Things Have Changed

The bus dipped into a rather large pothole waking me at quarter past four in the morning. It’s been just over a week on tour and so far all I had was a couple of notes down.

I don’t know if it was the pressure or just my inability to write about Panic but everything I had written all but nothing. Yes, I know what you’re thinking that’s the story of your life Liz.

It’s been a rather boring week on the bus. The boys have played another three shows, today were driving for the whole day. I had no idea where to but I desperately needed a gym. The lack of cardio I have done over the past week is really stressing me out. We would probably stop two or three times along the way seeing as there wasn’t a show on tonight.

So far I’ve made it through tour fairly unscathed. I’ve only been left behind once; I almost walked on stage during one of the shows and got attacked by a security guard in the process. I also made the horrible decision of leaving the bus early one morning when we arrived at a venue to go to the gym.

Big mistake.

The rabid teenies were out in full force. I was called everything from a groupie to a bitch, a whore and fat and a few other things which I won’t say. So I guess saying tour was boring wasn’t quite correct. Lonely is much more suitable.

The bus dipped into another pothole completely destroying the small chance I had of falling asleep again. I sat up and check my phone clock 6:17am I sighed and the bus hit another pothole. Where were we? And an even better question whose driving? The most surprising thing is that I could still hear two people who were still snoring. How can they sleep through this?

I slid out bed and decided that I would start my interviews today. I walked towards the small kitchen area of the bus to get myself a coffee or a red bull. I hadn’t quiet decided which one yet.

“Shut up!” Lilly’s high pitched giggle floated into hearing range as I entered the kitchen/living area of the bus “So what happened next?”

“Well, I was stripped down to my boxers which were My Little Pony so that was a little embarrassing-”

“Oh my god where did you get them from?”

I turned around to see Lilly sitting on the couch talking flirting animatedly with Brendon.

“The world’s biggest souvenir shop. It’s just off the strip in Vegas. Do you want to see them?”

“Oh, my god YES!” Lilly squealed. Okay, what was she high on?

Brendon adjusted his position on the couch (which was too close to Lilly for my liking) and began to unbutton his slim fitting black jeans.

“Whore” I turned around and saw Ella standing in the doorway her hands crossed over her chest and a smirk on her lips. Although she had just gotten up and had absolutely no makeup on she still looked immaculate, not even one hair was out of place. I envied people like that.

Lilly turned around “Sorry, did we wake you up?”

“Yeah, the next time you two decide to fuck on the lounge try keeping it down.” Ella snapped.

I opened the fridge looking for my case of Red Bulls. Ella’s was right at the front, still unopened there were another three cases of Brendon’s all with his name written across them in Curlz MT type. I reached to the back to the fridge and found my case, open, with no Red Bull in it. I left it there with two bottles in there.

I looked up and sure enough Brendon and Lilly were sitting on the couch, both giggling, both holding two bottles of Red Bull. As a deal to make sure no one stole anyone else Red Bull we wrote our names across the cans and of course Brendon and Lilly were both holding my Red Bull.

Assholes! Brendon has another two full cases and the tight ass takes my almost empty ones. I walked over to the kettle and boiled some hot water. I was tempted to pour the hot water over his head but seeing as I would end up in jail if I did I chose not to but he was going down, just not right now. I finished making my coffee and went back into my bunk to write up some questions but I couldn’t focus, all I could hear was their damn giggling.

The bus was about to stop for a few hours and I had just finished interviewing Jon. Jon was among one of the easiest people to interview because he was so easy going. The interview went for about forty minutes and in that time I found out that he is actually from Chicago, he has a girlfriend and he has a weird obsession with cats. I also got the whole story of how he came to join Panic so I was very proud of myself. Before Jon, Spencer had reluctantly agreed to be interviewed.

After a few awkward minuted he finally opened up and became much more like Spencer I remember from high school. He also provided me with one of the most honest quotes I had heard in a long time in reference as to why he wasn’t talking to me.
He sighed leaning back on his chair and putting his hands behind his head “I’m just making the missus happy. There is nothing worse than a grumpy missus. An angry missus is hot, but a grumpy missus is just plain annoying.”

After the stop I would be interviewing Brendon but in the meantime I had to get my revenge.

I quickly darted through the bus making sure that no one was on bus, it was empty. I grabbed an oversized bag from inside my suitcase and put all three cases of Red Bull in there. Now was the hardest part of my ‘plan’. I peeked out side of the bus crap, Ella was there drinking some water. Shit, she was seriously wrecking my plan.

I waited impatiently for a few minutes until Spencer called her into a souvenir shop across the road.

I ran as fast as I could down the street to the dumpster emptying my bag of Brendon’s red Bull into it. I laughed evilly and walked back to the bus.

“Brendon!” I yelled from the back in the bus “Interview, now!”

“Yeah yeah yeah just let me grab a drink” he replied.

I quickly made my way to the front of the bus. For Brendon, drink equals Red Bull – cue me, laughing very evilly.

“Okay okay where the fuck is my Red Bull?” Brendon asked loudly. He was met with a few
head shakes and shrugs.

“Guys come on, where is it?” He asked dropping to his knees clearing out the whole fridge.

“Brendon, it’s probably right in front of you.” Spencer sighed glancing at Brendon’s frantic figure from behind the lounge.

“It’s not fucking here!” he cried pulling at his short near black hair.

I rolled my eyes trying to cover up my laughter “Brendon, hurry up, I’m on a tight schedule here!”

“You’re on the bus for the rest of the day, your schedule can’t that can’t be that tight” he hissed throwing everything out of the fridge.

I rolled my eyes and walked into the back of the bus grinning evilly.

“So Brendon, how has touring life been treating you?” I smiled politely once Brendon finally gave up on his search for his stolen red bull.
He glared up at me nothing but pure hatred pouring from his eyes. He stared his left hand shaking slightly. He was shaking from anger and I was terrified.

“I know you stole them” he hissed his voice dangerously even.

“Brendon, just answer the question.”

“You stole my fucking red bull bitch and now you expect me to answer your fucking questions” his voice shook in anger.

“Listen Brendon I don’t want to be here anymore than you wa-”

“Shut up. Okay? Just shut the fuck up. Do you realise the hell you are giving everyone? No
one wants you here! You’re a useless pointless bitch who has no fucking point here or anywhere. Fuck,” he sighed “Why are you even here? Fucking hell, I fucking hate you so fucking my” his voice quivered and quietened down a bit. “I hate you so fucking much!” he yelled again slamming his hands into the table before putting his head in his hands “You wrecked everything.”

Brendon didn’t speak to me for the rest of the bus ride, he went into the lounge and I had stayed in my bunk, thinking.

Brendon was right, I had wrecked everything by coming on tour, I was ruining it. Coupled with the guilt of throwing out all of Brendon’s red bull I began to cry. Before I knew it the bus had stopped and everyone had gotten off leaving me alone crying.

I didn’t want to be on tour any more, I shouldn’t have to put up with this shit anymore. Fuck my job I can’t put up with Brendon for another two weeks.

I grabbed out my suitcase and packed away my belongings, we were in Newcastle and I was going to catch a taxi back to London. I went into the kitchen leaving a letter telling everyone where I was going. I wasn’t going to leave Ryan in the dark again.

“Liz, don’t go” I turned around to see Ella sitting the lounge. I sighed; choosing to ignore her and collected the last of my things “No” she said jumping off the lounge “Please don’t go again!”

“Why do you care?” I said bitterly “You don’t speak to me for two whole weeks and now that I’m leaving you expect me not to because you want me to stay?”

She sighed and sat back on the lounge putting her head in her hands “I’m sorry Liz okay?
I’m sorry, for everything, it’s just” she then broke out into sobs.

I wrapped my arms around her and she began to cry in my arms. She tried to speak, but she was crying so much that it was impossible to understand. My body then began to shake as I became overwhelmed with tears.

“I-I-I’m s-sor-ry El” I hiccupped “I-I” I gave up on speaking and just cried, it seemed the only thing to do.
The both of us just sat there on the couch bawling, holding onto each other trying to make up for the time we had wasted.

Ella helped me put my things away and we spent the rest of the day watching old Grace Kelly movies while dipping salt and vinegar chips into hot melted chocolate, just like old times.