I Will Never End Up Like Him

I turned my head avoiding his gaze and ignoring the noise from outside the car.
"Let's just go." I managed to get out, a few more tears falling.
He slid out of the car and I adjusted so I was sitting up, curled into myself. I looked out where Johnny was struggling to get free. There were policemen around him. One of them was talking to Pete then he pointed towards the car. The man made his way over and opened the door.
"Amy?" he said. I nodded.
"I'm going to ask you to step out of the car."
My body kind of went into auto pilot and I slid out of the car. Everyone was looking, not just looking, staring. One of the twins was on his phone.
"Come with us." he said leading the way over to a police car. I kept my head down and followed, I don't know why I did. My mind kind of shut off. I would've ran.
I would've ran far.
But my feet decided to betray me. I pretended I couldn't feel the looks of my friends. I pretended that I wasn't scared and freaked as hell. I pretended I couldn't hear Johnny. I pretended life was perfect. I pretended that I knew what was going on. I pretended that I couldn't feel the dried blood under my hoodie sleeve and against my arm.
The policemen opened the door to the back of the car and I slipped in.
I felt weak.
Nostalgic.
Numb.
"No, no. She didn't do anything." Patrick said to the officer.
"She's been missing, and we have to take her in for questioning." the officer said. Patrick didn't look like he was up for arguing. As long as I wouldn't be disappearing again. I don't want to be home. I don't know what I want.
I don't really want to live anymore, but I'm afraid that death in policecar may be a bit ridiculous. They pulled away and I hated the looks that I saw on the guys faces.
The worst part.
Johnny was in the car behind me, and sometimes next to me if I switched lanes. I curled into myself and closed my eyes. It was oddly comfortable, I could've gone to sleep, easily. I refrained though.
"Please buckle up." a different officer said sitting in the passenger seat.
I dropped my legs to the floor with a thump and barely lifted my head, grabbing onto the rough thick material of the seatbult and buckling it in one swift motion. I pulled my knees back up into my chest and dropped my head against them. I tuned out the sirens, tried to keep the images of the guys faces from creeping into my mind. I was repeatedly hitting my head into my knee, just at the spot where the bone is the most distinct.
I didn't realize how fast the police car really was going until we appeared at a police station.
I unbuckled my seat belt and slid out of the car. The same police officer that 'lured' me out of Pete's car walked next to me, his hand on my back, right under my neck. I don't know if it was to make sure I didn't run, to comfort me, or just cause this guy was an extreme pedophile. The last was the least likely, yet it was the one that was running through my mind making me feel extremely awkward and just plain uncomfortable.
We got inside, I still couldn't get a normal thought to run through my head. I'd strayed away from life. I messed it up. I didn't even know what would happen. How could I go back to Mabel's? Oh, God, Mabel! I forgot she even existed. She must be so worried. No. Why would she be? I'm not her real daugher. No one really cares about me.
They led me down a hallway and into one of those rooms just like the ones on the tv shows and movies. The sealed ones with a table, two chairs, and a little lamp, even a mug of something. I sat down in one of the chairs, sinking into it.
The officer left, closing the door. I inwardly freaked, but at the same time I was so relieved.
Not even a minute later a woman came in.
She looked like a lawyer. Dressed in a matching skirt and jacket, with a blouse underneath.
"Amy." she started.
"I'm Beth Cruise. I'm going to ask you some questions, you need to answer honestly. This will help, and we need to know what happened." she said. I stared at the table nodding slowly.
She proceeded to ask me questions. First they started out how I thought they would the 'Did you run away, or were you kidnapped?', but then they didn't go the way I thought they would. None of them were about Johnny, surprisingly. The thought hadn't crossed my mind that I could go to jail, right? I did do drugs. Or I could atleast get sent to rehab.
Luckily the questions didn't go that way and they were only a short list. The officer took me back to the parking lot where Mabel was. She embraced me in a hug right when I exited the building. I got in her car and she took me home. Logan and Landon were already there.
"Amy, I'm so sorry! Please don't ever run away again!" Mabel said as she opened the front door.
I would've questioned why she was sorry, but I decided not to.
"Can I go take a nap?" I asked.
"Are you hungry?" Mabel asked, as if on que my stomach growled. I turned a dark red and grabbed my stomach to silence it.
"Go upstairs and I'll make you some food, okay?"
I nodded, not in a mood to argue, and went upstairs. My room was exactly the way I left it, minus the stuff I took. That's when I remembered. I left my bag at school!
Oh, well. Not like I'm not already in enough trouble. I focused on sleep and let it overtake me.
I woke up and looked out the window. It was dark. I could smell the food in the kitchen and wondered how long I'd slept.
I headed downstairs and Mabel was sitting at the kitchen counter, hot food next to her. I sat down in front of the plate.
"Thanks." I said quietly eating.
"Not a problem at all, hun. They canceled school today." she said. I almost choked.
"What? why?"
"Because the police showed up and parents got worried." she explained. That sounds like a stupid reason to me.
"Your brother's in town." she said after a few minutes of silence.
"Where is he?!" I asked.
"He and Ruolan are staying in a hotel." she explained. Roulan! That was her name, it's not even that hard to remember. Stupid me. I ate my food slow, and felt oddly relaxed. The phone rang and Mabel hurried to answer it. I tuned out her conversation.
"Amy?" she said bringing my attention back to her.
"Hmm?" I hummed chewing.
"Patrick wants to know if you are up to hanging out with the guys tonight?" she offered.
"A-am I allowed to?" I stuttered nervous. I kind of wanted to crawl in a whole and die. She nodded.
"I-I guess." I sighed. She nodded again and brought the phone back to her ear. I sighed and continued eating my dinner. We continued to make small talk as I ate my dinner, when there was a knock at the door. I inwardly freaked out, I didn't know they would be here so soon! I hadn't changed, I've been wearing the same clothes from last night when I was still at Johnny's. Oh, God! I still was covered in blood under my hoodie. The thought alone made me gag. Mabel swung open the door and Andy rushed in. He scooped me up and ran out the door. I winced against his touch.
"Andy, stop!" I yelled squirming. I glanced up and there was a big van. Not even a mini van, like a big, white kidnapper/child molester van. I squinted towards it, when the door was swung open by Patrick who was waving his hand motioning for Andy to run faster. I looked back at Mabel in the doorway who was laughing and waving. Andy set me in the back of the van and jumped in the passenger seat. I looked up front and Joe was driving. I looked in front of me where Patrick, Pete, Brendon, Ryan, Jon, and Spencer all sat on the floor of the big van.
"Where'd you guys get this?" I asked looking around me.
"Jon's dad." Pete said with a big smile. I looked at Jon who was nodding.
"Your voice is back to normal." Patrick smiled. I shrugged.
"Has been for two weeks."
"Wait, so many questions!" Joe said from where he was driving. I pulled my knees to my chest.
"Where the hell were you?!" Andy said turning in the passenger seat to look at me. I shrugged.
"Around." I was not going to explain the situation at all, maybe in bits and pieces and after a little prodding, but not right this second!
"So was the search team, but they couldn't find you!" Pete said. I looked at them disbelievingly.
"They hired a search team?!"
"Yes! Amy! That is the third time you have gotten lost in your life! What the hell?!" Andy said. Patrick wasn't saying much, neither were the rest of the guys.
"I wasn't lost! I said bye at lunch!" I argued.
"Not bluntly! We are guys, we don't get hints!" Pete said.
"Well you should! I don't see why I'm here anyway!"
"Why'd you runaway? Where'd you go? and don't give me any of that 'around' bullshit. Where the hell were you?!" I kept quiet staring at my arms that were firmly wrapped around my knees.
"Well?"
I stayed silent, still.
"I swear if you stop talking again, I will go insane and scream more than I already am! Give me a Goddamn answer!" Pete yelled.
"I was at Johnny's why the fuck do any of you care!? I'm back here now, unfortunatly!" I said.
"You ran back here! Where the fuck is Johnny's!?" Pete said.
"I don't know! Like half an hour away, in a different town!" I yelled, "Why do you care!?"
"Because! My-" Patrick started, "Our best friend just goes disappearing and she was suicidal and she could be fucking dead and we spend 3 weeks looking for her and there is not even a fucking sign that she is anywhere, you could've been on the other side of the world!"
"Well those are stupid reasons. Why do I matter anyway? My parents are gone, my brothers just going to go back to China and I'll just be here." I shrugged.
"You do matter! You're our best friend! You should of seen us moping for the past weeks! You should have seen Logan and Landon! They were fucking depressed! Mabel was always crying! If that's saying you don't matter then that's fucking ridiculous!" Patrick argued. I shrugged, not believing.
"Moving on. How're you guys?" I asked the silent group in the back.
"I need more answers!" Pete demanded. I looked over at him.
"Who is Johnny and what were you doing hanging out with him, he looks like he's 25!" Pete said. I shrugged.
"And what did he do to you?!" Patrick added in. I shrugged again absentmindedly rubbing my hand over my cheek.
"Give us answers!" Pete said. I shook my head.
"This isn't a game okay?! We need to know what was up!" Andy said.
"It's embarrassing." I whispered putting my face in my knees.
"I don't care! I don't care if it was for drugs, or sex, or some weird kink, okay!?" Pete said. I didn't move, or lift my head. I mumbled to myself a bit, hushed, not able to hold in the tears. Luckily, they fell silently. I kept my head in my knees and my eyes clenched shut.
I thought I was being quite, until I sucked in a shaky breath.
"Damnit Pete!" I heard Patrick say before he was scooting over and wrapping his arms around me.
Now I wish the slits on my wrist were deep enough to have killed me.
I twisted slightly, wrapping my arms around his middle and putting my head in his chest.
"I didn't do anything! I just want to know what the hell has been going on, okay?!" Pete defended. I contained my cries and sniffled a bit. I pulled out of Patrick's grip -much to his dismay- and slid my arms back down to my sides. I noticed the hoodie was sticking to my arm a bit. Great! That's gonna hurt like a bitch to take off.
"Where are we going?" I mumbled changing the subject.
"Uhm...the woods." Joe mumbled.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because it sounds fun." Joe said with no enthusiasm in his voice at all. I shrugged, wondering why we didn't enter the woods from behind my house. I guess Mabel would probably get scared.
"I have your bag." Patrick whispers. I looked over, jumping a bit, and looking at him to continue.
"I threw away some stuff out of there, I knew the police wouldn't be too happy to find." he finished. I gave him a hug and squeezed him so tight he probably thought I was trying to strangle him. I pulled away and gave him a small smile while everyone else gave us curious or confused glances.
We pulled up and I could hear the blaring music and saw the flashing lights.
No.
We were getting out across from the Oasis and..the alley. *scary music* (had to throw that in there)
I slid out of the sliding door after Patrick and everyone else piled out of the van. I glanced over at the alley and stared maybe a bit too long. I swear I saw Johnny, but there was no way it was him because he was in jail, right? Andy ushered me along. I followed the boys into the forest.
"You have a pretty voice." Ryan said walking up next to me.
"If I heard you correctly, I would think you were hitting on me, Ross." I said eyeing him. He stopped dead in his tracks and started laughing. So loud it made me cringe. He started gasping for breath.
"Guys! Bren! She -deep breath- she wasn't here!" he attempted to yell grabbing onto his stomach.
"Oh my God!" Brendon yelled. I didn't see what was so funny.
"No..no..you see..I'm..." he tried to talk, but couldn't. Finally he just grabbed onto Brendon's hand and pulled him into him, kissing him. My jaw dropped and I looked at everyone else who just looked amused. Finally he pulled away and smirked. I think that if it was possible, my eyes would've popped out of my head. I finally started laughing.
"I knew it, cause Brendon was in such big denial!" I laughed.
"Hey, that was a cover!" Brendon defended, I looked at him confused.
"They were secretly hooking up for a month or two before." Jon said. I looked at the group of guys.
"Anyone else come out?"
"I did!" Pete yelled raising his hand then he stated, "and I like girls!"
"I think we knew that Pete." I said.
"Come on." Andy said heading further into the woods. I jogged a bit to catch up with Patrick before putting my hand on my head.
"My legs hurt. Where ever will I find someone to give me a piggyback ride?!" I sighed. Patrick stopped and looked over at me rolling his eyes.
"Hop on." he sighed. I smiled and jumped onto his back.
"Damn, Amy!" he said.
"What?" I asked cautiously.
"Did you eat anything? You're lighter than a feather."
"I ate!" I defended.
"What did you eat?"
"Uhm..well one time I had spaghetti, then another time, I had a hot pocket." I said.
"How often?"
"I don't know....once a day, maybe." I mumbled the last part.
"You lived on one hot pocket a day!?" he said. I shrugged.
"I wasn't hungry."
"Mhmm." he groaned. I stretched my arms above my head and then wrapped them around Patrick's neck.
"You smell like blood." he said.
"How do you know what blood smells like?"
"Easy. Remember a couple months ago when that locker gave me a bloody nose?" he asked. I laughed remembering the image clearly.
"I'm taking that as a yes, well, when the blood is gushing out of your nose, it's kind of hard to not smell it and get a tad woozy." he said.
"Hmm." I said.
"That brings me back to why do you smell like blood?"
"I don't know." I shrugged.
"Well, it's particularly this arm that is dangling over my shoulder, so is there anything you'd like to tell me about?" he said in a tone that actually scared me a bit. I tried to slip off of his back, but he held my legs tight.
"Hey Pete!" I yelled.
"Pete, help!" Patrick yelled. I sighed, Pete would instantly side with Patrick.
"Andy! Joe! Someone!" I yelled quickly.
"She's trying to run again!" Patrick said. I glared at him, though he couldn't see my face, I was practically burning holes into the back of that pretty little head of his.
"No I'm not!" I yelled, "he won't let me down though!"
Before I know it Pete is behind me sandwiching me between Patrick and him.
"Hey! Pete! Stop! I can't breathe, and I'm not running away! Even if I was there are 8 of you, one of me and we all know that everyone here could easily outrun me." I argued. I noticed that Patrick was trying to role up my sleeve and yanked my hand away, causing it to hit Pete in the face, causing Pete to back away holding his nose, and causing me to fall on my ass. I slid backwards before standing up and shoving my hands into my pockets and walking ahead of everyone.
"Where are we going anyway?" I asked.
"Somewhere far enough in here that we can light a fire and go unnoticed." Joe said. I looked over to Ryan and Brendon who were holding hands and smirked.
"I feel left out." I pouted grabbing Joe's hand. He laughed and Ryan glared. Patrick immediatly grabbed my other hand. I hadn't even noticed him.
"No!" I yelped pulling my hand back. Everyone looked at me and I smiled.
"My hands are...sweaty." I mumbled wiping them on my jeans and sticking them back in my pockets. Patrick came over and scooped me up. I groaned and went limp. Deadweight.
"You're light as a feather, that's not making you any heavier." he commented. I sighed, but remained limp.
We finally got to a spot that Pete said was 'exactly where he was headed' and sat down proud on the ground.
Patrick sat down with me and pulled on the bottom of my hoodie.
"No!" I said trying to get out of his grasp.
"Damn Patrick, don't rape her!" Jon yelled.
"Shut up. I'm trying to see her arm." he said.
"Well if arms are what turn you on." Pete said flexing.
"Shut up, Pete, and help." he gritted out. I freaked out, who knew what my arm looked like. I didn't even do it!
Pete came over and sat on my legs while Patrick managed to get the hoodie over my head so that it was only on my arms. He started pulling it off, and I winced when he got it to my forearm.
"Stop, that fucking hurts!" I said.
"Really?!" he said raising an eyebrow. I was 10 seconds from slapping him.
He pulled the sweatshirt off my right arm with no problem and tugged on the left one a bit. He slowly peeled it off. (Like a bandaid) and his eyes went so wide. I pulled my arm to my side.
"Now I'm cold!" I whined.
"What the fuck happened?!" he yelled grabbing my hand. I tried to pull it away. He looked at it for a second. It was pretty disgusting if I do say so myself. There were all of the cuts Johnny had left, plus the scars from my cuts, which you could barely see, considering they were covered with blood.
"Why'd you do this?" he said barely above a whisper.
"I didn't!" I snapped.
"Well who did?!" he asked.
"Do you think I would just leave it like that! I would atleast wipe it off, that's fucking sick!" I said. His face dropped when he saw the blood on my shirt. Then he realized who had done it.
"Why? Why'd you live with him then? Why'd he do this?"
"I don't know! He just went crazy last night!" I said not as scared to tell them what happened anymore.
"What'd he do?" Patrick asked.
"He flipped out when I asked if I could go on a walk, talking about how you guys would find me and stuff. I asked him again and he got really pissed. I think he was high though and maybe a bit drunk." I said. Patrick hugged me. I was glad I had told them, these were my friends and..okay...maybe they cared a little bit.