In Another World

I tried to get Kodhai to understand where I was coming from, however all she seemed to be interested in was to throw curses at my face. I didn’t know who to turn to, this was getting hard for me, but no one seemed to understand. Maybe it was because I was too scared to tell everyone the truth.

“You are a sick bastard,” Kodhai screamed in my face. “I cannot believe that you hired a hit man to kill your own brother! You don’t even deserve to live!”

I stared down at her face and tried to control my emotions. “I was out of my mind. I was drunk! I’m sorry,” I cried. “I know you, or anybody else, will never be able to forgive me. Because of me, my parents have lost two children and are now on the verge of losing their third. Do you honestly believe that I would purposefully mean any harm towards the brother who I have cherished and adored all my life?” I sniffed.

“What do you want me to do?” Kodhai yelled.

I pursed my lips and thought of a way to explain to her what I had gotten myself into. “The person who killed our Nick has threatened me that if I don’t give him his money he will take matters into his own hands and take you away,” I explained closing my eyes.

There was a few minutes silence as I waited for her response.

“And have you arranged the money?” she asked calmly.

“No,” I simply replied. “I thought you could help me because if I do not give him the money by the end of next week, he will come after you and I can’t let him do that to you because I’m in love with you.” I accidentally blurted out all of a sudden.

Shit.

Bad move, Joseph.

“What did you just say?” Kodhai questioned, her eyes widening in the process, “I think I am hearing things now, Joseph.” She said, biting her lip.

Oh God.

She looked so beautiful. Oh dear Lord why did she have to look so perfect? The way her straight black hair flowed neatly across her face and the way one of her legs stretched out unevenly instantly shipped butterflies into my stomach. I wanted to blink but it felt as if though I had lost all control of my eyes as they stuck wide open.

“I said what did you just say to me?” she asked once again.

“I said that I am in love with you Kodhai. I have always been and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. You mean everything to me but I know that you can never be mine and it…it just kills me Kodhai. I really do love you so much!”

I did not wait for her response; I made a step towards her not caring what she would think about my next move.

I kissed her.

The tension between the two of us seemed as if though it was increasing as the seconds ticked by. She was the first one to pull away from the kiss, I closed my eyes and began to imagine it all over again until my thoughts were interrupted by a hard slap hitting my face.

“How dare you?!” I heard Kodhai scream at the top of her voice, “I don’t want anything to do with you!”

“Please just hear me out!”

“Oh, I have heard enough already Joseph. This has gone too far, now I know why you got your own brother killed. You are ridiculous. I cannot believe my Nick could ever have been related to a thing like you,” she said shaking her head. “I will help you, I will arrange the money for only one reason and that is. Myself. I do not want to be handed over to some freaking creep because of you,” she said grabbing her gloves. “I’m sure you remember that I made a promise to you that I will avenge my Nick’s death, right?” she raised an eyebrow, laughing at me.

I opened my mouth to say something but no words appeared to make their own way out.

Kodhai kept on smiling, “Katie told me that you were going crazy…claiming that you see Nick and speak to him too?”

I could not believe Katie told her?

“Do not blame Katie, she is just worried about you as so are the rest of your family. I have tried to make things better for them and you too of course. You have a serious problem growing in your brain, Joseph. I am so worried for you! Really, I am. But do not worry.” She squeezed my arm. “I have a surprise waiting for you right outside, something that will make all of your worries fade away, something that will be able to cure you.” she stroked my cheek with the tip of her fingers sending a bolt of electricity running through my body.

I could now feel her breath on my face, “things are going to be different from now on, get use to it.” She said moving away. “I’ll be waiting outside for you Joseph, come out whenever you’re ready.”

And with that she made her exit.

For a moment, I thought that she was going to give into me; she claimed that she wished to help me out. Did I believe her? I think I did. Kodhai would never want to hurt me; after all, at the end of the day I was still the love of her life’s older brother. She would be hurting Nick by hurting me. She would never even think about doing such a thing.

“Go on go outside.” I all of a sudden heard Nick’s precious delicate voice, “you have no other choice, the love of my life wants to help you out Joe. Go outside.” He ordered,

However, there was a part of me that resisted.

I put my hand on the doorknob.

“I’m sorry Nick,” the tears sprang out of my eyes, “I never meant to hurt you.”

I could now clearly see him again leaning against the wall. “I loved you. I looked up to you. You were the one I always turned towards in my time of grief. You always taught me to respect others and even love my enemies. Because that is what hurts them the most. I listened to your every word. All my life I couldn’t even dare to think that, you, my brother would ever hurt me. But I guess I was just blinded by your so-called brotherly love. Now, I can’t even look you in the eye anymore. It kills. And you only have yourself to blame.” He finished but not without saying goodbye. “Bye Joe, I’ll try to leave you alone from now on but I’m not guarateeing anything.” And with that he slowly began to dissappear.

I stepped outside into the sun. My eyes instantly glued upon the Black vans that were parked neatly in a line. A man and a woman stepped out, “we are here to help you Mister Jonas,” they said raising their hands up in the air as they moved in closer to me, “your friends and family are worried sick for you sir, this is not only for you but for them also.” The woman was trying her best to explain.

“Who are you?” I asked, really confused.

“We are from the LA Mental Institution - where we are going to treat you sir,” the man said grabbing onto my arm.

I tried to escape from his grip. “I am not crazy! Let go of me!” I screamed and cried in agony. “I am not crazy!!!” I yelled but it felt as if though I was surrounded and that no one was interested in what I had to say.

“This will ease your pain!” The man was now yelling too.

I could not understand what was going on now, everything had now become so blurry and fuzzy and slowly I was scooped up by the darkness.

<><><><><><><>

That was all four years ago.

I now sit here with my paper and pen and have finished writing the eight chapters of my life. People had come to visit me in the first couple of days of my stay at this Mental Institution – my new home from now on. Kevin had come as quickly as he heard. But I could not speak with him.

Eventually, the visits had come to a halt. No one came now, I am here in Los Angeles and my family is all the way in New Jersey. They do not come anymore. I do not know how long I have to stay here but all I know that this is my new home. I am not crazy, believe me because if I was would I have been able to write out the main events that had taken place in my life? I don’t think so. I think I belong here now, it is my punishment that I have always deserved. Do you think it is fair?

I receive shocks every morning and night, they say that they will make me better, but it makes me feel dead. I don’t even have my hair anymore. They shaved it all off. I’m bald but I don’t know what I look like because there is no mirror. I am locked in a white room all by myself.

I can't even remember what it feels like to be free. This is my destiny and this is my fate - How else could I define this? If I ever step out of this cell, I might write again but I have been told that the only way I can escape this place is by dying.

Death.

I wonder when it is going to knock on my door.