Dear Gravity You've Held Me Down

I sat on the couch, nursing a mug of hot chocolate and reflecting on the day that had unfolded. I never would have expected a birthday party, but I’m eternally grateful of Jenn and Patrick for springing this on me. The house was quiet; Jenn & Patrick had seen the boys out and then retired for the night. The couch sunk and I was pulled out of my thoughts, I turned to look at my visitor and was taken by surprise; William sat beside me, smiling at me softly.

“I thought you had left with the others,” I told him.

“No, just went to the washroom,” He confessed. I nodded slowly, running my hand over my buzzed hair, “It looks good, by the way.”

I brought my eyes back up to his, questioning him slightly but let a small smile grace my lips, “Thanks, it’s growing on me.” I bit my lip as silence fell around us once more. I took a sip of my drink before turning my body to face him better. He was staring at me and it made me nervous. “Thank you,” I murmured, “For being there, and saving me.”

“I’m glad I was there in time, that I even heard you. It was terrifying seeing you like that, and for a few hours I thought you’d never wake up,” He admitted.

“I’m sorry I scared you, that you had to see me like that,” I quickly blurted.

His eyes widened for a minute with surprise before he composed himself, “You don’t have to apologise.”

“But I want to,” I replied, “I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble. Jenn said you stayed at the hospital for days, you didn’t have to…” I suddenly found it impossible to look at him and discovered the inside of my cup to be the most fascinating thing on the planet.

“Hey, look at me,” Now it was my turn to have wide surprised eyes as I complied. “You don’t ever have to apologise for your mental health, okay? Yes, we all would have liked it to have not gone the way it did, we’re all just thankful that you’re still with us and we could even have celebrations like this,” His voice was soft but his gaze was intent.

I nodded in agreement, “That’s what I was thinking when you sat down. That I’m lucky to have such great friends that remind me it’s the small things that are important. That I could have lost out on a lot more birthdays and hurt so many people. I don’t ever want to reach that point again,” I confessed, not bothering to fight the tears that were slipping down my face.

He took my free hand in between both of his hands, the warmth and familiar calluses sent tingles up my arm, “On your bad days, think of today. Remember we’re still here for you. Always,” He breathed out the last part. I bit back a sob and continued nodding my head, after several minutes he let go of my hand and pulled out his phone, “It’s late you should probably be in bed,” he stated.
“It’s okay, I slept most of the day,” I shrugged, but stood nonetheless when he rose from the couch.
“Well I should go, and let you relax. You’ve had an eventful day,” He noted, shoving his phone in his pocket and grabbing his coat.

“Could, could you help me first?” I asked, suddenly overwhelmed by nerves and emotions.

“Of course,” He smiled setting his coat onto the arm of the couch.

“Could you carry the roses into my room? They’d really brighten up my mood waking up and seeing them,” I whispered, feeling slightly embarrassed. He didn’t acknowledge the blush that was creeping up my neck; he just picked up the vase and made his way to my bedroom. With a quick inhale and exhale of air I followed after him, careful not to spill the remainder of my hot chocolate. He had already turned on my bedside lamp and placed the vase in the remaining space of the night stand, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he assured me, as he reached over and took my mug from me, allowing me to get into bed easier. Curiosity filled me, why was he being so nice to me? As he handed me my drink back I opened my mouth to ask him, when his phone went off. “One second,” He attested before grabbing the device and holding it to his ear, “Hello?” He asked the caller. “Hey Christine,” His voice got softer and I realised it was her, the girl from Halloween and New Year’s Eve, the beautiful blonde. “I’m just helping her into bed and then I’m leaving, do you want me to swing by after?”

Pulling the covers up over my legs I laid down in bed wishing I could just escape from this conversation I wasn’t even really a part of anyways. He was just being a friend, and being nice, he probably had some hero complex and didn’t know what to do with himself after the adrenaline had left. “Okay see you soon, bye,” With that he hung up and smiled down at me. “Sleep tight, it was good seeing you, conscious,” I forced a smile on my face at the last part as I could tell by the way he said it he meant it as a joke.

“Bye,” I murmured and watched his retreat. I heard the front door open and then close, and counted to ten before I turned off my lamp. Who was I kidding, he had a beautiful, stable girlfriend who didn’t have to be treated like glass, what would he want with a broken mess like me? Shortly after he left, I heard Jenn’s door open and close followed by the front door, I didn’t really pay it much attention assuming it was Patrick leaving without having to worry about ‘interrupting’ anything. Sighing, I rolled over onto my side, tomorrow would be my first session with a councillor outside of the hospital, I couldn’t let the fact that William was still seeing that girl set back any progress I might have made. The front door opened again, and I froze, surely it wasn’t him; he didn’t forget anything did he? I clamped my eyes shut and slowed my breathing, but my door didn’t open. I heard Jenn’s door close a little too loudly, and I opened my eyes confused. I’d have to ask about that tomorrow, if I remembered that is.