldn’t, but you could’ve,” I was a little mad.

“Could’ve what?” Gabe asked as he joined us. He gave Rob a hug. “Thanks for picking us up, man”

“Of course dude...Nothing is wrong. Meg’s biopsy came back with cancer cells and while they got everything they are doing chemotherapy to make sure...She started today and is a little sick, that’s why she’s not here.”

“I’m sorry dude. She’s going to be fine, right? What do they say?” Gabe asked putting an arm around me to make me feel better. He was calm, which helped me.

“She is going to be absolutely fine. It was very early and they got everything and this is just to be safe...She opted to do it to be safer,” Rob assured us. “And we didn’t call because we wanted you both to have a great trip and not to stress.”

“Now I’m stressed,” I walked off to stand by the bags. I just wanted everyone to be safe and healthy.

“I’m sorry,” I heard Rob sigh to Gabe as I walked away.

“We’ll be okay,” Gabe told him.

“I’m really sorry…” Rob whispered to me. He stood watching the carousel with me.

“I...I just don’t want anything else to go wrong this time around. With me or with my friends and family. Meg’s my sister, you know?” I cried a little.

“I know. Nothing is going to go wrong. I promise you. The doctor said she is going to be fine. She didn’t have to do chemotherapy, but she wanted to be safe and decided to do it. We are all going to be awesome.”

“I hope so. I want to believe that…” Gabe came up behind me and encircled my shoulders with his arms and pulled me into his chest.

“I see your bags,” Rob said and he and Gabe went to grab our luggage. We had tied a bow on our suitcases for easy identification.

“Can we come and see her? I know she won’t want to see me, but I need to see her,” I told Rob as we walked out of the airport.

“Let me call her, okay?”

“Okay.” I relented.

“Sadie, we just got back and today was her first day of chemotherapy. Let’s go home and then tomorrow we can bring what we bought them over and some brunch?” Gabe asked, but really he was telling me.

“I...I..” I knew he was right and I was just hormonal and wanting to see Meg, but I couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry Rob…Can we come tomorrow?” I asked swallowing what I really wanted to say, which was “I’m still coming over.”

“Tomorrow is perfect. Sadler, please don’t worry. If it was something to worry about we would have called you. You need to be stress free, okay?” Rob pulled my suitcase behind him.

“Does Emily know?” I asked defensively.

“Yes, she does,” Rob winced a bit, as if I were about to erupt.

“I know I sound crazy, I’m sorry,” I said talking myself down.

“No, I know we should have told you, but you are on strict instructions not to be stressed and we didn’t want to do that. We want healthy and fat babies,” Rob stopped at his car in the lot and turned to me.

“I know...you know how Meg and I are...If you tell me she’s fine I will believe you,” I gave Rob a hug.

“She’s fine.”

“I am so excited to be home!” Gabe shouted as he threw our suitcases in the trunk.

“I didn’t miss this weather, that’s for sure,” I tightened my scarf. “It was so hard to put on a coat and scarf, let alone pants this morning,” I groaned as I got in the backseat.

“I bet. I’m glad you wore pants though,” Rob teased as he and Gabe got into the car.

“You and me both, man,” Gabe laughed.

Rob drove us home and dropped us off right in front of our building. We said our goodbyes and he drove off. Gabe and I went upstairs and left our suitcases in the front hall. I was so tired from traveling all day. My legs were a little swollen too. I sat on the couch and made a few calls to let everyone know I made it home safe and sound.

Our trip was amazing. I had never been so showered with attention in my life. Gabe’s family was amazing and I loved them so much. They spoiled me rotten and we just had an amazing time. Gabe got to see his family and we both were able to relax. We had a few fights here and there,but nothing out of the ordinary. All in all an perfect trip. I felt like we had time to reconnect and we really needed that especially with our bundles on the way.

“I’m tired...like my body, but I am wide awake.”

“Me too,” I yawned. “I was so uncomfortable on the plane.”

“Why don’t you go lay down?” Gabe said as he came over to help me off the couch.

“I have to make one more phone call. You can sit next to me if you want,” I smiled at him.

“I guess,” He rolled his eyes and jumped onto the couch and pulled me into his arms.

“Hey Em!” I yawned as she answered.

“Hey! Welcome back! How was everything? How are you feeling?” She asked excitedly.

“Thank you. Everything was amazing and I’m feeling okay...a little jet lagged, but okay. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good. Levi has been sick and has a double ear infection, so I’ve been up at all hours of the night. Poor thing was in so much pain,” She sounded so sad that Levi was so sick.

“My poor boy. When can I stop over and see him and you?”

“Come tomorrow! I really want to see you and hear all about Uruguay!”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Meg?” I blurted. I couldn’t help it. Gabe whispered “Stop” into my ear, but I just stood up and walked into the nursery.

“It’s not my news to share and you need as little stress in your life as possible. She’s fine. Seriously, Sadler. This is voluntary.” Em tried to assure me. I could hear the guilt in her voice.

“I’m not a walking time bomb. I can handle it. I wish someone had told me.”

“If there was something for you to worry about then I would have called you, but this is voluntary. She’s fine. You know how she is, this is nothing, okay?”

“I do know how she is and this sounds like when she broke up with Rob. There is more to this...I don’t think this was voluntary…” I said angrily. “Do you get that feeling at all?” I asked Emily and Gabe pulled my phone out of my hand.

“Emily please don’t mind my crazy wife. I am putting her in bed and she is going to relax,” Gabe told Emily and I grabbed the phone back from him, but she had already hung up.

“Gabe, let me have my own conversation. Mind your own business,” I was so annoyed.

“It is my business when you are carrying my children and you are high risk and you’ve been ordered to keep the stress to a minimum, so we can visit Emily and Meg tomorrow, but for now you need to relax. She’s going to be fine.” He tried to calm me down, but it just made me angrier.

“I’m going out,” I snapped and walked past him to the front door.

“Sadler, stop being so stubborn,” Gabe laughed as he followed me down the hall.

“Stop trying to tell me what to do. I need some air and to clear my head.”

“Are you going to put a jacket on?” He laughed again.

“Stop laughing at me,” I was so hormonal and defensive.

“I’m trying not to, but babe, come on…” He said and grabbed my coat, gloves and scarf from the couch for me.

“For real? I’m upset about my best friend and her health and you’re like patronizing me.”

“I’m not...I’m not,” He chuckled.

“I’ll see you whenever I feel like coming home,” I grabbed my coat, scarf and gloves out of his hands and started to put them on.

“Stop, Sadler. I’m sorry...it’s just you’re so cute when you have a pregnancy mood swing. I’m sorry. Don’t leave,” He said pulling me back inside and shutting the door behind us. “I just want you to relax. Meg, Rob and Emily all love you and would tell you if something were really wrong. I think you’re waiting for something to go wrong. Don’t do this to yourself. We’ll go see her first thing in the morning and you can talk to her then. Let her recover too, okay?”

Gabe’s voice was so soothing. I couldn’t look him in the eyes; I was embarrassed by my behavior. I just nodded and walked toward the couch and took off my coat and placed it on the chair before curling back up on the couch.

“I love you and I love our son and daughter...that’s all I care about right now, okay?” Gabe said waiting for me to acknowledge him.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry...she’s Meg. She’s my sister.”

“She’s become like a sister to me too, but we need to let her and Rob work through this and trust them when they tell us she’s going to be okay.”

“I know...It’s just hard. I’m just waiting for that one thing to go wrong. Everything is just so good…” I had a jolt of pain in my stomach as I finished the sentence.

“You okay?” Gabe asked and came over to my side.

“I’m fine. Just growing pains,” I took some deep breaths.

“This is exactly why you need to relax, Sad.”

“I get it,” I sighed with annoyance.

“You can’t stay mad at me. It’s seriously impossible…” He grinned as he hovered over me trying to kiss me.

“Oh it’s possible. I’m on overload right now,” I tried not to laugh or give in. I really needed some space and alone time.

“I know...I’m gonna go watch TV in our room and you have time for yourself...it’ll be good for us. No sneaking out. I’ll find you.”

“This fat ass is staying put,” I smirked and he kissed the top of my head and went to our room.

“I’m sorry I laughed at you, but you were so funny,” He laughed again as he walked off.

I settled in on the couch and turned the TV on. It was nice to just relax. While Gabe and I spent a lot of time together, we really didn’t get one on one time. We were around each other, but we were each being pulled in a hundred directions by family. We did have two nights together where we went for dinner and just to the beach alone. I guess it wasn’t that I needed space from Gabe, but just space in general to relax and not have to be on all the time.

I watched TV for about two hours on and off. I shut it off and made sure the door was locked and shut out the lights behind me and went into our bedroom. Gabe was asleep, straight up against the headboard with his head falling to the side. The TV was still on. I just watched him from the doorway for a bit. He was so handsome and he looked so peaceful. He was actually asleep at a decent hour. It didn’t feel like 10pm, but after all the traveling it felt like 4am.

I slowly crept into the bed and tried to ease him down onto his pillow so he wouldn’t be a stiff mess in the morning. He was out like a light. I turned off the TV and tossed the remote to the end of the bed and tried to get comfortable myself. I kissed Gabe’s head and settled next to him. It was like he had Spidey Senses and he moved to let me form to him and lay my head on his chest; I needed that after a long trip. He held me loosely and I feel right to sleep.

“Sadler?!” I heard Gabe call out from the bedroom. He sounded panicked.

“I didn’t leave. I’m still here…” I smiled as I brought in two mugs of coffee.
Gabe rolled back over and I set the mugs on the nightstand and crawled next to him. I sat back against the headboard and ran my hand through his hair.

“Did you go out?” He asked groggily.

“Like this?” I laughed. I was disheveled. “No way. Just made some coffee. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Lay with me now,” Gabe grinned up at me as he ran his hand up my leg.

“You know I’m like a virginal boy all the time now. Ten seconds and I’m done,” I laughed at him trying to get into my pants.

“I know. I love you like this. I apologize less for getting off so quickly,” I said pulling me down to him.

“And this time I actually get off too,” I teased.

“I mean, you’re asking for it!” Gabe said as he got up and on top of me. He just laughed at me and I started to laugh too.

“You’re killing the mood,” He laughed trying to kiss me, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” I tried to stop laughing. “Okay. I’m ready.”

“I love you,” He shook his head at me and then kissed me.

Five minutes later we just laid in bed together and I had to laugh. Gabe pinched me and I giggled more.

“If only it was that way all the time,” I nestled in closer to Gabe and kissed his chest.

“I’m going to trade you in soon,” He breathed and my cell phone began to ring.

“I bet it’s Meg,” I said excitedly and rolled to grab my cell phone off the nightstand. I looked at my caller ID and it was Courtney. I got nervous. I had almost pushed everything that had happened with Lucas and his family out of my mind while on vacation; it was a distant memory for all I was concerned. I pressed ignore on my phone and waited to see if she left a message.

“Who was it that you didn’t want to talk to?” Gabe laughed.

“Courtney...waiting for her to leave a message.”

“What the fuck could she possibly want?” He was agitated now and sat up.

“I have no idea,” I sighed and there it was the message. I dialed my voicemail and put it on speaker for Gabe to hear.

“Hey, Sadler...it’s Courtney. I know you’re probably wondering why I am calling and I seriously am questioning my calling too after everything, but I’m going to be back in the city next weekend and...I was wondering if you wanted to get together? I know I shouldn’t be asking, but you’re the only one I was really friends with there aside from...well...so now I’m all alone. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I hope to hear from you, but I understand if I don’t. If I don’t...congrats on becoming a mother. You’re going to be amazing.”

“She’s got some balls,” Gabe commented.

“I know…”

“Have lunch with her. I know you are feeling guilty and all,” He smiled at me. “And she’s not the problem. I know that now...Just be careful.”

“I’ll call her tomorrow…” I smiled and shook my head; he knew me too well sometimes. I was feeling bad about her situation. “Thank you and I love you.”

“Love you too. Call Meg because I see in your eyes you want to,” He smirked at me.

“Stop doing that,” I laughed at him and called Meg. It went to her voicemail. I called Rob.

“Hey there…” Rob answered. He sounded like he was hiding something.

“What’s going on? Truth.” My heart was pounding.

“I just brought Meg to the hospital. She woke up in hives and had some swelling. The doctors think she’s allergic to the chemo meds.”

“Where are you? What can I do?”

“She’s going to be fine. She just needs to take a antihistamine before getting chemo. We’ll be out of the hospital in a few and we’ll come by, okay?” He tried to calm me down.

“You take care of her and let her rest and we’ll try and come by tomorrow?” I was trying to let go. I was trying to let Rob take care of Meg because it was a new thing for Meg and they needed this. This would make them stronger.

It was a strange feeling. Meg and I have always been inseparable and when we were in relationships it didn’t change. A gauge on whether or not a boyfriend would last was dependent upon if we all meshed. I couldn’t date someone Meg didn’t like and vice versa. And even after her and Rob were dating and married our relationship didn’t change. Maybe it was unhealthy how involved we were in each others lives. We were able to let Emily have her life and not constantly be all up in her business, but Meg was my other half. Meg was the sister I never had and the sibling that I yearned for and if was really hard for me to let her go, but I had to. I had to let her grow and let her do things with Rob and she’d reach out to me. It was killing me, but I had known it for a long time, but wasn’t ready to let it happen until now. She was in amazing hands, which was making it easier.

“I’ll see what she says, but I know she wanted to come and see you guys today. I’ll call you later, okay?” Rob asked sweetly.

“Okay. Tell her I am thinking of her and I love her.”

“I’ll tell her and I know she’ll say she loves you back.”

“Love you too, Rob,” He was making it easier to let Meg go a little.

“Love you too. I’ll call you.”

“You better. Talk to you soon.” I said and hung up.

“What’s wrong?” Gabe asked nervously.

“She had a reaction to the chemo medication and they brought her into the hospital. She’ll be fine though. She just needs to take an antihistamine before treatments.”

“That’s so scary. How are you feeling?” He opened his arms for me and I laid on his chest.

“I’m okay. Glad she’s going to be fine. We’ll see about visiting tomorrow.”

“I’m glad she’s going to be okay too. You want to go for a walk and get some breakfast?”

“Yes! That sounds great!” I squeezed him tighter.

--

The next day Rob called me bright and early and invited Gabe and me over for lunch. Meg was feeling better and wanted to see us. I was so giddy. I couldn’t contain myself.

“You’re acting like you are being reunited with a long lost sibling or something...wait, that’s actually sort of what it’s like…” Gabe teased as he shook his head at me.

“Ooh, here, feel,” I walked over to him and put his hands on my belly, the babies were moving. “Feel a foot?” I laughed.

“I could just wait for them to move all day,” He smiled.

“They’re both active today...When I feel them move it makes me feel so much better,” I pushed one of Gabe’s hands harder against my stomach to feel one of their butts protruding on the side of my stomach..

“Makes me feel better too,” He gave me a quick kiss. “You ready?”

“I am. Let me just grab my purse.”

I grabbed my purse and threw on my jacket and followed Gabe out the door. We caught a cab and made our way to Rob and Meg’s house.

“Hey strangers! Welcome back!” Meg said excitedly as she opened the door and hugged me tightly. I teared up at the sight of her.

“I missed you so much! How are you? Are you feeling better?”

“I missed you too. I’m fine. I’m totally fine,” She laughed and walked backwards pulling me inside her apartment.

“I seriously contemplating rushing over here and to the hospital about seventy five times,” I clung to her as if someone was going to steal her from me.

“Don’t suffocate her,” Gabe said as he poked me.

“Sorry,” I laughed and let go of her.

“If you are getting chemo, does that mean you’re going to lose your hair because I have this kick ass blonde and blue mullet that a fan gave me that would look spectacular on you!” Gabe said as he held Meg’s head between his hands. She just shook her head.

“I’m like ten steps ahead of you, sir. I bought a wig with cornrows,” She laughed.

“Of course you did. Missed ya sista,” Gabe finally gave her a hug and I went and gave Rob a hug.

“So, what’s for lunch Bobby?” Gabe asked giving Rob a hug.

“Oh we have a beautiful spread waiting for us,” Rob gestured to their dining room and there was an array of food.

“What are the doctor’s saying, Meg?”

“Christ, not even a bagel first?” She said sarcastically and sat next to me at the table.

“We’ll get that out of the way and then talk Uruguay,” I promised.

“They called and said the biopsy came back as cancerous, but said they got it all. I asked if they thought I should take some precautionary action and they said that I should undergo some chemo since it was so big and all. So, I am doing it.” She said matter-of-factly while she poured herself some grapefruit juice.

“So it’s just to make sure everything is okay, right?”

“Exactly! Now that stuffs out of the way how was your trip? How is one of my god-children? I mean I assume I will be a godmother.” She grinned widely.

“The trip was amazing! My grandmother cooked for us everyday and pampered the shit out of Sadler,” Gabe rubbed my shoulders.

“And obviously you two will be godparents, well, the aunt and uncle who spoil them the most,” I took a bagel from the middle of the table.

“I want to spoil the boy,” Rob commented.

“Rob, please don’t ever say that outside of this house,” Meg laughed.

“Come one, you know I didn’t mean it that way!” Rob defended.

“I’m rethinking our decision now…” I teased.

Meg looked good and her and Rob seemed happier than ever. I felt more at ease now that we were all together and I could see Meg and know for sure she was okay. I was still worried. I was still terrified for her, but I knew she was in good hands and it made me feel all the better.

“Stop staring at me,” Meg said interrupting my thoughts.

“Sorry, wasn’t staring, just dazed off.”

“What’cha thinking about over there?” Rob asked.

“We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and just nervous for that...Everything feels fine, but you know. And Courtney called me today to do lunch and just you being healthy…” I trailed looking down at my plate.

“The babies are fine. You’re fat and glowing and everything is going to be perfect. Don’t worry at all about me. I’m fine. Courtney, for real?” Meg said rapid fire.

“Yeah, she called...I’m gonna do lunch with her. I mean...she’s crazy, but she was trying to protect her brother. I would have done the same thing. She’s just getting back to the city for work and I’m the only one she knows…” I defended.

“Gabe?” Meg questioned him as if he were my father and the final decision.

“She’s right. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.” I smiled at him.

“Go away and come back crazy,” Meg sighed.

“I know what I’m doing. At least I told you what I’m doing,” I snapped back.

“I’m sorry about that, but I was just trying to protect you,” Meg was getting agitated too.

“I’m still a fucking person, you don’t need to protect me. I can handle myself. I’m not this fragile nut case everyone seems to think I am. Is everyone afraid I’m going to do what I did last time? Is that why everyone is treating my like a baby? It’s not about the stress...it’s about my mental state...I don’t know what I have to do to prove to you guys I’m fine now. Thanks for supporting me,” I raised my voice. I was so mad. I got up and walked out. I couldn’t be in there anymore.

I should have seen it earlier. I should’ve noticed all along the remarks here and there, but I didn’t. I just thought it was my friends being supportive and trying to poke fun at me, but it wasn’t in jest, but in seriousness. They all thought I was going to lose it.

“Sadler! Sadler!” Meg called after me, but I kept walking. I walked out of the apartment and down the street. They were only seven miles from my house.

“Sadler! Sadie! Come on!” Meg ran after me.

“Me, come on? Fuck you!” I was so enraged.

“I don’t think you’re a nut case. I don’t want to cause stress because I don’t want you to lose two babies and have to go through the same thing. I think that’s a valid fear,” Meg walked backwards in front of me.

“I think about that everyday, but I have tools now to help me cope if that were to happen. I also would not let that happen to me. You’ve seen me over the past two years. My coping skills have gotten so much better in general. I still see a therapist. I am actually happy. I just don’t want to live in the past...Like everything I do has to have the worst case scenario of me spiraling down attached to it.”

“Sadler...you can’t expect us not to have that in the back of our minds. We support you. We love you and we know you’re fine, but...you need to understand what you went through didn’t just effect you, but everyone around you. We’ve known each other our entire lives and you’ve gotta know by now how I feel about you,” Meg pleaded.

“Do you not think I don’t know that? I just can’t stand being treated with kid gloves,” I cried and stopped walking.

“Sad…” Meg sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you about my treatments and I’m sorry for treating you with kid gloves. I just needed to repair my relationship with Rob. I’m an independent person, but I’ve always needed you and that’ll never change...But, I just needed to do this on my own. I’m not shutting you out at all. I just am not great at being in relationships and sadly I’m really in love with Rob...and seem to be totally fucking it up and am trying to get back to good, you know?” She gave me puppy dog eyes.

“Clearly, Rob taught you those eyes,” I laughed. “I know. I never thought you were shutting me out...at all. I wanted that for you. I just wanted to know. I just want you not to worry about me. I mean you can worry, but not because you think I’m about to go off the handle,” I laughed.

“Listen, if I learned the puppy dog eyes from Rob, you learned running away all mad from me,” She laughed hugging me tightly.

“Very true. I’m sorry to storm out...that’s not me. I love you. I’m glad you’re going to be fine.”

“I love you too. Let’s go back upstairs, bitch,” Meg laughed and pulled me back toward the apartment.

“You okay?” Gabe asked as we approached the building. Rob and Gabe were standing in the doorway.

“I’m fine. I know that you may think I lost it there, but one can only take so much handling with the kid gloves. I’m going to be fine whatever happens. I just want to be treated like a person and not for my past behavior.”

“I’m sorry,” Rob and Gabe almost said in unison.

“I really didn’t think I was doing that, but I’m sorry you felt that way,” Gabe said.

“Well, you weren’t that much, but you definitely have had your moments.”

“I know I’m guilty. I just worry about my little boy in there,” Rob said sarcastically.

“Again, Rob, please don’t say that again. I don’t want people thinking I married a pedophile,” Meg said seriously. I just laughed.

“You know I love you Fantasy. You’re my girl. I’m sorry,” Rob hugged me tightly.

“Thank you. I know. I’m sorry for running out.”

“We understand. Let’s get back inside, okay?” Gabe ushered us back inside and upstairs.

I had calmed down. I knew it was all out of love, but it didn’t always make it better. We relaxed in the living room and Gabe held me loosely in his arms on the couch and we all talked. It was nice. I was able to talk to them about everything. All the fears and all of the hopes I had and they shared theirs with me. It was nice. I felt closer to all of them, if that was even possible.