Fake My Smile


I chewed my lip and sat down on one of my bags, propping my elbow on my leg and my chin in my hand as I gazed at the pavement. I shifted my weight slightly and looked around to see if I could see him anywhere. Ben had said he’d meet me at the airport but I couldn’t find him so I decided to stay put. Therefore if he was also looking for me then we’d be more likely to find one another if I stayed still...of course, if he’d had the same idea then we could possibly both just be randomly standing/sitting in parts of the airport waiting for the other.

I jumped, startled out of my thoughts, as someone placed their hands over my eyes.

“Missed you.”

I smiled and took his hands away from my face as I stood up and turned to face Ben. He smiled back before pulling me to him and wrapping me up in his arms. He buried his face in my hair and I looped my arms around him, pulling myself closer to him to feel that safety from him that I was craving.

“Next time you have a near death moment,” Ben voiced. “Please don’t tell me.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Next time I won’t tell you.”

Ben frowned and leant down, pressing his lips to my forehead.

“Let’s change that,” he muttered against my skin. “Don’t have another near death moment.”

I saluted and smiled up at him. “Yes sir.”

Ben rolled his eyes and hugged me again. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

I bit my lip and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and rested my head against his chest.

“I’m just glad to be here,” I muttered.

Hayley’s P.O.V

I bit my lip and hesitated, not knowing if I’d even be welcome or not. I took a deep breath and shook off my fear, or at least some of it, before raising my fist and knocking on the door. I needed to see her. I needed to make things right.

My brow furrowed after I’d got no answer and I knocked again, wondering why Rosie wasn’t answering her door. I waited a couple more minutes before sighing in defeat and turning to leave but as I turned I noticed Lyndsey walking towards me, her head bowed as she sang quietly to herself.


She jumped and shrieked quietly, resting a hand over her heart as she looked at me for a moment before she chuckled and shook her head.

“Way to give me a freaking heart attack Hayley,” she smiled before coming over to me, her previous happy expression falling into one of concern. “How are you Hayley? After...well everything.”

I shrugged as I thought about the past couple of weeks and swallowed.

“It’s not been easy,” I admitted and ran a hand through my hair. “But it gets a little better with each day.”

Lyndsey smiled and nodded before evidently realising that we were both just standing in front of Rosie’s door. She turned and unlocked the door, stepping in and letting me follow after her.

“How comes Rosie isn’t home?” I asked as I gazed around the living room, trying not to think about the horrible things I’d said to my sister the last time I’d been standing here.

Lyndsey slowly turned and looked at me, her eyes slightly wide and I watched as she stuttered a few times, stumbling over her words before she closed her mouth. I looked at her in confusion and took a step forward.

“Lyndsey? Where’s Rosie? Why isn’t she home?”

Lyndsey sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “Rosie’s in England...she went to visit Ben.”


“A week ago. About three days after she was released from hospital,” Lyndsey explained and shrugged as she shoved her hands in her front pockets. “She said she couldn’t cope here. Not with you and Zacky so close by so she needed to get away.”

I felt my heart grip as she mentioned Zacky’s name but what felt worse was the fact that Rosie was all the way over in England and part of the reason was me.

“Fuck,” I hissed between my teeth and sank down on to the couch.

Lyndsey was quiet for a while before she slowly walked over to me, sitting beside me and studying me intently.

“How come you were here?” Lyndsey asked. “I mean...no offence but after what happened...what you said to her... I would have thought Rosie was the last person you’d want to talk to.”

I chewed at my lip, a nervous habit that I shared with my twin, and sighed.

“I realised I was wrong,” I admitted. “That morning runs through my head so much. Every day I relive it in my mind and every day I see a little more than I had when it was all happening. I don’t know why I jumped to that conclusion... I thought that there was something wrong. Zacky had been distant for a few days but I presumed that was nerves. I presumed he was just starting to get nervous about the wedding. I told myself that he wouldn’t do anything stupid but there was a little fear deep inside me that he would. That he’d cheat on me because he was scared.”

I trailed off and shook my head as tears pricked at my eyes.

“Ten years together and he’d never once given me a reason to doubt him but when I saw him in her bed...I don’t know, maybe ten years of worries came to the fore and I took it out on Rosie. I took it out on her because I knew that she’d had feelings for Zacky when we were younger. It was just a lucky guess of mine that she still did,” I carried on as tears fell down my cheeks. “I can’t believe that I said those things to her. I’m such a...I was hurting her and I didn’t care...and I’ve hated myself ever since.”

Lyndsey was silent as if letting my words sink into her before she answered.

“How comes you didn’t visit her when she was in hospital?”

“I blamed myself for her being there...but I did visit. I just made sure I went when I knew you guys weren’t there. I was always lucky enough to visit when she was asleep.”

Lyndsey’s brow furrowed and she shook her head. “Rosie thinks that you still hate her. It tore her up inside that you didn’t visit...when she was awake. Not that she knows you did. Rosie was sitting in hospital wanting to see you come through her door just so she knew that she hadn’t lost you.”

I sniffed and bit my lip as my tears increased in pace. Lyndsey suddenly wrapped me up in her arms and pulled me to her, soothing me as much as she could as I let myself finally cry.

Rosie’s P.O.V

“Bored,” I announced to the empty apartment. “I’m so freaking bored.”

Ben had gone to work and I was left with nothing to do. I’d now been in England for a week and I felt so much better than I had at home. At home there were constant reminders everywhere of what had happened. Of the two people that had meant the world to me who I’d lost. But here...here there was none of that and my mind was allowed to focus on other stuff. Mundane stuff that meant nothing and it felt so good to have nothing on my mind.

I looked at the clock and smiled as I realised that I would be able to catch The Jeremy Kyle Show. I had missed this show so much whilst I was over in America. It always made me laugh. I settled myself down on the sofa and turned the TV on, switching it to the right channel and smiling as the titles to the programme played across the screen. I wriggled to get comfy before whining as someone knocked at the door.

I groaned in frustration and pushed myself off the sofa, keeping my eyes on the TV for a bit to see what this segment was. Once I reached the door I opened it, my attention still on the TV before I finally ripped it away and looked to see who was there. My jaw hit the ground as I stuttered a bit, not expecting it to be who it was.


She smiled weakly before biting her lip and taking a deep breath.

“Can I...can I come in?” She asked quietly. “I kinda...I need to talk to you.”

My brow furrowed and I nodded, stepping aside so she could step into Ben’s apartment. I shut the door and leant against it as I watched my twin. I didn’t know how to react to her being her. A part of me wanted to run up and tackle her in a hug but the other half was frozen with apprehension. I didn’t know why she was here. Why she’d come all the way over to England to see me when she told me I was out of her life.

“I’m sorry,” she admitted after a moment or two of silence and my eyes widened as she turned to look at me. “I’m so sorry Rosie. I know you’d never do that to me and I...I just jumped to a conclusion because I was scared.”

I swallowed. “Of what?”

“That Zacky would go to someone else,” Hayley explained quietly as she took a deep breath after a tear had made its way down her cheek. “He’d been acting weird for a couple of weeks and acting really distant to me and I was scared that he’d found someone else.”

I bit my lip and hesitantly walked over to her. Hayley lifted her gaze from the floor and looked at me.

“I don’t blame you if you don’t forgive me,” she stuttered as she began to cry. “But I needed you to know that I believed you and I couldn’t do this over the phone.”

I didn’t say a word, just wrapped my arms around my sister and hugged her. She froze for a second before collapsing against me and crying. I felt my own tears begin to well up as I tried my hardest to be strong but with the reappearance of Hayley came the reappearance of the memories and emotions I had been trying so hard to forget whilst I’d been here.

“What actually happened that night?” Hayley asked warily and I pulled away from her, leading her to the sofa and sitting down.

I reached for the remote and muted Jeremy Kyle, taking a deep breath and turning to Hayley so I could explain.

“I woke up at about three in the morning to banging on my front door. When I opened it, there was Zacky. He looked so depressed but when he lifted his gaze to mine I knew he was completely trashed,” I shook my head and huffed out a laugh. “I let him in and he started rambling a bit before telling me that he...he said that he couldn’t go through with marrying you but I didn’t believe him. I told him he was just nervous, that he needed to get some sleep and sober up. I went to make him coffee and he chased after me.”

“It’s not cold feet,” he stated defiantly, still speaking slowly but this time I couldn’t work out if it was because he was drunk or because he wanted me to really listen to what he was saying. “It’s not nerves. I think I’m...I think I’m in love with someone else.”

I shook my head and dared to look at Hayley, seeing how heartbroken this story was making her.

“Hayley...I don’t...”

“No,” she forced out. “I have to know.”

I bit my lip and wiped away one of the tears that had fallen down my cheek.

“He told me he was in love with me,” I admitted and looked at my lap. “Then he kissed me but I pushed him away from me. Then he grabbed me and kissed me again. For the first time in my life I was actually scared of him. I knew deep down that he would never hurt me intentionally but he wasn’t himself that night. I pushed him away and stepped away from him but he kept talking. He was pleading with me to believe him but I didn’t. I told him to go to my room to sleep and so he did. He finally relented and I spent the night on the couch.”

I felt Hayley’s hand on my cheek before she brushed some of my hair behind my ear. I looked up at her and saw tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Can I ask you something else?”

I chewed my lip and nodded, slightly wary about what the question might be.

“Your feelings for Zacky...how strong are they?”

I bit my lip, this was a question I was wondering whilst I was here simply because I hadn’t been thinking about Zacky. Not as much as I used to.

“I don’t know,” I admitted quietly and looked down at my lap again. “When I was sixteen he saved my life. And we were basically inseparable ever since. As we became better friends I began to realise that I had feelings for him. I was going to tell him on our eighteenth birthday.”

I looked at Hayley and saw her eyes register what day that was. It was the day she had first met Zacky.

“But then you were there,” I huffed out a laugh, though it held no humour. “And the moment you both looked each other I knew. I knew it there and then that I would never have a chance with him. Not with you in the picture.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? When I asked you if it would be weird?”

“Because he made you happy,” I replied and felt my jaw tighten. “And that was enough for me to put how I felt away...or at least try to.”

Hayley shuffled closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. I leant into her and wiped my cheek as a tear fell down.

“You’ve been faking your smile for ten years,” Hayley announced. “And I never knew. I’m a sucky twin.”

I chuckled and shook my head as I pulled away from her. “You’re not a sucky twin. No one knew except Lyndsey. She was the only one I told and even she thought I’d fallen out of love with him.”

Hayley smiled weakly and took a deep breath. “How do you feel about him now?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He hurt me a lot in the last couple of months but he’s hurt me a lot in the past twelve years that I’ve been friends with him. How about you? I mean...how are things between the two of you?”

Hayley shook her head and sniffed. “It’s over. He doesn’t love me. Not like he used to. And if I was so willing to jump to that conclusion then...at the moment it’s over. I can’t tell you what the future holds for us but we’re not together anymore. The wedding has been cancelled.”

“Oh Hayley,” I whispered.

She smiled, a little stronger than before though I could still see the pain that wavered it.

“It’s okay...well...okay, it’s been hard. But it’s getting easier,” she commented. “I’ll be okay.”

I smiled and nodded. “You’re the strong twin.”

She cocked an eyebrow and shook her head. “Now that I know what you’ve been doing and feeling for the last ten years I think you’ve earned yourself that title.”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “How about we say we’re balanced?”

Hayley smiled and nodded. “Sounds good to me Zee.”


“So why’d you run to Ben?” Hayley asked about twenty minutes later.

I tore my eyes away from Jeremy Kyle and looked at Hayley, trying to figure out exactly what she was insinuating.

“What are you trying to say?”

Hayley chuckled. “You know a lot of people in England. Hell you know enough people in America that you could have escaped to New York and you’d have been fine. But you came to England. And you specifically came to Ben...I know this because Lyndsey told me.”

I rolled my eyes, though I had told Lyndsey she could.

“So...why’d you run to Ben?”

I shrugged and looked at Hayley again. “He makes me feel safe and he makes me feel like everything else doesn’t matter. That I can get through whatever because I’m strong.”

I looked at the TV but glanced at Hayley out of the corner of my eyes. I sighed at the smug look on her face.

“What?” I whined.

We may be twenty-eight but I am still a teenager at heart.

Hayley chuckled and smiled at me, her smile warm. “When I asked you before how you felt about Zacky...you said you didn’t know because he’d hurt you but I don’t think that’s it.”

My brow furrowed. “Okay, oh wise one who apparently lives in my brain, what’s the reason?”

“I think you might have feelings for Ben.”

I looked at her for a second but there was nothing to my look. It wasn’t even a blank look because I was unimpressed with what she had said. It was a look that said I wasn’t sure what to think.


Hayley nodded and went to say something but our attention went to the front door as it opened.

“Honey, I’m home!” Ben cheered much like he had the last week I’d been staying here.

I grinned and jumped to my feet as I met him at the door, wrapping my arms around him. He chuckled and pressed his lips to my forehead before looking over my head at Hayley.

“Hey Ben,” she chuckled.

“Hey Lee. Shit it’s been a long time since I saw you.”

Hayley nodded then turned her attention to the TV as Ben looked down at me.

“Does this mean you two have made up?” He asked me quietly.

I snuck a look at Hayley and I knew that she was listening even though she was ‘watching TV’. I looked back at Ben and smiled.

“Yeah we have.”

Ben grinned, having known how bad I felt due to how things had happened between Hayley and I. He swept me up in his arms and spun me around, quickly pressing his lips to my cheek. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, standing on my tip toes to hug him properly. I looked over at Hayley and she looked at me with a smug smile again. I bit my lip before nodding. She squealed excitedly and wriggled in her seat and Ben looked at her as if she was insane.

“Don’t look at me like I’m insane Ben,” she warned him. “Otherwise I’ll hunt you down.”

He raised his hands in defence and I laughed as I looked at Ben. I didn’t know how strong they were, but the feelings I’d always had for Ben, those feelings that told me he’d always have a place in my heart...they were definitely getting stronger.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yay!! The twins have made up!!!
And to all those who hated Hayley for being with Zacky when she 'knew' that Rosie liked him...now you know that Rosie lied to her =D
There are but two chapters left of this story *sniffs* They will be out in the next couple of days...maybe sooner, depending on if I'm in a good mood...or maybe if someone makes a deal with me *cough*Taylor*cough* Ha!! = )

Hope you liked this chapter!!
Comments make me giddy = ) x