I Hope It Gives You Hell

I stormed to my room after Kera ran off and slammed my door shut. 'Why the hell am I an asshole?' I thought bitterly while I sat on my bed and picked up my guitar. 'I know why, it's because of what she did way back when we first started the band' I thought as I tuned it. Awhile back, we actually got along pretty decently. Sure, she annoyed me then but she was actually fun to be around. I strummed on my guitar and thought back to when times were better between Kera and I.

"Kera, will you please stop touching my sound system?" asked Craig as he tried not to laugh at his sister. Sid walked over to her, picked her up, and dropped her on my lap. "Mick, look after her" said Sid. I just shook my head and laughed as a 21 year old Kera yanked on my beard. "Kera, seriously, we need to get work done" said Shawn. Even though she was 21, she had the personality of a child and we all found it amusing. I guess it's because we're around Craig a lot and he's very quite. Kera is the polar opposite of him but still has trust issues like Craig. James ruffled Kera's hair and she beamed. She was always generally very happy, though when she was upset, it took a long to snap her out of it. I'd never want to piss of Kera, she's violent when angry, but she's peaceful otherwise. "Kera, can you please get off my lap?" I asked. "Why, am I making you uncomfortable?" she teased. My eyes widened and all the guys laughed. "No, just get off" I said. Kera laughed and hopped off and ran to Chris. "We need to get work done" I said, starting to get annoyed with Kera.

Corey and everyone was laughing as she started drumming on Joey's drums with her usual smile. My anger grew and I felt myself snapping. "Kera! get the fuck out of here! We have to get work done and you're doing nothing but distracting us and being a pain in the ass!" I bellowed. 'Oh shit, I'm in for it now' I thought. Craig glared at me as Kera stopped drumming. Her eyes started to tear up and then a drumstick was thrown at my head. It hit me and I snapped completely. "You know what Mick, I've never done anything to you" she said, wiping her tears and walking out. "Nice one Mick" spat Craig as he went to his sound system.

No one spoke to me again that day. That was the beginning of our hostility. It grew worse after she was dared to go out with me for 3 months. That one I messed up. I had cheated on her with her best friend at the time. I didn't realize until afterwords that she had grown attached to me and started to like me. We haven't been civil since those two incidents. 'Man, I can really screw things up' I thought. 'Why do I care though? She was nothing but a pain and we don't need her around' I thought. My door opened and in walked Craig. I could tell that the silent man was pissed from the way he held himself. "You hurt her again" he said darkly. "So what of it?" I asked. "She was crying Mick! You know her as well as we all do, she hardly ever cries!" he said, his voice raising a bit. Those words stung as I didn't think what I said would matter. "Why would it matter what I say?" I said. "Believe it or not, she actually considered you a friend at one point. She put trust in you, as she did with the whole band. Everyone knew how fragile that trust was with her, from the fact that she had some shitty friends and even worse boyfriends" said Craig.

'I was a...friend?' I thought. "You threw her trust back at her because you couldn't handle how she was. She was happy, almost carefree, but not naive, and you knew that. Kera wanted nothing more than to be able to call you a friend. The first time you snapped, she came to me, not in tears, but you could see she was shattered. Her faith was shaken and I saw bits of her fading away. Now she's a shell of who she was. That girl we all once knew is there, but she's so hidden that I think the only thing that will bring that person back is if you patch up what you broke" said Craig. I sat in silence and Craig snarled at me. "I warned you that the moment you hurt her I'd murder you, but I won't because I know she'll be upset. Despite the hostility, she still cares about you. If you are so oblivious to that, then you need to wake up. If you guys keep up this hostility, she's going to leave again" said Craig.

I sat there, taking in everything he was saying. "She left...because of me?" I asked. "Yes, these 6 years of her absence is because of you. This is the first time she's been home. She sent me a letter one day, here, read it" he said, handing me the letter.

Dear Craig,

I'm sorry I left without so much as a goodbye, or a reason. I should explain myself, my actions, as I know you are worrying about me now. I couldn't stay in Des Moines, not with Mick around. The hostility between us is destroying us and the band, I don't want you guys to go through another dark period. Iowa was the darkest time for you, I don't want that, not anymore. So I decided I'd move to Los Angeles. I'd be away from the band, not bothering you guys anymore. Don't try to tell me I wasn't a pest, I know that I was. On top of mom and dad's deaths, I don't want to have to deal with Mick's hostility. He...really hates me now. I wish I knew what I did to him...You know I can't deal with friends hating me. Give the guys hugs for me, please.

Love,
Kera