Things Have Changed

The sound of knuckles against a wooden door woke me from my sleep. I groaned stuffing my pillow over my head; it was four thirty in the morning.

“Liz” Lilly yelled “Answer the fucking door.”

I slid out of bed, and stumbled over chairs, shoes and god knows what else along my way to the door.

“Hello?” I opened the door rubbing my eyes.

“Umm, Liz-” a familiar voice caused me to blink my eyes open.

“R-Ryan” I whispered.

“Yeah” he said awkwardly scratching the back of his neck “Umm, about yes-”

“How did you get my address?” I asked.

“Your friend, the blonde one, Lilly I think her name was gave it to me.”

Mental note: Kill Lilly. Anyone who disturbs me during my sleep and anyone who contributes to disturbing my sleep deserves to die. Slowly and painfully.

I sighed, tired, annoyed and anxious I looked up at Ryan “What do you want?” I still hadn’t forgotten his antics from yesterday.

“Umm, about yesterday, I-I-I feel r-really bad, d-do you want to go for breakfast?” he asked shyly.

“Now?” I sighed glancing at the clock.

“Umm, I-if you do-don’t want to I-I get it.”

“Ryan” I smiled, this conversation was all too familiar “I’ll be out in a second.”

I ran through the apartment, trying to find something half decent to wear settling on a black tank top, black trench coat and a pair of black jeans. Of course, a mandatory coat of foundation, eyeliner and blush plus a six inch high pair of stunning Jimmy Choos.

Now, let me take a second to explain to you the absolutely amazing pair of shoes in which my feet had the privilege of wearing. They were coloured a deep purple with all the lining in orange, there was a handmade flower just above the peep toe opening lined in orange piping making them beyond beautiful.

“You, you look really, wow, you you, you look nice” Ryan managed to say as a soft blush rose on his cheeks.
I smiled as we left the apartment block.

I couldn’t help but blush as he held the door open for me once we had arrived at the local cafe.

Why was he acting like this? It’s completely different to the way he was acting yesterday. Why? He has to be angry. Wait a second, am I having a fight inside my head?
Yes you are.
Shit, I’m even answering myself now.

“Liz, Liz!” Ryan yelled from the counter of the cafe “I ordered you a French Vanilla Latte, is that still your favourite?”

I nodded a smile creeping onto my lips. He still remembers.

He smiled, slipping gracefully into the booth beside me “So, how have you been?” he asked awkwardly.

“Eh, nothing to complain about” I said “What about you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, saying nothing. I knew something was wrong.

It was then I heard a loud giggle from behind us. I turned to see Carly coming into the cafe.
“Hi Liz!” she squealed waving franticly in my direction.

“Urrgh hide me” I whispered to Ryan.

He gave me a puzzled look “Why?”

I rolled my eyes “Because we’re trying to hide from that annoying little bi-”

“Liz, she seems nice, why don’t you say hi.”

“Why don’t I tell her to fuck off” I hissed a shocked expression flashed across Ryan’s face. I rolled my eyes “Pfft, don’t act so innocent Ross, you’ve probably thought the same thing about some of your fans.”

He laughed dryly “I know I’m not innocent Rose but I’m a hell of a lot more innocent than you are.”

“What’s that meant to mean?” I spat.

“What do you think it’s meant to mean Liz? Come on, I’ve heard shit, from Pete, from other guys around. Y’know you don’t exactly have the best reputation. I didn’t want to believe it, but then Brendon...”

“Is that why you came here?” I yelled “To start lecturing me about my life?”

“You’ve changed Liz” he said quietly “A lot.”

“Of course I’ve fucking changed Ryan, it’s been two years, people change, what, are you going to tell me you’re still the same person?” I hissed.

“No, I’m not the same person anymore, but you’ve become a superficial, conceited, stuck up slutty bitch” he said, raising his voice so that the almost empty cafe could hear us.

“I’m conceited, I’m a bitch, you don’t know what these past two years have been like for me!” I cried “I’ve been to fucking hell and back!”

“Yeah, sure Liz, it’s been so fucking hard for you! My dad fucking died last month! I have no one now, no family at all, and I had no one to turn to.” He wiped a few tears from his eyes “But of course Liz, you’ve had it so fucking tough haven’t you.”

“Well there’s no point taking your frustration out on me!” I yelled defensively.

“My frustration! This is fucking nothing Liz, do you want Brendon to come down here? Lucky if you come out of here alive!”

I rolled my eyes “Was this the whole point of inviting me down here Ryan, to yell, scream and abuse me all fucking morning!”

“No, I invited you down here to say sorry about yesterday, to see if the real Liz is still there-”

“This is the real Liz, Ryan!” I cried, “What more do you fucking want from me!”

He laughed dryly “Please Liz, anyone who actually makes the effort to look above your boobs and passed the caked on foundation knows that that’s not you, they know you’re fake!”

“How can you tell if I’m being fucking fake or not! I left two years ago, I had no one, and-”

“You had me!” Ryan cried “You had me, what does it take for you to realise that!”

I stayed quiet, that’s what this was about.

“You could’ve come to me! But you didn’t, did you have any idea how it felt to find out that you had left, I thought it was my fault!” he continued “Ella and Brendon, they spent the whole of last term completely distraught. How do you think it felt when every time I saw one of them crying over you I knew it was my fault?”

“Ryan, it wasn’t your fault” I snapped “Stop being such a fucking drama queen, you’ve been hanging around with Brendon too much.”

“What happened to you Liz” he cried “What made you like this!”

“What the fuck do you mean Ryan” I yelled “This is me, what else do you want from me?

“This isn’t you Liz” he said in a condescending tone.

“Excuse me, I think I’d know if it was me or not!”

I thought we talked about this five minutes ago.

“You and I both know that this isn’t you. Are you going to tell me that you enjoy being an alcoholic bitch that sleeps with a different guy every night!”

“What do you want from me Ryan?” I cried

“I want to know what happened to you, why you’re doing this to yourself?”

“Doing what?”

“Killing yourself! Emotionally and physically! What are you trying to block out, what are you trying to forget?”

He had hit a nerve, big time. I bit my lip and blinked back the tears in the back of my eyes “I can’t do this Ryan” I said picking up my bag.

“That’s it Liz” he yelled as I walked out of the cafe “Just runaway... again."