Fake My Smile

My Fault

Zacky’s P.O.V

I looked up at their house, knowing that Lyndsey would be at work so she wouldn’t be around to tear me a new one like she did at the hospital. I knocked on the door and waited for Brian to answer. I chewed at my lip piercings as I began to fidget slightly. I’d been to Rosie’s earlier only to find she wasn’t in. When I phoned her phone it went straight to voicemail. I needed to know where she was so I could see her.

The door opened and the moment Brian’s gaze connected to me he rolled his eyes and went to shut the door.

“Brian, please. I know I’m not everyone’s favourite person at the moment,” I started.

Brian scoffed and held the door open for me, evidently not wanting to hear what I was going to say. I hesitantly smiled in thanks before walking into his house, shoving my hands deep into my pockets as I stopped in the living room. Brian walked past me and sat down where I presumed he was originally. He rested his feet against the coffee table and looked at the TV. I let my gaze flicker over to the screen to see Brian watching a basketball game.

I sat down too, keeping to the other end of the couch just in case Brian lashed out at me, and looked at the screen again as I tried to work out who was playing.

“Who’s playing?” I asked and Brian grunted somewhat, not really giving me an answer.

Things were definitely awkward and I cleared my throat a little bit. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it when Brian shot me a small glare.

“Look, my wife is back in twenty and if you’re not gone by the time she’s back from work then she will kill you, and I probably won’t stop her. So if you’ve got something to say then say it.”

I winced slightly against his words. Sure Brian and I had had arguments since we had become friends. It’s hard not to have when you’ve been friends for as long as we have been, and we’ve even had actual fights before now but this actually made me feel more of a tool than I already did. I could hear it in his voice. Brian couldn’t care less about me at the moment. His tone had been harsh, but boredom was riddled through it.

“Look...I just...I don’t know what...I need to...I...fuck, where is she?”

Brian grunted and turned his attention back to the TV. “Like I would tell you.”

“Please Brian, I need to see her,” I pleaded.

Brian glared at me. “You need to do nothing to Rosie. You’ve done enough Zack...now just...”

He was cut off as his front door opened and closed, the sound of light footsteps echoing through the house and I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

“Baby! I got to come home early! And I’ve got energy to burn so get your sexy ass upstairs so we can...”

Lyndsey trailed off as she walked into the living room and saw me sitting there. I was expecting shouts. I was expecting screams. Fuck, I was expecting the lamp that stood beside her to come flying towards my head but what she actually did shocked me.

“I’m going to get changed,” she muttered, walking past me and ignoring me as she went to Brian and kissed him quickly. “I’ll be down in a second.”

He nodded and kissed her again, watching her retreating figure as she disappeared from the room. I looked at Brian and he shrugged before turning his attention to the TV once more.

“Why didn’t she shout? Or throw something?” I rushed out.

Brian shrugged again. “Probably can’t be bothered to waste the energy on you.”

That stung a bit and I ran my hand down my face before looking to the doorway as Lyndsey walked past the room and into the kitchen. I pushed myself to my feet, deciding to brave it and see if she would tell me where Rosie was. It was a long shot but at the moment I had nothing to lose.

“Don’t you fucking think about it,” Brian growled as he saw me go to move out of the room.

I ignored him and went into the kitchen where Lyndsey was busying herself making something to eat.


She ignored me and opened the fridge, standing on her tiptoes as she peered at what was on the top shelves before she grabbed something and nudged the door closed with her hip. Lyndsey walked back to where she had been and placed what she had in her hands down before raising her hands up and tying her hair up in a messy ponytail.

“Would you stop ignoring me and just listen please?” I pleaded but once again Lyndsey simply ignored me. “I know that none of you particularly like me at the moment...”

Much like her husband had earlier, Lyndsey scoffed before muttering something under her breath that sounded a bit like ‘understatement of the fucking century’.

“But I need to fix this,” I finished. “I need to see Rosie so I can make things better again.”

Lyndsey rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything as she carried on concentrating on the sandwich she was making.

“Just tell me where she is, please,” I begged, starting to feel irritation flare in my veins.

Lyndsey ignored me again and started to hum quietly to herself. As she began to shimmy her body about to whatever tune it was she was singing I felt something inside of me snap.

“God damn it Lyndsey! Stop ignoring me and tell me where the fuck Rosie is!” I shouted at her, my hands slamming down on the breakfast bar where I was standing.

Lyndsey slowly lifted her head and looked at me and I could see that I had definitely gone too far, but nothing inside of me cared at the moment.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Brian barked from somewhere behind me but I stood my ground. “I said...”

“Baby its fine,” Lyndsey stated as she glanced at him before looking back at me, crossing her arms over her chest as she rested her hip against the counter. “Zack obviously wants me to hear him out, so let’s hear it Baker. Tell me why exactly I should help you?”

I swallowed, knowing that this was probably my only chance to try and convince Lyndsey to help me.

“I need to make things right with her. She’s my best friend and I never meant to hurt her. I need her to know that and I need to tell her how sorry I am...”

“You’re sorry?” Lyndsey sneered. “And just what are you sorry for Zack? Are you sorry that you completely ruined her relationship with her sister? Or that you thought so much of yourself that you believed she would get with you despite your engagement to Hayley?”

I shook my head, my gaze pleading as I looked at Lyndsey. “Let’s not talk about that, okay...”

“No, let’s,” Lyndsey forced, her voice beginning to raise. “Let’s talk about the reason all this is happening right now.”

“I don’t want to talk about that night,” I shouted at her and I heard Brian growl as he walked over to stand beside his wife, ever protective as he had been since we were teenagers.

“Well I do Zack,” Lyndsey screamed at me, stepping forward slightly as she did. “I want to know why you thought you could try it on with the girl who was not only the sister of your fucking fiancé but also who was supposed to be your best friend? Where the hell in your thick skull did you think that would be okay?”

“I was drunk!”

Lyndsey rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Like hell that is a reason Baker. Did you even think at all whilst you were throwing whatever shit you were throwing down your throat?”

“I made a fucking mistake Lyndsey. We all do it.”

Lyndsey glared at me before huffing out a laugh that held no humour at all.

“Mistake? This wasn’t a mistake,” she glowered. “You practically ruined everything for her.”

“I didn’t...”

“Don’t fucking make excuses Zack,” Lyndsey shouted at me. “You put her in fucking hospital. You put my best friend in the fucking hospital.”

“I didn’t mean to,” I muttered, feeling all my anger fall away from me as she brought this up.

I hated myself knowing that I was the reason Rosie had been in hospital. That I was the reason that she had had to fight for her life.

“I don’t give a shit if you meant to or not,” Lyndsey pointed out harshly. “The point is, is that it happened. You put her in hospital. You’re the reason she drank so much. You’re the reason she wanted the pain to go away and you’re the fucking reason she died that night. We are so fucking lucky to have her around still and if you think for one second...”

Lyndsey trailed off as she eyed me slightly after a broken noise had escaped me. I shook my head and slumped against their breakfast bar, keeping my gaze down as I, unashamedly, let tears roll down my cheeks.


I shook my head once more and pushed myself away from the breakfast bar and moved to head out of their house. I didn’t want to be around them if all Lyndsey was going to do was drag everything up. I knew what I had done. I didn’t need reminding that, even if it was just for a few minutes, my best friend had died because of me.

“Zacky, please wait up,” Lyndsey called after me quietly.

“Fuck off Lyndsey,” I muttered as I felt her fingers against my arm.

“Zacky, please just...please.”

I opened their front door and stepped outside, running a shaking hand through my hair as I began to walk away from their house.

“Talk to me Zacky,” Lyndsey insisted and I whirled around and looked at her in disbelief.

“You want me to talk? Now you want me to talk?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly. “After telling me that all of this is my fault you finally want me to talk? I know okay Lyndsey? You don’t have to remind me that my best friend died because of me. Even for just a few minutes I’d lost Rosie and I would never have been able to get her back regardless of how much I fucking begged or pleaded.”

Lyndsey looked at me and I could see tears begin to glitter in her eyes.

“You don’t need to remind me of what a complete fucking asshole I’ve been Lyndsey because I know. Nothing you could say to me could make me feel any worse than I already do so you can save your breath.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” she whimpered as she stepped off their front porch and began to walk over to me. “I just...she’s my best friend and I...”

“She’s my best friend too,” I pointed out. “You keep shouting at me, telling me how you felt about everything. I lost my fiancé and my best friend in the space of five minutes all because I was a complete dickhead whilst I was drunk. You keep shouting at me like I meant for this to happen. Like I had this all planned. You’ve known me for nearly twenty years yet you really think that of me? You really think that I’m that much of an asshole that I’d do that?”

Lyndsey bit her lip as her chin trembled slightly and she shook her head. We stood there in silence for a couple of minutes and I closed my eyes as I felt my pain build up again.

“I just want to tell her I’m sorry,” I whimpered slightly, not caring how much of a complete pansy I was being. “I don’t care if she tells me to fuck off afterwards. I just want her to know that I am sorry for everything. I just need her to know that.”

I brought my hands up and covered my face as I began to cry again before just letting myself crumble to the floor. Lyndsey came down with me and wrapped her arms around me as we both cried.

“I’m so sorry Zacky,” Lyndsey whispered against the side of my head as I finally wrapped my arms around her. “I was just so...all I could see was Rosie in that hospital bed and then you were there...it was so easy to blame you.”

I swallowed and buried my face against Lyndsey’s shoulder.

“I can’t blame you for doing that,” I admitted. “It was my fault.”

“But I didn’t even stop to think for a second what you might be feeling. I was so freaking blinkered and I just...I’m sorry Zacky, please believe me when I say that.”

I nodded as I tightened my grip on Lyndsey.

“She’s in England,” Lyndsey whispered against the side of my head. “I can’t tell you anymore than that. She’s in England.”

My head snapped up and Lyndsey smiled softly at me as she brushed some of my hair out of my face.

“Thank you,” I mouthed before scrambling to my feet.

I helped Lyndsey up to hers and she hugged me again.

“I love you Zacky,” Lyndsey chuckled. “You’re a complete idiot but I do love you.”

I rolled my eyes and hugged her back. “Thanks. I love you too.”

Lyndsey grinned before looking to the side of us as Brian came to us.

“I should kick your ass for making my wife cry,” he grumbled as he glanced between us before he suddenly grinned and brought me into a tight hug.

Lyndsey rolled her eyes before pulling Brian away from me and making him hug her instead. She turned in his arms and looked at me with a warm smile.

“I am sorry Zacky but...we can do this later,” she decided. “Go talk to Rosie. Make her hear you out.”

I nodded and smiled. “Thank you Lyndsey.”

She flapped her hand about and smiled. “Just get before I tell all the guys you cried.”

I narrowed my eyes playfully at her before turning so I could run back home, hell bent on making my way to England so I could apologise to my best friend in person and only hope that she’d let me back in her life.
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