Fake My Smile

Still Breathing

Hayley’s P.O.V

I walked into the hospital, knowing that none of the guys were here. I chewed my lip and walked over to the nurses’ station, pausing for a moment as I wondered to myself it this was the right thing to do.

“Are you okay miss?”

I jumped, startled out of my muddled thoughts and looked to the side of me to see a friendly looking nurse looking at me. I tucked some of my hair behind my ear and stepped closer to the desk.

“I’m looking for my sister, Rosie Hart.”

The nurse smiled and nodded, tapping away at some keys before finally telling me her room number. I thanked her quietly and made my way to the room. I kept my gaze on the floor or the signs as I walked, my teeth firmly clamped on the inside of my bottom lip. I finally made it to Rosie’s room and peeked in, hesitating on the threshold as I looked at all the machines she was hooked up to.

I felt tears prick at my eyes as I took in the state of my twin. I always thought she looked so peaceful when she was asleep, but watching as she slept now I could see she was anything but. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin was so pale. I’d never seen my sister look so frail. She’d always been the strong one out of the both of us. She’d probably disagree. Rosie was always saying that I was the twin that got everything but she was wrong.

I quietly slipped into the room and walked over to her, my tears falling down my cheeks once I had reached her and took her hand in mine gently. I was careful not to wake her as I brushed some of her hair way from her face.

“Oh God,” I cried quietly as I looked down at her. “Please be okay.”

I shook my head as she stirred slightly and I leant down to quickly press my lips to her forehead.

“I love you Rosie, don’t forget that,” I whispered before quickly slipping out of her room.

I made my way out of the hospital, keeping my head down as I walked. I heard familiar voices and looked up to see Brian and Lyndsey walking in. My heart stopped and I turned to look at something on the wall, my hair falling in front of my face as they walked past me. I bit my lip and carried on walking once I knew they were gone. Once outside I took a deep breath of fresh air, tucking my hair behind my ear and going to my car.

Rosie’s P.O.V

I’d now been in hospital for four days now and I constantly had visitors. Lyndsey and Brian visited me the most, Lyndsey popping into my room during her breaks. All the guys tried to keep me smiling, tried to get me to laugh but it never worked. I was completely broken and they could see it. The one person I wanted to visit me hadn’t. She hadn’t even called.

I chewed my lip and sat up so I was leaning against the headboard of the bed. One good thing that had happened was that I had been allowed to wear my own pyjamas and for that I was grateful. They were a lot more comfortable than the hospital ones I had been wearing. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair as my mind ran through each of my thoughts.

I was lying when I said that Hayley was the one person I wanted to visit me who hadn’t. There was one other person too but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get here. Ben was over in England. I didn’t even know if he knew what had happened. I doubted it. Lyndsey would have told me if they’d said something. And I would have heard from Ben if he had been told. With this thought in mind and nothing else I called for a nurse.

“Yes?” One of the nurses asked with a smile as she poked her head in my room.

“Hi...erm, could I possibly get access to a phone?”

She smiled and nodded. “Certainly. I’ll bring one through for you.”

I nodded, though she had long since disappeared, and waited for the phone, searching through my memory for Ben’s number. By the time I’d located it the nurse had brought a phone in for me and had hooked it up to the phone jack beside my bed. I smiled in thanks and waited for her to leave and to shut my door before I picked up the handset and quickly dialled the number.

It rung once...twice...three times...four times...by the sixth time it had rung I was ready to hang up but I wanted, no I needed to hear his voice.

“Hello?” Came a groggy answer and I cursed myself for not thinking of the time difference.

“Crap in a bag,” I muttered to myself as tears began building up behind my eyes. “I’m sorry Ben. I forgot about the time difference.”


“Yeah,” I answered, that one syllable cracking as I spoke it.

I could imagine Ben rolling over in bed and turning his bedside lamp on, his eyes shutting against the sudden light before he opened them slowly as he ran a hand over his face.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” I whimpered. “God, I’ve messed up so bad.”

I heard shuffling in the background and then the creak of his bed springs.

“Fuck, Ben...I’ll phone back later when you’re not having to get out of bed.”

Ben chuckled slightly. “You can’t phone me and tell me that you’ve messed up and then expect me to let you go and then wait for you to phone back. Rosie, talk to me baby. Tell me what’s wrong.”

And so I did. I told him everything. Things I’d kept from him in the past. Or rather one thing. I told him about Zacky. About how I felt for him and about how I’d been feeling about this wedding. I explained to Ben about what had happened a few nights ago and I told Ben that I was now in hospital.

“Fuck Rosie,” he breathed once I’d finished. “You’re okay right?”

I shrugged and sniffed, picking at the blanket that covered me.

“I guess...I mean, I’m still breathing aren’t I?”

Ben was quiet for a moment and I chewed my lip as I wondered what was going on in his mind. I heard a clunk in the background before I heard a thump.

“Fucking thing,” Ben muttered. “And I’m not talking to you Rosie. My coffee machine doesn’t work properly and it’s pissing me off. And don’t think that I wasn’t listening. I was. I’m still trying to register what you just said.”

I chuckled, not missing how, regardless of how weak the sound was, that Ben had managed to make me laugh.

“I miss you so much Ben,” I whispered as it dawned on me just how much I did miss him.

“You have no idea how much I miss you,” he countered with. “And I feel so fucking useless. You’re sitting in hospital, having fucking...shit...you’re in hospital and all I can do is want coffee. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

I smiled and shook my head. “There’s nothing wrong with you Ben. I’m fine, honestly. Well as fine as can be considering the circumstances.”

I heard Ben sigh and I could just picture him running his hand through his hair.

“Has Hayley really not visited you?”

“Not unless she’s been sneaking in whilst I’ve been asleep,” I replied with, feeling a small tear happen in my heart. “I just wish she would believe me.”

I bit my lip as my jaw tightened but it did nothing to stop the new onslaught of tears that began to fall down my cheeks.

“Baby, please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered and took a deep breath to try and control my tears.

I swallowed and brought my hand up, wiping my tears from my cheeks. I tucked my hair behind my ear and chewed the inside of my lip.

“Do you know when you’ll be going home?”

I shrugged and sighed. “I don’t know. Whenever they think I’m well enough I guess. I wanted to go home four days ago.”

Ben chuckled slightly but I could tell it was a weak laugh and I didn’t miss the yawn that stuttered it.

“Ben, go back to bed,” I demanded.

He chuckled again but this one was a little stronger.

“You sure?” He asked. “I don’t mind...”

“Ben,” I sighed. “Go back to bed. I’ll talk to you soon I promise you.”

“Okay, give me a call so I know you’ve been released okay? I’ll come over and visit if you like.”

I bit my lip and smiled. “I’d like that. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t worry about it love,” he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m just happy to know what’s going on. If you need me I’m at the end of the phone...as you probably noticed from this conversation.”

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye baby.”


We hung up and I felt as if a small weight had been lifted from me. I guess it was to do with telling someone other than those who already knew what had happened. As hesitant as I had been to phone him, calling Ben had definitely done some good.
♠ ♠ ♠
And Ben is back in the picture = )
Not a lot to say about this one, so I won't waffle!!
Hope you liked it.
Comments make me feel productive =D x