Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

“If you say one more word that could be deemed a fighting word, I will call the doctor in to set you straight,” Gabe said shushing me. He was stern and annoyed that I was fighting with him over doctors orders.

“I’m not fighting. I’m scared.” I told Gabe as I squeezed his hand.

“We’re in good hands. You’re going to be amazing and so will the babies,” He said calmly and kissed my forehead.

“Okay, so…” Doctor Zink said loudly as he reentered my room head down on my chart. “I want to keep you here overnight just to monitor you and make some decisions. One decision that is already been made is you’ll be on bed rest. With your past pregnancy issues, I do not want to take any chances. The other part will be to put you on some progesterone or do a cerclage, where we sew up your cervix, but you’ll still be on complete bed rest.” Doctor Zink said it all so calmly and with a smile, but it was hard to take his optimism at face value.

“What does the progesterone do?” Gabe asked before I could even get a word out.

“Progesterone while seems Sadler’s levels are in the normal range, they are in the low range. Your body is working overtime with two babies, but also just could be your body. So, this supplement helps the fetus and hopefully the cervix.”

“Can I just do the cerclage? I mean, why not just be overly cautious?” I asked nervously.

“Well, we can, but it’s recommended to do it earlier than 20 weeks. More like 12-14 weeks max, but if we don’t see a change tonight, we may just monitor you. There are still risks with the cerclage; it doesn’t 100% prevent pre-term labor,” Doctor Zink seemed almost frustrated, but not with me, but that it wouldn’t work for me…as if I needed it.

“But, you’ve done them, at 20 or more weeks, I’m sure? Let’s just do it, please.”

“Sad, why not just listen to Doctor Zink…he knows best,” Gabe said with a concerned look.

“I’m not risking this. I’m sorry Doctor Zink, but I want anything and everything that will allow me to have healthy babies,” I said sternly and kissed Gabe’s hand that was still intertwined with mine.

“Doc, would you tell us the risks first.” Gabe asked.

“I mean, with anything they are risks because one person or maybe a few felt the side effects, but some include Infection, vaginal bleeding, cervical tearing, the cervix could permanently close or narrow and there is still the risk of miscarriage and preterm labor. Risks are real, but hard to determine from person to person.”

“I want it.” I said firmly and sure of my decision. “Gabe, I know you’ll want to talk about this, but I don’t want to. I’m doing it.” I said looking him in right in the eyes.

“You’re being selfish,” Gabe whispered.

“I don’t care.”

“Okay, let’s just monitor you overnight okay and then I’ll look for a time in the afternoon tomorrow we can do the cerclage. The nurse will be in to give you some progesterone though. You’re making a good choice,” Doctor Zink patted my blanket covered legs, gave us a smile and left.

“He just said it’s a good choice. At this point, Gabe, I don’t want to hear it.” I was so mean and full of anger and not because I was mad at Gabe, but I was like in survival mode. I was in protection mode as if I wasn’t married and these weren’t also Gabe’s kids.

“I really want to yell at you right now, but I don’t want to cause any more stress to you or your body…” He was trying very hard to keep himself in check. “You’re being selfish and possibly reckless with our children and you seem not to care about me or how I feel.” He was a bit on edge, but was very calm in his delivery.

“I don’t know. Maybe, it’s because losing our baby happened in my body and I’m conscious and super protective of that. Maybe, I’m stepping up to do what’s best instead of waiting till something is an emergency…did you think of that?” I sounded sarcastic and that was not my intention, but it was how I was sometimes with hard emotional things. Sarcasm was my defense.

“I did. I want to be proactive and protect my entire family – you included. I want to do what’s best and maybe this is something that becomes an emergency procedure down the road, but right now it didn’t seem necessary.” Gabe dropped my hand and walked to the window in my room and leaned on the sill to look at me. “I can’t lose all three of you,” he had tears in his eyes now. “I can’t. I wouldn’t know how to get on.”

“Come here,” I said choking up a bit as I patted the bed next to me and scooched to one side.

“I can’t.” He was so mad and hurt he wasn’t even looking at me.

“Gabe, right now!” I demanded and he finally crawled in next to me. “Hold me,” I instructed as he laid like a stranger next to me. He didn’t move. I rolled to my side and held him.

“My love…everything will be fine.” I soothed. “Look at how roles have reversed,” I laughed a bit so I didn’t cry. Gabe was full on crying now and held me super tight. “Gabe, nothing is going to happen. Nothing.” I looked at him to reassure him I felt that.

“I know this…this…isn’t something abnormal, but the thought of losing anyone of you is like…the amount of emptiness I’d feel would be indescribable.” Gabe kissed the top of my head.

“Well, I’d hope so,” I teased with a laugh.

“This isn’t the time, Sadler,” He sighed.

“Stop. Right. Now.” I propped myself up and looked at Gabe. “Get your shit together, dad. We’ve got twins on the way – we’re going to have healthy, chubby twins and we’re going to do our best to juggle everything and make it work – look forward to that. Look forward to wanting to kill me more than you do already and to grounding our kids for doing exactly what we used to do,” I laughed.

“They’ll be better at it.” Gabe sat up and wiped his face and eyes. “Or we’ll raise the most sheltered kids ever,” He smiled and kissed my lips. “I’m sorry.”

“This role reversal is freaking me out,” I laughed against his lips.

“My balls are coming back…I can feel them.” He teased.

“Good, because I can’t carry two babies and a set of balls, just too much. “

The nurse came in to give me some progesterone. They gave me a shot instead of the other invasive options. Gabe left to get some food and to grab our iPad from the house so we could watch some movies. I cradled my stomach and just tried to think positively.

“I love you more than life…even when I was ruining our marriage and a complete dick…the thought of losing you was like, not even something I could fathom or probably survive…”I could hear Gabe faintly say and I could feel his arms around me. I must have fallen asleep. I opened my eyes a bit and Gabe was behind me, cradling me.

“We’re going to survive this…all four of us.” I squeezed him tighter.

“I love you too,” I said and smiled to myself.

“You better.”

///

“So, we’re just gonna take a look again and see where we’re at,” Doctor Zink said as he put my legs in the stirrups.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as he laid a sheet across my legs.

“Fine, I guess. I don’t feel any different.”

“Good. We’ll take a look and see. We have a spot for you to get the cerclage later today if necessary,” Doctor Zink said as he poked and prodded down there.

“Everything looks good,” He said and we put my legs down and went to set up the stuff for an ultrasound. “I think you’re a good candidate for the cerclage. I just want to take a quick ultrasound to make sure nothing has changed inside.”

“Should we be as worried as we are?” Gabe asked.

“It’s natural - you two went through a very traumatic situation before,” He turned to look at both of us. “This is not something that you two should be scared about. Yes, there could be complications and yes, some are serious, but generally speaking you’re super healthy and everything looks great. Women have a shortened cervix more often than you think. We’re monitoring you closely and we’ll take all the precautions necessary to carry you and your babies to at least 37 weeks.”

“Thank you,” I choked out. Gabe kissed my forehead and Doctor Zink squirted my belly with jelly before pulling up and wanding my stomach with the ultrasound probe.

“Babies sound great,” He smiled. “Strong heartbeats and they look like they’re growing as they should be.”

“I’ve been feeling them move a ton,” I let out a breath that I apparently was holding in.

“That’s good and normal. They’ll start to be more active now too. You may not sleep a ton.”

“I’m ready for that.” I was breathing normally again.

Doctor Zink finished up and I went back to my room. I was going to be taken to to a procedure room later in the afternoon. Once I had the procedure I’d be on bed rest for a few days and then I could try out a moderate bed rest. I could walk around at home, out to appointments, non-stressful dinners etc for a few days and they’d check me again to make sure that kind of movement wasn’t causing my cervix to shorten any more.

I was actually hopeful. Doctor Zink seemed optimistic and bullish too, so that eased my nerves. I was going to be okay. Me and Gabe were gonna be parents and amazing ones at that.

///

“Welcome to the Bed Rest Ball,” Gabe said in a British accent as he let Meg and Rob into our apartment.

We were having a dinner - Gabe’s idea, to kick off my bed rest or the kickoff to my pre-permanent bed rest depending on results next week.

“Oh, well, thank you my good sir,” Rob mimicked back and gave him a hug. I was setting the table as they came in.

“Welcome to my party!” I said sarcastically. “This is the last hurrah!”

“Oh shut it. I’d kill to have some bed rest. An excuse to get Rob to wait on my hand and foot and take a break from work where I wouldn’t get fired,” Meg said as she set down some wine and dessert.

“Like Rob doesn’t already wait on you hand and foot,” I laughed and Rob came to give me a kiss.

“I should have married an anti feminist and gotten a housewife. I’d then get catered to,” Rob said playfully.

“I know, instead you married me,” Meg rolled her eyes at him.

“Trust me, you don’t want my life.” I laughed.

“Hey now!” Gabe called from the kitchen.

“I meant, I cannot wait to have a job again and not be on bed rest. I’d not trade anything else though,” I said and made my way to Gabe who was coming out of the kitchen. He put his hand on my head and kept me at arms length so I couldn’t touch him.

“Sure, now you want to hug me,” He teased as I tried to get out of his grasp.

“Nevermind then,” I laughed and walked away. Gabe pulled me back and hugged me tight. As he hugged me there was a knock at the door, most likely Ricky and his wife or Emily and Ian. They all wanted a night out without kids and this was an excuse for them - though I had wanted to see both of the babies.

Gabe went to answer the door and I went to see Meg and Rob in the living room.

“Hey all!” Emily smiled as she walked toward us in the living room. Ricky, his wife and Ian all walked in too. Gabe hugging and kissing them as the paraded in.

“Hey, girl, Hey!” Meg said and squeezed Emily tight.

“Hey, pregnant lady. How you feeling?” Emily asked as i got up off the couch and hugged her.

“I feel good. Still a little sore from the procedure, but ya know.” I laughed as I hugged her.

“You look good. You look healthy and like you have 2 babies in ya,” She rubbed my stomach.

“I’m still like in denial I think that I’m having twins. I mean, it’s just like so much to think about.” I sighed.

“Hey, the more the merrier!” Emily kissed my forehead and hugged me again and I felt better. I had like a flash of panic all of a sudden.

“Hi sister,” Ricky said coming between me and Emily to give me a hug and kiss.

“Hi Brother,” I smiled. I had missed him. Family. “Thanks for coming. I missed you guys.” I said and hugged his wife.

“We missed you guys too. I told Gabe we’d come back like next week or something and show you all the new pics I took. We’ll bring the baby and just catch up.”

“That’ll be awesome. I can’t wait.” I smiled and looked to Gabe who gave me a wink as he and Ian were setting some stuff up in the kitchen. “It’ll be nice to have a baby I can hold so easily. Levi is no longer a baby.”

“He’s a man now,” Emily interjected. “After the age of one it is all down hill,” She said sarcastically.

“Well, as soon as our babe hits one, we are definitely shipping her out,” Ricky said straight faced.

“Your best idea ever,” Emily smiled.

“Drinks? Ian and I are bar tending tonight. Tell us your libation requests,” Gabe announced.

Everyone went and ‘ordered’ drinks from Ian and Gabe and we settled in the living room. Meg sat with me on one couch and held my arm that was across my belly in hers and leaned on my shoulder. She really was my sister. Gabe sat on the floor below me on the couch and massaged my slightly swollen feet. Rob sat next to Meg on the couch. Ian and Emily sat on the floor next to each other and across from us on the couch and Ricky and his wife sat on the love seat. We had enough seats for everyone, but they enjoyed the floor.

We talked for hours and laughed so hard at so many stupid stories. We ended up just eating in the living room and not sitting at the table - it was better this way. I felt less stressed and more at ease and surrounded by so much love. I was a lucky girl.

Meg passed out on my arm. She had gone in for treatment that morning as well and was just drained. I moved my arm out of her grip and put it around her instead and rubbed her arm. I just watched her as everyone talked around me. I made a wish for everything to be alright and good for us. It needed to be. It had to be.