Dear Gravity You've Held Me Down

My heart began to beat as if it were a dog chasing a cat down the street, blood rushed up to my cheeks and I felt like all the oxygen in my lungs had vanished in an instant. I took in a deep breath and straighten out my shirt trying to seem casual but my whole body was stiff.

Patrick cleared his throat and stood up. “So how did it go Megz?” He questioned calmly but his shaky voice betrayed it completely.

Megz eyes moved to Patrick and then to mine, she opened her mouth to say something.

“What’s taking so long?” I hear a girlie voice as the door opens up completely just to see an all dressed up Audrey.

“Nothing.” I say and stand up starting to head over to my room.

“So you’re not going to the party tonight?” She asks before I can open my room door.

“I wasn’t aware of any parties tonight.” I reply with a smile, and open the door to my room.

I walk in and shut it close and take in a deep breath and curse under my breath. “Always at the wrong times! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I shriek lowly and sit on my bed burying my face in my hands, feeling my cheeks starting to cool down.

“Jenn?” Megz question as she knocks on my door light.

“What?” I ask in the most natural voice, but I sound as scared as a little kid at a haunted house.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Megz opens the door and closes it. She stares at me for a moment and then sits next to me on my bed, I look at her and shrug knowing exactly what she was thinking.

“It just happened.” I mumble staring at my blue painted nails.

“You guys looked really into it, are you sure it just didn’t happen?”

“It was just in the moment, why does it even matter.”

“He’s your, he’s our best friend and I would just like to know if you two are-“

“We’re not together- ugh” I groan and lay down on my bed and rub my temples.

“Brendon looked mad.”

My eyes open quickly and my heart begins to speed up again.

“Brendon is here?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah he saw you and Patrick all into it and he looked as if somebody had insulted his mom or something.”

I stay quiet for a moment. “What do I care?” I mumble.

Megz stays silent and just sighs.

“By the way you look super hot.”

Megz smiles and laughs a bit. “I’ve been told.”

“A bit well you know slutty but hot.”

“Shut up.” She says as she hits my leg playfully.

I sit up and take in a deep breath.

“So who else is here?”

“Ryan and Jac , Pete, Brendon and I.”

I nod my head not sure of what else to say.

“We’re all going to hang out here for a bit before heading out into town, and of course you’re invited.”

“Great.” I say sarcastically.

“Come on it’ll be fun.”

“Sure.”

“We’ll be out there in case you want to join us.” Megz says and stands up heading to the door.

I nod and she opens the door just to hear Audrey and Jac giggling about something. I sigh and stand up walking up to my closet. I open it and stare at all my dresses. They’re all part of someone who isn’t here any more.

“Can’t find something?”

I turn around and see Patrick standing at the edge of the door.

“You can come in.” I tell him and turn to look back at my clothes. I sigh and take out a dark turquoise spaghetti strap vintage dress.

“Patrick?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do something for me and not thing of me as being a horrible person?” I ask turning to see him straight in the eyes.

He returns my look with a sad one and sighs. “You want me to pretend… for him.”

I look from him to the ground feeling absolutely miserable.

“I- just forget it.”

“I will just because you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy and if it makes you happy pretending to be my girlfriend just to make Brendon angry for what he did then I’ll do it.”

“Really?” I ask as a small smile grows on my face.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Thank you.” I whisper and walk to him and hug him tightly.

“You’re the best.” I add kissing him on the cheek.

“Did you know you taste like peaches?”

“Shut up.” I mumble feeling my cheeks go red.

* * *

“Come one Jenn lets go dance!” Megz shouts as she takes hold of my hand as her other hand hold a martini glass.

I shake my head and move closer to Patrick as I signal to save me.

“We’ll go after we get some drinks!” Patrick shouts back and puts an arm around my waist.

Megz rolls her eyes and walks away heading to were Jac and Audrey are dancing.
I look at Patrick and smile at him and rest my head against his shoulder.

“You look very pretty!” He says loudly and tucks some of my loose brown curls behind my ear.

“Thanks.” I yell back and stare at my bare legs and gold flats. I look up and catch Brendon’s eyes on me, I look away quickly and sit up straight.

“Lets go dance.” I tell Patrick as I sit up and extend my arm to him.

“Whatever my lady desires.” Patrick says in a deep voice and leads me to the dance floor away from the rest of the group.

I start to move my head to the beat and then start to move the rest of my body feeling completely embarrassed, I was usually drunk when I dance.

“Just relax!” Patrick shouts.

“I am relaxed!” I lie and catch Brendon’s gaze on us.

“Kiss me.” I tell Patrick as I place my hands on his cheeks.

Patrick places his hand behind my neck and his lips meet my own, I close my eyes and try to pretend I’m somewhere beautiful and it’s just me and him and no one else, and that I’m completely and madly in love with him and nothing else in the world doesn’t matter. But all I can see is Brendon, his hazel nut eyes, his smile; that dorky and cute smile of his. I can picture his pout and I can almost hear his laughter.

I tighten my eyes and try to imagine its Brendon and not Patrick I’m kissing but nothing feels right. I can feel Patrick’s tongue enter my mouth and I begin to suck on his bottom lip, but it’s nothing compared to Brendon’s lips. I feel Patrick’s body pressing harder against my own and my hair getting entangled with his fingers and his glasses pressing against my face, and it feels so wrong as if someone was trying to force a piece of a puzzle into the wrong spot.

I pull away breathing hard, my face completely flushed. I gulp and walk away and head to the bar.

“Was it too much?” I hear Patrick’s voice right next to my ear.

I shake my head and look at him with a small smile. “It was perfect.” I lie and look away feeling ashamed.

Patrick kisses the top of my head and walks away, I sigh.

“What would it be?”

“Just give me a beer.” I mumble and take a sit on an empty stool. I spin around and see Megz laughing as she and Jac start grinding on each other, Pete and Ryan clapping like complete idiots.

“Here you go.”

I spin back around and take out some money from my bra and give the guy a five dollar bill and walk to the tables.

I sit next to Patrick and take a sip from the beer.

“I haven’t seen her, this crazy in such a long time.” I tell Patrick as I stare at Megz.

“Megz catches my stare and runs towards me.”

“Come one! You’re missing out on all the fun!!” She screams and takes hold of my empty hand.

I shake my head. “NO!”

“Come show us what you got!”

“I don’t want to!”

“After a couple of more beers you’re going to want more than just dancing!” She grins and pulls me up.

“What is that supposed to mean!?” I shout angrily.

“Don’t act so innocent Jenn now come on and shake your ass out there!” She shouts and pulls me up and starts to drag me.

I try to pull away as I begin to shake my head. “I said no!” I shout.

“You’re such a whore!” She shouts and lets go of my hand making me fall back against one of the round tables and causing my beer to spill all over me.

I groan as I hit the hard and dirty ground, I look up just to see Meghan laughing her ass off and mumbling nonsense to Aubrey and Jac as she points at me.

Pete and Patrick quickly grab my arms and help me up.

“This loser doesn’t know how to have fun.” Meghan snickers and turns around heading back to the dance floor as her slutty friends follow her.

I feel Patrick wipe my eyes and realize that I’m crying. I shove him away lightly and make my way through the crowd and meet the fresh night air.