Fake My Smile

“So what’s he singing?” Lyndsey asked as she crawled over to me and leant over Zacky and I to peek at Hayley’s paper.

Hayley gasped and ripped the paper away from Lyndsey before pushing her face away. Lyndsey whined and flopped down on my lap as she looked over to the stage where her husband was. I patted her on the head and pushed her to the side of me before looking to the stage myself as Brian barked out a very loud and very obnoxious laugh.

“I want to...I love this song,” Lyndsey giggled as the song started and she wriggled about in her seat.

“Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body. They say it’s over budget but you’d pay her just to touch it, come on!” Brian sang, smirking over at Lyndsey as she danced in her seat. “Needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene. If Hollywood had called her she’d be gone before ya hollered, come on!”

I watched in interest as Brian did what I presumed was some kind of dance. He looked more like he was having an episode but Lyndsey seemed to enjoy it.

“God I love that man,” she groaned.

“Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong. Every sugar daddy hitting on her all night long. Doesn’t care about the money, she could be with anybody. Ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along? Your ripping up the dance floor honey. You shake your ass around for everyone. I love the way you dance with anybody and tease them all by sucking on your thumb. You’re so much cooler when you never pull it out. ‘Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.”

Brian winked at Lyndsey and she made another groaning noise. My nose wrinkled in discomfort as I scooted away from her a little bit but I couldn’t help the smile as Matt began to complain.

“Jesus fucking Christ. You two officially disgust me.”

“Hush brother. Brian’s being romantic,” Lyndsey sighed.

I scoffed at Lyndsey’s interpretation of romantic and everyone else laughed before we all looked over at Brian to find him ‘dancing’ again. I think his arms and legs had actually been possessed by an octopus.

“Crafty little lip tricks, tattoos on her left hip. She bending as you’re spending. There’s no end to it so baby, come on! Dressed up like a princess. Bettin’ her skin smells better than the scent of every flower in the desert come on!”

“You call this romantic?” Rhian asked carefully.

Lyndsey nodded excitedly, her eyes wide and innocent. “Wouldn’t you?”

“It’s...it’s...” Rhian stuttered slightly. “It’s definitely something.”

Sarah laughed and looked back up to the stage.

“Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong. Every sugar daddy hittin’ on her all night long. Doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody. Ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along? You ripping up the dance floor honey. You shake your ass around for everyone. I love the way you dance with anybody,” Brian sang as he moved across the stage. “And tease them all by sucking on your thumb. You’re so much cooler when you never pull it out. ‘Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.”

Lyndsey bit her lip and wriggled in her seat as she watched her husband. I was surprised that she hadn’t already leapt out of her seat and across the table to the stage. She evidently had more restraint than I gave her credit for.

I scooted away from her a little again but ended up bumping against Zacky. I looked at him to say sorry but felt my stomach turn instead as I found myself watching him and my sister happily make out. My heart hit my stomach for a second and I tore my eyes away from them, my hand coming up to fiddle with my gingerbread necklace. I bit my lip and tried to pay attention to Brian but found it a little bit difficult. Now I knew what was going on beside me all I could hear was Hayley giggling as Zacky whispered various things to her.

“’Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth!”

Brian finished with a flourish, a flourish that I only just caught because Hayley had pulled away from Zacky so she could look at her piece of paper.

“Do you know how much I want to have sex with you right now?” Lyndsey voiced as Brian sat back down.

“My fucking God,” Matt groaned in complaint, making everyone laugh.

Brian smirked and wrapped his arm around his wife, planting a kiss on the top of her head before ducking his head down to kiss her on the lips quickly.

“Later baby.”

Lyndsey pouted and whined but giggled as Brian whispered something in her ear. Now I was stuck between two giggling couples. Great.

“Okay, Rosie you are up.”

I sighed before nodding and slowly getting up. “What am I singing?”

Hayley smiled. “One of your favourite songs. I picked Someday by Crossfade for you.”

I felt my face fall slightly but recovered quick enough that I didn’t think anyone noticed. But of course, Lyndsey did. She was too observant for her own good sometimes. Lyndsey knew what this song meant to me. It was one of my favourites, I couldn’t deny that. But it also connected more to me than just a good song. The lyrics were somewhat realistic to me.

“Is that okay?” Hayley asked, obviously noticing my hesitation.

I swallowed and nodded before making my way to the stage, thinking that the quicker I get there the quicker I’ll be done. I bit my lip as I was directed towards the microphone that was now on a stand. I guessed they knew that since this song was a slow one, I wouldn’t be bouncing around the stage. I looked over at the guy who would start the music and he raised his eyebrows in question to whether I was ready or not. I took a deep breath and nodded, steadying myself so I wouldn’t cry.

“Someday I’ll talk about it. One day I’ll mention it to you. Someday I’ll be over this and strong like you. I am never changing, I can feel this way for days and days. Look you straight in the face and fake my smile,” I sang, my gaze flicking over to my sister and her fiancé for a moment before I looked to the ground. “Take this hurt away. Bring back yesterday. I could say sorry in a thousand ways. You won’t let this be, without cutting me. I can’t put this bottle down as I watch this day fade into night.”

I took a deep breath, one that shuddered slightly.

“My blessings, my faults. I’ve learned all the lessons that cannot be taught. Any abuses that I’ve brought. No more excuses,” I shook my head and closed my eyes as I felt tears begin to form behind my eyes. “I want a new start.”

I swallowed again and opened my eyes, cursing myself when I realised my vision was slightly blurred. I could only hope that I’d make it through the song so I could then excuse myself to the bathroom or something for a good cry.

“With all our lies there’s no wondering why things aren’t working anymore. But now I’m feeling fine, flying higher. Got the chance to start again. My blessings, my faults. I’ve learned all the lessons that cannot be taught. Any abuses that I’ve brought. No more excuses, I want a new start.”

I braved a look at Hayley and Zacky again but wished I hadn’t. My heart stung a little as I watched Hayley smile up at Zacky, safe cuddled up in his arms as he pressed his lips softly to the side of her head. I saw him raise her hand before he played with her engagement ring. I bit my lip and took another deep breath.

“Someday I’ll talk about it. One day I’ll mention it to you. Someday I’ll be over this and move on like you,” I sang, feeling my tears build up more and more. “Move on like you.”

I felt a tear escape and hastily brought my hand up to wipe it away. I caught Lyndsey’s gaze and saw that she was biting her lip as she watched me.

“I’m ready to go, I’m ready to leave. Why don’t you answer your radio? I’m ready to go, just watch me leave. It’s so hard to see when I’m on my way down.”

I took another deep breath and stepped away from the microphone and sniffed. I closed my eyes and looked to the ground before stepping back to the microphone, my grip tight on it.

“It’s so hard to see when I’m on my way down.”

The music faded and I bit my lip as everyone clapped and cheered. I smiled weakly before walking off the stage and instead of heading to the table I turned right and went to the bathroom. I pushed the door open, hoping that there was no one else in here. My wish was granted as an empty bathroom came into view. I leant on the counter and looked in the mirror, my eyes landing on my necklace as it dangled from my neck.

I sighed and rubbed my cheeks to get rid of the tears that had fallen. I closed my eyes and hung my head between my shoulders.

“This is so fucking stupid,” I muttered to myself.

“No it’s not.”

I jumped and turned around to find Lyndsey standing there, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked at me.

“It’s not stupid Rosie.”

I shrugged and walked over to the couch that was in here. I never understood the idea of a couch in a toilet but for once, it was coming into use. Lyndsey came and sat with me, wrapping an arm around me as she pulled me closer.

“I’m in love with my best friend. I’ve been in love with him for ten years even though he’s with my sister,” I commented and rose my gaze to Lyndsey. “How is that not stupid?”

Lyndsey opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off before she could utter a syllable.

“I hurt when I see them together and I shouldn’t because it’s always there. I should be used to it. Fuck that, I should be over him. Tell me this isn’t stupid. Tell me that having feelings for someone who doesn’t have feelings for me, who is getting married to my sister in a few months, isn’t stupid.”

“You can’t help who you love,” Lyndsey replied.

I rolled my eyes. “Ten years Lyndsey. Ten freaking years.”

“I know,” she answered and pushed some of my hair away from my face. “But I still don’t think it’s stupid. Unfortunate? Yes. I can’t begin to fathom what it must be like for you sweetheart.”

“It would be so much easier if she wasn’t my sister. Then I could hate her. Or if Hayley was a complete bitch. But no,” I scoffed. “I have to be blessed with one of the nicest sisters ever. And it’s not unfortunate. This whole thing is stupid because I’ve brought it on myself.”

“You can’t help who...”

“You fall in love with? Yeah, I get it Lyndsey. I do. But I could have tried harder to get over him. I could have done something. Anything to try and get over him but no. He’s my bloody best friend and I see him nearly every day,” I croaked out as tears began to tighten my jaw. “I can’t...”

Lyndsey dropped a kiss to the top of my head.

“It’s too hard,” I cried slightly. “And in a few months time I have to watch them get married? How the hell am I going to get through that Lyndsey? It was hard enough just getting through the rest of that dinner when they got engaged!”

“You’re strong. You’ll be able to do it. And who knows what’ll happen between now and then. You might meet a gorgeous bloke who will push Mr. Moobs out of your mind,” Lyndsey told me with a grin.

I rolled my eyes at the name she called Zacky before shrugging. “Doubtful.”

“You never know...they might have a name that rhymes with pen,” she quipped before rising to her feet and pulling me with her.

“Pen?”

She smiled innocently. “Come on. I’m going to serenade you.”