Dear Gravity You've Held Me Down

I stare at the picture in front of me; I look at Megz and then back at the picture.

“Are you sure this is really you?” I ask with my eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, so what do you think?”

I look back at the picture and stare at Megz, her hair in a big bun with orange and green extensions, a brown bikini and black stilettos as she smiles holding a pumpkin pie with brown, red and orange leaves fall behind her.

“I think you were meant to be a model.” I finally reply and set the picture on the dining room table and pick up the magazine I had been reading just a minute ago.

“Are you staying in Chicago or not?” Megz asks as she pours herself some orange juice.

“If I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be here.” I mumble and flip the page of my magazine.

I look up and sigh as I meet Megz sympathetic gaze on mine. “Don’t do that Megz.” I murmur and look back down at my magazine.

“Well I know you were excited to go to California for the weekend, that’s all.”

“I just wanted to go for the weather.” I lie with a small laugh.

Megz sighs and sits down next to me on the table. “Do you want to go shopping with me?”

“Can’t you wait for black Friday?”

“I meant food shopping.”

I put down my magazine and look at Megz, my lips spread into a wide smile ready to burst out laughing.

“You’re going to cook?”

“Well… No, not really. I’m going to bake cookies.” She replies with a small smile.

I gasp and laugh a little. “Meghan Clark is going to bake? You’re just playing with me right?”

“No I’m not! God! Just forget it.” Megz shouts in annoyance and stands up heading to her room.

“I’m just kidding Megz! I’m sorry; it’s just a little bit hard to believe!” I shout back and run to her room.

“So will you help me?” She asks me with a hopeful smile.

“I suppose, are you going to do them from scratch or packaged?”

“You make the best scratch oatmeal cookies, and I thought you could teach me how…” She trails off and stares at me with a big smile on her face.

“Okay we’ll leave in five minutes.”

* * *

I stare at the blinking red light in the darkness of my room. It was another missed call, probably from Patrick but I didn’t want to talk to him, I know he made reservations at a restaurant for the both of us for Thanksgiving, Megz had told me who was told by Pete.

Megz used to joke around saying that Patrick was secretly in love with me and that’s why he worried so much about me, and if it’s true then I’m only giving him false hopes because I will never see him more than just a friend.

“Jenn answer you ph-” I groan as I give up and take my phone from my night stand.

“Hello?” I sigh and turn on my back staring at the glowing stars on the ceiling.

“Hey, I’ve been trying to reach you all day.” Patrick says from the other line.

“I couldn’t find my phone.” I lie

“Anyway, what’s up?” I question

“Pete probably already told you but I made reservations for Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah I know.” I laugh a bit.

“So this year you don’t have to worry about cooking anything.”

“But I like cooking.”

“No you don’t. You’ve told me a million times.” Patrick chuckles causing me t o smile.

“I don’t like cooking when it doesn’t come out the way I want it to, so there’s a big difference in that okay?”

“Whatever, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“At what time is dinner?”

“At noon…” He trails off and I can almost picture him fixing his glasses.

“Please don’t tell me we’re going to your parent’s house.”

“Just for a little bit, I promised my mom I would stop by.”

“I’m not going Patrick, you can’t force me.” I shout and sit up.

“Come on Jenn, you love my mom! Besides I told her you just broke up with your boyfriend and not to ask you about what happened.”

I groan and glare at the darkness. “Why do I have to go?”

“She invited you and Megz but she can’t go and your dad told my mom that you were
spending the holidays here in Chicago so you really don’t have an option.”

“I hate you; you could have told her I was sick or something.”

“What’s the big deal Jenn?” He asks with a hint of anger.

“Nothing.” I sigh and lay back down.

“Tell me.”

“It’s just… I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my family but they have their own family now.”

“Just because your parents got divorced and married other people doesn’t mean you can’t be with them.”

“They have kids and I don’t want to bud in their amazing perfect life.”

“You’re their daughter and they love you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore Patrick.” I say in a low voice and wipe my eyes before the tears can roll down my face freely.

“Jenn please don't crying.”

“You don’t know what it’s like when your life just crumbles and all you have left is broken pieces of what used to be a family. For God’s sake my dad wasn’t even at my graduation because he was busy packing to leave to Arizona and all he left me was money for my first year of college and money to get my own place not even a small ‘Congrats’ what an asshole.” I mumble the last part and take a deep breath.

“Jenn that happened a long time ago, why can’t you just let it go?”

“Because you don’t know what it’s like to have your mom run off and just leave you without saying a word, without telling you she loves you. You don’t know how it feels when your dad has a new baby and he loves it more than you because you’re part of a person they hate. You don’t know how it feels when you get a Christmas card from your mom with a picture of her new family and you see how happy she is and you’re no longer her little princess because she has a-a new o-one.” I say as my voice begins to break, I bite my lip but I let out a sob and the tears begin to roll down my face.

“I’m sorry.” Patrick mumbles.

“And you know what happened after that right?”

“Jen-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I tell him and hang up.

I bury my head into my pillow and scream out all the anger and hatred for my parents, and I let the tears stain my pillow remembering the day my mom forgot about having a daughter.