Dear Gravity You've Held Me Down

I entered the lecture hall 15 minutes late, my hair and plain black extensions matted and messy. My, sorry Pete’s, black long sleeve shirt hung off my right shoulder, and three plastic beaded necklaces hung around my neck. The shirt covered the most of my short denim skirt, but I wore white tights under and grey leg warmers covered my healed feet. The only thing that didn’t look slightly disheveled or a mess was my make-up; thick red lips and dark eyeliner.

The class turned to look at me, the professor trailing off as he too glanced at me. “Oh how wonderful for you to finally join us Ms Clark. Have you been enjoying yourself?” He questioned sarcastically as the class snickered. I suddenly felt like I was in high school again.

“Um,” I couldn’t find the right word to say, I knew I’d missed a lot in the past little while. And I didn’t know if he seriously wanted me to admit that I was having a fun time or not.

“These are extremely expensive courses, but I’m sure you already know that. As you are paying for them,” He said dryly as he marked his place in his book before closing it. I gulped as I nodded, watching as he walked towards me. He stopped a few paces away, so he could face me and the crowd. “Yet you haven’t been showing up to any in the past few weeks. What a shame…”

“Sir?” I questioned weakly.

“You are free to leave my class Ms Clark, if you wish to you may show up for finales… but I wouldn’t expect you to pass,” He stated lightly turning away and back to the lecture at hand.

“But if I fail this class,”

“You flunk out of school… yes, and you had such promise,” He mused before opening his book and continuing.

With a dignified huff I strutted out of the hall and back towards the parking lot. I flipped open my cell phone as I stood in the cool wind. As I pressed the device to my ear listening to it ring, I raked my red nails down my face. I was screwed, no more school, what the fuck am I going to be doing for the rest of my life then?

“Hello?” They asked after the 5th ring.

I bit my lip before letting out a sigh, “Jenn, can you come pick me up?”

“Megz? Where are you?” She asked.

“I’m on campus…” I muttered.

“You finally decided to go to school, huh? Or wait… Pete’s busy with Fall Out Boy isn’t he?” She asked, somewhat harshly. But I didn’t blame her; I knew I was a fucking failure.

“Yeah I went to school so I wouldn’t be at Pete’s alone, can you blame me? But don’t worry the professors have already decided that all my promises have gone down the drain, so you don’t have to tell me I’m a bad person too; alright?” I snapped as my throat started to tighten.

“You got kicked out?” She gasped, evident concern in her voice.

I cleared my throat, “Yeah…”

“I’m sorry, I’m mad at some of your choices you’ve been making; but you haven’t done anything worth that,” She apologized.

“Well they’d beg to differ,” I forced it to come out with a laugh, “Look can you please pick me up? It’s kinda cold out and I didn’t bring a jacket…”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few,” She breathed.

“Thank you,” I whispered before the line went dead.

♥

I sat curled up on the couch after having had a boiling hot shower. My hair was still damp and drying in waves and curls, my face completely free of any make-up. A blanket covered my legs that were tucked up under my chin as I stared off into space, while Jenn watched a movie beside me. I had just sat down, and already I had turned into a zombie.

“What are you going to do?” She asked softly, not turning from her movie. Thank God because honestly I didn’t know if I could turn and focus on her right now.

I shrugged, “I have no idea…”

I heard the door open, and two sets of footsteps enter the apartment; that meant Patrick and probably Pete, for Patrick was the only one we gave a spare key to. “Jenn, have you seen Megz? We went to pick her up, but she wasn’t there!” Pete called out as his voice grew louder.

I turned around just to see the two enter the living room, both saw me and looked worried, but only Pete came and hugged me tightly pulling me to his chest. “Babe, what’s wrong?” He whispered kissing my forehead.

“I’m not in school no more… I’m going to flunk out… I have no future anymore!” I shouted, not at him but merely frustrated with everything at the moment. “Now I’m going to hold a shitty job for the rest of my life… while I struggle and wish desperately how things could be different!”

Jenn turned off the TV, I felt bad for ruining it for her; but I didn’t feel bad enough to shut up or go somewhere else. “It’ll be okay hun, I’m sure you can still be an author. You don’t need school for that,” Pete tried to reassure me.

“But what else am I going to do for money? Work at your store for the rest of my life? Oh yeah that sounds fun,” I snorted getting up and stalking out of the room.

He didn’t give up though; he quickly followed me into my bedroom, “Is it so bad working for me?”

“No, but I barely work! It’s only during the weekend you have the store open! And lately I’ve been spending all my time with you I haven’t even been to work, but you’ve been all ‘don’t worry it’s okay’ when now it clearly isn’t! I’m going to have to get a new job and I hate looking for jobs it is so urgh!” I screamed getting more and more frustrated with every passing second.

He gripped my wrists stopping me from pacing the room, “Meghan calm down; you’re making it out to be so much more worse than it is,”

“How would you know? You dropped out on purpose so you could start a band that got famous… you can’t possibly know if I’m overreacting or not,” I growled at him before shaking my wrists free from his grasp.

A small bit of me was worried that I just offended him, that now he was going to storm out and that was it, no more job no more us; but the part that was freaking out, it didn’t care so much at the moment. However he didn’t leave, he just sat me down on my bed and lightly straddled me.

“Babe, just calm down; maybe I can pull some strings… I’m sure Audrey and Jac would love to take you under their wing as a model. You’d be perfect, you’re so gorgeous…” He whispered kissing my lips after the last bit.

I sniffled a little bit looking up at him, “You really think so?”

“Honey, I know so… you’re stunning, when you walk into a room all dolled up everyone turns to look at you. And if you ever get unwelcoming looks it’s because they’re so envious of you,” He smiled, pushing shoulder length hair back out of my face.

“Okay… I guess it won’t hurt to give it a try then,” I smiled weakly at him.

“That’s my girl,” He beamed cheerfully, before kissing me once more.