Things Have Changed

18) And All I Hear Is...

Things were almost returning normal on the bus. Now that Ella was speaking to me so was Spencer. Brendon still refused to speak to me but now that I had everyone else I was able to tolerate him a bit more.

Lilly seemed to be giving me and Ella some space to catch up on the past two years and was spending a lot of time with Jon and to my displeasure Brendon. For some reason, Ella didn’t really like Lilly and I was almost positive the feeling was mutual.

We were finally able to go out as a group without massive tension (well that was ignoring Brendon and I’s fighting.). Speaking of Brendon, while we were taking another break he quickly went out and bought six new cases of Red Bull.

It was about half an hour before the boys went on. Lilly had gone down the front to take some photos of the crowd and Ella and I were sitting backstage.

“Ella” I said quietly “H-h-how did everyone take it y’know, when I left?” I felt bad for bringing it up but the question had been bugging me for the past three days.

She sighed “Do you really want to know?”

I nodded anxiously.

“It was hard y’know, so unexpected. Ryan took it the way Ryan takes everything. He closed up, refused to talk about it... about anything at all. He became really withdrawn, it wasn’t even like he was alive he was just... there.” She sighed “Me and Brendon, we both just shut down, it was just so unexpected. All I did was sit on your bed crying and watching our movies. I was like that for ages. I stopped going to classes and only left my room to get food. Brendon was the same, but he refused to leave his room altogether.” She said biting her lip to keep from crying as she remembered.

I know I should’ve told her to stop if it was too hard but I didn’t, I wanted to know what happened.

“Anyway” she sighed “About three weeks after you left Brendon came to the room. I remember looking at him. Gosh, he had lost so much weight, his cheeks were completely hollow and it looked like he had died. He silently walked past me and just sat on your bed. It was weird to see him so emotionless. He didn’t leave your bed. We kinda took comfort in each other; we knew what we were going through. For a while we became each other’s reasons to live. Of course, that caused problems with me and Spencer. I had no idea what was going on, it was like in a movie, when everything falls apart and all you do is watch. About halfway through term a new girl moved into your room, she was a bit boring but nice enough. Me and Brendon were kicked off you bed. After that everything started going back to normal, we started going back to classes, trying to carry on like normal, that’s when we realised how bad Ryan was really taking it. A teacher found a suicide note folded into his English book, turns out that he was really, really depressed but it’s Ryan, it’s impossible to know what he’s feeling, how were we meant to know? He started writing more songs y’know pouring himself into the band. It was his escape and then the whole Pete Wentz thing began and everything seemed to take a turn for the better. Ryan got a girlfriend, Allessia was her name, she was the girl who moved into your old room. Gosh, she even looked a little like you. We all knew he was trying to replace you. Gosh, the way he and Brendon fought about, they fought a lot.”

“Wow” I sighed “I didn’t think you guys would take it that bad.”

Ella laughed quietly “I don’t think you were thinking at all Liz.”

“I’m sorry, I really am... so is Ryan still with that girl?”

Ella shook her head “They were together for ages but, he broke up with her just after Reading. It was really out of the blue, she had no idea it took her completely by surprise, it took all of us by surprise. But then again, it is Ryan and no one ever know what he’s gonna do.”

I felt a pang of guilt run through me, I had a feeling I knew why Ryan had broken up with his girlfriend and god I hoped I was wrong.

We gave everyone hi-fives as they went on stage, Brendon slapping my hand so hard that it still hurt long after they had finished their hour long set.

After they had finished playing I ducked back onto the bus to see Lilly, I hadn’t spoken to her all day. I found her in her bunk fast asleep.

It almost felt that I was gaining one best friend at the expense of another.