Fake My Smile

I slowly trudged through my apartment, ready to curse whoever was thumping on my door, at three in the morning, to bloody hell and back. The thumping kept going and got louder with every step I took that got me closer to the door. I grasped the handle and ripped my door open, my glare steady and the curses about to fall from my mouth when my eyes widened somewhat.

Standing on my doorstep was Zacky, his head bowed and his hands shoved deep into his front pockets. He looked the epitome of depressed, that was until he rose his head and looked at me. I rolled my eyes at the bloodshot look in his eyes and I knew that it wasn’t because he’d been crying. His eyes were bloodshot because he was wankered.

“Zacky, it’s three in the bloody morning.”

He nodded slowly. “I know...but I had to...I wanted...I need to see you.”

My brow furrowed and I stepped to the side to let him into my apartment, wondering why he was on my doorstep drunk and not in bed with his fiancé.

“What’s wrong Zacky?” I asked as I closed my front door and watched him drift through my living room, looking at various pictures that were hung on my wall or placed on the tops of cupboards.

He shook his head and carried on looking before he sank down on one of my couches. I walked over to him and sat beside him, wondering what was going on in my best friend’s head.

“I can’t do it,” he muttered after about five minutes of silence. “I can’t do it Rosie.”

“Do what?”

Zacky looked at me, his gaze glossy and I wasn’t sure if I should take whatever he said seriously or not. The boy reeked of Jack Daniels and I knew that he was completely trashed.

“I can’t marry Hayley.”

That definitely wasn’t something I was expecting. I bit back my gasp and bit back my shout of ‘what’, trying to keep myself calm. Though I had feelings for Zacky, feelings that may or may not go away with time, I would kill him if he ever broke my sister’s heart.

“Wha...what do you mean?” I stuttered.

I watched his Adam’s apple bob, showing me that he had swallowed. His next sentence came out slow as if he was making sure that each word he said was what he wanted to.

“She’s not...the one,” he replied and took one of my hands in his, playing with my fingers much as he’d done as long as I’d known him. “I don’t know if I love her.”

“How can you not know Zacky? You’ve been with her for nearly ten years.”

“I know but...”

I shook my head and silenced his next sentence with one of my own.

“It’s probably just cold feet,” I commented softly as I ran my fingers through his hair, noticing how he shook his head slowly. “Zack, loads of people have cold feet before their wedding. Yours is only in a couple of weeks and so you are bound to start feeling nervous about it.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“No, but you are drunk,” I pointed out as I rose to my feet. “Let me get you some coffee then you can get yourself to sleep and in the morning we can talk about this okay?”

I walked through to my kitchen, or at least went to, but before I could leave the living room Zacky had chased after me and had grabbed me.

“It’s not cold feet,” he stated defiantly, still speaking slowly but this time I couldn’t work out if it was because he was drunk or because he wanted me to really listen to what he was saying. “It’s not nerves. I think I’m...I think I’m in love with someone else.”

My heart thumped against my ribcage as a small swell of hope shot up inside me but as soon as it did I pushed it back down. One I didn’t know if it was me or not and two, I would never do that to my sister.

“Zacky, you don’t know what you’re saying,” I insisted as I tried to push his hands away from my arms.

His grip seemed to tighten slightly as he walked me backwards until my back hit a wall. I felt something else swell inside of me but instead of hope, it was a small amount of fear. I had no doubt in my mind that Zacky would never hurt me, not intentionally, but with the amount he seemed to have drank I wasn’t entirely sure if he could keep control.

“Rosie...I’m in love with you.”

The six words I’d wanted to hear from him since I was eighteen had finally fallen from his lips. But they had fallen falsely due to alcohol and I felt my heart shatter with each syllable that passed his lips. I shook my head and went to say something but his lips covered mine in a harsh, demanding kiss. The first time he’d ever kissed me and it was down to him being drunk.

I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes and I pushed him away from me.

“Zack, let me get you some coffee and we can sober you up okay?” I asked, trying my best to fake my confidence, to fake my happiness.

He shook his head and pressed himself against me again, one of his hands beginning to run under my top. My body involuntarily shivered against his touch and he must have noticed.

“You want it as much as I do,” he whispered against my ear. “I know you do. I can fucking feel it.”

Zacky pushed his lips to mine again, delving his tongue between my lips and mixing it with mine whilst his hand carried on travelling higher and higher. I pushed him away from me again but this time I walked away from him, putting distance between us as tears freely made their way down my face. I didn’t care if he noticed them because I knew in the morning he wouldn’t remember the image.

“Rosie, please,” he pleaded as he stepped closer to me. “I love you.”

Words that he wouldn’t remember carried on spilling from his lips until I finally had enough.

“Zachary James Baker!” I shouted and it managed to stun him into silence.

I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away, though I knew they’d be replaced by more later.

“Get your arse into my bedroom and go to sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning okay? But for now, just go to sleep. Sober up. I’ll be out here.”

Zacky looked at me with pleading eyes but I looked away. I wouldn’t let myself believe his words. He was completely wankered and as such had turned into a bit of a wanker. I heard his footsteps move away from me and looked up to see that he had gone. I slowly made my way to the hallway that led to my bedroom and saw him trudging down, his head bowed once more. I leant against the wall and slid down it as I heard my bedroom door shut.

Finally I let my heartache out, letting my tears fall fast and letting my cries come out. Zachary James Baker had just broken my heart once again and he had no clue.

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I ran a hand down my face as I started up my coffee machine, smacking it as it spluttered slightly before the coffee actually started to come out of the spout thing. I sighed in relief and grabbed a cup to catch the precious liquid before moving over to my fridge to get some milk.

“Rosie?”

My head lazily lifted as I heard Hayley call out my name. “I’m in the kitchen!”

I heard her quick footsteps coming towards me and so I grabbed another cup so I could fill it with coffee with her. I looked to the doorway to see Hayley standing there, her eyes slightly bloodshot from lack of sleep.

“Hey ducky,” I greeted her before holding out the cup of coffee for her.

She gratefully took it and sipped at it before looking at me.

“He’s in my bedroom,” I replied without her having to ask me a question.

I knew she wanted to know where Zacky was. That was the reason I called her this morning, so she knew where he was.

She nodded before disappearing from view. I let her get on with it and went to sit in the living room, feeling absolutely shattered after a night of hardly any sleep. After Zacky had gone back to my room I didn’t hear from him again. I remained in the living room all night, fitfully sleeping on the couch and waking up at random points in the night. I was amazed that I was functioning at all.

My head snapped up as I heard shouting, I couldn’t make out the words but I presumed it was just Hayley tearing Zacky a new one for worrying her.

“I was worried all night...”

Bingo.

“And you were...I hate you!”

My brow furrowed as those words fell from her lips. In all my life I had never heard Hayley tell anyone that she hated them...well except for our creepy step-brother. It seemed a bit harsh if she hated Zacky after last night. I know that he shouldn’t have gotten drunk and stayed out, not letting her know where he was but people make mistakes. I didn’t think that this mistake really warranted an ‘I hate you’.

“You dirty tramp,” Hayley seethed as she walked into the living room.

I literally choked on my breath as I realised she was talking to me.

“What have I done?” I asked as I rose to my feet.

“Don’t you dare act all innocent on me Rosie,” she ground out, her eyes narrowed and I watched as her knuckles whitened due to the intensity of her grip on her mug. “Don’t you dare try and fucking play that whole ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ shit that you play on everyone.”

That hurt a bit.

“Hayley, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you fucking my fiancé!” She suddenly screamed, lobbing her mug in my direction.

I ducked and turned, watching as the china shattered against the wall, the hot coffee spilling over my wall and down to my carpet. I turned back and looked at Hayley, shock evident in my widened eyes.

“What?” I shrieked. “I haven’t done anything to Zacky.”

“Then why the fuck was he naked in your bed?”

My brow furrowed and I shrugged. “I don’t know. He put himself to bed last night, maybe he just stripped off...I definitely didn’t have a hand in it.”

“Bullshit,” Hayley commented as she stepped closer to me. “Why did you call me over Rosie? Did you want me to find out about you two? Was this all some sick plan in your head?”

“Sick plan? Why would I be fucking planning something against you Hayley?”

Hayley shrugged and spread her arms out slightly before letting them drop to her sides.

“You tell me. Have I done something to piss you off? Is there something that I’ve done that would make you want to get such hurtful vengeance on me?”

I shook my head as I felt tears prick at my eyes. I hated knowing that someone I cared for was hurting and I hated knowing that I had had a hand in it. But this...this was causing me so much hurt because Hayley seemed to genuinely believe that I had slept with Zacky.

My eyes flickered over to the doorway and I saw Zacky standing there, fully clothed and looking very dishevelled.

“Zack, tell Lee that we didn’t do anything last night.”

Zacky’s gaze met mine and he slowly shrugged. My jaw dropped and Hayley turned and looked at me, her jaw tense and I watched as a couple of tears fell down her cheek.

“I don’t remember much of last night.”

“You whore!” Hayley shrieked at me, one of her hands coming down and smacking me across the cheek.

Tears poured down my cheeks as my right one stung, pulsing slightly due to the hit it had received.

“How could you do this to me? What have I done...?” Hayley trailed off and started laughing slightly, though it held no humour. “Oh...I know what this is.”

She pointed at me, her hand shaking slightly as she stepped back from me.

“You’re still in love with him aren’t you?”

My eyes widened as I hadn’t thought Hayley had ever known of my feelings for Zacky.

“What are you...?”

“Don’t you dare deny it,” Hayley seethed. “Don’t you dare fucking deny it. I’ve always known that you had feelings for Zacky when you were younger but...to actually still have them nearly ten years later...when he’s with your fucking sister.”

“I didn’t act on them I swear. I haven’t done anything,” I pleaded with her, not daring to look over at Zacky as he would now know how I felt about him.

“So you’re not denying that you have feelings for him?”

I bit my lip, not really knowing what to say to my sister. Nothing I would say she would believe so I might as well just keep my mouth shut. My tears carried on falling as Hayley looked at me dispassionately, her own tears falling down her cheeks as she shook her head.

“Out of my life,” she muttered before making her voice stronger. “You are out of my life.”

“Hayley...I haven’t done anything!”

She shook her head. “You’re nothing to me Rosie. Fucking stay away from me.”

I felt my heart begin to break even more as those words fell from my twin’s lips and I couldn’t bring myself to plead for my innocence anymore.

“And you...I’m getting my shit and I’m going. The wedding is off. Have a nice life.”

I looked over to her and Zacky just in time to see her throw her engagement ring at him. Zacky’s face fell as the ring landed at his feet but he still said nothing. He hadn’t said anything except that he didn’t remember much about last night. The front door slammed, making me jump and Zacky suddenly look over at me.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked quietly. “Why didn’t you stick up for us?”

Zacky slowly shook his head. “I remember us kissing...but I...”

“We didn’t do anything...you kissed me...I fucking pushed you off of me you bastard!” I shouted at him, staying where I was because I feared that if I moved I’d actually attack him.

“I don’t remember what happened last night,” he pleaded.

I stared at him in disbelief before shaking my head.

“Get out,” I muttered.

“Rosie...”

“Get out.”

“Please...”

“Get out!” I finally screamed at him, picking up a nearby vase and throwing it in his general direction.

He dodged it and it smashed against the wall behind him. Zacky stared at the wall before looking over at me.

“Just leave me alone,” I whimpered before collapsing to the floor, pulling my knees up and hugging them as I cried.

A moment later and I heard my front door close shut. I swallowed and let myself cry, loud heartbroken sobs falling from my lips. In less than twelve hours I’d had my heart broken by two different people in three different places and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to try and fix it.