Fake My Smile

I groaned as my ringtone ripped through my sleep. I blindly reached for my phone and pawed about on my bedside table before finding it.

“Hello,” I managed to croak out before clearing my throat.

I was met with a familiar laugh and grumbled to myself.

“I’m guessing I woke you up,” my sister stated.

“Yeah you did,” I replied. “What’s the time?”

“About eleven...I thought I’d give you some time to get ready. We need to meet at one for the dress fittings.”

I nodded and ran a hand down my face, finally opening my eyes and sitting up.

“Okay, I’m up. I’m up,” I yawned. “I’ll see you in a few hours Lee.”

“See you Zee. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I threw my phone onto my bed and slid my feet into my slippers before pushing myself off my bed. I stretched and smiled as I heard my back click before going through to the kitchen to get some caffeine in me. I leant against the counter as I waited for my coffee machine to come to life, mentally making a note to get myself a new one. I heard my front door open and a few moments later Lyndsey appeared in my kitchen doorway, looking a little worse for wear.

“You okay there love?” I chuckled.

She groaned and slumped against the doorframe, her eyes hidden from me by a pair of sunglasses. Lyndsey yanked at the sleeves of the hoodie she was wearing and by the size of it I knew it was Brian’s.

“Coffee?” I offered.

Lyndsey smiled and stumbled over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“Why did I drink so much?”

I laughed and patted her on the head. “Because you’re a little bit of an alcoholic?”

Lyndsey lifted her head and stuck her tongue out at me. She pulled away from me and peered at my coffee machine as it pathetically spluttered out a couple of drops of coffee.

“You need a new coffee machine,” she commented.

“I know,” I sighed as she smacked the side of it.

Lyndsey looked at me with a smug grin as the coffee machine began to work a bit better. I rolled my eyes and yawned, gratefully taking a mug of coffee once it had sorted itself out.

“How comes you’re here so early?” I asked, seeing as we didn’t need to meet for another two hours.

“I figured that if I fell asleep at home I wouldn’t wake up in time,” she replied as she slid her sunglasses to the top of her head. “Brian’s not home at the moment so I would have had no alarm. But if I fall asleep here, then you’ll wake me up.”

She finished with an innocent grin and I scoffed.

“Good luck with that one,” I answered. “Likelihood is that I’ll be falling asleep too. So really, we’re both screwed.”

We were both silent for a moment as we finished our coffees. I dumped my mug in the sink once I was finished and went to leave the room to have a shower. I reached the doorway but stopped as Lyndsey said my name.

“You okay today?” Lyndsey asked me.

I turned and looked at her, my hand resting against the doorframe. I shrugged and chewed at the inside of my lip.

“You going to be okay today with all the wedding planning and stuff?”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly and tapped the wood. “But it’s my sister, so I just have to be. It’ll be okay.”

Lyndsey looked at me with a small sad smile. She knew what I meant by ‘it’ll be okay’. She knew that in my head I had finished that sentence with ‘I’ll just fake it’. I weakly smiled back before going through to my bathroom and trying to mentally prepare myself for the day whilst I got ready.

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I chuckled to myself as I heard a thump and then heard Sarah whine an ‘ow’.

“What the hell have you done now?” I heard Lyndsey chuckle from one of the other cubicles.

“Back zipped dresses are not good for the uncoordinated,” Sarah yelped out.

“Amen!” Taylor yelled from the other side of the room.

“Stop complaining and come out so I can see your damn dresses!” Hayley shouted over everyone.

I laughed and looked at myself in the mirror, smoothing my hands down the front of the dress and smiling slightly in approval. Hayley had definitely picked a nice dress. I stepped out of my cubicle and looked over at Hayley.

“Well?” I asked.

She grinned and clapped to herself, gesturing for me to turn. I did so, and did it slightly slow, watching as the skirt flared up a bit with the movement.

“I’m a genius, is what I am,” Hayley decided with a smug smile.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before looking to the other cubicles as the rest of the girls came out. Lyndsey giggled and bounced about.

“Brian is going to have a heart attack when he sees me in this,” she commented.

We laughed, knowing Brian’s weakness for the colour purple...and well for Lyndsey.

“Oh, you all get one of these too,” Hayley mentioned and passes us each a plain black shrug. “And...you each get a pair of black heels...I like things to match.”

She smiled sheepishly at us as she passed each of us a box that I presumed had the heels in it before she picked up five small gift bags.

“And as my bridesmaids and maid of honour,” she smiled over at me. “I got you each a present as a thank you.”

I peeked inside and saw a small jewellery box. Us girls looked between each other before delving our hands in the bags to get the box out. Raychel let herself fall elegantly to the floor and curled her legs beneath her as she opened the box and she gasped. This only peeked my interest more so I too opened the box.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered as I eyed up the necklace that rested in the box.

I should have really been clued in with what kind of present it would be considering it had been in a pale blue bag and a pale blue box...the colour that just screams Tiffany’s.

“Hayley,” I breathed and rose my gaze to meet hers. “This must have been...and you bought five! Is Zacky aware that he’s going to be bankrupt by the end of this wedding?”

Hayley chuckled and shrugged as she stepped over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“He’ll just have to deal,” she stated. “Besides it’s not like I’ve been overly extravagant with everything else. It’s all been pretty low key...that and I paid for these. Not Zacky.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head at that and I shook my head as she pulled away from me.

“Hayley, how the hell...did you sell the club? How the hell did you afford these?”

Hayley chuckled and tapped the side of her nose. “That’s for me to know and for you to never find out. And no, I didn’t sell the club.”

Lyndsey nudged me and I looked at her, shock still evident on my face if the laugh that Lyndsey let out was anything to go by.

“Let’s get changed so we can see Hayley in her dress okay?”

I dumbly nodded and the girls all laughed at me. I pouted before sticking my tongue out at them in a mature fashion and then walked to my cubicle, still not believing that Hayley had spent this much money on all of us.

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I drummed my fingers on my knee as we waited for Hayley to come out in her dress. She’d kept very hush about her dress whenever I’d asked her, only telling me that it was white. Everyone had made a crack about it being white, saying that surely it should be another colour...Jimmy even suggested her rolling about in the mud whilst in her dress due to what her and Zacky get up to.

I was perfectly happy with pretending that Hayley was as pure as the colour of her dress suggested and so ignored the mocking remarks from our friends.

“Come on Hayley,” Sarah whined. “I’m hungry.”

“Me too,” Raychel agreed as she flopped down next to Sarah.

I chuckled before looking up as Lyndsey gasped.

“You look...” Lyndsey trailed off and my eyes widened as Hayley stepped onto the little podium in the middle of the room so we could see the dress.

I felt my eyes glitter with tears as I took in how beautiful my twin looked. The bodice of the dress fitted her curves beautifully, the neckline scooping slightly and accentuating her chest. The bodice looked like the fabric had been wrapped around her body before falling into a layered skirt that was slightly bustled.

“You like it?” Hayley asked all of us.

The girls all nodded silently and Hayley looked at me. Throughout our whole entire life we’d depended on one another with anything to do with the way we looked. Always holding the other’s opinion higher than anyone else’s, even higher than those we may have been with at the time.

“Hayley you look,” I trailed off and shook my head. “Fuck, I can’t even think of a word to describe you at this moment.”

Hayley smiled and looked in the mirror, her hands fiddling at the skirt a bit, before she looked back at me.

“You think Zacky will like it?”

I swallowed down the lump that suddenly formed in my throat after I had remembered exactly who Hayley was marrying. To be honest, as soon as I had seen her, all other thoughts had disappeared from my mind. All I could think about was how gorgeous she looked and how happy she looked. It hit hard when reality finally happened.

I bit my lip and nodded with a watery smile. “He’ll love it.”

Hayley beamed and looked at her reflection again, biting down on her lip before holding out her hand for me. I rose to my feet and walked over, linking our hands together and looking at her as she stepped off of the podium so she was now my height again.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For doing all this for me. For being here for me and helping me with this stuff.”

I shrugged. “I’ve hardly done anything.”

Hayley smiled. “You’re here for me, that’s all I need.”

I felt a tear fall down my cheek and Hayley frowned slightly.

“You okay?”

I nodded silently, letting Hayley wrap her arms around me.

“I’m so happy for you,” I whispered and it wasn’t a complete lie.

I was happy for her...I just didn’t tell her how guilty I felt and how unhappy I was.