The Heart Never Lies

"But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, 'If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.' " -John 8:6-11

At exactly seven in the morning, the iHome on the nearby table kicked on, playing McFly’s cover of “Don’t Stop Me Now” and barely pulling me out of my slumber.

The beginning lines echoed in my head, but I refused to let them wake me up completely. Then Danny’s voice penetrated the barriers of my mind and made a smile appear on my face.

My surroundings didn’t fully register in my head. I did feet the cold nip at my shoulder and there was a comforting heat behind me that kept me warm.

Don’t stop me now!/I’m having such a good time, I’m having a ball/Don’t stop me now!/ If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call!

Slowly my ears tuned into the song and I instinctively moved my fingers to the beat, waking myself a little bit more.

I am a rocket ship on my way to Mars/On a collision course/I am a satellite/I’m outta control.

I noticed a subtle soreness in my body; mostly in places I never felt sore in before. I stretched in hopes to rid of it, but it didn’t leave.

I am a sex machine ready to reload/Like an atom bomb about to whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa explode!

My eyes snapped open and I remembered it all. At first I felt excited, but then I felt awkward and embarrassed. Lastly, I felt regretful.

I carefully turned on my stomach and looked to see my source of heat. My face turned the color of a tomato seeing Danny sleeping peacefully next to me. More thoughts of regret crossed my mind and I turned away from him.

Reaching over, I shut off the music and grabbed a blanket that had fallen on the floor. As I wrapped it around my body and crawled out of my bed, I thought about what my parents would think… My friends… And what I thought about it.

My eyes landed on Danny, still undisturbed, and they began to water when simple phrases like, “True love waits,” and even a few Bible verses I grew up memorizing passed through my thoughts.

I had done something that I shouldn’t have done, lost something that meant the world to me for so long, and not a single thought about stopping everything went through my mind when it happened.

Ashamed, I ran to my bathroom, shut the door, and jumped in the shower. I turned on the water and sat on the shower’s floor with my knees up to my chin. A sad and quiet sob escaped from my throat.

So many people that I had let down appeared in my thoughts and I hugged my legs closer to me, still crying. I was so ashamed about not thinking about the people I would disappoint afterward. I was only thinking of myself and ignoring my sense of right and wrong; letting Danny take my most sacred possession.

The water poured down on my body like it was punishing me for what I did as I cried harder. I knew that what I did was wrong, but I didn’t need the water to make it worse.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered to the air. “I-I’m so s-stupid… I-I’m so… s-so sorry…”

I cried some more, but I could feel comfort from what many would say was a higher power. It wasn’t the same comfort I felt when a friend would stand by my side and give me kind words; it was a comfort that told me I was forgiven.

The warm water continued cascading down on my, but rather than scold me, it washed away a sin that I would never forget.