Fake My Smile

“You ready for the tour?” Lyndsey asked me as she sat on the edge of my bed and watched me pace my room, mentally listing what I needed and if I had them in my bags or not.

“Yeah, I think I have everything.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she stated quietly.

I looked over at Lyndsey and saw her looking at me with the look she’d been giving me since the dinner a few nights ago. She wanted me to talk. I didn’t want to talk. There wasn’t really anything to say.

I walked over to my bag that had all my camera stuff in it and crouched in front of it, making sure that I had all the spare things I needed.

“Rosie, don’t leave without talking about this,” Lyndsey commented. “If you don’t talk about it, it’ll end up kicking you in the butt during this tour.”

“There’s nothing to say Lyndsey.”

“Bullshit.”

I turned and looked at Lyndsey, pushing myself to my feet as I spread my arms out slightly before letting them drop to my sides.

“What do you want me to say Lyndsey?” I pleaded slightly. “Tell me what you want to hear.”

“I just want you to open up. Tell me how you feel about the whole thing with Zacky and your sister. I saw the way your face fell once you realised exactly what had happened.”

I sighed and shrugged as I shoved my hands in the front pockets of my jeans.

“You want me to tell you how my heart sunk into my stomach? How after all these years I still feel something for him even though I know that there’s no point? How I’m angry with myself because of the way I’m feeling?” I shook my head and laughed slightly, though it held no humour. “It hurts Lyndsey. But there’s nothing I can do about it is there? He chose to be with my sister ten years ago and he’s chosen to be with my sister for the rest of their lives.”

Lyndsey didn’t say anything and instead just walked over to me and wrapped me up in her arms. I didn’t move my hands from my pockets as I let my head fall on to Lyndsey’s shoulder, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

“Baby, why didn’t you say something before?”

“What was I supposed to say?” I asked her as I pulled away and shrugged. “’Oh by the way Lyndsey I’m still in love with my best friend and I’m breaking my heart every day because of it?’”

Lyndsey smiled softly at me. “You could have still talked to me. It’s what I’m here for you. I complain about what an ass my husband can be and you complain about what an ass your best friend is.”

I chuckled and brought a hand up to wipe away my tears. “He’s not an ass. My sister wouldn’t be with him if he were.”

My smile fell and I walked over to my bed to sit down. Lyndsey followed me and sat beside me, curling her legs underneath herself.

“You honestly going to be okay going on this tour?”

I shrugged. “We’ll just have to see. It’s not like I can’t go. It’s my job to photograph those goons.”

Lyndsey chuckled and nodded as she leant her head on my shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you be with your husband?”

Lyndsey shrugged. “He can cope on his own for another hour or so.”

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“England is cold,” Brian whined as he sidled up towards me and wrapped his arms around me.

I laughed and wriggled away from him, happy and warm in my nice thick jacket that I’d brought on the plane with me.

“I told you to bring a jacket,” I pointed out to him. “I did say the weather would be shit.”

“Yeah but you didn’t say it would be snowing,” he pouted as he wrapped his arms around himself and tried to warm himself up.

I smiled before unwinding my scarf from around my neck and bounding over to Brian. I stood on tiptoes and wrapped my scarf around his neck, winding it around him.

“There you go ducky.”

Brian cocked an eyebrow as he stared at the pink fluffy scarf now residing on him. He shrugged and then wrapped his arms around me again.

“Thanks guys for helping with the bags and shit.”

I turned my head as I wound my arms around Brian and smiled over at Matt.

“No problem love.”

Matt rolled his eyes at the cheesy grin I was sending his way and I saw a smile tug at his lips. I ran over to him and jumped on his back, causing him to grunt slightly.

“Sorry for not helping with bags,” I apologised softly. “I was excited by being back in England.”

Matt looked at me before smiling as I jumped off his back.

“It’s okay Rosie. To be fair, I made Zacky do most of the work.”

“Yeah, thanks for that you asshole.”

I turned once again and watched as Zacky came through the door, dragging a trolley with him that had a lot of bags on it. Johnny followed bringing a few more bags with him and then Jimmy did the same. The Berry’s seemed to have only their bags with them. I skipped over to Zacky and plucked my camera bag off the trolley before wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

“Thank you Zacky,” I voiced and pressed my lips to his cheek quickly.

He smiled and pulled me into a side-hug.

“Your home country is fucking freezing,” Johnny complained making me laugh.

“I told you all to bring jackets.”

“Is Brian wearing your scarf?” Zacky asked me.

I smiled and nodded before opening my camera bag and getting out my digital. I turned it on and aimed for Brian, who was talking to Matt but looked nice and snugly in my scarf. I snapped a couple of pictures before taking one on my phone and sending it to Lyndsey.

“Fucking finally,” someone muttered and I looked up to see the bus come to a stop in front of us.

I laughed as all the boys ran to the bus to get on quickly since they were all slowly freezing. I smiled as the bus driver, Frank, climbed off the bus and shook his head at the stupidity of the band.

“They never grow up do they?”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Nope. You should know that by now Frank. You’ve driven them how many times?”

Frank nodded. “True. You want to head on to the bus? You must be freezing love.”

“I’m fine. I remembered what it was like over here, so I came prepared. I also had a scarf but I gave it to Brian for now.”

Frank smiled. “I didn’t think the pink fluffy number wrapped around his neck was actually his. But get on to the bus Rosie.”

I shook my head and gestured to the bags. “Let me help you with this stuff and then I will.”

Frank eyed me for a moment but he’d known me long enough to know that I wouldn’t go in. I was going to help him whether he liked it or not. He sighed and nodded.

“Come on then.”

I smiled and helped him load some of the bags into the holding area before I bounded over to the door and shouted through to all the guys.

“Oi! Wankers! Come get your bags you want on the bus!”

I stepped away and picked up my camera bag and the bag I was taking on the bus with me before looking up as the boys filed off the bus.

“The name calling was unnecessary,” Matt stated as he patted me on the head.

“Can it Incredible Hulk,” I teased him slightly before darting on to the bus and heading towards the bunks.