Things Have Changed

I called in sick the next day. I was working at the same stage as Panic! was again and though not interviewing them, I’d rather not see their faces, especially when I’m feeling like this.

I spent the day at mum’s house before going on a shopping spree. Whoever said that shopping could cure any woman’s depression was right. So about eight hours and four thousand dollars later I was feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Upon arriving home, I tried on all my clothes, mixing and matching and generally admiring how hot I looking in the wall sized mirror.

“Gee you were really sick weren’t you” Lilly rolled her eyes coming inside and finding me dressed up in a really cute pale pink Fendi dress while a beautician was over, giving me a French manicure.

“I needed a day off” I said simply. Even though Lilly was my best friend I was still never completely open with her.

She rolled her eyes and sat down next to me “Ryan asked about you” she smiled elbowing me in the side.

I winced “Excuse me miss” the beautician said as she glared at Lilly “I’m trying to do a manicure here, kind of impossible when you keep on making here move.”

“So-rry” Lilly rolled her eyes “Oh, by the way, Ryan told me to tell you that he’ll be picking you up at seven.”

“For what?”

“Dinner, duh”

“Well you can tell him that I’m not going.” I said defiantly.

I didn’t care if he was one of the hottest rock stars in the word he had to be completely insane to think I’d go out with him again. Why would I want to go out with him and endure tirades of abuse and awkward conversations?

So here I was, on a Saturday night curled up on the couch in a pair of football shorts and an old gym t-shirt watching re runs of Gossip Girl on TV.

There was a knock on the door I glanced up at the clock, 6:59pm “Lilly, go get the door.”

“Urrgh why can’t you get it, he wants to see you” she whined.

“Just tell him to go away” I told her.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

There was another knock on the door. “Lilly please answer the door for me” I pleaded.

She sighed lifting herself of the couch. I smiled happily since I especially didn’t want Ryan to see me looking like this.

“’Lizbeth” Lilly sung waltzing into the living room “Somebody’s here to see you!”

I turned to see Ryan standing at the couch dressed in a pinstriped suit, his hair styled into the now trademark Ryhawk and a thin line of eyeliner around his eyes.

I glared at him and Lilly “Lilly” I said coldly “My room...now”

“What the fuck did I tell you Lil?” I hissed once we were in my room and the door was closed.

“You asked me to answer the door” she said innocently.

“I told you to tell him to leave!”

“I know I know, but look at him, how can you say no to that face?”

“Very easily” I said quietly.

She rolled her eyes “Can you please stop acting like a four year old! He came here to see you and your just being a bitch.”

I shook my head “I’m not going!”

She sighed leaving the room and slamming the door loudly behind her.

I laid down on my bed, the pain that had been ebbed away through endless shopping had returned. I now felt tired and drained, so I started crying into my pillow, staining the silk pillow case with my tears.

I felt a hand rubbing over my back, making me look up “What do you want Ryan?” I asked wiping tears from my eyes.

He stared into my eyes for what seemed like hours “I-I don’t know...you.”

I gave him a puzzled look.

“I-I-I mean th-that I just want things to go back to normal y’know, the way, the way they were be- before you left.”

I buried my head in my pillow and started crying again “Ryan please go away.”

“I’m sorry Liz” he said quietly as her rubbed my back trying to calm me down. “I’m sorry for that night, I’m sorry I made you leave, I know it’s all my fault and I’m sorry.”

I looked up at him his beautiful eyes shining in the dark room “Ryan, I was leaving anyway.”

“What?”

“I had to go, we were moving. Sorry to burst your bubble but it wasn’t because of you.”

He smiled slightly but turned to me seriously “W-why didn’t you tell me?”

I laughed bitterly “Like you’d care”

Hurt flashed across his face “Liz, you knew I cared about you, I still do.”

I rolled my eyes “Ryan, drop the act, you wouldn’t know me from any other person in the street if Brendon didn’t point me out to you.”

“I recognised you at the party; you fell into my booth... with Brendon. Why do you do that to yourself?”

I rolled my eyes “Do what Ryan?”

“Y’know hurt yourself by sleeping with all those guys.”

“Y’know it doesn’t hurt it actually feels p-” I said, trying to joke my way out of the awkward situation I was faced with.

“Liz I’m serious, this isn’t you.”
“Ryan” I laughed “How would you know, we haven’t seen each other in two years, I don’t claim to know you so why do you think I’m still the same person. We’ve had this conversation a hundred times for god sake!”

“I don’t claim to know you, but I know what isn’t you.”

Did that even make sense? “What?”

He sighed loudly “Let’s just drop it okay.”

“You were the one who bought it up!”

He rolled his eyes “So Ryan” I smiled “Why are you dressed in a tuxedo?”

“Okay, for starters it’s not a tuxedo, it’s a pinstriped suit and I was going to take you out to that new fancy restaurant that Gordan Ramsey just opened up. However, after you’re magnificent hissy fit we missed our reservation so, now I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go” he pouted adorably.

I laughed quietly and took his hand in mine and led him to a staircase around the back of the penthouse and pulled open the door, which lead onto a balcony which over looked the whole of London.

“Wow” Ryan said breathlessly as he took in the view surrounding him.

“It’s pretty amazing, huh” I smiled leaning on the glass barrier. “I usually come here to write, to think”

“I can see why” he smiled, a pensive look in his eyes.

“I don’t know why I do it” I confessed casting my gaze across the busy city. “Y’know, I never wanted to be the way I am, it just happened. Y’know, it’s like one drink turns into another and then another-”

“And then another. And before you know it you’ve lost all control” Ryan finished for me. “My dad used to be like that, until the drink caught up with him. Until it beat him.”

“Ryan I’m so sorry” I said quietly “If there’s anything I can do-”

“There is” Ryan said quickly, turning to face me “Get some help Liz, not for me but for you too.”

I sighed “Ry, do you have any idea how hard it is? Especially with how much stress I’m under.”

“We all get stressed Liz,” he said softly “But you’ve just got take it one day at a time.
“Can you please stop quoting Alcoholics Anonymous?” I rolled my eyes playfully at him.

“I was actually quoting Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks” he smiled as we walked back down to my room.

“Are you playing tomorrow?” I asked Ryan while we lying on my bed watching the city skyline from my floor length bedroom window.

“Nope” he grinned “It’s our first day off in three months. Are you working?”

I shook my head.

“So you fake sick and then have the next day off anyway” Ryan laughed “Slacker.”

“Excuse me Mr. Ross but you and your assholeish nature was what stopped me from going to work today, so really, it’s all you fault.”

“Oh, so it’s all my fault. Wow I feel so important right now.”

I rolled my eyes “Trust me Ryan you aren’t as important as you think.”

He laughed “I was going to make it up to you tonight but since you kinda prevented that and since you’re not working tomorrow, I was kinda wondering if, y’know” he said scratching the back of his neck awkwardly “I’if you wanted to go out with me tomorrow, m-maybe y-you could show me a bit of London.”

I smiled “If you insist.”

His face lit up and a familiar smile broke out on his face “Great! I’ll pick you up in a few hours, at five.”

“Wait, what?”

“Fine” he sighed “Five thirty. Don’t tell me you forgot about our tradition.”

“Our tradition?”

“Breakfast of course” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I better get going” he said glancing down at the alarm clock on my bedside table which read 2:17am.

“Wait Ry!” I said quickly “Maybe, do you want to stay here the night” I said gesturing to the bed “I mean, you’re going to be back here in a few hours.”

“Liz” Ryan said, a hint of warning evident in his voice.

“It’s just to sleep” I said quickly “Nothing else.”

He looked at me wearily for a few seconds “Fine” he said stripping down to his boxers while I changed into a silver silk slip.

Lying in bed I felt his warm arms snake around my waist, pulling me into his body “I missed you Liz” he whispered in my ear.

I smiled burying myself further into his chest “I missed you too Ry.”

It was the first night in a very long time which I had fallen asleep with a smile on my face. I felt loved, cared for and whole.

No matter how wealthy, beautiful or successful one may be sometimes all you want is someone to hold.